AN: A special thanks to Jon the New Kid in Town for letting me use her OC, Jon!
Disclaimer: I don't own South Park in any way, shape, or form, but it'd be awesome if i did.
The school has been assembled in the auditorium. Principal Victoria, Mr. Adler, and Mr. Mackey are on stage with a representative from SPUSD, or something. The represenative stands in front of the presidential seal, with the words "PRESIDENT'S COUNCIL ON FITNESS, SPORTS & NUTRITION" written on it. "Last week the students of this school participated in the Presidential Fitness Test," the Rep says. "I'm sad to announce that South Park Elementary scored the lowest in health and fitness in the entire country." Stan and Kyle look at each other. "On the whole, you students actually scored fine. But the President's Fitness Test is scored on a school-wide average, and two fourth graders at this school scored so low, one with a terrifying body fat score," Cartman can tell the man is talking about him. ",high blood pressure and the cholesterol levels of a seventy-year old man, and the other with just flat out lazyness, refusing to do any exercises whatsoever, that it actually brought you entire school's average down to the lowest in the country." Cartman yawns. "However, the Presidential Fitness Program never wants to single out one or two or three children, because then those children might feel bad. And so as far as we're concerned, you're all a bunch of fat pigs."
"Uh, could you please use a little different terminology?" asks Principal Victoria.
"Sorry," says the Rep. "As far as the board is concerned, you're all a bunch of fat pigs. And so it is the recommendation of this board that every week, each class will alternate turns, giving up their recesses and instead reporting to PE." The whole auditorium groans.
During that day's recess, Mr. Garrison's class is in PE. "Alright, fourth grade class, you're up first," the coach says. "We're gonna do some rope-climbin'."
"God this sucks!" Stan says.
"Four weeks we gotta do this?" asks Kyle.
"Well let's just suck it up, guys," Cartman says. "All we can try to do is have a positive attitude about it."
"Yeah," Kylie agrees. Stan, Kyle, and some other kids are not amused.
"Alright McCormick, let's start with you. Climb the rope." Kenny walks over to the rope, jumps up, and starts climbing.
"Heheh! Look at Kenny," laughs Cartman. "He's so poor, huh you guys? His family's so poor they couldn't pay the three ninety nine for the gym outfit."
"Cartman, our family couldn't even pay the full price for the outfit," Kylie says. Kenny climbs down from the rope and goes back to the group of kids.
"This is boring as shit, man," says Jon.
"Alright, let's go Broflovski," says the coach. Kyle walks over to the rope, jumps on, and starts climbing.
Cartman starts laughing. "Heheheheheh! Look you guys, a Jew on a rope. You know what they call a Jew on a-"
"No!" Kylie taps Cartman on the head, like she would with a newsapaer. "Bad. We don't tell Jew jokes. No. Bad Cartman."
"Oh, fine," Cartman says. He stays silent for a few seconds, before saying, "You know what they call a Jew on a rope?"
"Alright Cartman, stop ripping on other people to make yourself less embarrassed about the fact that we're all here because of you!" Stan exclaims.
"Hey whoa, we are here because the average score was low," Cartman says. "That's about all of us."
"Because of you!" Stan yells. "It's your fault that we have to do this! We have to do this because you're unhealthy!"
"Yeah," says Jon. "It's your fault, fatass!'
"Wow, Jon. I can't believe you just went there," Cartman says.
Kylie takes in a deep breath. "Okay, I'll admit it! I was the other person! It was also my fault we're here, okay?! I'm sorry!"
"...Why didn't you do the exercises?" Clyde asks.
"HEY! This is about Eric right now, not me. Besides, it's not my fault we're here! It's Eric's!"
"Well, Here we were having a perfectly nice conversation about Kenny being poor and Kyle being a Jew, and you just decided to go 9/11 and bust out the fat quip," Cartman says.
"We are here because of you, so just keep your mouth shut!" Wendy exclaims.
