AN:/ Yes, this is a bit of a filler chapter and it has no Anthony but it sets the scene for the next chapter.
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Chapter 54 - Plotting, planning, possibly some scheming
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December 30th-
BP: actually not too bad this evening.
Naps: 4, slightly above average, as little Tony is very good influence.
Cookies: 5, Tony very bad influence.
Current weight: 129lbs, the amount of weight I've put on the last few weeks is scary.
Gestation: 20 weeks
Moody, irritable, weepy - Check! Check! Check!
Frequent urination - Check!
Lower back pain - Check!
Swollen hands – Check! What's up with that? I was aware that my calves at some stage would like sausages, but my fingers?!
Doc has had me pee in a cup for the last two mornings, but the tests have come back clear of protein.
-End of message-
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"We'll have to go to Seattle, it's the only way."
Bella wasn't too surprised when Edward gave her a look and responded with a resounding, "No," and "I'm not going to budge on this!"
It wasn't the first time the subject had been up for discussion, nor would it be the last. Friday was rapidly approaching and she was still on bed rest.
"It's the only way." A quick glance at her watch told her that the countdown was down to 26 hours.
"It's a three hour drive. You're not subjecting yourself to that."
"It's a car ride not a marathon race. I'll be sitting down. Heck, I can even lie down and take a nap in the in the back seat if that makes you feel better."
"It's not just the drive. Seriously...it's not a tea party you're wishing to attend. It's not going to be a nice and polite little chit chat session. You think you'll have full cooperation from all the involved parties? Think again."
"I know that. I also know that she'll feel less threatened if there's another female present."
"Call that Franklin character from the SPD, ask him to send a female officer to accompany Clearwater. Or wait for one of your FBI colleges to get here."
"We just didn't have enough time to bring someone new in."
"You're not going. We've already talked about this. Dad, you're her doctor, you tell her!"
Dr. Cullen put down the paper he was reading and raised his eyebrows as well as his hands in a 'don't-drag-me-into-this' gesture. "She's a grown woman, Edward. I can only advise her to avoid putting herself in potentially stressful situations. The rest is her decision."
"Gee, thanks for the support, dad," Edward huffed. "You don't think she should do this anymore than I do."
"If you're asking for my personal opinion, then the answer is yes, I agree with you. It sounds like the next couple of days will be all kinds of nerve-wracking and I would prefer having Isabella in this house, where I can keep an eye on her."
"I honestly don't think there is any avoiding the nerve-wracking part, though," Bella objected. "I mean, even if I were to stay in bed the entire time, I'd still be biting my nails, pulling my hair and going stir crazy waiting for updates. How is that any less stressful?"
"You're right. It's a different kind of stress, but stress non the less. For the record, we will all be here biting our nails waiting for updates," Carlisle gave her a hint of a smile, before going back to the paper that was sitting on the table. "The difference is that if you choose to stay here you'll have access to on-site medical attention 24/7, if needed."
"For me that's a no-brainer," Edward decided. "We're not going. I've already told you, that I want Clearwater to handle everything from here on."
"Don't you have things you want to say to her?" Bella asked in genuine bewilderment. "Questions you want to ask in person? You might not get another chance like this again."
"Yeah, of course I do, but it's not THAT important, not anymore," he waved it off as if it literally meant nothing. "I know you don't see it now, but if you were to take a step back and really assess the situation… I'm content with not knowing every single detail and more than happy to leave it at that for the time being. "
Bella wanted to accuse him procrastinating. She wanted to tell him that he was a coward, but she couldn't say that to him. People do not repress memories for no reason. He was right to be a bit cautious.
He was also right in questioning her reasoning and priorities. There really wasn't any excuse she could use that would justify putting their unborn child's health at risk like this.
Funny how not that long ago Bella had been the one berating Edward for having fucked up priorities. Now the roles were reversed and Edward along with everyone else, was thinking that she was completely out of her mind for even considering going against her doctor's advice. Her vitals had were okay though, and Carlisle was only advising her against going, he wasn't flat out telling her not to go.
Strangely enough, it was Seth's words that finally made her come to her senses.
