Chapter 09: Feelings
Somehow, asking Leo to take over his shift once equaled to them being buddies.
Leo would now officially embed Percy in any conversation he was taking part in, joking and showing him his awesome inventions.
Percy let him do it, especially since he was now switching shifts more often with Leo and actually had the chance of spending the guard shift time with Jason. Which felt really nice.
Jason had never mentioned the nightmare, nor shown any sign of weakness around Percy ever since that one night.
Percy was still worried, but he decided that forgetting about the dream might simply be for the best.
He could still remember how Jason had frantically tried to jump out of the bed, getting entangled in the sheets and falling, not even protecting his face or anything, an expression of pure terror on his face.
It was by chance that Percy had caught him just in time.
The thought of seeing Jason cry made his insides clench.
He looked around at Jason, who was busy pacing the deck.
It had been quite a calm day today, with only a few minor monster attacks.
Due to some super important project, Leo had asked Percy if he was willing to switch shifts with him, taking his morning shift in return.
Percy had agreed instantly.
He had never had a nightshift with Jason before.
The thought of spending so much time together without needing to worry about others seeing them together was fairly exciting.
Not that he had anything perverted in mind.
He simply preferred the quiet of the night and the thought of nobody popping up out of nowhere.
He was still watching Jason as the blonde turned around to look at him as well.
He smiled sheepishly and Percy felt his ears reddening, turning away again.
Stupid Jason and his smiles.
No minute later, Jason was by his side at the back of the ship, staring out at the ocean.
"Looks like it's going to be a calm night." Percy said as Jason leaned onto the railing next to him.
"Yeah…and quite a beautiful one, too. Look, you can actually see the stars tonight." Jason said quietly and nodded towards the sky.
Percy looked up at the stars above them.
It really was a beautiful sight.
But his chest tightened at the memory of Zoe and Bob.
His throat constricted.
Two deaths that were his fault.
If he had somehow managed to protect Zoe, she might not have died.
And Bob...the memory of the Titan alone made his eyes water and he looked away.
He felt Jason's gaze on him, so he tried to shake off the emotions welling up inside him.
Then he felt Jason's soft, tentative touch on his shoulder.
He looked around at him.
Jason had this understanding expression in his gaze that made Percy want to snuggle up against him, letting him comfort him through his pain.
Instead, he looked out at the sea. "I didn't want to be a demigod..." He said quietly and felt Jason move closer, wrapping his arms around him from behind.
"I know." Jason muttered and Percy leaned back against him slightly.
"I just wish...I just wish I could have done something to save them. All of them. All those people that just…died…but instead, I let them die. They are all dead while I'm still alive, and it just seems so…so unfair…"
Jason rested his chin on Percy's head, staring into the distance. "You saved a lot of people already, Percy. Nobody expects you to be able to save them all. What has happened has happened. There is nothing you can do to change that. You can only move forward. Nobody asks you to forget what has happened. Nobody asks you to forget those who died. But I think that they would be a lot happier thinking you're making the best out of your life and enjoy it, rather than be miserable because of your losses or drown in the guilt."
He chose each word cautiously, hoping Percy wouldn't tear himself out of his embrace and rage at him.
He didn't.
Instead he felt him slumping against him, his head against his chest, looking upwards at the sky. "Do you think they hate me? For living, I mean? That I live and they don't? And what of Bob? Bob is being tortured by Tartarus every single moment for eternity because of me. How could he not hate me? How could I not hate myself?"
Jason sighed and placed a soft kiss on Percy's head. "I don't think they hate you. And think about it, Percy. Bob knew what was going to happen if he helped you. But he did. He saved you for a reason, Percy. He wanted you to live. He wanted you to make it out of Tartarus with Annabeth and live. You understand? He wanted you to live. He didn't want you feeling sorry for him or yourself. He didn't want you to mourn him every time you look at the sky. He wanted you to live and be happy, remembering him as he was. A good titan. A great friend. To him, your safety and your life was more important than anything Tartarus could do to him. So don't think of things like that."
Percy shivered and Jason rubbed his sides quietly, wishing he had a blanket or something to wrap around him.
Percy gazed up at the stars. "You know...they really are beautiful, aren't they? The stars, I mean..." Percy's voice was nothing but a whisper, but Jason could hear him just fine.
He placed another kiss on Percy's head and wrapped his arms tightly around him.
"Yes. Yes, they are."
.
They stood like that for what seemed like an eternity, just gazing at the stars and the sea, snuggling against each other and pointing out a few constellations every now and then that caught their eyes.
