As always the day started off with Moka asking to suck Tsukune's blood first thing in the morning, then ran off to class.
"If she keeps this up, I'll die from Anemia." He complained.
"By my count, you already should have." I said, holding up my notepad, showing that over the course of this year, Tsukune has lost an approximated 126 pints of blood.
"You're not gonna die from Anemia, you hypochondriac. You get blood back decently fast. For instance, you lose a pint one day, the next you'll be fine. Also, the more water you drink, it adds to the blood." Damion said.
"Is that a lie?" I asked, whispering the question.
"Probably." He answered.
"Sai!" Kurumu called out. Then she grabbed me and smothered me in her breasts. "I'm so happy I get to be in the newspaper club with you!" She said happily.
"Kurumu, if you keep that up, you're going to suffocate him." Damion told her.
"Kaioken!" I announced.
"Kaio-what?" She asked as I pushed her off and sent her flying.
"Whoops. Too much?" I asked.
"Maybe just a little." Damion said sarcastically, in other words saying "obviously".
As we walked do school, we heard some small talk amongst the girls.
"Did you guys hear that there's a Peeping Tom on campus?"
"Yeah, isn't it creepy? I can't even change clothes without looking over my shoulder."
(Probably not as creepy as that dream I had about Moka and Kurumu last night.) I thought, remembering an actual dream I had last night where Inner Moka drank Kurumu's blood and proceeded to violate her (I need help, don't I?).
"My club actually had to post a lookout whenever we change clothes."
"Good idea."
"Do you have to post the side chatter? We know what the main plot is, so why do you need to have side characters talk about it?" Damion asked.
"We are addressing the plot of the episode. This is the first we're hearing about it." I said, raising a finger matter-of-factly to state a point.
Later in the club room...
"Let's get started! I'd like to welcome you all to the Yokai Academy Newspaper Club!" Ms. Nekonome said, holding up a newspaper.
"Why didn't WE get a warm introduction like that?" I asked.
"Wait, are we the only members?" Tsukune asked.
"I asked the same question." I said.
"Prepare to be disappointed." Damion said.
"No, of course not, silly." Ms. Nekonome said.
"She said, the same thing when WE asked that." I said.
"Sorry I'm late." Gin said.
"You see? There he is now?" Nekonome said.
He walked in and had a bouquet of pink and red roses. "I apologize for being a little tardy, but there were some things I had to pick up." He said.
"Oh, dear." Damion sighed the entire sentence.
"It's a pleasure to meet you." Gin said, flashing his tooth.
"What, it wasn't a pleasure to meet us?" I asked.
"Of course it was, but..." He said, then handed the pink bouquet to Kurumu. "I'm Ginei Morioka, Club President." He said, flashing his teeth again.
"You say that like it means something." Damion said.
"But, please. Just call me Gin." He said, handing the red roses to Moka, flashing his teeth again.
"That's getting really old really fast, Gin. It'd be like if the only word out of Piccolo's mouth was 'dodge'. You gotta put it in at only the right time and not over use it. I didn't think I'd ever have to explain how running gags work." I said. "And why didn't I get flowers?!" I asked.
"Please tell me you're joking." Damion said.
"Of course. I DO like flowers, though. They help drown out the smell of being violated." I said.
He then noticed Yukari and took a rose from Kurumu's bouquet and handed it to her. "I guess good things DO come in small packages." He said. "Wow. Those roses make you ladies look even lovelier than you already are." He said.
I quickly drew something down and showed it to Damion: a picture of a jack and a donkey with an arrow pointing at Gin, in other words, I was calling Gin a jackass.
"Anyway, Gin here is the only other member of the newspaper club. He's also a sophomore, so he'll be club president." She explained. "So if you have any questions, please direct them to him."
"Of course, getting out of the hard work again." I said.
"Right. I'm here for all of you." He said, standing behind Tsukune and in front of the girls, so apparently not.
"Oh, the faculty meeting is about to start! Well, I'll leave the rest up to you, Gin!" She said, waving and leaving.