"Oh my God! Why doesn't everyone just back off?!" Cartman says. "I know how this works: You're the 99% ganging up on the 1%!"
"Oh grow up," Craig says.
"Jesus Christ! The 99% is totally ganging up on me!"
"That's what we mean by "grow up" dude!" Stan exclaims. "Stop being a baby!"
"Yeah, why don't you go home and cry to your stuffed animals again?!" Cartman gasps.
In Cartman and Kylie's room, after school, Cartman is crying to his stuffed animals again. Kylie sits next to Cartman, talking quietly to a stuffed elephant. "Ngh, and then, and then Wendy said that they were the 99% and I was the 1% and that made me not keeeewl," cries Cartman.
"But Eric, you are cool," says Clyde-Frog.
"Eric, you need to understand that I'm part of the 1% as well," Kylie says. "But, I mean, if you want to put all the blame on yourself, I'm fine with that too." She starts to get up off the bed and walks out of the bedroom.
"I know, Clyde Frog, but now the 99% is saying everything is my faaault."
"It's not your fault, Eric," Peter Panda says. "How can they blame you for what is clearly President Obama's fault?"
"...What do you mean, Peter Panda?"
"You didn't make that stupid Presidential Fitness Test! Obama did!"
"Yeah," says Polly prissypants. "That's right Eric. You don't need to grow up. You are awesome and keeewl."
"Thanks Polly Prissypants. I'm just so scared that all the kids at school are gonna be talkin' about me behind my back."
Kylie walks back into the bedroom, holding a popsicle. "I doubt it. If you accuse them, say anything about what you think they're doing, now that, that'll give them ideas, if they haven't already started anything."
Lunchtime has arrived and all the kids are in the cafeteria, except Cartman. "Ehe, and so then, Skeletor told Terminator he wanted a divorce, and apparently it's all gonna be finalized soon," Butters says.
"That's not even Skeletor, Butters," says Jon.
"Dude, Butters, how many times do we have to go over this?" Stan asks. "That's not Skeletor, that's a woman named Maria Shriver."
"She doesn't look like Skeletor anyway!"
"Uh but, then, why does his face look like that?" The doors burst open and Cartman steps in and looks around. No one says a word.
"What? What?! WHAT?!" Cartman yells. "What are you guys talking about? What are you guys doin'-What are you talking about? I knew it! You guys are having a big 99% rally, aren't you?! Occupying the cafeteria?! You wanna know why you guys are all here protesting?! Because you're pissed off, but you actually think it's wrong to be pissed off at a black president, so you're all just pissed off at ME! Well go ahead! Have your little rally to figure out how to stick it to the 1%! See what it gets you!" He slams a door, but it doesn't close. Cartman walks out.
"Uh, I gotta go," Kylie says to her friends. She follows Cartman, saying. "What were you thinking?! I told you to not do that!"
"Hey, you know? Eric is right," Butters says. "Maybe we should form a 99% club."
"Yeah. It's not a bad idea," says Jimmy. "If all the students unite, we can work together to fight the f-f-fit."
A fifth grader stands up. "Yeah. The fifth graders agree. We're all being punished for one lazy bitch, and one fatass. Let's make 'em suffer."
"All we need is some good old-fashioned di... di... di... diplomacy," Jimmy says.
"Yeah, 99% Club!" Jon says. She stands up. "I'm in."
Jimmy, Butters, and Jon are seated at a desk facing the board rep from before at the President's Council on Fitness, Sports & Nutrition, Colorado Division Office. "Hello sir, we are here on behalf of all fourth graders at South Park Elementary," Jimmy says.
"Aahh yes, the Fatty Boombalatty class. How's the extra PE treating you?" asks the board Rep.
"Sir," says Butters. "We believe your fitness system is flawed, and that for 99% of us, it is unfair."
"What do you want me to do about it?" the Rep asks.
