Chapter 56 – Everybody's business….
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"No, of course not Chief. I understand," Bella declared with appropriate sincerity, though what she was saying couldn't be further from the truth. She did not understand the need to dissect and pin point every inaccurate detail in everything she had said and reported back on her findings in Seattle.
FBI Chief Inspector Jenks wanted to know every aspect of what had transpired from start to finish and the phone conversation seemed to drag on forever.
"You know the standards and principles I expect my agents to promote, uphold and maintain."
"I know the importance of accurate case notes and thorough documentation. You won't find anything to complain about there."
She had emailed him a written report that was more detailed than anything work related she had ever written before.
"I'm not out to get you, agent Swan. In fact, I agree with you to some extent. Assumptions and presumptions can be deceiving when evaluating the degree of relevance in a case like this. However this doesn't change the fact that you should have informed us about your suspicions sooner."
"I wanted to make sure I had gathered all the essential facts before moving forward. It wasn't until I received the result from that second DNA test, that I had any hard evidence to support my theories."
"You should have gone through the proper channels with this whole situation."
"Chief, I did inform you beforehand where I was going and why I wanted to go there and you sanctioned it," she reminded him.
"I did, but when you asked for a personal leave of absence, you led me to believe you were making your way back in NY."
"You never asked where I was or what my plans were," she pointed out. "If you had asked, I would have informed you that I was helping a friend get through a custody evaluation. Now, if I would have carried on with that task during work time, or if I would have used federal resources, it would have been felony. I was simply trying to do the right thing."
"What about agent Clearwater? You don't consider him a federal resource? You had him fly up to Seattle twice, to help you with whatever it was that you were working on at the time."
This was the part Bella had been dreading. She didn't want Seth to get in any trouble over this. Stay factual and to the point, she reminded herself. No point in getting caught up in half- lies and unnecessary complicated explanations.
"I was on a personal leave. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that means I shouldn't be dealing with any official FBI business. There was always a possible connection to the Jamie T Wilson case and when new witnesses and new information emerged someone had to do the interviewing and the following up on leads. Hence, the need for Clearwater's presence."
"You forget one thing agent Swan. That was not your call to make. You should have reported back to office and let the agent in charge of the Wilson case have a say in the matter."
"Yes, and that is what we did, as soon as we had solid proof of a connection. Look, my actions, right or wrong, brought you a new lead in an otherwise stale investigation." She hated the way her voice wavered, giving away her nerves. "Clearwater presented you Maria Nahuel on a silver plate. Isn't that enough? What else do you want from me?"
"How about some work ethics… How about some honesty? I can't praise or approve a person, action, or accomplishment that doesn't follow our rule of conduct."
"I never asked you t-….
"It has come to my knowledge that Edward Cullen is the father of your unborn child."
The question was abrupt, but not entirely out of the blue…She felt she should have known something like this was bound to surface. It was expected that Jenks would bring it up eventually, but this soon?
"Yes that's correct."
"That's one unfortunate detail that can't be overlooked, considering the warning you were issued after your run in with Internal Affairs."
There it was, everyone knew an unreliable agent could greatly diminish the overall performance of any team.
"You're suspending me?"
"Yes."
Bottom line, he wanted her off his hands. It made sense, what use did Jenks have for a pregnant agent, anyway?!
"How long?"
"Until further notice. I'll have to ask you to hand in your gun and your badge. I'll make absolutely certain that there is no permanent damage to your repartition."
"How long?" she repeated.
"Well, that depends a bit on the outcome of all of this. I'm thinking three months should be long enough, but we'll have to see how it goes."
Unemployable – yay!
Renee would just love this.
Something told her Edward wouldn't mind terrible either.
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"How are you doing?"
"What?" Edward looked up and saw his father standing in front of him holding two glasses of something – whiskey by the look of it – in his hands. "I'm sorry. Did you say something? I…you know… just kinda…spaced out."