"Forget it, Swan!" he said with a dismissive click of the tongue. "You're too closely involved in all this. It's not about Cullen anymore. This woman is a potential witness in something much bigger than our little investigation."
"I know that. I'm sure the rest of what she's done will catch up with her in time, but…"
"No buts. I don't want internal affairs hounding my ass again because you keep blurring the line between your personal and professional life. You're letting Cullen me-…"
"Forget Edward! It's not really about him anymore. It's about the child she had in her care; the two year old she neglected and abandoned, period." She was getting worked up, now, so she took a deep breath and calmed herself down. It didn't really help. "I want to see this through, I need to see this trough. I can crack this. I can get her to talk. I'll hound her until she breaks."
"Right and when you're done with her she will have confessed every ill dead she's ever done," Seth snorted. "Time for a reality check here, Swan; the only way you'll be breaking or cracking anything is if you sat on it by accident."
"Hey! Just because my shoulder is a bit messed up doesn't mean I can't bring my A game to the table."
"I'm telling you this as a friend, alright. Chances are pretty good that she'll sing like a canary, but there is also a possibility that we could be looking at hours and hours of interrogations and negotiations. Quite frankly, I think you lack the mental strength to handle that sort of pressure right now."
"You think I'm weak just because I'm pregnant. If anything, I'm stronger and more determined than ever."
"Sure you are, mama Swan, but you're also emotional due to hormonal changes and therefore somewhat unstable and vulnerable."
"Vulnerable my ass! Me being pregnant doesn't change anything," she told him crossly. She realized as she said it, that it wasn't true, though. Things had changed a lot in just a few months. Her frequent need for bathroom breaks were going to be a bit of a problem, for example. Also she didn't really have any appropriate clothes to wear. Not that a big issue perhaps, but a good power suit was like an armor that made her unapproachable and gave her confidence to succeed in professional settings.
"Call me sexist and old-fashioned, but I think you should sit this one out. You think you can act all tough and put on a no-nonsense, badass talking front, but you won't be fooling anyone. You know why? It's kind of hard to take anything you say seriously when you're constantly rubbing your stomach and smiling like a lunatic all the time. You're not even aware you're doing it, are you?! "
"Shut up!" she growled, but then sighed, because he was right. She caught herself touching her stomach a lot lately. Something about keeping her hands there was oddly comforting.
"You know I'm right. You know you can't afford the get accused of compromising the integrity of any ongoing investigations right now."
"Fine, tell Edward he wins. I'll stay here, but I want a video link set up. You hear me! Wait! Make that a two-way video link."
"That's quite a tough demand," Seth chortled. "I'll see what I can do."
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- Happy now?—B
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- Overjoyed… I'm gonna go with a no on Chelleigh. Why? I really hate names with spelling altered for the heck of it. I want a normal name, but nothing too blah. –E
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- I like gender neutral names for girls for some reason... Jessie, Riley, Alex …but not too manly -B
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-We're not naming our kid after Jessie, the slut Stanley. No way in hell! - E
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-What about another T name? Yes, I know his name is Anthony, but Tony and Taylor has a nice ring to it. Don't you think?—B
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"So, how did it go yesterday?" Alice probed, as she ran the brush through Bella's hair newly washed hair.
"Charlie, Mark, Waylon , Steve, Shelly and Jessie are no longer in the running," Bella deadpanned, knowing fully well that that wasn't what she was fishing for. "I'm still waiting to hear back on Taylor."
Bella knew it was no coincidence that both Alice and Esme were assisting her with her morning toilette. Everyone in the house seemed to sense the tension and these two wasted no time swooping in, offering their services. They were perhaps more interested in finding out what was going on on a personal level than anything else. As always they were oh-so sneaky with all their seemingly pointless small-talk, distracting with idle chatter and then going for the kill. Bella found herself answering way more questions and sharing way more details than she had ever meant to. Seth was right, she was not on top of her game.
"It's good that you've started talking names dear, but you were alone for more than three hours, surely you must have found time to talk about other things as well?" Esme inquired, tucking the last edge of the sheet in around the mattress. "And I don't mean the drama that surrounds how Anthony came about, because God knows we've heard enough about that."