In the early morning hours, they parted, pacing the deck together as to get some warmth into their frozen stiff limbs.
When Leo and Piper came to take over the morning shift, they found Jason and Percy at the front of the ship, chatting and laughing as Percy wildly moved his hands around, seemingly animatedly telling Jason something funny.
Leo frowned. "And they keep telling me they aren't buddies."
"I...I dont think it's that simple..." Piper muttered and watched them oddly as they got closer.
The two guys still hadn't noticed them. "And then Thalia went like 'And I need to use the dam restroom.' and we just lost it. Only Zoe completely didn't get it. That's also when I met Bessie again."
"The Ophiotaurus?"
"Yes. He was so cute, I swear. When I heard he was supposed to bring the destruction of the world, I thought they couldn't be serious."
"Somehow, I can so picture that. You, up there in Olympus going like: 'What? Bessie can kill you all? No way. He couldn't hurt a fly. Look at his cute face." He said, mimicking Percy standing there, pointing with both arms at an imaginary Bessie next to him with a shocked and unbelieving expression on his face.
"Ha-ha." Percy deadpanned and Jason grinned, grabbing Percy and ruffling through his hair.
"You know I'm only joking." He chuckled and Percy scowled up at him, though the corners of his mouth quirked up, destroying the picture.
Leo decided to clear his throat to announce their presence.
The two boys looked around at them, slightly alarmed.
Jason immediately pulled back his hands and took a step back, while Percy just shoved his hands into his pockets, his ears turning slightly pink.
Leo blinked.
What was it with those two?
.
The next day, Percy had guard shift with Annabeth.
He wasn't exactly as awkward with her as Jason and Piper, but it was still weird having guard duty for eight hours with your ex-girlfriend.
She usually left him alone, staying on one side of the ship while he stayed on the other, sometimes switching or meeting at one point, chitchatting about nothing in particular.
They were still friends after their breakup, though not remotely as close as before.
Today though, Annabeth seemed particularly interested in talking. "So, how's it going?" She asked, making him frown since they had only just seen each other at breakfast and she should know him well enough already.
Which meant she was just trying to start a conversation.
Which was unusual for Annabeth these days.
He shrugged. "Quite alright, I suppose."
"That's good. How are the nightmares? I was worried that you might have problems ever since we broke up. You couldn't stand being alone for some time after all."
Percy began fidgeting. "Ah...the nightmares...erm...it's actually fine. I mean, I'm fine."
Annabeth raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.
For a moment, there was silence.
"Are you still mad at me for breaking up with you?" She suddenly asked, making him blink.
"What? No. I admit, I was surprised, but I wasn't exactly mad. I'm happy for you if you are happy with Piper."
Annabeth smiled fondly at the name of her girlfriend, making Percy realize she had never looked like that when people talked about him.
Truth be told, she had always seemed rather annoyed.
"Yeah, I am."
Percy smiled and patted her shoulder. "Then I'm happy for you two."
She smiled up at him for a moment, then looked sideways. "Percy...I know it seemed sudden to you and all...and I know it wasn't fair of me to just up and leave after all we've been through together...I just wanted to let you know why that was. Why I broke up. I don't think we ever really talked about it."
Percy swallowed and leaned against the railing, looking out at the sea.
He wasn't particularly keen on having Annabeth tell him whatever it was that had displeased her about them.
Or him.
It was always his fault after all.
Annabeth sighed and copied him, looking out into the distance. "I don't really know how to tell you this, but with us...it simply felt...different. I mean, we were best friends before, and then we started dating, and it was great. Really. I loved it. But then you went missing and this whole trouble started. I still loved being with you. I couldn't believe you'd go through Tartarus itself with me. But you did. And I was so happy, Percy. I thought we'd really be happy together, settling down someday, having family..."
Percy kept quiet, remembering how he had wished to show Annabeth New Rome.
What a dumb thought.
Then he thought of Jason and pictured them living somewhere in New Rome together, maybe finishing college or something and then starting to work.
The thought made his heart beat faster.
He wasn't really listening to Annabeth anymore.
She started telling him about how she had met Piper and realized all these different things and felt guilty for feeling the way she felt.
Then she turned to talk about how he looked at her or didn't look at her and how she began doubting them and etc.
But he only listened with half an ear, while his mind was wondering off, picturing a life with Jason Grace.
They would be living in a small apartment with big windows.
Preferably close to some water, but he was willing to settle for something different too, if Jason wished for something different.