"I'm just checking up on you. We missed you at dinner."
"I'm fine," he said scoffing.
"Are you hungry? Your mother wanted me to tell you that there are sandwiches in the fridge for you. She's made your favorite; hot pastrami on seeded rye with spicy mustard."
"Aww, couldn't you've smuggled one up here for me?"
"I think she is hoping the promise of food will lure you out of hiding."
"Tell her I'm not in hiding. How can I be in hiding when everyone knows where I am?"
"Well, lets not argue semantics," Carlisle said and came around and sat on the edge of the desk in front of Edward. "Or your mother's logic. I don't think it matters whetheryou're seven or twenty-seven, if you miss a mealwithout a valid reason, you're either hiding, or sulking or both." He held one of the glasses toward Edward and grinned. "Also, I'll have you know, your mother specifically forbid me to bring you anything eatable."
"So you brought me the second best thing..." Edward raised an eyebrow, but accepted the glass and took a sip, enjoying the burn as it slid down his throat.
"Something like that. There should be enough calories in this whiskey tosustain us both until the breakfast tomorrow… or midnight at the very least…"
"Great, thanks dad." He raised the glass in a mocking toast. "Guess you're not planning on going in for work tonight? I thought you had the nightshift?"
"Nope. I mean, I was supposed to work a 24 hour shift, but I called in and had them clear my schedule for tomorrow. I took a personal day. After all this commotion, I really felt I could use some time off."
"You just got back from your vacation." He eyed Carlisle over the rim of his glass. "Then there was the snow...and then the roof accident… How many days away from the hospital can you take, before your staff starts planning a mutiny?"
"That's my headache, son. Don'tyou worry about that."
"I just hate to see everything crumble because of me and this whole mess I've created."
"This mess, as you call it, is hardly your fault. You shouldn't beat yourself up over something you had very little control over, especially seeing as you got something pretty awesome out of it."
"Tony, you mean?"
"Yes, Tony," he nodded. "Oh, this reminds me… Esme and I are planning on spending the day tomorrow with the ever-expanding horde of Cullen grandbabies."
Despite the foul mood that haunted him, Edward found himself smiling. "There are only two of them, that's hardly a horde."
"We were thinking we could take them to the frozen pond after lunch, unless you have other plans that is."
"No, you go ahead. I won't be good company for him right now anyway. "
"Great! Well, not great that you're in a bad place obviously, but great that we can borrow the kid. You'll have him back before night time, good as new, I promise."
Edward rolled his eyes and took another sip of the amber-colored liquid. "Don't touch my pastrami sandwiches and make sure you leave the whiskey where I can find it."
"Listen son," Carlislesaid while clapping a hand on Edward's shoulder. "I'm here if you need someone to talk to,but if you're not up for it, or if you feel it's too personal, that's okay too."
Edward nodded, but said nothing.
"I'll leave you alone, if that's what you want. I should warn you though; miss another meal and your mother will come and grab you by the ear and drag you to the table. And also, Jasper has done a heroic job keeping Alice out of your hair all afternoon, but we both know nothing can keep Alice from getting where she wants to be."
Edward caught himself snorting at that. There was probably a lot of truth to that. Jasper was good, but he was only human.
"You're laughing, but I'm serious," Carlisle said in a warning tone. "Esme and Alice both want a word with you and then there is Isabella…You really should talk to her before she has a complete breakdown. Have you stopped to consider what this is doing to her?"
"What do you mean? Is she feeling unwell or something?" He felt winded all of a sudden. Like someone had just punched him in the gut. He knew there was something he had forgotten in his stupor of self-pity and self-loathing. He should have checked on her, should have thought to make sure she was fine.
"I'm sorry. That didn't come out right," Carlisle took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Isabella is doing alright, all things considered. One would think she'd be tired from all the drama today, I know I certainly am, but nope, she's been hard at work; taking phone calls and typing away on her laptop all afternoon. As you know, her blood pressure is still a bit high at times, butall her other stats are good."