"Well, sir, we believe that the 1% should be dropped from the fitness results, so that our scores can be more accurate," Jon says. "This isn't even our fault the score is that low; it's Cartman's fault!" The Rep rises from his chair and approaches a chart. "'Fraid that's impossible. The NationalFitness Test has very specific standards," he says. "No one child can ever be made to feelsingled out. We don't even like to use the term "physically fit" anymore because it can make astudent feel unphysically fit, and then that student might end up feeling like a total retard."
"...Excuse me, can you use a different terminology please?" asks Jimmy.
"A-and then that fourth grader might end up feeling like a total retard," the Rep says.
"Sir, all of the students already know who the 1% is," Butters says.
"All you're doing is making the other 99% more angry," says Jon. "I warn you: this could turn very ugly."
Cartman and Kylie walks into their room, which is quite trashed. Cartman looks around in horror, then goes back downstairs, where he spots his mom paying some bills at the table. Kylie follows closely behind. "Mom, have you been here all day?!" Cartman asks.
"No, sweetie, I've been at the hair salon. Why?"
"Somebody's been in my room!" Liane looks up at Cartamn as he goes back to his room. He looks under his things to see if anything is missing. His mom appears at the door. "Damn 99%ers!" Cartman ravages through his room, looking to see if anyone stole anything. "What did they take?!"
"Are you sure, sweetie?" asks Liane.
"Am I sure?" Cartman asks. "Look at this place!" Cartman turns around and glares at Liane. "Don't you get it Mom?! People voted for Obama, so now that everything sucks they have to blame me!" He goes back to searching his stuff and finds a watch. "They didn't take my Stormtrooper watch..."
Kylie searches through her dresser and finds a video game. "My GTA 5 game is still here... what else could they have taken from us?" Cartman looks at a corner of his room. A chair set apart for Clyde Frog is empty, but his other four dolls are arranged and seated in from of it.
"Oh my God." Cartman panics. "Clyde Frog!"
Kylie pulls the covers off her bed. "Where's Cookie?! Where's my elephant?"
"What?" asks Liane, confused.
"No." Cartman goes to the corner and tosses his dolls aside, then looks up in despair. "NOOO!" He runs to his closet and looks inside. He doesn't find Clyde Frog. "CLYDE FROG!" Cartman stops to tell him mom, "They took Clyde Frog!" He runs out of his room. Kylie follows close behind.
"Dude, they must be outside somewhere!" she exclaims. The two run outside in the back yard. Cartman looks around. Cartman and Kylie call out and walk around.
Cartman calls out, "Clyde Frog! Clyde!? Clyde Frog?!" The two stop and notice something on a tree. It's Clyde Frog and Cookie. Clyde is nailed to the tree through his front paws and forehead. Cookie lays at the tree trunk, decapitated. Clyde Frog is ripped all over and cotton pops out of the rips. Under the frog is the word 'VENGEANCE' scratched onto the tree bark in red spray paint. "Clyde. CLYDE FROG!" Cartman throws up.
Later, Cartman is holding a lavish funeral for Clyde Frog. "I've known Clyde Frog since I was two years old. He was a fighter, a visionary. But most of all, Clyde Frog was the perfect friend. He never said anything. He never had his own ideas about what he wanted to do. He just sat there goin' along with whatever I wanted," Cartman says. "A noble trait that seems lost on you 99%ers." Stan and Kyle are falling asleep. Kyle rests his head on his left hand. Jon sits next to Kylie, who is sewing the head back on her stuffed elephant. Jon lays back in her chair, and takes a sip out of a Pepsi can. "And now we live in a world where one of you has decided to become a murderer. Well whoever you are, I'm sure you're sitting there right now, in your little green hat, with your left cheek resting against your hand thinking, 'I'm not getting away with this, am I?' Because whoever you are, maybe you still have one little piece of humanity left, covered up and tainted black by years of Jewish propaganda and left-wing lies. Maybe you should just-"
"Shut the hell up, Cartman!" Jon yells out.
"Got something to say Kyle?!" Cartman grips the sides of the podium.
