AN: Not my best work, but I know you're waiting so here it goes...
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Chapter 43 - Needs and wants
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"Mom," Edward whined. "Stop with the hugs already."
"Do I need a reason to hug my baby?"
"I'm hardly a baby, am I?"
"Depends on who you're asking. You are my baby!" She hugged him some more. "Humour me. I've seen it in daylight now; the rubble that once used to be my pool house."
Edward sighed deeply, but immediately relented. "Fine, one more hug, then food, okay?"
"I saved you a plate, hoping you'd make it home tonight," she said, squeezing his shoulder on final time before letting him go.
"Yeah well, dad insisted…."
"You're staying, right? Or do you need to go back?"
"What I need is some food, a shower and a few hours of sleep in a real bed. Carlisle said they'd call if anything changes."
"I'm sure it will be alright, she'll be alright," Esme looked like he was about to say something else when the sound of pattering feet on the hardwood interrupted their conversation.
Moments later, two little boys came bursting through the door, hollering and shrieking at the top of theirlungs.
"Uncle Eddie!"
"Edda!"
Before he could stop them, or even blink, they had lunged for his legs and latched on, one on each side. Talk about instant karma. You try and escape your responsibilities for a few hours and it comes back two-fold.
A hearty laugh rang from behind him, and then Emmett appeared in the kitchen.
"Sorry bro," he said, not sounding apologetic at all. "I tried to rein them in, but they wouldn't have it."
"I bet you did," Edward shook his head as he waddled backwards to the nearest chair and plopped down.
"Oof guys, you sure are strong for being so small. Did you spend the whole afternoon working out or something?" he joked, trying to dislodge the boys from his legs, to no avail, of course. They just giggled and held on tighter.
"Admit it; you were lifting weights in the basement when I came in."
"No uh," came the muffled reply from Elliott. "I lifwted snow."
"Snow, huh? No way! Are you telling me there is snow in the basement?"
"Noo," the boy shrieked with laughter. "Is a snowman, is outside."
"You made a snowman outside? I bet it was that tiny thing I saw out front when I walked from the car."
"Not tiny, is biig!"
"I thought it looked pretty tiny, smaller than you even," he teased and held his hand about a foot from the floor indicating the snowman's height.
"No, is big," Elliott insisted, enthusiastically stretching his hands as far over his head as he could reach. Of course, in doing so, he had to let go of his uncle's leg.
"Wow, really? Man, that's awesome. Guess I'll have to check it out again in the morning," Edward told the boy as he swiftly lifted him off the floor and held him out towards Emmett. "This one is yours I believe. I don't think I can handle more than one leg-hugging hooligan at a time."
"Hate to break it to you, but you should have though of that sooner," Emmett laughed as he accepted the child into his arms. "You know what they say, two kids are double thejoy, triple the snot, poop and tears and half the sleep."
"Nonsense!"Esmescoffed as she approached the table and handed Edward a napkin with silverware. "Don't listen to him. Children are great joy! The more, the merrier!"
"Hypocrite," Emmett coughed, "Hey Edward, why don't you ask mom why Tony's hair is all sticky"
"All sticky?" Edward sighed, running a hand through his son's gravity-defying locks. They were indeed sticky. "Did he put food in his hair or something? We just trimmed it the other day when he got a chewing gum caught in it."
"There is nothing wrong with his hair. It just needs a good wash and brush," his mother hurried to reassured him.
"It's frosting," Emmett smirked. "We had a bit of a cake incident."
"Mo-om," Edward half-whined, half-groaned, "Stop trying to bribe the kid with sugar. That's my trick. If I don't have that, I have nothing."
"Sorry, no can do," Esme shook her head. "I'm not ready to give up just yet. You should have seen us this afternoon. I got him to sit still in my lap for a whole five minutes while we decorated that cake."
"That was until the he plunged his face in it and took a huge bite," Emmett supplied helpfully. "It was awesome, right Tiger?"
Anthony, of course, was too smart to admit to anything of the sort. He merely shook his head and clung tighter to his father's leg. His cousin on the other hand wasn't afraid to speak up. "Uncle Eddie, nana put cake on da floor," Elliott blurted with a big, cheeky grin as he squirmed out of his father's arms and then began bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet.
"Hush! Why do you two have to be such tattle-tails?" Esme complained. "So, I dropped the cake, big deal! It was a minor setback, all things considered. You guys still got your desert and I got some precious time with my newest grandson."