"Okay, so why did you bring her up then? You were obviously trying to tell me something?"
"I just meant that she too, is worried about you and will come all the way up here looking for you, if you don't show your face downstairs soon."
"Right… She's left me several text messages already." He finished his sentence with a sigh and looked down to the ground. "I thought it was because she wants to talk about this Maria character, which is a conversation I'd prefer to skip all together, but I guess it could be that she is a bit worried too."
"Of course she is worried about you and how you're dealing withall of this. We all are. We feel your pain; we know this has been abit much to take in at once."
"A bit much… You can say that again…" Edward groaned, rubbing his face with his hand. "Is it messed up that I don't want to know the nitty, gritty, gruesome details? That I don't want to rehash the past? I know when it happened. I know where it happened. I know who she was. That's plenty enough details for me. I realize Anthony might want to know more about his mother one day, but for now I just want to forget the whole thing ever happened."
"Forgetting is harder than you'd expect. Don't let this fester and become a larger issue than it need to be. That's not the answer. "
"I know. Everyone is telling me I need to get my shit together. That Anthony needs me. That Bella needs me. That I need to act now, or I'll lose my chance to have a solid relationship and a real family with her. But what if I can't get my shit together?"
"That's what talking and venting and processing are for Edward. If you keep something like this bottled upinside of you, it will eat at you until there's nothing left."
"Ok great, so I should find myself a shrink ASAP? Is that what you're saying?"
"I think therapy would do you good, yes, but that's up to you. I think you need to find a way to speak with Isabella about all of this. Communication is the key to any healthy relationship. If you can't talk to her directly then yes, I think you might benefit from speaking to a psychotherapist; someone that can help you deal with your emotions and adjust to the changes in your life."
"You have answers for everything, don't you?" Edward closed his eyes, suddenly feeling worn to the bone. "Do you know why I chose this room?"
"Chose this room for what? To hide in?"
"I'm not hiding," he said through gritted teeth. "Tell my why you think I chose this room?"
"Because that door over there is the only door in this entire house that your brother can't lift off its hinges."
Edward shook his head. "I didn't lock the door and besides it's your office. You have the key, you don't need Emmett to through that door. Try another guess."
"I don't know… I'm sure it wasn't the ambiance or the comfort that brought you here. Privacy, maybe?"
"No, not the privacy. It was the view. I'm here for the view."
"The view? It's pretty dark outside. All I see if I look out the window is the pile of bricks and debris where your mothers beautiful pool house once stood."
"Exactly, that pile of bricks and debris is the only thing that's keeping me together right now. It's a reminder how lucky I am to be alive and how close I came to losing it all."
He emptied his glass in one swift move.
"Speaking of losing it all…. How much time do I have?"
"What do you mean?"
"How much longer can you keep Bella in this house?"
"Oh," his father said as the understanding dawned on him. "She has already progressed from strict bed rest to modified bed rest in just a matter of few days. If no new complications occur, I'd say I might be able to convince her to rest and take it easy for another week, ten days tops. She has that appointment for the fetal echocardiogram on Thursday, but after that…"
"Yeah, I know." Edward looked down into his mug, swirling the whiskey around before taking another sip. "If she still wants to go home, I don't see how I can stop her from doing just that. Heck, I can't blame her. I want to go home too. Sleep in my own bed and eat food from my own fridge... watch cable on my own television."
"Even if you both leave to go back home, it's not like you live on opposite sides of the planet. Don't let her walk out of your life again, son. You're angry. Your entitled to feel angry, but don't take it out on her. Don't lose sight of what's important. You do love her, don't you?"
"I've loved her since I was seventeen. No other woman has ever come close."
"And the baby she's carrying. You want to be there for that child?"