"How do you murder a stuffed animal?!" Kyle asks angrily.
"How do you murder a stuffed animal?! You tell us, Kyle!" Cartman stops himself. "Butbut but but, but ,uh, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. There's still a biiig investigation to come. And until we prove beyond a reasonable doubt who the killer was, you are all just as guilty as Kyle. Thank you so much. Bagpipes please." A bagpipe player begins a tune. Two men lower the casket into the ground. Cartman begins to sing.
"Where's our five dollars?" asks Craig.
"What?"
"It said in the e-mail if we came we each got five dollars," Jon says.
Cartman thinks for a moment. "...Five dollars has been donated in each of your names to the Clyde Frog Foundation," he says. Cartman then resumes singing. All the kids groan, then get up and leave. "Oh fine, go on and leave! I'm gonna find out who did this to Clyde, and I'm gonna have your head on a plate!"
Back at the President's Council on Fitness, Sports & Nutrition, Colorado Division Office, The board rep is looking over some reports while leaning against his desk. A receptionist walks up to him, and says, "Sir? Sir, do you remember the kids from that South Park Elementary School?"
"Oh yes," the Rep answers. "The Boom Boom Chubby Choom Choom school."
"Well," the receptionist says. "They're all protesting outside, saying our system isn't fair to the 99% of them."
The Rep runs to the front door followed by the receptionist. "Oh my Jesus!" he exclaims. "Oh, not a 99% rally!" Outside, on a small strip of grass in a parking lot, Butters, Jon, and Jimmy hold up some protest signs.
"I sure hope this works," Butters says.
A Field Reporter suddenly appears out of nowhere. "Tom, I'm reporting from the middle of a protest where three fourth grade students are fed up, and have decided to occupy Red Robin," the reporter says. "Occupy Red Robin has been going on for several hours now, and kids, technically I am part of the 99% so, what do I have to say about all this?"
In the Cartman house's dining room, the lights have been turned low. Cartman and his plushies are seated around the table, and Kylie is sitting on the floor between Rumpertumpskin and Polly Prissypants. Cartman serves himself some tea. "Thank you all so much for coming," Cartman says. "I realize that Clyde Frog's death is as shocking to all of you as it is to me."
"Why would somebody do such a terrible thing?" Peter Panda asks.
"Why would somebody hurt Clyde Frog, Eric?" Polly Prissypants asks. "Especially because you are so awesome and keewl."
"Look," Kylie says. "I understand that you're upset by the fact that someone would harm Clyde Frog, but you never had to bury him! You could've just let me sew him back together! But I digress. Continue, please."
"I know that I'm awesome and keewl, but it has little relevance at the moment to Clyde Frog's murder!" Cartman exclaims.
"Let's stop the charades, Eric, and let's get down to business," says Rumpertumpskin.
"What do you mean, Rumpertumskin?" Kylie asks.
"We all know who killed Clyde Frog," Rumpertumpskin says. "And she's the same dirty slut who's been messing with us our whole lives!"
Liane peeks around the corner into the dining room. "Eric, sweetie, is everything okay?"
"Does everything look okay?" asks Polly Prissypants.
"Sit down!" exclaims Rumpertumpskin.
"Yes, sit down, mother," Cartman says. "We are all having a tea party."
Liane takes a seat at the other end of the table. "Uh sweetie," she says. "I see that you're a little... disturbed right now, but, maybe you can-"
"Shut your fat piehole!" Polly Prissypants yells.
"Yeah!" exclaims Rumpertumpskin. "You know what you did! You let Clyde Frog get murdered!"
"No, Rumpertumskin," Liane says. "I didn't. I swear."
"Besides," Kylie comments. "Why would she write 'VENGANCE' in blood on the tree? It couldn't have been mom."
"Then why did you write in your diary "It was probably time for Eric to grow out of his stuffed animals anyway"?!" asks Muscleman Marc.
"That's an excellent point, Muscleman Marc," Cartman says. "Please continue."