"That's great mom, but I don't want you to stuff him with sweets every time I turn my back. What happened to 'eat your vegetables'?"
"Yeah mom, that's all we ever heard growing up," Emmett cut in with a pout. "It was all work and no cake."
Edward gave his brother a tired sigh, "I'm trying to be serious here, Em. I know he looks like a skeleton compared to other kids his age, but someone needs to teach him about food groups and nutrition and all that stuff and we all know that person won't be me."
"Oh honey, there will be plenty of time for that too, but this is Tony's first Christmas with us. I just want it to be special. Beside you won't be raising this boy alone. You'll have another baby and you'll have Bell-…"
"Mom, don't go there!" Edward snapped with such suddenness and intensity that it made the others jump, even the two children.
He felt like a jerk, but he was simply too tired to be civil and sensible. He opened his mouth to offer a forced apology, but his mother beat him to it.
"Oh, I am sorry. I thought…. never mind what I thought. Pay no attention to me. It's just a mother's wishful thinking. It was stupid of me to say anything."
Edward sighed heavily and raised his eyes to the ceiling, before he dropped them back down again to look at her. "It's just that things are still very much unresolved and I don't want to… well jinx anything. The future is a fickle thing and after what happened last night… "
"…there is no telling what tomorrow will bring. I get it, Edward, I truly do." She said and gave his shoulder a reassuring pat. "This is why I'm planning on spoiling all my grandbabies every chance I get from now on," she added, effectively putting an end to the conversation by scooping an unsuspecting Elliott into her arms.
The boy squealed in equal portions of horror and delight as she attacked him with hugs and kisses. She kept it up for a good two minutes before she had to give the boy a chance to catch his breath.
"Tomorrow will be great, right, kiddo?!" she smiled. "Are you excited to see what Santa will leave for you under the tree?"
"Yeah," Elliott responded with a breathless grin. "I ask for a puppy, but mama say Santa can't make no puppies. Only doggies can make puppies."
"Oh, that's a bummer." Esme hid a chuckle and ruffled his hair affectionately. "I bet he'll bring something else for you to play with, though."
"A monkey?"
"Oh, brilliant idea! A monkey is so much cooler than a dog, " Emmett laughed, giving him thumbs up. "I'd love to see the look on your mother's face if Santa gives you a monkey."
"I don't know…" Esme said while pretending to think. "Do you really think a monkey would fit under the Christmas tree? And where would it sleep? Are you prepared to share your bed with a monkey?"
"Uh uh," the boy shook his head. "Daddy hava big bed."
"Oh, that's right. He does have a big bed. Why didn't I think of that?" Esme smirked in Emmett's direction. "Well, that settles it. Next year, your daddy can ask Santa for a monkey. You could help him write the letter," she suggested, setting the child down on the floor.
"We'll talk more about this later. Right now we need to get your uncle some food before he starts eating the furniture."
"I help?"
"Sure thing. Come on, you can help me with the microwave." Esme decided and took the boy by his hand, leading him to the refrigerator.
"Cheer up, bro!" Emmett punched Edward's arm. "What's your problem? You really do look like you're about to flip the table and start thrashing the place."
"What's my problem? I don't know where to begin… How about this; I'm going to look like the worst parent EVER tomorrow." Edward grumbled. "I haven't done any Christmas shopping, like at all."
"I wouldn't worry too much about that, if I where you. Wait until you see what mom bought to put in Tony's Christmas S-T-O-C-K-I-N-G," Emmett said spelling out the words he didn't want the boy to catch. "It's a giant G-U-M-M-Y bear, only it's not a bear it's a T-I-G-E-R."
"Great, but do we even have a S-T-O-C-K-I-N-G for him?" All this Christmas talk had made Edward realize that he had all but forgotten about stockings and gifts and everything else that the holiday season typically entailed when you have a child to care for.
"Of course, we do. Hello, have you not met Alice? She's bought a shit load of Christmas related stuff for the kid. And then there is mom… He's set, don't worry about it. He's only two, he won't question where it came from, or how it got here."
"I still feel like shi-crap, though. I'm terribly at anything Christmas-y. I don't even have a clue-…. "
"-… how to act cheerful and pleasant in a social setting. Yeah, we know that already. You're the Grinch," Emmett mocked.
Edward shook his head, but held back the retort. It wasn't worth the energy, besides Emmett seemed to have lost interest in their conversation anyway. His attention had shifted to his nephew, who was still huddling down on the floor with a tight grip around Edwards knees.