"Well, isn't that retardedly convenient!" I said, rolling my eyes.
"Sure, I got it covered." He said.
Later, around a conference table that randomly appeared...
"Let's get down to business. For starters, let me explain what this club is all about. First and foremost, the school writes, publishes and edits the school paper. When something happens here on Campus, we're here to report it and we'll do ANYTHING for a story." He started.
"Well, you missed quite a few of 'em before you came into the show." I said.
"Anyway, that includes throwing ourselves in harms way if need-be, so you'd better prepare yourselves now, guys! 'Cuz this club IS NOT for the faint of heart." He said dramatically, standing up.
"Prepare, okay." I said, pulling out my sais and putting on my Mileena mask.
"I don't think that's what he meant." Damion said.
"Yeah, you're probably right. Wrong mask." I said, swapping that one for my Scorpion mask.
"Wow, he sure sounds like a hard-hitting journalist committed to the truth." Moka said.
Then he lightened up. "But, of course, sometimes we just report on the normal stuff." He said, smiling and sitting back down.
"I'm infinitely less impressed compared to a few seconds ago." I said, my voice echoing demonically under the mask.
"With all that said, do any of you have any story ideas you wanna share?" He asked.
"How about 'Sai's wonderful world of Arson?'" I asked hopefully.
"No, pyromaniac." Yukari said.
"Top 10 ways to steal the Batmobile?" I asked.
"No."
"How to be a badass?"
The entire time that was happening, Damion was in a pool of his own tears from laughing too hard.
Then Kurumu finally pitched in. "I've got an idea: How about that Peeping Tom?" She asked.
"Peeping Tom?" Tsukune asked.
"Didn't we already address this issue, how do you not know what we're talking about?" I said, looking at Tsukune.
"You haven't heard? There's this pervert who's been going around campus lately and peeping on girls. The freak's so quick, no one's been able to get a good description of him yet." Kurumu said.
"The peeper is the worst of the worst." Moka said.
"Yeah, that's for sure. This guy's gotta be stopped." Yukari agreed.
"Moka, if you think a peeper is the worst of the worst, you clearly haven't met Doomsday or Medusa from Soul Eater." I said.
"I like Medusa, she's pretty badass." Damion said.
"You like evil, arrogant, annoying bitches." I told him.
"Then let's use the Newspaper to stop him." Kurumu said, to which everyone agreed.
"Well, then, the first thing we gotta do for this story is find ourselves some informants." Gin said.
"How do we do that?" Tsukune asked, walking over.
"Tsukune, you'll sound smarter if you keep your mouth closed. Or at least don't ask obvious questions." I said.
"Through the first rule of reporting: Hit the pavement and start asking questions." He said.
Later in... I don't know where...
Kurumu and Moka were putting up posters that said "Searching for information! Any information regarding the peeping tom. Anyone who knows, please come to the Newspaper Club".
"You're average citizen is your best resource." Gin said.
"Um, Gin? Are you sure you want us to put the posters this high?" Moka asked. Her and Kurumu were standing on their toes on step ladders, stretching as far as they could to put up the posters.
"Uh, no, I want 'em higher than that." Gin said.
"What? Did you say higher?!" Kurumu said.
"Yeah, just a LITTLE bit more." He said.
"I can help put up posters, too." Yukari said, walking up from nowhere.
"Well, not until you get a little bigger, okay? You're just too small for this right now." He said, looking at her (Well, at least he's not a pedophile).
Meanwhile, Damion, Tsukune and I were bringing back some posters. "Sometimes he's flippant and other times serious. I wonder what kind of guy Gin REALLY is underneath it all?" Tsukune wondered.
"That's a big word for you: "Flippant". Good work, Tsukune." I said.
"I don't know what kind of guy he is, but there's something about him I don't like." Damion said.
We then noticed how they were putting up posters and Gin suddenly knelt down. "Is this high enough?" Moka asked.