Knowing him, he'd probably want to live someplace far up where he could see the stars.
Which was strangely fine by Percy.
He'd simply have to make sure to stick to Jason so Zeus couldn't blast him out of the sky 'by accident'.
They would make their own food – blue food, Percy would insist on it – and knowing Jason he'd probably bake Brownies every weekend.
That guy loved brownies.
Maybe Percy should try baking them at some point – and make them blue.
The thought made him smirk.
"Percy? Are you listening?"
"Hm? What? Oh...right...I didn't look at you with bedroom eyes..."
He pushed the thought of brownies and Jason and apartments out of his mind and looked at her innocently.
Sadly, she wasn't fooled.
Her eyebrow rose up quizzically and she watched him intently with her stormy gray eyes.
Then she inched closer. "What were you thinking about? You looked so dreamy for a moment. Anything I should know about?"
Percy felt his ears reddening and looked out at the sea.
Nope, he wasn't gonna talk about this.
Especially not to Annabeth.
She'd tell Piper and Piper would freak out, being a daughter of Aphrodite and all Percy was surprised she hadn't caught on to Percy's and Jason's doings yet anyways.
Not that he was complaining.
"Do you have somebody new you like?" Annabeth asked, he head tilted to her side, watching him intently.
His lips pressed together.
The picture of Jason's sleeping face popped up in his mind and he felt giddy.
Ah man, this was stupid.
He pushed himself off the railing, sighing. "Nah. Was just thinking about...food..."
Annabeth still had her eyebrow raised.
"Brownies, by chance?" She asked casually and watched his face.
His eyes widened for a fraction of a second, showing her she was right.
He cursed himself.
She grinned broadly. "Oh? So I am right."
He scowled. "I don't know what you are talking about." He said defiantly and fidgeted with his hands before pushing them deep into his pockets.
"Aw, Percy. It's nothing to be embarrassed about." Annabeth was still grinning and touched his shoulder softly.
But Percy was still busy trying to act ignorant. "I'm not. Everybody likes brownies. Why shouldn't I?" He said but he knew his beet-red ears gave him away.
Annabeth laughed. "Oh, I bet. But not everybody got a thing for the baker."
Percy flushed. "I'm...I'm not!" He said indignantly, but Annabeth only laughed more.
"Percy, you do know you are quite obvious about it, right? You've always been."
Percy sobered up. "What do you mean?"
Annabeth looked away for a moment, as if to make sure nobody heard them. "It's like...you never had anything against anybody. And then, suddenly, you see Jason and behave like the biggest idiot ever. It wasn't difficult to figure out you actually liked him."
"I did not!" Percy instantly argued, but Annabeth held up her hand and he instinctively shut up.
Damn it. She had trained him too well.
"You would always look for him to make trouble and in the beginning I thought you simply really didn't like him. But then I noticed how you would notice things none of the others would. Like Jason's tick to ruffle through his hair ever since he let it grow a bit. Or how he would always only start eating after everybody else started. It was such small things that started showing me how much attention you actually paid to him. And the way you looked at him...Percy...it was really quite obvious. You would have that fake distaste on your face, but your eyes were burning, Percy. They were always fixed on Jason, greedily taking in every detail about him."
Percy swallowed.
Had he really done that? He couldn't believe a word of it.
"It got to the point where I found myself actually...actually envying Jason." Annabeth admitted quietly. "I mean, you looked at him more than you looked at me. And that expression...I always hoped you would look at me like that at some point. Without the distaste, of course."
Percy looked down at his hands. "I'm...I'm sorry...I didn't know..." He muttered quietly, but Annabeth brushed it off.
"Don't worry about it. I knew you didn't notice it yourself. The others were ignorant of it as well after all. I was starting to think I was imagining things. But then Jason broke up with Piper because he supposedly couldn't make her happy and I mean...I really liked her back then already..."
Percy sighed. "Yeah, yeah, I get it."
"But don't you see? Jason broke up with Piper because he felt the same way with her as I did with you."
Now she had Percy's attention again.
"He kept telling her he wanted her to be happy and that she deserved somebody who truly could do that. She told me she always felt as if he was somewhere far away whenever they were together, as if he was thinking of somebody else. So we were thinking, maybe you two would hit it off at some point."
"Wait...you're trying to indicate Jason got a thing for me?"
Annabeth frowned. "Erm…yes?"
Percy laughed.
His heart leaped at the mere thought of Jason holding any stronger emotion for him than friendship and maybe a tad of lust, judging by their sex.
