At everyone's favorite Devil Hunter's office...
Dante and the gang, with the help of my brother, Lance, were taking down demons left and right. Lady was using her guns to their fullest potential with incredible skill, wiping out any demon coming near her with style while being sexy at the same time. Trish was also being pretty stylish with her guns and lightning, although she wasn't using the Sparda sword, which she somehow misplaced, I wonder why.
Back at Yokai...
"This... Is... SPARDA!" I said, slamming the massive blade down another monster bastard who was trying to fight us for Moka and the other girls.
Back to DMC...
Nero was swinging his sword and bashing people with his arm, same as always, no style or skill, just straight up hacking and slashing. Dante was easily maneuvering around the demons and beating them down with style and precision, better than most would think from the red-coated Devil hunter. Lance, meanwhile, was literally dancing around the demons and attacking them to the rhythm of "Glad you came". Once they were all finished, a pigeon flew down to Dante and landed on his shoulder, holding a letter in its mouth.
"Well, I guess Sai's finally checking in. 'Bout time, I thought he was dead." Dante said, opening the envelope it was in.
"Let me see that!" Lady said, reaching for it.
"Ah, ah, ah. I'll read it for everyone. No one gets special treatment." Dante said, sitting at his desk, unfolding the letter and reading it. "Ahem." He cleared his throat.
"Dear con-artist friends,
It's me, finally checking in because the damn bus wouldn't come for a month, so I had to wait it out. I have good news, bad news and worse news." Dante began.
"If someone did something to him, I am gonna kill them!" Lady growled, looking at Kalina Ann on her back.
"Good news: This school is made for teaching monsters to coexist with humans, although it's more like 'blending in' with them instead of coexisting. Bad news: I don't know why, but all the girls are throwing themselves at me. Don't worry, Lady, I'm staying faithful and keeping my hands to myself. Worse news: The girls throwing themselves at me are fricking insane and almost all the guys are trying to fight me for them." Dante continued.
"Well, sounds like he's getting a workout. And hopefully his ass kicked"Nero smirked.
"Say that again, I'll rip your lungs out through your chest." Lance warned.
"I've made a few friends here, however. I suppose I can call them friends, anyway. An overly-cheery vampire named Moka who goes from Twilight vampire one minute to badass vampire bitch who could kick Nero's ass effortlessly once her Rosary is taken off, but unfortunately makes about as many friendship speeches at Tea Gardener. Next, a blue-haired succubus, Kurumu, who must've been blonde before, a little witch girl, Yukari, another vampire named Damion, who is equally as badass as me and easily the least annoying out of our group. And lastly, a bitchy, whiny human named Tsukune who freaks out about everything."
"I do not know what this Tsukune is, but it sounds disappointing." Lance said.
"Damion and I have been trying to teach him how to fight and defend himself a little..."
Back at Yokai...
"Okay, Tsukune, all badasses must have a theme song and fight to the music." I said.
"Yeah, for instance, mine is Monster by Skillet." Damion said.
"And mine is Inside the Fire by Disturbed." I told him.
"Okay, how about Roar by Katie Perry for me?" Tsukune asked.
"No, that song is too awesome for you to have." I said.
"Anyway, what did you mean when you said fight to the music?" He asked.
"Well, that just means you fight like how it says in the song or hit someone at the big moments of the song. Like this." I said, playing The Remedy by Seether.
I locked both fists together and smashed him in the side of the head, sending him sailing in the direction I hit him when they sang "frail", appeared in front of him and slammed my fist into his stomach when they said "pale", then ran towards the school and slammed him into a wall when they said "fail". Kicked him off of the wall when they said "clip", then threw an uppercut, launching him skyward when they said "high", chased him into the air, then flew down and smashed him into the ground when they said "lie".
"And that's all there is to it." I said.
He was barely conscious, but managed to pick himself off the ground. "Okay, what's the next lesson?" He asked.
"Even easier, I found you a sparring partner." I said, pulling out a Pokeball and releasing Rampardos. "This is where you run away before he charges you." I said.
"Wait, what?! AAAH!" He screamed and started running as Rampardos started dragging its foot, then building up speed to chase him...
"But it's not working. Anyway, I guess I'll be staying at least until the end of this school year to protect the little nerd (They don't allow humans at the school and if they find out he's a human, they'll kill him), or else I know you guys would kick my ass for it. Lady, I love you and miss you, baby and can't wait to see you. Dante, say hi to my brother and punch Nero in the face for me. And Nero, if you're there, I'm only kidding and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I even miss you, too, man. Follow me on Twitter TheFireFuckr
Sincerely, Sai Blade." Dante finished.
"Well, he actually does care about us." Nero said surprised (obviously, he hasn't figured out I stole the Blue Rose yet).
"Can't wait to see him again. Those bitches better keep their hands off him, though." Lady said, grabbing Kalina Ann.
"Lady, relax. He may be a perv sometimes, but unless they hypnotize him or something, he's gonna stay faithful to you. You know that. He's too afraid of you to cheat on you." Trish said, teasingly, putting her arm around Lady's shoulders.
Back at Yokai...
"Get the hell off of me, Kurumu!" I said, struggling as she was smothering me in her boobs, trying to escape before I passed out from oxygen deprivation. "Kaioken!"