"Hell, yeah! I'd rather die, than watch that child run up to some other guy and call him daddy. I know that's what will happen if I let her go. She's too pretty, too young, not to be taken away by someone else. I'd marry her in a heartbeat, if I thought for a minute we could make it work in the long run. Heck forget about the long run, I'm tempted to marry her anyway and take whatever I can get, but I can't do that. I'm a daddy now and divorces are messy and hard on the kids."
"Who is divorcing who? And are you drunk Edward Cullen? It's not even seven o'clock yet. "
The sudden voice behind them had them both men jump in startled unison. They both turned and were surprised, but not very surprised, to see the scowling woman standing in the doorway.
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"Bella?"
She didn't quite look herself, Edward noted. Frizzy hair, loose baggy clothes, red-rimmed eyes, and chalky skin.
"Yes, who else would it be?" she replied with a nonchalance that seemed somehow suspicious.
She wouldn't meet his gaze. How long had she been there, and how much had she heard?
"What are you doing here?" he questioned, ignoring Carlisle's 'I-warned-you-this-would-happen' look.
"Oh, I just came her looking for you," she replied with a shrug, like it was the most obvious thing. "And before you say anything about the stairs. I took it slow and easy, alright. Stimulating the blood flow is never wrong. Isn't that what you told me just 20 minutes ago, Doc?"
Carlisle suppressed cough at her comment led Edward to believe there was an inside joke or a whole conversation he had missed out on. He felt his suspicion was confirmed when Carlisle got to his feet and pulled up a chair.
"It is good to stimulate the blood flow to the uterus, yes. Gentle walks around the house are okay, but I have to say no to massive power walks, or in your case power stair climbing. However, since you're already up here, I'm going to insist you take my spot. I should be heading back downstairs anyway."
"Please don't leave on my account."
"No, it's not you. I promised Esme I'd finish putting up the shelving in the laundry room. Edward, I suggest we finish this conversation later…. tomorrow perhaps? "
"Eh.. sure, I guess," Edward agreed, not really caring one way or the other.
His father gave him a contemplating look, "Yes, let's do that. Let's talk more tomorrow….I'll leave you alone now. You won't be bothered by me orany of us for the next hour or so. I'll see to that." Suddenly in a rush to leave, he was walking backwards and talking to me at the same time. "Oh, and don't worry about Tony, we'll put him to bed for you. No problem!"
Carlisle was acting… strange.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Bella frown and bury her face in her hand, muttering something he couldn't quite hear.
Okay, so it wasn't just his father. They were both acting bizarre.
"Edward? Did you hear me?"
"Yes, I heard you. Tomorrow is good," Edward snapped with an irritated gesture of his hand.
Carlisle let out a bark like laugh, "I'm leaving now. Have fun, but not too much fun! Remember to keep it gentle and slow-paced, okay! "
Then the door closed, leaving Edward and Bella together in a room that was suddenly too small and too silent.
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He waited for her to say something, which she didn't.
"Care to explain what that was that all about?" he finally asked, nodding his head towards the door.
"You don't want to know."
"Try me."
She shook her head and rose to her feet with a sigh, pointedly turning her back towards him. "You never answered my question."
"What question?" His eyes followed her as she began pacing. He was a little confused by her demeanor. She looked sad, defeated even; emotions she rarely showed even if she felt them.
She turned then and came to stand directly in front of him. "Are you drunk?"
"Oh, that question." A bitter laugh escaped his lips. Of course she would think that. "I swear, I've only had one glass, officer," he joked lamely.
She didn't find it funny.
"One glass of what? Whiskey?" she asked, picking up his glass, sniffing lightly at it.
"Yes, whiskey. What difference does it make? I feel like we've been over this before. I'm old enough to drink and I'm not hurting anyone but myself."
"It hurts me to watch you turn to such a destructive source of comfort." She met his gaze then, her eyes dark with some inner fury. "I honestly thought it would bring you closure, that I could bring you closure, but instead …."
"We are no better off than we were before. " He filled in for her and took a hold of her arm to keep her from pacing again.