"Jason doesn't think of me like that. He just wants to be friends, that's all." It hurt him on the inside to say it out loud, but he knew it to be the truth.
Annabeth blinked. "Wait…so…you two aren't dating?"
Percy stared at her. "What? Of course not. What gave you that idea?"
She stared back at him. "So, you're telling me you are sleeping over in his room because you are such great pals now?"
There was nothing he could do to stop it.
He blushed.
Hard.
How had she known? Had they been caught? Who had seen them? When had they seen them? Had they been decent? Thoughts like that went rushing through his mind as he took a step back from her, holding up his hands.
"I...I don't know what..."
Annabeth put her hands on her hips, raising both eyebrows now. "I'm not blind. I saw you two walking into Jason's room yesterday after you both had that night shift. I was just coming from the stables and hid before you two could see me. Let's just say I noticed you never left his room until you both emerged joking and pushing each other around a long time later."
Percy looked out at the sea.
A nice swim didn't seem like a bad idea right about now.
He still had his hands up. His face felt hot.
"It's...we're not like that..." She looked at him in a way he knew meant 'Do not take me for an idiot just because I'm blond'.
Not that he'd ever think that anyways.
'Jason is blond too', a completely unhelpful voice in his head pointed out.
"Ok, we might have done...this or that...but no, we're not dating. Nothing like that."
Annabeth hesitated and he knew she knew what he had meant with 'this or that'.
Then she tilted her head. "And you're ok with that?"
Percy's heart sank.
Was he?
He shuffled nervously. "It's not like I'm in love with him or anything." He muttered and she sighed. "You're not? Could have fooled me."
He pressed his lips tightly together and stared out at the water.
Ok, maybe he was indeed a tiny bit in love with Jason.
Anybody would be, if they had spent some time with the blonde superman.
He was kind, funny, adorable, sexy, he had the looks as well as the personality.
He was a considerate fool sometimes, but given time he might actually do something for himself as well for once.
If not, Percy simply would have to show him how nice it would make him feel.
He remembered his sleeping face and his tight grip on him in the mornings.
He was protective. Caring. Always worrying about others. Selfless.
He remembered how he had comforted Percy when he had talked about Bob and Zoe.
Or the time he had woken up from his nightmare with Tartarus and Jason had taken care of him, comforting him.
He remembered how he had kissed Jason softly afterwards. Remembered the feelings that kiss had given him.
He sighed.
It was a slow, deep sigh of defeat.
Annabeth smiled. "Maybe you should just go and tell him." She offered, but he scowled.
"Oh yeah, sure. I'll just go looking for him right now and tell him something like...hi, Jason."
Annabeth frowned and was about to say something when she realized he was actually looking past her.
She turned to see Jason walking towards them.
"Hey. I just wanted to ask you when you'll get off duty. Leo has this weird idea that we both have to help him with something involving super glue and something else I didn't really catch. It sounded a bit like Shizzlenator but that doesn't really make sense, does it?"
Annabeth noticed how Jason's eyes were fixed on Percy, running him up and down and frowning, instantly noticing the still slightly pink ears.
"Are you ok?" He asked worried and Annabeth noticed how Percy fidgeted with his hands.
Boys.
"Yeah, he's just fine. We simply had a rather open conversation that led to a view...revelations."
Jason raised an eyebrow at Percy, who looked out at the sea as if he was considering jumping over the railing and taking a swim.
Just as Annabeth was thinking of grabbing hold of his arm to stop him, Jason scratched the back of his head, nervously chuckling. "Oh yeah? Well, would you mind if I borrow him for a bit then?"
"Oh please, you can have him."
Percy blushed at her choice of words and looked at her outraged, while Jason just frowned.
"Well...thanks, I guess."
"But please take good care of him."
"Annabeth!" Percy hissed and pushed away from the railing, grabbing Jason by the arm and pulling him after him.
"I...what?" Jason asked confused and looked from Annabeth, who only shrugged, grinning broadly, to Percy, who was holding on rather tight to his arm, pulling him after him at a quick pace.
"Are you alright?" He asked, worried.
What was going on? What had they talked about?
"Just fine." Percy spat and kept walking.
"Percy...you're leading us to my room." Jason pointed out hesitantly.
Percy stopped dead in his tracks.
Then he cursed and let go of Jason's arm, putting his hands in his hair instead.
"Percy, what's wrong? What were you two talking about?"
Percy looked around at him with those seagreen eyes full of confusion, hurt, fear and worry, his hands still tight in his hair.