"Perfect! Just leave it RIGHT there." He said.
"What are they doing over there?" Tsukune asked, walking over.
"Tsukune, remember what I said about the stupid questions?" I said, then looked at the posters. "That's a stupid place to put them, nobody is gonna look up there for posters, so no one will see them." I criticized.
"You know, I'm positive Gin is looking up their skirts." Damion said in an annoyed tone.
"Yep. Hang on." I said, pulling out a camera, taking a picture of him looking up their skirts from behind them all, then used Shang Tsung's Hot Escape to teleport off to their right, taking another picture, then teleported to the left and took on more picture, teleported back to Damion, pulled out a red sharpie pen and drew dashes from his eyes to their skirts to indicate where he was looking.
"Moka? Kurumu? You guys doing okay up there?" Yukari asked while I was doing that.
"I'm good. Kurumu?" Moka asked.
"I'd be better if my boobs weren't in the way." She complained.
Tsukune, after kneeling down, finally realized what Gin was looking at and got a massive nosebleed, then jumped in the way so Gin couldn't see. "Gin, what the hell do you think you're doing, cut it out!" Tsukune demanded.
He stood up and turned his back to Tsukune, but was now facing us. "Huh? What do you mean?" He asked.
"I think you know EXACTLY what he means." I said, walking up to them, holding up the pictures. "Seems you're in a bit of trouble." I said in my Richard voice, which is rather threatening (if you go to YouTube and watch either "LFG: Slaughter your world" or "LFG This is War", you'll find that Richard is funny and has a rather threatening voice... Watch them anyway, their hilarious).
"You were TOTALLY looking up their skirts just then!" Tsukune snapped at Gin.
"He's right. Both of us also saw him do it and we have pictures." Damion said, taking the pictures from me and handing them to the girls, who had their heads down so their eyes were hidden by their hair, signaling there would SOON be blood. They were also giving off an aura that was even scaring ME.
"Damion, hold me!" I said, clinging to him in fear.
"Yeah, you're on your own this time, pal." He said, pushing me off.
The two grabbed him and began the most unholiest of beatdowns I have EVER witnessed in my life. And I've seen demons fighting gods. I quickly walked up to Yukari and covered her eyes. "Sorry, Yukari, but this is like God of War beatdown right now. I don't think you'll ever sleep again if you see this." I said.
"Hey, let me in on this!" Damion said, smashing Gin's head into the floor.
The next day...
Damion walked up to me as I was trying to wake myself up more. "Didn't sleep so good, man?" Damion asked.
"Well, that beatdown left a lasting memory, I'll just say. That was some scary shit. That and I made the mistake of watching Creepypasta's Hypno's Lullaby on YouTube." I told him (Warning: DO. NOT. WATCH IT. Hypno's lullaby is the CREEPIEST song I have EVER heard in the entirety of my EXISTENCE. It's scarier than ANYTHING in this anime or Soul Eater).
"It was fun, though." He said.
"He DID deserve that. Can't wait to see how beaten up he looks after that." I smirked.
Later, in the girl's dorm, or something...
"So are Moka and Tsukune going out or something?" A girl asked her friend.
"Well, I don't really know them that well, but I did hear something or other from somebody that they saw Moka kissing Tsukune on the neck." The other one said.
"Whoa, seriously?!" The first one asked.
Meanwhile, Gin, who was outside now, freaked out at this news. "AAAAAAGH! NO WAY, YOU GOTTA BE FRIGGIN KIDDING ME!" He screamed.
"Who's out there?!" The first girl asked. She pushed open the window as Tsukune just so happened to be walking by.
"Wrong place, wrong time, whee." Kou said.
The girl was glaring daggers at him. "You were peeping on us, weren't you, you slimeball!" She snapped.
"No, I swear, I was just passing by." He said.
"Looks like I'd better strike while the iron is hot. Especially since now I know how to drive a wedge between Tsukune and Moka." Gin said, remembering how Moka screamed that she hates perverts when she was beating the shit out of him.
