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He knew he should sleep, his body ached for rest, but his mind would not relent. His thoughts were racing.
Despite the warm little body snoring on his chest Edward found himself unbearably lonely.. He needed – he didn't know what he needed – just that he needed something… He had felt he had been so close to having everything. So close! And yet, so terribly far.
He stared at the phone in his hand. He had no will power, no self control and most of all no intelligence. If he had any of these qualities he would not even be tempted to press play again, but he was… and he did…
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November 27th 1st message
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Krispy Kremes: 17, CRAP! And most of them came up again in the loos at work, along with the last of theThanksgiving feast
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Gas, bloating, flatulence: Check! How is it even possible to feel bloated on an empty stomach?
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Distractions: ,1 in the form of one really odd phone call.
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Need to remember to ask Clearwater to run a background check on a George Franklin with the Seattle police department.
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End of message
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November 27th 2nd message
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Crap, I forgot Seth's out of town! I know they say pregnancy makes your memory go away for awhile, but I never thought it would be this BAD!
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End of message
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November 28th 1st message
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O.M.G…. either someone is lying or…
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Damn, that irresponsible buffoon of a man and his super sperm.
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Odd phone calls: Yep, I got another one, from Alice Cullen this time.
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Shocking news: 1
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Thought of the day: AGGHH!
..
End of message
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November 28th, 2nd second message
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People who are working against me: God, apparently…. Renee, but that's a given…. and Alice Cullen, it seems... She is sneaky that woman! She's making it sound like I have no other choice than to drop everything and run to their rescue.
I'm not that easily fooled though. I know she doesn't speak for her brother. If he cannot be bothered to respond to my phone calls or that one mucho-important-official-sounding email I sent him then forget it.
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End of message
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November 28th, 3rd message
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Who am I kidding…
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Tickets booked.
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Contact Maggie Thompson, social worker with the Seattle Department of Social Services.
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But before I leave… Looks like I have a pick a bone with Renee.
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End of message
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November 29th
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Must get new phone, ASAP! The nerve of that woman! I know she's my mother, but something must be done!
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On the same note… Must talk with Jenks about this potential security breach. I might be able to use this to get the boss man to sanction my trip to Seattle, if the stuff I learned from the SPD officer isn't enough to sway him that is… On second thought, I'm not sure I want him to know exactly what a loon Renee is.
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Also, I'm tempted to have Clearwater check just have many times E called and just how many times Renee actually spoke to him. Then again, does it really matter. Baby daddy or not, do I really want to be involved with a guy that runs away with his tail between his legs the minute Renee start's barking?
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End of message
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November 30th
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Stepped on the scale again this morning...
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Current weight: 120lbs. Three up... See chocolate can be good for you. This new brand of chocolate protein monster shakes I've found is the greatest thing ever.
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Sore body parts: 2, my boobs feel like they are on fire and have grown a size over night. I'm going to pretend that's where all the fat has settled. Though if I'm honest, the top button on my pants has been undone for the last few days.
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Gestation: 15 weeks and well into my second trimester! I still can't believe I've agreed to fly out and see Alice, when I feel like barfing every few minutes.
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Willpower: 5, on a scale of 5 to 10, 5 being the lowest willpower one can possess.
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Blood pressure: high. The last two days have been ridiculous and horrifying and ulcer creating.
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Seattle here I come.
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End of message
…..
Christmas morning went by in a coffee-fueled blur with only a few minor hiccups along the way, like the kids fighting over the last pack of yogurt drinks and the Christmas tree tipping over, twice. Edward, who for obvious reasons was not feeling the whole waking-up-at-the-ass-crack-of-dawn thing at all, left it for the others (i.e. auntie Alice) to handle those little mishaps.
Being anything but well rested, Edward was definitely not in a jolly holiday spirit, but found himself having to endure the whole Christmas morning spectacle nonetheless. It wasn't like he had a choice in the matter. His mother made it clear that sleeping in was NOT an option, besides it's kind of hard to snooze when you have the two exceptionally loud and rambunctious hooligans running up and down the hallway outside your bedroom.
Despite his tender age, Elliott seemed to know exactly what kind of adventure was waiting for them downstairs. Anthony on the other hand was utterly clueless as to what this Christmas malarkey was all about, but would never miss a chance to run amok cause trouble.
Edward dragged himself out of bed just in time to catch the commotion that occurred when Emmett was sent down the stairs to check if it was true that Santa had indeed graced the Cullen household with a visit over night. Waiting at the top of the stairs was two über excited little boys. Their excitement knew no bounds when it was reported back that there were sightings of reindeer poop on front porch and a pile of crumbles on the plate where Santa's cookies were suppose to be. The only thing kept them from barging headlong down the stairs, with no regards for the laws of physics at all, was the wooden radiator cover that was serving as a makeshift baby gate. An idea that Esme wisely had thought to suggest the evening before.