Then he fidgeted again.
"Let's just...let's just go to Leo and get this over with." Percy muttered and wanted to start walking, but then waited for Jason to show the way first.
Jason still had his eyes on Percy.
Then he stepped closer, slowly raising his hands and putting them on Percy's head.
"What are you...", Percy started, but Jason started massaging and he fell quiet, looking downwards.
"You need to relax, Percy. It's fine if you don't want to tell me what you two talked about, but don't let it get to you like that." He said quietly and felt Percy's shoulders slump.
"It wasn't anything bad. It was just...awkward, I guess."
"How come?" Percy only made a small noise between a huff and a snort and didn't reply, instead leaning against Jason's touch ever so slightly.
Jason couldn't suppress a soft smirk.
Percy always acted so tough and strong, but in truth he was a big softy.
Not that Jason was complaining.
He liked it this way.
As he pulled his hands back, he felt Percy's head following and laughed.
"Want to stop by my room before meeting with Leo?"
That got him a punch in the gut.
"Fag." Percy exclaimed and Jason held his stomach, laughing and wincing at the same time.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I was just thinking of giving you a nice massage."
"Sure you were. And I'm a pink unicorn."
"Unicorn, I can live with. But pink?"
Percy looked around at him indignantly. "Shut up, Grace."
They started walking, Jason leading the way with Percy right beside him.
"You like it."
"Never."
"Yes, you do. That's why you beg me to talk to you when you're in the shower."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Of course you don't. Must have imagined you moaning in the booth next to mine, jerking off to the sound of my voice." Jason was smirking rather foolishly now, but he kept on teasing him nevertheless.
He loved teasing Percy.
"If I remember correctly, wasn't it you begging me to moan for you because it helped getting you off?" Percy said quietly and Jason blushed slightly.
"Yeah, so what? I want to know I'm doing a good job after all." Percy looked away, red in the face.
"You...you're unbelievable.", he then said meekly and Jason laughed.
"You think so?"
"I know so." Jason grinned at Percy fondly, feeling his heart thudding loudly in his chest.
But he ignored it.
Now wasn't the time to think about his feelings.
.
As it turned out, helping Leo proved to be the perfect opportunity to give Percy time to think of both Jason and the talk he had had with Annabeth.
Ok, fine, maybe he was a tiny bit in love with Jason, no big deal.
But he wasn't gonna go jump at him now and telling him about it.
Was she mental?
Just because Jason had had sex with Percy and liked to hang around him and spent his nights cuddling with him didn't mean he loved him.
After all, they only really spend their nights together to comfort each other through their nightmares.
At least Jason was.
Percy kind of really enjoyed being so close to Jason.
He was inwardly scared of having to sleep alone again.
Which obviously would follow if he walked up to Jason and went like 'Hey, sorry, I know we crossed quite a few lines already, but I wanted to tell you I'm madly in love with you. Can we date now?'.
Jason would be dumbfounded.
He'd probably stare at him, trying to discern whether this was a joke or not.
Then he would do his awkward chuckle and scratch the back of his head, thinking of how to reply.
Considerate as he was, he would try to say it as unharming as possible.
'Sorry Percy, I don't really...well...I'm not gay.'
Yup, and then they would be awkward around each other and Jason would feel uncomfortable with Percy around at night.
And then Percy would have to sleep in his room again.
All alone.
The thought made him shudder.
He held the two pieces together that Leo had pushed into his hands and looked over at Jason, who stood close to the wall in the machinery room they were in (Percy still had no clue as to what it did) and held something up against the wall, showing off a tad of his sun kissed skin at his lower back.
Percy would have loved teasing him about it.
But then Leo was there at Jason's side, leaning up and tightening some screws and grinning broadly at Jason as Jason was allowed to let go and move back to the center of the room to get the next part.
Percy sighed inwardly and looked down at the two small parts he was holding.
Why did it feel like Leo had given him something stupid he couldn't fuck up while Jason was getting the good stuff and actually be of help?
He watched as Jason nodded to whatever instructions Leo was giving and went off towards the other end of the room, beginning to mount the part he was holding onto something else.
Leo looked after him chuckling and came over to Percy.
"So, let's see...yeah, that's perfect. Just give it to Jason. Thanks. I can never keep my hands still enough to do that."
Percy blinked and looked down. "And...what is that, exactly?" He asked, holding up the parts that were now fused into one, thanks to some weird glue made by Leo himself.
"It's a...never mind, just give it to Jason. If I try explaining it to you, we'll still be here tomorrow and you'll be none the wiser."
