HEY GUYS, WHILE READING THIS STORY, LISTEN TO LINKIN PARK'S SONG VALENTINES DAY. IT LINKS IN WITH THE STORY. THANKS BY VICTORIA ABOUT THE SIXTH MONTH ADDITION.

I remembered what happened that day so clearly as if it was happening right in front of me...it might as well be happening again because it didn't feel real….it felt fake like it was a nightmare. A nightmare that I couldn't wake up from.

During this time...this nightmare, I always felt like I was floating...almost like it was an out of body experience and I was just a spectator watching through a window as someone that looked just like me was experiencing this nightmare. I almost wished it was happening to someone else, anyone else but it wasn't possible because that person that was experiencing this night was in fact myself. It was happening to me at this very moment and there was nothing I could do to stop if from happening, I couldn't turn back time and wish it away no matter how much I prayed it wasn't going to go away. It was never going to go away and that is something I had to live with for the rest of my life. So with all the strength that I could muster at that moment, I straightened my spine and made a promise to him that I would try to be strong…even though he wasn't physically here anymore; it still felt like he was standing next to me…

I looked at all the people who was attending his funeral and snorted to myself quietly, so that they wouldn't look at me, and silently judged the the people who were attending his funeral. These fake people throwing roses at him, silently crying, mourning his death made me so angry because they had no right to be here...they had no right looking sad and pitiful because they didn't know him…didn't love him…hell they all thought he was going to kill them in their sleep. But I guess they all came in respect, for what he did….I couldn't see the commander in the crowd gathered around but that didn't mean he wasn't here. I could still sense that he was nearby which was fine, at least he was here I suppose but at this point I didn't really care anymore…my reason to care just died and it was all my fault…

My fault…the knowledge that I killed him…hit me like a ton of bricks to my already dead heart, but I couldn't let these people see….couldn't let them have more to gossip about than they already have…It was a difficult feat to do when all I wanted to do was scream and cry but I had to breath deep to keep some stability, it was a lost cause the moment those fake people started to talk to me. I knew it was too late to regain some sanity the moment they opened their mouth because I couldn't identify who was actually talking to me, I couldn't see them nor hear them. The gravity of what happened and where I was, was all to real and I all I really wanted to do at that time was walk up to his grave and cry.

When the crowd of people finally started to leave and I was finally left alone, I finally got the courage to walk up to his grave and just stood there completely motionless waiting for something to happen...for anything to happen to tell me that this wasn't real. That he would jump out of the shadows and surprise me like he always does, that he would say it was just a harsh prank...but the way my heart was breaking I knew it was real that he wouldn't ever jump out of the shadows and surprise me, that he wouldn't come and comfort me anymore...No...I couldn't understand why this was happening...why they had to take him away from me.

I couldn't breath with the knowledge that that he was gone, forever.

I could feel myself breaking down little by little. I couldn't take it anymore...the hurt I feel every time I think about him, my soulmate, my heart, my Valek was gone. It felt like I could hardly breath and all I could give was small little gasps of breath in the cold air as I clutched my heart and collapsed on the ground in front of his headstone and screamed until my throat was raw. Because the reality of knowing that I was never going to see him again…I never going to feel his warmth next to me….I was never going to see him or speak to him ever again was too much…and it just didn't feel real. My own recurring nightmare that was never going to end...

WEEKS LATER

Even though I knew that he was never coming back but I still couldn't help myself from wishing that he was still here and that he would just walk back into our suite, tired from the long day he had, complaining about how incompetent the new recruits were. I would just laugh and argue back that they were new, and he would just laugh back and whisper I'm sorry, love and kiss me…

But I knew that was never going to happen…and I guess in a way I sort of accepted it but there was still that nagging thought…that if I was such a powerful magician why couldn't I save him? Why couldn't I have just saved him from being murdered in front of me….what could I have done differently and the answer would always be the same….nothing….I didn't do anything…I couldn't do anything…there was nothing I could have done…and there was no way that I could bring him back….and it kept on playing with my mind and soul…that I couldn't do anything…

Every night I cried myself to sleep because I missed him so much….when it wasn't enough that I wasn't sleeping properly, I stopped eating and started to train every day to get my mind off of him…which was stupid because every time I trained, all I thought about was Valek and how he would tell me to keep straight and to concentrate harder and to keep my balance every time I made a mistake…and it made me cry so hard when it happened because I missed him so much. I had lived for those small moments, with just the two of us doing something not life threatening.

I remember that one day where I was in the court yard practicing my bow that I felt more off than when I first started training all those years ago. At first I felt woozy but I played it off as me not eating and only drinking fluid but when I fell down on the ground with just swinging my bow around my body that I realized that something was a little off. Thank God that someone saw and took me to the doctor or else I wouldn't have found out so quickly or at all for that matter. I was so shocked to hear from the doctor that I couldn't believe it at first until I got back to the suite….I couldn't believe that I was pregnant…

I was pregnant!

The thought was thrilling but scary at the same time. Don't get me wrong I always thought about babies when Valek was still alive, always wondering if we had a baby would it look more like him or more like me...It was a dream that I wanted to become a reality but that dream died with Valek. If I couldn't have his baby then I didn't want anyone's baby but now that wasn't an option because I was in fact pregnant...pregnant with my hearts baby.