He showed off his full range of grimaces, but Anthony remained unimpressed, only giggling occasionally, more out of nervous jitters than anything else.
"I wonder how Jasper did it?" Emmett mused, seemingly at random.
"Did what? His Christmas shopping?"
"No, I wonder how he got the Tiger to like him. There was no sugar, cake or candy involved, yet they took to each other like peanut butter and jelly, or milk and cookies. I've ne-…"
"Hava cookie?!" a tiny voice interrupted as Anthony spoke up for the first time in a long, long while.
"And you guys think I have a one track mind," Emmett smirked.
"What did you say, Anthony? I couldn't hear you," Edward asked, shushing his brother.
"I say hava cookie!" he repeated, leaning back to look at his father expectantly. The death-grip the child had stubbornly maintained for the last ten minutes finally faltered, giving Edward enough leverage to maneuver him into his lap.
"I don't know," Edward said, pretending to ponder the question as he settled the child securely against his chest. "Have you been a good boy for your Nana Esme today?"
Anthony nodded shyly at his father, and then peaked at his grandmother from under his lashes before hurriedly hiding his face in the crook of Edward's neck.
"Did you eat your food?"
Again he nodded. "I eat cheeese."
"You ate cheese? For dinner? Really? What else did you eat?"
"Dunno," he shrugged.
"You don't know?"
Just then the microwave chimed and Esme fetched a steaming hot plate of homemade pizza, setting it in front of Edward on the table.
"You're telling me you passed up on the chance to taste your Nana Esme's delicious signature Christmas eve cheese pizza with tomato sauce, mozzarella, basil, and parmesan?" he asked, taking in the heavenly smell of his mother's cooking.
"I eat cheeese," Anthony repeated with yet another shrug, causing his uncle Emmett to bark out a laugh.
"It's true, he didn't care much for the crust or the ham, but he really did seem to dig the cheese."
"The crust is good, but everyone knows the cheese is the best part," Edward winked at his son, before digging into his food.
"Uncle Eddie, I have pizza!" Elliott piped up. "I have big slice. Is in my tummy."
"Good for you!" Edward praised him in between bites. "But if you had a big slice I guess you don't have room for any cookies, right?"
The boy looked offended. "I'ma big boy. My tummy is huge, see," he explained, holding his breath and sticking his belly out like blow fish.
"I stand corrected. Look at that!," Edward chuckled. "I guess since you both ate your dinner, you can ask your Nana Esme for a cookie. She's in charge of the cookies, you know. In fact, I believe there is a super secret special cookie task that she needs you help with, isn't that right, mom? Isn't it time prepare Santa's cookies?"
"Why of course," Esme exclaimed, rubbing her hands together. "Do you boys want to help me pick out cookies for Santa?"
Elliott was game, of course, making a happy dance towards the pantry where he knew his grandmother kept the goodies. Anthony, however, was a lot more reluctant. Basically he was not willing to let his father out of his sight… at all. Cute, but Edward really needed some time and space to breath.
Surprisingly though, Emmett actually caught on right away and took charge over the situation. He made a big production out of pretending to be hungry and threatening to steal all the cookies. And just like that he had both boys scrambling off to save what could be saved, because heaven forbid they ran out of cookies.
"He's good," Esme commented, smiling. "Parenting a toddler is all about bribing, rewarding and distracting."
"And here I thought it was all about love, patience and understanding," Edward replied, with a shake of his head.
"Well, that too of course," she laughed, getting a distant look on her face. " I know it sucks when life doesn't go the way you want it o go. You have our support, though. You know that, right? Whatever you need…."
"I know, mom."
"Let's pray that this time next year we'll have another little baby crawling around making mischief."
Edward nodded not trusting his voice.
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"Ow, owwwww!" Anthony wailed, arms flailing.
"Dammit! STAY STILL!" Edward muttered grumpily to the boy, who was only one twitch away from taking a nose dive off the bathroom counter. "The sooner you let me finish this, the faster we'll be out of here!"
"Nu-uh!" Anthony sputtered, blinking rapidly to get all traces of water out of his eyes.
"Lean your head back!"
"No! Owie!"
"It only hurts if you don't do as I say." Edward's patience was beyond wire-thin. "You know what, suit yourself," he snapped, grabbing Anthony by the back of his head, pulling him flush to his chest.