"Well, all I'm saying, Eric, is that-" Muscleman Marc gets cut off by Liane.
"Sweetie, you really can just talk to me if you-"
'"ALL I'M SAYING, ERIC, is that you went through your mom's diary for a reason!" Mucleman Marc says.
"Eric, I promise you," Liane says. "I didn't do anything to your favorite toy. Whoever did this to you, I hate them as much as you do, and I'd do anything to get to the bottom of it."
"Y'know, Eric," Kylie says. "Even though I don't give a crap about Clyde, I do want to figure out who harmed my handmade elephant, Cookie."
"So then," Cartman says. "We are all going to need some... more tea."
At Occupy Red Robin, Butters, Jon, and Jimmy are now joined by a bongo drummer and a dancing man wearing a Guy Fawkes mask. They are surrounded by South Park's emergency services and the media, and one Java Jim's truck. Sgt. Yates is on the phone calling for backup. "You'd better give me every cop you've got on the South Side!" he exclaims. "I don't care where ABC parks their truck, as long as it doesn't block the fire trucks!" He hangs up and walks to the command center nearby. "Jesus, this protest is getting out of hand! Alright, what exactly are we dealing with?"
"It's no good," says an officer. "The protest has quadrupled in size since this morning. As you can see from this aerial photograph, the protest covers almost two square miles." The officer starts pointing at a map. "We have right officers here, here, and here. The media has been contained in this area."
"And where are the actual protesters?" asks Sgt. Yates.
"Oh," the officer says. "These three people right here." He circles the spot on which Butters, Jon, and Jimmy stand.
"How are we gonna contain this thing?!"
"I'm afraid it's about to get worse," a second officer says. "You see this area here? This is where we're setting up the stage for Bon Jovi."
"Bon Jovi?" Sgt. Yates asks.
"These are good cops!" says the second officer. "We can't have them standing around for hours without some entertainment! The problem is, with this area blocked by napping tents, we have no place to serve the officers beer."
"Damnit!" exclaims Sgt. Yates. "Don't these protesters know what this is all heading towards?" He steps forward. "Full-on class warfare."
Later that night, at the Cartman house, Cartman and Kylie are sleeping in their seperate beds. Cartman's sound asleep, snoring even, when the room begins to glow. Flames appear. Cartman begins to wake up from the heat and sits up. He sees the flames. "What the hell?!" Kylie yelps. The flames set the curtains on fire. Cartman sees them next to his bed and stands up on the bed. "Mom? Mom, my room is..." He turns around and sees Peter Panda and his dresser on fire. "AAAH! PETER PANDA!"
After the fire, the police and fire department have come to the rescue, and a fireman comes down the ladder with the charred remains of Peter Panda. "The fire started with this," the fireman says. "Definitely a case of arson. Somebody hates this kid."
Cartman runs up to the fireman. "Don't you touch him! Leave him alone!" He swats the doll out of the fireman's hands. "Peter Panda!"
"Eh, Eric," says Peter Panda, in a clearly strained voice.
"Don't try to talk, Peter Panda!" Cartman exclaims. "You're gonna be okay!"
"Eric... Remember..." Cartman begins to sob. "...Stay... keeewl." Cartman begins bawling. The fireman picks the doll back up.
"Sorry kid," says the fireman. "We need to take this as evidence."
Cartman drops on all fours. "Noohoho!" Kylie puts her arm around Cartman, feeling bad for him. "Peter Panda nooo!"
A female field reporter talks into a microphone at Red Robin. "The 99%ers movement continues to grow as more and more Americans occupy Red Robin. I asked some of the people exactly what they hoped to accomplish." They show some pre-recorded footage. "And sir, what do you hope to accomplish by this movement?" the reporter asks.
"I like the uh, A1 Peppercorn Burger," a man says. "And they got ummm, bo-bottomless fries." The recoding ends.
"And as the protesters inside Red Robin unite together, word is that filmmaker Michael Moore has joined the protesters outside."