She had also been foreseeing enough to set the coffee maker on a timer. The o so crucial caffeine injection, made the shrieking, squealing toddler antics almost bearable…. almost. The madness reached its peak when Carlisle and Jasper each grabbed a child and carried them to the family room where the Christmas tree was set up.
Edward, who had made a beeline for the kitchen, missed the jaw-droppings, eye-popping 'what's-all-that stuff-under-the-tree' moment. A slight miscalculation of course, but he wasn't going to fret over it. Not when he knew the female half of the family had been busy snapping photos like a bunch of maniacs all morning. Every expression, every word, every gesture was bound to be well documented. In fact, Rosalie hit jackpot when she managed to catch both tree tipping incidents on video - a sure YouTube viral hit in the making, or so she claimed.
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…..
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Bella woke up somewhat disoriented, not quite remembering where she was and unsure if she should get out of bed or not. She tried to sit up but something was pulling her arm back, she looked and saw the I.V. needle at the back of her hand. And just like that the pieces came together. The pale, white walls were not part of some trendy interior décor. This was not the Cullen's guestroom. This was not vacation. This was not home. No, this was a hospital room. The I.V. bag, the pulse sensor on her fingertip, the waist-worn fetal heart rate detector (that itched worse than anything she had ever worn), along with everything else that came with the room were all placed there for very specific reasons. She knew what each one of those devices were for, what they were suppose to monitor, but she didn't want her mind to wander down that specific path.
There would be no angst, no stress, and no high blood pressure. She was awake and being awake was better than not waking up at all…. Everything was going to turn out fine. She vowed to keep her head filled with positive thoughts, and positive thoughts only.
Sadly, it only took an hour or so before her determination was put to the test.
It was around a quarter to seven, when an orderly rolled in the breakfast tray and Bella was forced to acknowledge that there was this one tiny detail she had… well not forgotten, but pushed to the back of her mind; it wasn't just any morning, it was Christmas morning. She saw the mini tinsel that the tray was decorated with and immediately her mind was plagued by an onslaught of conflicting emotions. If there were any two things that ever went together, it would be Christmas and children. Her stomach started to roll, and she knew that an emotional breakdown was imminent. Thoughts of babies and choices, wants and needs, and consequences came crashing down all at once. There was no way she was getting through this day without letting the stress of it all get to her.
She had way to many hours to kill before the ultrasound, way too much time to dwell on her alone-ness, and no one, or nothing, to distract her. She didn't even have her phone.
Then something utterly unexpected happened. Irina, the brassy haired nurse from the day before, the chatty one with the too much, too dramatic looking makeup, entered the room in a bustling manner. Although the woman was clad in uniform, she quickly made it clear that her visit more a social call than a professional one. She was getting off a double shift, but didn't want to leave without popping in to say goodbye to her favorite patient.
Strange, Bella couldn't remember exchanging more than a few brief words with the woman. Even stranger was that the nurse insisted that she had something on her phone that she wanted to share. It made absolutely no sense, until she turned the display in Bella's direction that is….
It was a photo, showing not one, but two familiar faces. Tony and Edward, in front of the Christmas tree. Wrapping paper and ribbons were strewn all over the living room and the tree looked like it taken a hit and lost a few branches at some stage. Edward looked absolutely wiped, he was clearly exhausted, but struggling not to show it. The little boy on the other hand looked ecstatic, beaming with uncontained excitement. Both of them were pajama clad and sporting particularly identical bed heads.
It wasn't posed, it wasn't staged, however the moment captured on camera seemed to be a rather private one, and the photo was bordering on being intrusive almost. Bella didn't get a creepy vibe from it, though. Perhaps because it came with a text message that read 'Children are blessings and who wouldn't want a lot of blessings -Es'. She could only think of one person that could have sent that message; Edward's mother… Esme evidently knew this nurse, though calling them friends seemed greatly exaggerated. Bella would have to ask about their connection later…and who's idea this had been and if Edward was aware that his mother was up to? So many questions, so little time.
The moment passed faster than it had come. Nurse Irina didn't have time to stick around for more than a few minutes, but those few minutes with that precious, precious photo lifted Bella's mood tremendously. Funny how something so small could make all the difference in the world. It also helped that Dr. Barnett came by shortly thereafter offering some uplifting news. Her vitals had improved, not a lot, but still encouragement of the best kind.