That same reality of knowning that I was pregnant was that I pregnant alone and I was scared…scared that I was going to let the same thing that happened to its father happen to it….him or her…I didn't know if it was a girl or a boy…but I hoped it was a boy...a son to carry on with Valek's linage.

Some days I would just sit outside or visit Kiki, because I got tired so easily these days and couldn't train which sucked…and during those days I always remembered my past…what it was like to be on my own…to not have to worry about other people, I was alone and I was semi happy….but when I met and had gotten to know Valek and the power twins, I realized what a lonely life I actually lived and I was happy that I didn't have to live like that anymore….

The power twins….they use to visit all the time, making sure I didn't do anything stupid and when they found out I was pregnant they all but moved into the suite At first I was angry, thinking that they were ruining the place where Valek and myself lived, putting things away, moving the books that always littered the floor but it wasn't until they explained what Valek told them, more like ordered them, to take care of me if anything were to happen to him.

I broke down when they told me that and hugged them like my life depending on it, when in reality it did. In the back of my mind it didn't occur to me that Valek probably planned this, if anything ever happened that at least I was safe and cared for when he wasn't here….and when it did occur to me, I realized that he probably did this so that if he did die later in life, I presume, then everything was sorted but I guess he didn't realize it would have happened so quickly.

I remember the time where I had to fight and protect myself from everyone and everything in this world because nobody would it for me...because there was no-one to help me until I met and fell in love with him…only then did I realize that I wasn't alone in this world anymore that I didn't have to protect myself alone anymore nor be on my own anymore because he was there. He kept on telling me that he wasn't going anywhere and that I don't have to be strong when I was around him…I remember him telling me that it was okay to let go and cry and that he wasn't going to judge me…because he loved me…

But now I was all alone again, with no-one to tell me that they loved me like Valek did…no-one who really knew me…no-one to tell me it was okay to cry….and I didn't know how to cope because my reason to be strong was gone…

Thump…thump…thump…

No I was wrong, I wasn't alone anymore…now I have a new reason to be strong….to be brave…to love again

And as the months flew by and my stomach grew bigger Janco and Ari had all but dubbed themselves as the baby's uncles and sworn guardians….I smirked when I thought about their antics…

"I'm going to be the best uncle there can be… ain't that right little Valek Junior." Janco said, tickling my bump, Ari knocked him over the head with his big meaty hand.

"Don't be ridiculous Janco," Ari said seriously to him and then bent down to talk to my baby "I'll be the best uncle to the little baby." He said smirking at Janco. After that comment they both gotten into an argument about who was going to be the best uncle.

Ari and Janco had gotten more missions after that argument, and on those missions they were both trying to convince each other who was the better uncle and every time they were back they kept on asking me who was the better uncle and I kept on replying that they both were. I remember the one time where they both kept on asking me who was the better uncle and I remember yelling at them….to me it was the most funniest thing to experience….to see their shocked faces and loss of words.

"Yelena!" I heard my name being called in the distance and by some force I knew it had to be the power twins, and they were both at it again.

"What is it?" I asked even though I knew what was going to be said…or rather asked.

"You have to decide now….who is the best uncle." They said in unison. I signed and thought about the answer so that they don't have to keep on asking.

"Well…" I started, but got interrupted by them exclaiming that it was them even though I never said anything.

"See I knew she would say I was the best." Exclaimed Janco, to which Ari shook his head at.

"No she didn't…she-"I tried to say something but was interrupted again before I could have even opened my mouth.

"Yes, she did."

"No she didn't."

"Yes!"

"No!"

It was like a Ping-Pong match between them and I just couldn't take it anymore…I couldn't take my brothers fighting about who was better.

"GUYS!" I shouted having enough of their fighting…and to my surprise they actually stopped.

"Seriously? I mean you guys are the power twins, you guys are like twins separated at birth….one isn't the great uncle without the other….I mean… God…you both are great uncles…so stop competing on who the better uncles is or so help me God…you both won't be considered uncles by the time I'm done with you." And with that I left, much to their shocked faces, I took it as a loss of words as they never remarked after my outburst and after that they stopped fighting…but that didn't mean they didn't stop taking missions… it just enforced them to take more.

After what felt like a year when in fact it was only 9 months of being pregnant, not that I was complaining, I finally gave birth to the most beautiful baby that I could lay my eyes on…I know I'm being modest seeing it is my baby…but he was beautiful, even with his little red screaming face.

But looking down at that moment, I knew that if anything came near my baby, dangerous or not… I would kill them…it didn't matter if they were friend or foe, I would kill them, I promised myself that I wouldn't let anything happen to him.

"So Yelena what are you going to name him?" I heard Janco and Ari ask. I looked thoughtfully down at my baby and replied.

"Asher" I said softly, kissing littler Asher's head.

"That's a beautiful name Yelena." They whispered in agreement. I thought to myself that Valek would have also liked the name.

It's okay love…I thought I heard his voice whispering to me while looking down at Asher, and I knew that where ever he was; that he was saying that it was okay to miss him…it was okay to grieve….and that it was okay live on, if not for myself then for the bundle of joy that we made. I knew that everything would be okay….not really okay, because his gone….but I knew he would have wanted me to do this…to raise our son and to protect him the way I couldn't protect Valek.

And I would, because he is now my reason for existence and I would protect him with everything I have...even if I have to die trying, I would protect him.