The boy yelped in surprise as Edward unceremoniously began dumping a 2-liter bottle worth of water over the gluey, sticky, messy that was the boy's hair. Of course in doing so, he ended up soaking himself in the process and the water, which was supposed to go down the drain in the sink, ended up all over the mirror, the counter and the floor.
Within seconds the child was screamed bloody blue murder, but Edward steeled himself against the high-pitched cries and kept going until the bottle was emptied. The hair was still going to need some serious taming, but at least it was washed and rinsed properly .
"You'll be the death of me," he sighed, awkwardly rocking the child, the way he had seen countless mothers do with their crying children. Fortunately, the noise subsided a bit when Anthony put his thumb to his mouth.
Hallelujah!
Edward found the thumb sucking kinda gross, with all the drooling and germs and what not, but as a self soothing technique it was extraordinarily effective.
He toweled the boy off and took him back to his bedroom, where he got him into his night attire and set him down with his stuffed tiger and his favorite car in the middle of the bed.
As per usual Anthony showed no interest in lying down and letting himself get tucked in.
"Come on Tony! There is no way I'm chasing you around the room tonight." Grabbing his phone from the nightstand, he held it out for the boy. "How about we make a deal? If you lay down on the bed with me, I'll let you play with this for a while," he suggested, knowing Anthony had a weakness for electronic gadgets, with buttons to push and interesting lights and sounds to explore.
"I have?" the boy asked, but made no move for the offered object.
"Yes, you can play with it, but you've got to come closer first," Edward told him.
Still no move…
"Let's look at some pictures," Edward suggested, as he flipped through the images in the gallery until he found one of the snapshots that he had showed his parents when he had first told them about Anthony.
"Look, who is this?"
"Is me?"
"Yeah and me, see," he pulled the boy closer.
"Next," Anthony demanded, while he tried to get his hands on the phone. He knew the ropes, he and Bella had done this with her phone countless of times. You push a button and a new picture will appear.
"Alright, here's the next one! Bet you don't recognize these people." Edward had the boy in his arms now, half sitting, half laying on top of his chest.
"Is-illy!"
"No…" he chuckled. "Silly is not a name, silly! You're close, though. It's your auntie Al…."
"ALLIE"
"Right on! This hairy guy by her side is Jaz. I know you like him. Can you say Jaz?"
"Nope." Tony shook his head.
"Fair enough. What about this little fellow?" he suppressed a yawn while he opened another folder and showed him a picture of Elliott "You like your cousin, don't you Tony?"
"I bite."
"Really? You've bitten Elliott? What happened with the 'no hitting, no kicking, no biting' rule? You can't go around biting people!"
"No kicking da tummy!"
"No kicking, period!" he tried to muster up enough energy to sound stern, but it fell flat. "You're lucky I'm tired, kiddo."
"See Beeh now?" Anthony asked, making another grab for the phone.
"See who?"
"Bewa!"
"Sorry, I don't know anyone by that name," Edward teased, not only knowing who Tony was asking for, but also knowing he had yet to manage to say her name correctly.
"Beh-wla," Tony grunted, pushing himself off his father's chest. "No see!"
"If you lay down and let me tuck you in, I'll show you all the pictures I have of Bella."
"NO!"
"No? I guess I'll put this away then…." Edward said, pretending to turn the phone off.
"NoOoo," the boy wailed and flung out his arms.
"Come over here and lay down!"
"Uh uh." Instead of obeying, Anthony inched further away. "I go see," he declared with a pout, throwing himself towards the short end of the bed.
"Whoa, watch out for the…"
BANG
"….EDGE! You okay, buddy?"
Edward expected the weeping and wailing that followed, but he hadn't anticipated the way it cut into his brain like a sharp knife. "There, there," he mumbled, lifting the boy into his arms. "I've got you."
"I fe-ell!" Anthony hiccuped, big fat tears dropping down his face.
"Yeah, I saw that. You fell off the bed, but you'll be okay. You fell right into a pile of clothes, they were soft, right buddy?" He used a foot to test the truth to that statement, stomping at the place where he'd seen Anthony hit the floor. "See, soft as a cotton cloud."
He tried to comfort Anthony by rocking him side to side, much like he had done in the bathroom, only this time the wailing didn't stop. "If you want to suck on your thumb, I won't say anything."
"Bewla!"
"Hold on, I've got her right here" he scrambled to pick up the phone from the floor, hoping to distract the child with a few pictures.
"No," the child slapped the phone out of his hand and yelled "See Bewla!"