She looked down at him and nodded. "Listen, I should have listened when you tried to tell me you were at the limit of what you could handle. I'm sorry I forced you to sit through and listen to all that..." She made a vague, helpless gesture with her hands. "All those nitty, gritty, gruesome details that you never wished to know….. I can't make it undone. I can't make them untrue. It's real and it's sad. It just is."
"No, what's sad is that my business is everyone's business all of a sudden,'" Edward gritted his teeth together to keep his flaring temper under control. He recognized certain words from his earlier conversation with his father. "How much did you hear?" he asked, not bothering to explain or disguise his displeasure.
He didn't have to, she knew what he was talking about. "It's not eavesdropping when the door is wide open," shereplied calmly, though shehad the good sense to look a bit sheepish.
"It was hardly wide open!"
"Well, not shut properly then. Is that better? Anyway, it sounded like a good talk, so I didn't want to interrupt."
Edward barely refrained himself from rolling his eyes. "It was a good talk, one that was not intended for your ears, but never mind… I should know there is no privacy in this house. "
"Aww, don't say that! You have this big, caring family that…."
"…are always all up in mine and each other's business all the time." he finished her sentence for her.
"But I think it's kind of awesome and sweet and…"
"Annoying! Don't forget annoying!"
"Well, that too …"
" Some things are just private, period."
"Sure, I agree with you, but…."
"But, what?"
"Nothing. Never mind."
"No, tell me." He gave her arm a gentle tug and watched her give in and collapse onto the armrest of Carlisle's monster of a desk chair. He realised he had not thought this through, because suddenly she was close, very, very close. A little too close for comfort, but that didn't stop him from putting an arm around her to steady her, which in turn led to an accidental embrace and… yep, a boob grab.
She looked surprised at first, but then she just kind of smirked. "Edward," she said leaning closer to his face "Copping a feel again? If you want to touch, all you have to do is ask."
"HA," he replied, moving his hand away. "Don't think you can distract me. I believe you were about to tell me something..."
"It wasn't anything important."
"Let me be the judge of that." He put two fingers under her chin and turned her face towards his. "I believe you were about to tell me something about my family, my nosy, meddling family."
"They mean well. Isn't it better to err on the side of caring too much than not caring enough."
"They meddle! Tell me, what sort of secret conspiracies have they been cooking up behind my back, this time?"
"The line between caring and meddling is very fine."
"Tell me!"
"Fine… Your father thought it important topoint out the difference between bed rest and pelvic rest over dinner this evening. I'm pretty sure he would have given you the same little talk if I hadn't showed up when I did. I saved you from a rather awkward conversation, let me tell you!"
"Ehh… okay, well he did say something about modified bed rest earlier," Edward groaned. He regretted now that he had not listened more closely. "But I thought that was a good thing, right?"
"It is a good thing," she assured him. "That was not the awkward part… Normally bed rest is all about lying down and keeping pressure off the cervix. In my case, since there is nothing visibly wrong with my cervix, it's more about resting to keep my blood pressure down. I'm still allowed to do things… like getting up for bathroom breaks and quick showers, and sitting at the table for meals and what not…. Small, gentle chores without heavy lifting, "
"And this is awkward because…?"
She half hid her face behind her hand, before she continued."Pelvic rest means no sex, no orgasms, no nothing. But that doesn't apply to me, because I'm on modified bed rest, not pelvic rest. Basically your father gave me his permission to jump your bones."
"No…He did not say that, did he?!"
She laughed at his probably hilarious expression and slid down from the armrest and into his lap, putting an arm around his neck.
"Well, not in so many words, but that's definitely what he meant. Obviously, I'm not supposed to do anything that will get me too worked up, but…. I think, he thinks it might help us to reconnect or something."
"So wait… That's why you guys were acting all weird before? All that talk about stimulating the blood flow to the uterus and keeping it gentle and slow-paced…"
She nodded.