Percy felt like Leo just insulted his intelligence, but nevertheless went over to Jason, who still huddled in the corner and tightened some screws, looking completely absorbed in his work.
Somehow, Percy thought he looked really sexy, even with the few streaks of oil on his shirt and that messed up hair.
Maybe even because of them.
And the way his muscles flexed as he began mounting the next parts up against the wall...Percy could feel his mouth watering and shook his head, trying to shake out the thoughts with it.
He held out the part he had created to Jason, who looked up at him, grinning.
"Thanks."
It was only a stupid word, yet Percy felt his ears reddening.
As Jason took it and their hands touched, Percy pulled away instantly.
Jason looked at him questioning, but he only pushed his hands in his pockets.
"How much longer do you think this is going to take?" He asked quietly to do at least something.
Jason shrugged, building together the parts and mounting them on the wall.
"I have no idea. Can you hold this for a moment?" He asked and Percy found himself holding up the pieces against the wall the same way Jason had done for Leo some minutes ago.
Jason hushed around him, collecting small screws and whatnot and then came up behind Percy, pressing his body against him from behind and beginning to screw the screws into the parts of the wall.
Percy tried to get out of the way, but found he couldn't with Jason's arms to the left and right of his head.
"What are you doing?" He asked, his voice a mixture between a hiss and a whisper.
"I'm screwing screws into the wall." Jason stated flatly, but Percy felt him rub against his back ever so slightly and stiffened.
His pants began getting tighter. "S-Stop it..." He said meekly, his ears turning red.
Jason's head was getting dangerously close to the side of his face now.
"Hm...no." He said and placed a soft kiss on the side of his neck, then resumed his screwing.
Percy shuddered and was having difficulty deciding whether he was angry, aroused, uncomfortable or upset.
He took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on the wall in front of him, but instead watched Jason's skilled hands working.
It occurred to him that Leo might find it weird at least to find them like this.
But as he was about to point that out to Jason, Leo was right there next to him, helping Jason screwing in the last part.
"Perfect. Well, almost at least. I'll be doing the rest. Thanks a lot for your help, you two." He said, looking at Jason and Percy, only now separating themselves from each other again.
He wasn't even blinking.
Seriously?
Did friends just press themselves up against other friends nowadays?
Percy did not understand whatsoever.
"Ok, then we'll leave you to it, Leo. Tell us when you're done so we can admire your finished work." Jason said smirking.
Percy looked at him for a moment.
Why was he always so collected?
He had just pushed their bodies together like that and yet he was utterly fine and talking and what not, while Percy still felt giddy and nervous.
'Maybe it's because I'm in love with him...and he's not...', a thought cut through his mind and he lowered his gaze.
"Oh, you bet on it. You're going to be the first two to see." Leo said and patted Percy's shoulder.
Percy forced himself to smile at him.
It wasn't Leos fault he was a lovesick fool.
"That's cool." He said and found Leo practically beaming at him, then looking at Jason with a sort of 'Can you believe he just said that?!'-expression.
Percy frowned and looked to Jason, who only gave Leo his 'I told you so'-face and Percy didn't understand a thing, really.
.
Jason and Percy walked quietly next to each other towards the deck.
"So, what are you going to do now?" Percy asked casually, while making sure to keep some space between them.
"Oh, I don't know. I was thinking of just hanging out in my room, really. Are you going to come over tonight, again?"
Percy shrugged and didn't look at Jason. "I...if you want me to..."
"Sure." Jason immediately agreed, which made Percy's heart flutter.
'Shush. It's not like that. If he knew I liked him like that he wouldn't agree to it at all anymore.'
The thought made him sober up instantly.
They arrived at the deck and stopped, looking at each other awkwardly.
"So...I guess I'll be going to help Annabeth then." Percy stated the obvious.
Jason chuckled. "Just don't let her get to you that much."
Percy scowled. "It wasn't like that."
But Jason only held up his hands soothingly and smirked at him, walking backwards towards the rooms.
Percy always found it adorable how Jason would walk backwards just so they could see each other for longer.
But instead of letting it show, he made a show of rolling his eyes, waving to Jason and turning away, looking for Annabeth to tell her he was back.
He did look around once more, just to find Jason still there, standing there with his hands in his pockets and looking at Percy with a soft smile on his lips.
Percy felt his ears redden again and hurried off.
Stupid Jason. Always making him feel so weird.
.
As it turned out, Annabeth hadn't expected Percy to come back.