"Nope," Bella sighed. "Apart from names, all our private conversations lately seem to have been about topics like poop, pee and diarrhea or a mix of all of them."
"Edward need to start working on getting Tony potty trained because double diaper duty is NO picnic," Esme said, fluffing the pillows. "Have you decided what you're going to do about your living arrangements? You need to start preparing a nursery soon. "
"I was thinking of turning my quest room into the baby's room," Bella caught herself answering without
thinking it through fully. "I've decided to wait though. I feel funny about starting on it too early," she hurried to add, before Alice would get any ideas. "I'm a little superstitious, I guess."
"There is nothing wrong with waiting until the baby is actually born. Or you could start slow by only getting a few key items, like a crib and a changing table," Esme suggested, as she lifted blanket, indicating to Bella that the bed was ready for her. "Perhaps this is something you can ask Edward to help you with. It will make him feel useful and involved."
"What about Tony?" Alice asked, putting the finishing touches to the braid behind Bella's ear. "Are your apartment big enough for him too? You are planning on adopting him, aren't you? Once you're married, I mean."
"Alice! You can't say stuff like that," Bella groaned and looked at Esme for help, but the older woman looked a little taken aback.
"Did I miss something? Like a proposal, or… something?"
"No!" Bella groaned. "I know you you're confident in your abilities and your visions, Alice, but you're getting way ahead of yourself! Your brother is barely speaking with me at the moment."
"You know it's the right thing to do. Wise up and give the kids the same last name. You could be raising them as siblings, with equal rights and opportunities."
"Don't let Edward catch you talking like that!"
"What am I not supposed to catch?!"
Speak of the devil!
Bella turned to see Edward's tall presence looming in the doorway. Of course he would show up just when she least wanted to see him.
"We we're just discussing baby names," the lie slipped so effortlessly through her lips. After all, she was used to it. "Alice still insists it's a girl. I was telling her to tone it down a bit."
He scanned her face for a millisecond, then he huffed, "That's not what I heard. She was talking about wising up and doing the right thing."
"She was talking about marriage and adoption and giving the kids the same last name and raising them as siblings," she looked up into his eyes with a weak smile. "I told her she was getting way ahead of herself and not to let you catch her talking like that."
Several expressions crossed his face in rapid succession, before fixing on annoyance. "My name isn't even on his birth certificate yet. I only have temporary custody and you expect me to… to…."
" Let's get through this day first," Esme squeezed his shoulders. "Then we can talk about what your next step should be."
Just then Jasper popped his head in the door. "There you are! Everything has been set up. Clearwater will kick off the live feed in two hours."
"Thank you Jasper. I'll be out in a little bit."
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(Yet another diary entry from Angela… This will be the last one I think)
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Alrighty - here we go again... I thought I would get my writing cap on and give you an update.
My brother wasn't much amused to find himself an uncle. He didn't believe me at first, not until I showed him pictures of a disgruntled-looking baby boy, photographed like literally six seconds after being squeezed out of my lady parts.
I thought things would be okay between us if he just apologized (for leaving me to fend for myself), but nope, he blew his chances to get in my good grace again when the first thing he asked was if I was off my meds.
I'd like to send a big "fuck you" to my mom for having everyone, including my own brother, thinking I'm some psychotic maniac. Fuck you, mom, and thank you for the pills that have made my life such a rich experience. That's sarcasm, if you could see me I'd have a sneer or some such on my face.
James said I should have had an abortion. He also said he is glad he is a gay man, with no plans of ever letting his sperm fertilize anything, because the abnormally high amount of crazy in our family gene pool is all sorts of scary. He then flat out refused to give me any money unless I either: A). put the kid up for adoption or B.) get the baby daddy involved A.S.A.P.
I guess brother dearest doesn't trust me to handle a baby…. He was certainly right about one thing, I will never be the motherly type, but as for the rest… jeez doesn't he know me at all?!