Outside, Michael Moore is talking through his bull horn to Jon and Jimmy. Butters has disappeared. "I look at the faces of you protesters and I see the future of America! We are the 99%! YESSS!"
At a house in the neighborhood, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny approach the front door. Their bikes are scattered all over the lawn. Kyle knocks on the door and a fifth grader answers it. "Hey dude," Kyle says. "Ah are you the guys messing with Cartman's stuffed animals?"
"Maybe we are and maybe we aren't," the fifth grader says. "You got any proof?"
"Well, just..." Stan pauses for a second. "You and your friends were the ones saying Cartman and Kylie need to suffer?"
"That doesn't prove anything!" exclaims the fifth grader. "They're finally getting what's coming to them."
"Yeah, but dude, he seriously could have died in that fire," says Kyle.
"They're in your class but you don't deal with them!" the fifth grader exclaims. "So we are gonna remedy the situation! We've got big plans! Just stay out of our way and let the men handle this!" He slams the door in the boys' faces. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny turn around to leave.
At the Black residence, Liane, Cartman, and Kylie are staying there while their own house is repaired. Liane is at table with Token's parents drinking coffee. "Thank you so much for allowing us to stay here," Liane says.
"Of course," says Token's father. You can't be staying in a home with that much fire damage."
"To be honest, we're just a little surprised Eric begged you to stay with us," Token's mother says. "We never knew your son and our son were so close."
"I asked little Eric where he would feel safest, and he said with his friend Token," says Liane.
Kylie and Cartman walk into Token's room. Cartman is being paranoid. "This window locks from the inside, right? And this door has a lock on it too?" Cartamn asks. "Don't worry Polly Prissypants, you're gonna be safe here. In this day and age, black people are just impervious to being messed with, so we will be alright."
"E-Eric," Kylie chuckles nervously. "D-Don't you think you're overeacting a little? I mean, I got rid of my stuffed animals in the second grade. The only reason I still have my elephant is because it was my grandma's."
"Don't tell me not to overreact!" Cartman exclaims loudly. "Polly Prissypants is in danger!"
Token sighs. "Why are you involving me in this?"
"Token, please," Cartman says. "You're the only person I can trust. Because in today's time, black people are somehow incapable of doing something wrong."
Butters is still gone, so Jon and Jimmy are left, standing there with their protest signs. Everyone else is still where they were. "Breaking news from the Occupy Red Robin movement," says a reporter. "The protesters have decreased in number from three to two, as one of the protesters has apparently splintered off from the group to start a new movement: Occupy the Restroom."
Near the restroom area at Red Robin, another reporter is standing close to the mens' room. "Tom, Occupy the Restroom has been going on for almost thirty minutes now," the reporter says. "Certainly a sign that this country is more divided than ever. These 99%ers are fed up, and as a result you can clearly see this restroom is 'OCCUPIED.'" He points to a little window that now reads "OCCUPIED." A second later, a toilet is flushed inside. The door opens and Butters exits zipping his pants up. "Uh, Tom, it looks like the movement is finished, but from the time it took, it must have been a pretty decent-sized movement." A few seconds later, Butters walks out and takes up his sign.
At Token's house, it seems as though Cartman has made himself at home in Token's room. Cartman sits on Token's bed with his dolls, chips, and Token's remote control. Kylie leans on the bedframe on the floor, nibbling on a sandwich or something. Token is not pleased and has crossed his arms. "Will you stop changing channels and just pick something?" Token asks irritably.
"What do you wanna watch, Polly Prissypants?" Cartman asks his doll.
"This is my room!" Token exclaims. "I'll take the remote from you!"
"Muh uh," Cartman says. "'Cause I'll tell my mom on you when our parents get home."
"You're a guest here!" Token is visibly getting annoyed. "Your mom isn't in charge!"
"Naw uh," says Cartman.
Kylie scoffs. "Why not?"