The morning progressed much faster from that point on. A nurse's aide came by to give her a shower. An experience that was both incredibly refreshing and awkward at the same time. She also got her hair combed and braided, something no one had done for her since she was a kid. Actually, she vaguely remembered getting her hair and makeup done by Alice a few times when they were both teenagers. Those weren't entirely pleasant memories though, as there had been tweezers, tons of hair pins and plenty of brutal force involved.
The nurse aide, who was an older grandmother-looking lady, turned out to be a veteran at untangling wet knotted hair. Much unlike Alice, she had a gentle touch with the comb, so much so that the whole experience had a strangely soothing effect on Bella's frazzled nerves.
By the time Dr. Cullen knocked on her door, she was calm as cucumber… or would have been, if it wasn't for this one new pressing issue that had presented itself – the matter of keeping an over-full bladder from busting because of all the water she had been forced to drink in preparation for the ultrasound scan.
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…
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Stockings were explored, presents were opened, and a breakfast of homemade cinnamon rolls and chocolate chip pancakes was consumed. Anthony enjoyed it all, but appeared to be more enamored with the blueberry flavored yogurt than anything else.
The impressive pile of new toys would most likely win out in the long run, though. Edward was fairly certain that the chew-friendly, drool resistant toy replica of a smart phone that Alice had bought for the boy would be a big hit. There was also a flashing bouncing ball with sound effects that looked pretty neat. Neat and noisy… Probably payback for the trumpet Edward had bought for Elliott the year before. There was that karma shit again.
After the general dust had settled, they all got dressed and piled into cars for a trip into town. Yes, all of them, as in the entire Cullen clan. Edward wasn't sure whether to be relieved or annoyed that they were insisting on tagging along. Thankfully, they didn't all head for the hospital, though. Rose took her boys for a mid-morning Christmas service at the church she used to attend as a child and Jasper was sent off to deliver Esme's annual contribution of clothes and toys to the Forks Women's Emergency Shelter. This left Edward with his parents, his sister and Anthony to hide behind. That's what moral support was for, right? To hide behind and to keep you from bolting when things get complicated…
Alice had already called him out on stalling a handful of times. Though, he still maintained that the first time didn't count. Hey, of course showering was bound to take hours, when it was the first one with a decent temperature and sufficient water pressure since the storm hit!
The other four times… well, he wasn't stalling per say, just making sure he wouldn't have to set foot inside that hospital room until the very last minute. He still wasn't sure how to feel or what to say; still waiting for some sort of clarity to hit.
His nerves reached a new high when he found out that the ultrasound specialist was running late.
"Flat tire." his father, the traitor, said with a quick glance at his watch. "She should be here in another half an hour or so."
There was no doubt in Edward's mind, that his father had purposely waited with delivering this piece of news until they were right outside Bella's hospital room.
"Wonderful," he grumbled. "I love waiting! Waiting rocks! Waiting is the best thing ever." He looked around for an escape, but his mother stepped in his way .
"Aww, it's nice to hear you sound psyched about something for once," she teased him with a wide smile.
"I don't think 'psyched' is the word, mom," Alice laughed, giving Edward a little jab in the arm. "I'd say he's nervous."
"Try down right scared," his father joined in on the teasing.
"Great! I could be facing news about serious medical complications today, and you guys are poking fun of my jittery nerves," Edward shook his head. "Can we at least go down to the cafeteria, so that I can get another shot of caffeine and light up a smoke in, while we wait?"
"We could, but I was going to suggest we bring Tony to see his favorite girl now before the real excitement begins," Esme suggested. "If you're nervous Edward, I'm willing to bet it's a lot worse for Isabella. I'm willing to bet she could use some encouraging words just about now."
"Excellent idea, love," Carlisle, nodded in approval. "Stay put! I'll go check if she's up for visitors."
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…..
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"So this means we have a small delay." Dr. Cullen explained, looking at her over the rim of his glasses.
"Hmm," Bella scrunched her face into a frown. Was it inappropriate to do Kegle exercises in front of her baby daddy's daddy? The nurses all swore it was suppose to keep help the bladder muscle relax.
"How do you feel about visitors?"
"In general or… ?"
"There's someone who's very eager to see you."
"Who? Edward?" Her heart soared in the most ridicules way and she had to remind herself to breath and keep calm and… Kegel away Swan, kegel away…
"Well, Edward is here too, but the one I was talking about is toddler-sized, toothy-grinned and comes with two handlers."
"You brought Tony here?" She realized the prospect of a visit from Anthony warmed her heart almost as much as the thought of seeing the little guy's father.