She and Piper were at the back of the ship, holding hands and talking in hushed voices.
Percy made sure to clear his throat loudly to announce his presence. They only looked around at him, not even trying to jump apart or anything.
Then again, they were officially dating and all, so there wasn't really any reason to cover up anything.
Lucky them.
"Oh, I thought you'd be helping Leo for the rest of the day, really, so I got Piper for support. She doesn't mind taking over for the rest of your shift."
That was pretty much Annabeth telling him nicely to get lost. Great.
"Erm...ok then. I guess I'll just leave you two to it..." He waved and nodded to Piper who was grinning meekly at him, her grip on Annabeths hand tightening and the two of them went back to staring fondly at each other while Percy left.
What was he supposed to do now?
Go to Jason? Better not.
With him being so awkward, it would only make Jason worried and try to get him to talk about it.
Or it could lead to sex.
He sighed, reminiscing about their past sexual encounters.
Who would have guessed that he'd enjoy being a bottom?
Well, who would have guessed he'd let a man have sex with him anyways?
He still didn't like thinking of himself as gay.
It wasn't as if he suddenly liked dudes or something.
He only liked Jason.
Maybe there was a sexual orientation that meant being attracted to a certain individual uncaring of the gender.
If so, then he was probably that.
He walked into his room, looking around for something to waste his time with.
He caught sight of his reflection in the mirror.
Somehow, he thought he looked pathetic. And dirty.
Why was there oil on his back? He remembered Jason pushing up to him.
Oh great.
He took his shirt off, just to find that he also had oil on his arms and on the lower bit of his back, where Jason had pushed against him with his dirty shirt.
He shook his head.
Ok, now he at least had something to occupy him with.
A nice long shower sounded just fine by him. For a moment, he considered asking Jason to join him.
But remembering their past shower-encounters, he decided against it.
He needed something to cool down, not to heat him up even more.
The thought of Jason's soothing cool skin did not help.
.
When he entered the shower room, all booths were empty.
He considered using Jason's again, but then decided to be nice and take the one he originally had picked as his.
The one across from Jason's.
He put his shower gel -ocean breeze for the win- and fitting shampoo down in the holder and put his clothes down close to the door.
He could control the water to not get to his clothes after all. He turned on the water and sighed deeply.
Water always made him feel so good.
When he finally decided that he was done with his beauty-shower, he turned off the water and grabbed his towel, liking to dry himself off like everybody else instead of insta-drying himself using his powers.
He rubbed himself down and began putting on his clothes, when he heard the door opening.
"Yeah, but I didn't think he'd actually help. What did you do to persuade him?" He heard Leos voice and held his breath.
"Nothing. I only said that you wanted us both to help you. As you did. Stop making such a big fuss about it." He heard Jason's voice and his heart did a double take.
He was now crouching low, trying to make no sound whatsoever.
"But he actually helped!"
"Of course. Percy is a nice guy. You only notice that now?"
"No, but I mean...I thought after he asked me that one time to switch shifts with him that it might be his way to...you know...indicate a friendship? So I tried to show him all this different stuff and switched shifts with him every now and then. He did listen and all but I don't really think he was interested too much..."
"Well...he probably didn't understand a word you were saying, Leo. Even a professional mechanic looks dumbstruck at you when you get on a roll about your projects."
"Ha-ha. But anyways, since when are you two so close?"
"What do you mean?" Jason acted dumb.
Percy cowered in his booth, knowing this was unnecessary, because after all nobody could see him.
He heard water starting.
Then he heard another water starting.
At least they weren't sharing the same booth.
"Oh come on. Pipes and I saw you two on deck, fooling around yesterday. How can you be like that with each other and still tell me you aren't friends."
A sigh came from Jason. "It's not that simple, Leo."
Oh. Not that simple.
Percy swallowed.
Pain creeped its way inside his chest but he tried to ignore it.
"That's what Piper said as well. But what do you mean? You can't tell me you don't like him."
"Of course I like him. But it's kind of difficult to explain."
"How difficult can it be to say 'Yes, we're friends' or 'No, we're not friends we're only acting like friends'?"
Another sigh from Jason.
Silence.
Percy leaned against his booth quietly, upset with himself and the world.
He didn't really know why.
Maybe he had simply hoped Jason would go like 'oh no, we're great friends. I love him.'.
Like hell that would ever happen.
"Is it because he called you gay? Come on, I bet he was only teasing."
"No, it's not that."