"'Cause my house got burned down, so everyone has to feel bad for me," he says.
"Okay, I'm officially done with this. Eric, give Token the remote, and-" Suddenly, an alarm sounds, cutting Kylie off. Cartman puts his chips aside and gathers his toys close.
"What is that?" Cartman asks anxiously. "WHAT IS THAT?!"
"That's the alarm; someone's in the back yard," says Token.
"What?!" exclaims Cartman.
"Who would be out this time of night?" Kylie asks.
"I don't know," Token says.
"I thought I was safe here!" Cartman begins to leave the room. "Stay there guys, I'll be right back!" he says to his stuffed animals. Token and Kylie look out the window. Cartman runs outside with a bat. "Who's there?!" exclaims Cartman. He notices Token coming out behind him. "Lock that door behind you, Token." He then shouts at whomever might be there. "Black people live here!" Some flood lights come on, and Kyle's shadow runs by. Cartman notices it, and gives chase then tackles Kyle. "Aha! I knew it was you, Kyle!"
"...Kyle?" Kylie walks outside. "No, it wouldn't be Kyle. He's not that evil! ...Or is he?"
"It's not me!" Kyle exclaims. "I'm here to help you, fatass!"
Stan walks out from behind a garage. "Stop it, Cartman! It's true!" he says. "We came to keep an eye out. Stephen Tamil said he had something big planned."
"...Stephen Tamil? The fifth grader?" Cartman looks around. "Oh shit!" He drops the bat and runs back inside. "I told you to lock that door, Token!" He runs up to Token's room and searches for his stuffed toys. He sees the other five walk into the room. "Nononono!" Cartman grabs Kenny by the throat and shakes him. "Where are they Kenny?!"
Kenny slaps Cartman's hand off his neck. "I don't really know!" he says.
"HAAAAGH!" Cartman runs out and closes the door, then locks it and runs off.
"Hey!" Stan yells after Cartman. "Cartman, what the hell are you doing?!" Cartman returnsand opens the door. "I don't trust any of you assholes!" He leaves once more, and calls out to his dolls. "Where are you sons of bitches?!"
After the fifth graders making signs and marching to Red Robing, the fifth graders walk up to Butters, Jon, and Jimmy and stand alongside them.
"Hey," Butters says. "What are you fifth graders doing?"
"We are the 83%! We are tired of being punished for the fourth grade class!" Stephen Tamil exclaims. "The fourth grade is stickin' it to the other 83% of the school!"
"Now hold on a second, fellas," Jimmy says. "If you're the 83%, then our class is only 17%."
"Yeah, how can the 17% be sticking it to the 83%?" Jon asks.
"Because your class had Cartman in it, and he's the 1%!"
"But if he's 1% of 17%," Jimmy explains. "Then he's .17%."
"This is it," says a reporter. "The inevitable has happened at Occupy Red Robin. It is full-on class warfare."
"And now class warfare is breaking out," a female reporter says. "Apparently it is the fourth grade class versus the fifth grade class."
Sgt. Yates and the other men are roused by the commotion. "It's here!" Sgt. Yates exclaims. "The class warfare is finally here!"
Cartman walks into the darkened kitchen. "Hello?" Lightning crackles outside and floods the kitchen in light for a moment. "Whoever you are, just give them back! Haven't you done enough to me?!" He sees a boiling crock pot, walks up to it and removes the lid. Inside he sees Muscleman Marc. "Muscleman Marc! AAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAA!" More lightning crackles as Cartman runs out of the kitchen. Cartman walks into the living room, still looking for the two remaining dolls. "Polly Prissypants! Rumpertumskin!" Cartman walks towards the fireplace. Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Kylie, and Token watch the scene from upstairs. "Jesus Christ!" Over the fireplace Cartman sees Rumpertumskin drawn up by four chains and a bomb wrapped around his neck.
"Oh my God!" Stan exclaims.
"...Where did they get a bomb?!"