"If I could, I'd bring you to her, but this is the best I can do at the moment," Edward sank down on the bed. puling the child onto a tight embrace. "It's just me and you tonight."
"Owie!"
"You fell, I know, but you're fine now," he said rubbed Tony's back, knowing that even little kids ran out of tears eventually. The boy quieted down, but the sobbing seemed to continue for an eternity. Just when he thought that the little guy might actually have fallen asleep, he stirred and then pushed himself into a sitting position.
"Bewla?"
"No, go back to sleep buddy."
"Is there," the boy insisted. "I see, I have."
It took Edward a while to realize what the boy was saying, but when boy started pointing, he finally got the message. "You're right, that second phone over there is Bella's."
"I have!"
"I don't think that's such a good idea."
"See, Bewla?"
"Man, you never give up, do you?" Edward grumbled, grabbing both phones off the nightstand, showing them under his pillow. Out of sight, out of mind.. "No, you can't play with Bella's phone. No, we can't go see her, or call her and no, we won't spend the next half an hour looking at more pictures."
"Owie!" Tony pouted up at him, bottom lip trembling,
"Now you're really milking it, kid."
He tried to remain in control of the situation, but then there were tears again and he gave in.
For a brief, exhausted moment, he actually considered getting the child dressed and into a car for a quick visit to the hospital. Then sanity caught up with him again and he settled for something slightly less radical.
He brought up the dictaphone app and played the kid some of Bella's messages.
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October 17th
Note to self: puking during trans-vag ultrasound is NOT fun! Yes, I started puking right there on the table...
I didn't see anything earth shattering on that screen. They pointed out the gestational sac, the yolk sac and finally this little gray blob that had a beating heart, but looked nothing like a baby. It's a miracle that you can see anything at all this early, and of course I'm relieved that everything looked okay, but all in all, it wasn't a pleasant experience.
End of message…
October 19th.
Pimple breakouts - Check!
Nausea, vomiting - Check!
Food aversions - Check!
Strong sense of smell - Check!
Headache - Check!
But hey, I'm having a great day…
End of message…
October 20th.
Coffees: maybe
Peanut butter: yes
Chocolate: definitely
Calories: Possibly on the plus side for the first time this week.
Remember to buy: butter, milk, eggs. I'm gonna give pancakes a try today..
End of message…
November 20th. 2nd message
Pancakes: bad idea!
There is something about eggs that's just repulsing.
End of message…
October 29th.
Current weight: 115lbs, that's 2 lbs down from last time.
Gestation: 11 weeks
Blood pressure: high
It's official, I can't do anything right. I'm losing weight when I should be gaining and my blood pressure is at a constant level above what is considered healthy.
End of message…
November 5th
Maybe I'm more like Renee than I care to admit, maybe I'm just not suitable for motherhood. Poor kid….
End of message…
November 5th. 2nd message
I'm not my mother. Unlike her, I'm actually capable of expressing and feeling genuine emotion. I've loved and been loved, ferociously and joyfully. My child will never be left behind at the supermarket. My child will never have to wonder whether someone will be home to cook dinner or not. My child will never have to forge signatures or lie to teachers about missed PTA meetings. I'll probably never win any parents of the year awards, but I'll never be tempted to check out on reality when things get too rough and if I were to suddenly come into money, I would never try and buy status and class instead of earning it.
End of message…
November 11th
Mood: frustrated, irritated, horny, lonely, twitchy, bloated.
Chocolate: not giving that up
Alcohol: would be nice right about now
BP: 135/89, better but still high.
Invitations for thanksgiving: 1
Side note: guess I've finally proved that I'm edgy enough to hang with the cool crowd at school… err I mean work. Should be interesting. Senior agents like Quil Ateara doesn't normally associate with rookies like myself, let alone break beard with them. I've heard Mrs. A makes a mean turkey day feast. Jenks swears by it.
Remember to buy: thoughtful hostess gift
End of message…
November 20thCoffee, bouts of morning sickness, calories: really, who cares? Not getting out of bed today… I'm gonna sleep, sleep, sleep and then sleep some more.
End of message…
November 26th
Food consumed in the last 24 hours: way too much. I think I ate my own weight in corn bread alone. Corn bread! I hate corn bread!
Note to self: add scream of horror when alert enough to care.
Painful groans: 42, not bad considering how tired I am. God, I'm bloated!
Groans of sexual ecstasy: big fat 0..
End of message…
November 26th. 2nd message
Calories: mostly on the floor. Very disgusting
End of message…