He made it sound like I have no plan and direction, that I'm a slacker popping out kids that I cant take care of. He even had the nerve to insinuate that I didn't know who got me knocked up. Hello! I'm an uber-planner – of COURSE I know who the father is! Of course I have a plan; a brilliant plan, a plan that I've had in the works ever since I was sixteen and met my Eddie for the first time.
Okay, so I admit getting pregnant was never part of my plan. I'm not too fond of kids and James isn't kidding about our gene pool, so that sort of threw me for a loop. I didn't think it could happen. I was getting depo shots every three months and besides, although there was certainly both penetration and pleasure had, it didn't end with an actual ejaculation, so color me surprised when my boobs got sore and I started gaining weight like crazy for no apparent reason.
Fun conversation to have with your brother…. not…
I also didn't enjoy telling James the part about how I messed up and got caught with a stolen key card attached to a lanyard around my neck. I worked so hard and waited so long to get my guy and then I was forced to see it all fall to pieces because of something as trivial as a stolen key card. Instead of enjoying some well earned post coital bliss, I ended up getting escorted off the premises by an off duty police officer. Why the copper got involved I'll never know, but he had my mom come and bail me out. Prayer circles and cleansing ceremonies followed, curtsey of my new daddy. I was on lock down for a week and a half. Of course, by the time I was finally allowed my freedom back my Eddie had already left town.
I DO have a plan; a simple one…
James wants revenge, he wants to take back what he has lost. I'm not like that. I don't care about my reputation, or getting back at those who have mistreated me. I just want my Eddie. I let the love of my life slip through my fingers once. I'm not going to settle until I have him back, until I've made him mine forever.
Simple as simple can be.
I just need wee bit of cash to make it all happen. That's why I've made a deal with my stupid traitor of a brother.
He thinks I'm too psychotic, or neurotic, or whatever to be trusted with money, but he isn't going to risk me exposing what a sick, twisted individual he really is.
Yeah… see… I knew he didn't come seek me out just to check on me. He wants reassurance that I'll continue to keep my mouth shut about what happened that summer I came to NY to live with him.
I know there is something fishy going on there. I'm not stupid. I know he's a convicted criminal. I've been approached numerous times by Feds asking questions about him. I know he got away with far less prison time than they were hoping for and that he has continued on his path of less than legal activities. Activities I know nothing about… I might have witnessed some rather disturbing sexual situations involving big men and little boys, but I don't think that's what have the Feds or my brother in a tizzy.
They put me on the stand, had me testify against my own brother, but I never given them anything substantial to work with, mainly because this was during that period of time when I was drugged out of my mind and couldn't really put words to what exactly I knew and what I'd seen. Also, I've always figured it would come in handy someday to have some leverage on my brother.
What do you know… I guess that 'someday' came quicker then excepted.
So back to our deal… James doesn't trust me with money because he thinks I'm mentally unstable, or whatever, but he has agreed to make monthly deposits to my good ol' trusted friend, and current roommate, Maria. The money will cover stuff like rent, groceries, utilities and medical bills for me and the little guy. In return I won't breathe another word about my brother to anyone… ever again. It will be as if he truly is dead to me (Not a problem. I can live with that!).
Also, to make things a little more interesting, there is a hefty sum of money waiting for me, if I put the kid up for adoption and get myself checked into to a mental health facility (Ha! Like that's ever going to happen), or if I get back on a medication regimen again and convince baby daddy to give both me and the kiddo his last name (obviously this is the one I'm going for).
James is giving me a one year deadline. The joke is on him, though. He has yet to realize that my baby daddy is more of a treat to him than I ever was.
I'm not stupid. I've not mentioned Eddie by name. I've not shown James any recent photos of my baby, who looks more like his daddy for every day that passes. He's never going to make the connection on his own. I still got my leverage. Lets just say that the kid is my insurance in more way than one.
So, anyway, I guess with this new deadline and with my finances settled, or sort of, anyway, there is no excuse for dragging my feet… I'm off to New York to snatch up the love of my life. If I don't get to write in you again, diary, uh… if this goes bad… oh hell, who am I kidding, it will work out fabulous… How could it not? I've got his kid after all…
Love always,
Angela Cullen
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