"Eric!" yells Rumpertumpskin. "Don't come any closer!"
"Who did this to you?!" Cartman exclaims.
"You said you wouldn't let anything happen to us," says Rumpertumpskin.
"Don't worry," Cartman says. "I'll get you down!" Cartman walks forward and trips a wire that sets off the bomb, decapitating Rumpertumskin. "AAAAHAA! AAHAAAA!" Cartman begins to cry. "Rumpertumskin! RUMPER...Rumpertumskin... WHY?! Why did you do this?"
"It's okay, Eric," Polly Prissypants says. "It's over now." The kids see Cartman actually doing her voice. Cartman expresses shock, then turns around. Polly Prissypants is seated on an armchair with a loaded gun resting against her.
"Polly... Polly Prissypants... You did this?" Cartman asks.
"Don't you see? The kids at school were right, Eric," Polly Prissypants says. "It was time for us to grow up."
Cartman is silent for a few seconds. "...You got rid of Clyde Frog... You burned Peter Panda!"
"Yes, they're gone," Polly Prissypants says. "And now we can grow up and be together."
"They were your FRIENDS!" Cartman exclaims.
"They were holding us back!" Polly Prissypants says. "All the kids making fun of you at school, saying you're not keewl! Your stuffed animals all have to be gotten rid of, don't you see?!"
At the front door, The Blacks and Liane have returned, but Mr. Black can't open the door.
"Dead-bolted," says Mr. Black. "Token!" He knocks twice, then heads for the window. "Token, you in there?!" The three adults look in the house through a window.
"Polly Prissypants, when people find out we did all this, we're gonna get in total trouble!" Cartman says.
"No, I thought of everything! It all happened here so that everyone would think Token did it," Polly Prissypants explains. "All the blame will be on him. And we can live happily ever after."
"There's one problem," Cartman says. He walks up to the doll, takes the gun and walks back to where he was. "You say I have to grow up, to get rid of all my dolls. You forget one crucial thing, Polly Prissypants. You're a doll too!"
Polly Prissypants gasps. "Oh no! You're totally right! But I thought my plan was perfect! I failed! I failed you! You have to kill me Eric! So that you don't get blamed!"
"Noho! I've lost every stuffed animal; I won't lose you too!"
"It's the only way Eric. You have to do it. Please!" Polly Prissypants pleads. " can't live with myself after what I've done. Please, you have to do it Eric."
Cartman sobs for almost a minute, then aims the gun at Polly Prissypants. "Goodbye, Polly Prissypants. I love you."
"Say "hello" to the sunrise for me." Cartman cries and looks away as he starts firing at her. The first shot is straight through the forehead. He fires twice more as the five kids watch from the second floor, and three more as the Blacks and Ms. Cartman watch from outside. Polly Prissypants has four shots through the head and two more that took out chunks of her cheeks. Cartman cries, having lost the last of his stuffed dolls.
"Dude, what the hell?" Stan asks.
"We told him to grow up," Kyle says. "So he got rid of his stuffed animals."
Kylie looks at Cartman, jaw-dropped. A look of anger then forms on her face as she shouts, "GODDAMMIT! HE SET OUR HOUSE ON FIRE!"
In the Red Robin parking lot, a worker sweeps up all the debris from the Occupy Red Robin movement. "Occupy Red Robin is over," says a reporter. "Class warfare has torn apart the 99% and replaced it with the 30%, the 26%, and even little brackets of 5% here and there. What does this mean for our country? What does this mean... for me?"
"Hey! Get down to State Street!" exclaims an officer. "They're occupying Macaroni Grill!"
"Oh hell yeah!" The reporter says. "I'll occupy me some goat-cheese peppadew peppers!" He runs off.
AN: You know, I really like Macaroni Grill. I went there twice. Sorry this one's delayed, I put it off for pretty much no reason, other than plain laziness (and repairing my N64). So...I guess throw some reviews my way, and feel free to request episodes and stuff...EHH...Bye for now, I guess.