"So, the reason why he was in such a rush to leave because he thinks that…. that…"
She nodded again.
"Like right now?"
Another nod.
"In here?"
"Sure, in this very chair. Or perhaps on the examining table." She was laughing in earnest now.
"And you're not opposed to this idea, I take it, or you wouldn't be here, in my lap, eyeing like I'm your favorite summer ice cream treat."
"What? No, but did you just give me an invitation to lick you?" She attempted a wink, but it turned out more like a lopsided blink. "God, I'm so bad at this. I didn't come here to try and seduce. Though I must say this chair has great potential… " She wiggled a little in his lap, teasing him with her body, but not in a serious or aggressive way.
"Swan, you realize sex won't solve anything, right?!
"Right, we need to talk, not fuck. However, it's a safer, healthier mean of escape than alcohol, so…." She ran a finger along his along his shoulder, causing him to shiver.
"You're offering yourself as a pity-fuck, is that it?"
"I wouldn't call it pity-fuck, but if it keeps you from hitting the bottle, then yes. I guess I am."
"No, this is a bad idea. This is a really bad idea," he bit his lip and started to scoot her off his lap, but then Bella opened her mouth and started rambling, in that breathless manner of hers.
"Sorry, it's the hormones talking… Don't worry, I know sex is not an option. Everything just feels so out of control right now. Not just because of how things are between you and me at the moment…. My boss just suspended be and my mom, well she all but disowned me and here3 I am I'm, freeloading off your family… If I don't find an outlet for this tension soon, I'll go insane." She paused to lick her lips and that did it.
Something snapped in his mind and he found himself grabbing the back of her head, pressing their mouths flush together.
Bella's mouth was hot and wet and tasted inexplicably wonderful and he felt a desperate need to just fucking get lost in it. Edward groaned, as hands clumsily slipped into his hair. It was like something wonderful exploded in his chest at the feeling of Bella's lips willingly moving against his own.
Of course she was reciprocating. After all, she was the one that wanted this. It was him, not her, who had major doubts about this. Doubts…and major ones at that…The inner reminder jolted him and his eyes snap open. The spell was broken.
"I'm sorry, but I can't do this." He straightened himself up, lifting her off his lap with great care. "Especially not here, and especially not like this."
The dejected look was back in her dark eyes and he stiffened, not knowing what more to say. "It isn't you. It's me. It's all me. It may be a cliche but it's still true."
Something between a grimace and an awkward frown crossed her face, before she hid it behind her hair. "Can we just forget this whole exchange ever happened?" she muttered, fanning herself with her hand.
"Not a problem," he agreed willingly. The room felt increasingly small and suffocating. He inched towards the door, smoothing out his t-shirt and running his hands through his hair. Then he remembered something. "Will you be okay? Do you need some time? You're not light-headed or anything, are you?"
She did look a little flushed.
"I'd offer to carry you, but my back…"
"No, I'm fine," she insisted without looking at him.
"Alright, let's go then. I'll need to go put Tony to bed. It will be utter chaos if I leave my mom and Al to try and tackle tat task on their own." He busied himself, filling the silence with meaningless words.
"Edward?" She stopped him in his tracks.
"What?"
"I really did have a legit reason, for coming here, for seeking you out. I wanted to give you heads up about something."
"Heads up? About what?"
"Within the next 48 hours or so, two agents to show up here and ask to speak with you."
"Clearwater and what's her name?"
"No, they'll send two agents from our N.Y. office. I doubt it will be anyone you've met before. Fresh eyes, fresh perspectives, you know."
"But why?"
"You'll need to answer some questions, about … well, everything we've found out about Anthony really. Though, I think mostly it's the Maria-Angela-James connection that they will be interested in. They are going to want to speak with Jasper too."
"Okay." He wasn't really sure how to respond. "Thanks, I guess."
He felt like crawling into hole and hiding, for real this time. New people meant he would have to go over everything all over again.
So much for thinking there might be an end in sight….
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