"Yep, along with Alice and Esme. What do you say, can they come in and see you? I might even be able to persuade Edward to join in. "
"Well, in that case, I guess it's alright…" she gave him a small smile. "As long as you promise it won't cause any further delays," she hurried to add. " I hate to sound like a cranky whiner, but…."
"But you want to get to the exciting part as soon as possible."
"Precisely! Though, I'm not sure exciting is the word I would have used. It's not an adjective I associate with a place like this. No offence."
"None taken. I realize this environment can be a bit of a downer, especially during the holidays."
"Yeah, I can't say I'm feeling the Christmas spirit. Actually, I should warn you, I'm probably worse than Scrooge and the Grinch combined. Also I have an overfilled bladder that is THIS close to revolting on me. " She motioned with her thumb and pointer finger, showing a very thin space. "So if we could maybe hurry things along here a little…"
"Ah, duly noted," Carlisle laughed. "I'll be quick," he promised, before bowing out of the room.
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-.
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The first thing Edward noticed upon entering the room was that all the wires, all the strange looking devices and the beeping monitors were still there; yet another reminder that there was a real, very tangible health threat involved in all of this. Not for the first time he found himself torn between his heart and his head. He was just as ill prepared for the conflict now as he had been during those first critical hours when he had been glued to her bedside. There was a big difference between then and now though; Bella was awake now… awake, alert, and ready to confront him, no doubt.
However, five minutes in the room and she had yet to meet his gaze. She hadn't said much either… or, well, anything really, since Alice had started talking. She did, however, flash a reassuring, if slightly trembling, smile in Tony's direction, when they boy clamored for her attention.
He was squirming in Edward's arms, evidently confused as to why wasn't allowed to go to his 'Bewa'. Yes, there was name chanting involved.
"Can I say hello?" Bella asked in a quiet, almost frail voice. "I mean, if it's okay?"
"Yes, of course-" "Certainly -" Esme and Carlisle spoke at the same time.
Bella laughed uncomfortably, "Thanks, but the question was actually for Edward. "I understand if he… err..." she hesitated and then, finally, there was eye contact. "…if you want to keep him away from me, but…. "
"Christ Bella!" Edward felt a surge of anger, and something else he couldn't identify, churning inside him. "Admittedly, you're not my favorite person at the moment, but to use a child to punish someone is just wrong," he declared, hoisting the squirming child higher up on his hip. "I didn't bring him here to dangle him in front of you and then yank him away. I'm not that cruel. I brought him here, because he's asked for you…. more times than I can count, more times than he has asked for his mo-…. No I'm not calling her that," he shook his head. "…the woman he spent his first two years with."
"I've missed him too," Bella whispered. "I didn't realize how attached … how painful the reality of never seeing him again would be."
Edward felt his face turn into a frown. "You made that decision yourself. You're the one that's been counting the days until you could leave and go home."
"I know. I though it was the right decision. I thought I was doing us all a favor, but then the roof fell and…." she paused when a shudder made her voice catch in her throat. "Contemplating your own mortality makes you reassess a lot of things."
"Woa-…" Edward fumed. It wasn't fair of her to remind him of such things when he had enough trouble to deal with the situation as it was. How dare she play games with his emotions like that! He opened his mouth to give Her-High-and-Mighty-ness a piece of his mind. Before he could say anything too impulsive though, he was, effectively (not to mention quite painfully) interrupted by a brutal, toddler-sized elbow to his solar plexus.
"Ow!" He bit back a curse and glared at the little boy. "Hey, spider monkey… If you don't stop moving right this moment…."
'Hush, no need to raise your voice like that, Edward!' Esme reached for the bundle of flailing arms and legs gathering him into her arms. 'C'mere, Sweet pea!" she cooed soothingly. "As for you two, "she said pointing towards Bella and Edward. "… it appears obvious that you need to talk … in private."
Carlisle cleared his throat. "Alice, I believe this is our cue to go get some coffee."
"No!" Edward almost shouted, earning a few looks from his family. "No one is leaving! Privacy is the last thing we need. There isn't time for this now... Not enough time and too many distractions."
Alice, bless her heart, hummed in agreement. "I'm getting an definite stressed-out vibe here. Stress is something we want to avoid, right?"
"Edward," Bella spoke his name with a trace of exasperation in her tone. "We really need to talk."
"We really do, yes," he agreed. "But not now. You have to give me time to process. If we deal with this now, we would have to talk about things we're not ready to talk about. Well, things I'm not ready to talk about anyway."
"I understand," Bella said, though it was evident by her tone that she did not understand at all. "I just wish-..:"
Whatever she had been about to say was cut short by a sudden and rapid knock on the door.
"Ms. Swan, it's time to move you to an exam room."
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