"Then what? I really don't understand. One moment you two act as if you are best buddies, almost making me jealous I daresay, next moment you jump apart as if you were caught in the act or something and there's this awkwardness. What is it with you two?"
Yeah, what was it with them? Percy sighed soundlessly.
There was silence.
Then a hiss.
"Jason? You alright?" Leo asked and Percy turned his head.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just got soap in my eyes."
"Haha, really?"
"I don't see how that's funny whatsoever."
"It kind of is. So how about we do a little something tonight?"
Percy's insides churned. A little something what?
"I...don't think I can tonight. Sorry, Leo."
"What? Why? You don't have night shift tonight. I checked your schedule earlier to make sure."
"Sorry..."
"What are you doing, seriously? You are always avoiding meeting with me lately."
"I met with you today, didn't I?"
"That's something different. You know what I mean. We used to spend the evenings together, playing Pokémon and Super Mario and whatnot till deep at night. Now you always make up excuses, going like 'sorry, I don't think I can'. Is it because I beaten you too many times?"
Percy relaxed. Ah, games.
"No. I simply..."
"Yes? What are you doing? Meeting up with Percy at night?"
Percy felt his ears reddening.
"What...the hell?" Jason asked, which kind of hurt Percy.
He didn't really want Jason to admit to it of course.
But seriously, saying it like that as if it was the worst thing ever and the pure thought of it was disturbing...that hurt.
"Just messing. But seriously, what are you doing?"
"Nothing much."
"Yeah? Then why can't you come over?"
"I..."
"We can ask Percy along as well if it makes you happy."
"What? What does this have to do with Percy?"
"Oh come on. I've seen the way you look at him. And the way you got all close to him today was quite obvious as well."
Percy flushed, his heart beating fast now.
So Leo had noticed?
"I...I don't know what you're talking about."
"Come on, you like him. You want to be buddies with him like you are with me. You don't have to be considerate of me, really. I'm fine with adding him to our little team."
"Ah, really? That's great then."
"Yeah. Hey, that's funny, we're all three single. We should go to a club sometimes after this war is over. Maybe get ourselves some girlfriends."
"Who knows."
"Yeah, we can pick a nice blonde for Percy."
Percy made a face. What was that supposed to mean?
"What's that supposed to mean?" Jason asked.
"Piper told me that Annabeth told her that Percy got a thing for blondes."
"Does he now?"
"Yup."
"I wonder if he knows that."
"What? That he likes blondes? I should think so, since he dated Annabeth and all. So what do you say?"
"To what?"
"To hooking him up with a nice blonde."
A sigh came from Jason's cabin. "Fine, if we must."
Percy looked down. His heart was throbbing in his chest.
What had he expected? A heroic 'No, don't touch him, he's mine!'? Bullshit.
"Awesome. So...what's his type, exactly?"
"Why are you asking me?"
"I don't know, you talk to him more than I do."
"But not about girls!"
"Well, then guess."
"Why don't you just ask him?"
"Nah, where's the fun in that? Let's see. I say we should pick a tall, slender girl with some wit to her. Not like Annabeth too much, else he will be reminded of her instead of settling for the new girl."
"What a plan." Jason only commented quietly.
Percy was growing more and more frustrated.
Why was Jason just agreeing to everything so easily? This wasn't fair.
"Well, fine then. How about I tell you some names of the single chicks at Camp Half-Blood and you say yes or not to what you think would be his type?"
"Uh, fine."
Then Leo started counting off names.
Percy didn't even know most of them.
Truth be told, only three or four really sounded familiar.
Jason said no to every single one.
"How about that Melissa?"
"No."
"Why not? She was cute."
"She also has a water phobia."
"Oh...yeah that might not be too good."
"Duh."
"Fine then, how about...oh man, you just pretty much said no to all the girls I came up with. What the hell is wrong with you?"
"They all weren't his type."
"How'd you know?"
"Because."
"That's not a reason."
There was silence and Jason shut the water off.
Leo did the same.
"Or is it that mother duck Jason doesn't want poor duckling Percy to get a new girlfriend?" Leo teased and Percy scowled quietly.
"I'm not gay." Was all Jason said as he exited his booth and went for the door.
Percy's heart sank.
"Eh? I never said you was. But hey, thinking about it, I bet you'd be his type. Blonde, tall, fighting spirit."
"Leo, he's not like that. Stop making fun of him." Jason scolded and Percy heard the two leaving.
The door closed behind them.
Percy slid down the booth wall and stared at his feet.
Everything inside him hurt.
Especially his heart.
He was never going to tell Jason how he felt.