Later...
Moka, Kurumu, Damion and I were interrogating Tsukune on the matter. "Look, it was all just a big coincidence. I was passing by right when they looked out." Tsukune said.
The girls merely looked away, but Damion leaned on Tsukune and rested his arm on his shoulder. "Come on, girls. He's a pervert sometimes, but we all know he's too much of a pussy to look at any girls besides you." Damion said.
"Good point." I said.
"But how can we be sure?" Moka said suspiciously and accusingly.
"Don't worry girls, I'll make sure he is severely punished, Get him, Ursaring!" I said, making the large bear Pokemon tear him to shreds.
Later...
"Did you HAVE to do that?" Tsukune asked, holding his dislocated arm.
"Have to, no. Want to? YES." I said, popping it back in place, which caused him to scream like a bitch.
"Why do you think the girls won't believe me?" Tsukune asked.
"They're girls. They're wired differently than us. All you'd have to do to win my vote is either pay me or buy me a BLT. Women, they're more about trust. It takes a long time to earn it and it's easy to lose it. It also depends on the type of woman. Like my girl, Lady, I can make jokes, look at dirty magazines and even playfully flirt with other girls and she's fine with it. But if I actually cheat on her, she WILL kill me. In Moka and Kurumu's case. All it takes is a little suspicion to ruin a relationship. It'll take time, but they'll trust you again." I told him.
"Would she actually kill you?" Damion asked.
"Oh, hell yes." I said.
"I can't speak for that, but I for one believe you, Tsukune." Gin said, appearing from nowhere.
"Hey! Only I'm the ninja who can show up from nowhere!" I said.
"You really believe me, Gin?" Tsukune asked.
He walked up and put his arm around Tsukune's shoulders. "Yeah, I've got your back, bro." He said, flashing his teeth again.
"If you do that again, I swear to the gods, I'll rip your teeth out." I said.
"I'll help." Damion said, holding up a pair of pliers.
"So, what's bothering you, Tsukune?" He asked.
Later, outside...
"You're worried Moka doesn't like you anymore, huh?" He asked.
"He's overreacting. He does that a lot." I said.
"Oh, what do you do if your precious Lady gets upset with you!" Tsukune snapped.
I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and lifted him into the air. "First off, speak about her like that again and you'll be breathing through a straw for 6 months," I said, dropping him, "Second, I just get wasted and let her go have a girl's night out to solve her problems." I said, pulling out a flask, which Damion swiped, to which I sank in disappointment.
"Man, Tsukune, if I were you, I'd stop hanging around these guys." Gin said.
"You're not much better." I said.
"No, but I wouldn't kick his ass all the time when I'm trying to teach him how to fight." He countered (In the Manga, it is implied the Gin is the one who teaches Mizore martial arts).
"Tough love." I said.
"No, just being tough. No love." Damion said, to which I nodded.
"Anyway, no matter what I say, she's completely convinced I'm a total perv." He said.
"You don't do a whole lot to prove otherwise." I said.
Gin looked at a window. "Hey, guys, see that? Climb up and take a peek." He said.
"Like how you were peeking up their skirts yesterday?" I asked.
"Yeah, do we really look that stupid?" Damion asked.
"What for?" Tsukune asked.
"You're not seriously considering that, are you?" Damion asked.
"What for? To change things with Moka, why else." He answered. Him and Tsukune looked at each other for a while, then Gin flashed his teeth again. Then I tackled him and kicked his ass. He managed to push me off, then he pointed to an oil drum. "Use that drum over there to climb on up." He said.
Tsukune was actually about to, but I grabbed his shoulder to stop him. "Can't let you do that, Tsukune." I said.
"You would trust a dude who you know is a perv, you caught him peeping on the girls before, to look into a window where you don't know where it goes. How big of an idiot are you?" Damion asked,
"Where does it go to, then?" He asked.
"I've made my way around this entire school exactly for moments like this, so I wouldn't be tricked to go somewhere I didn't know where it went to and I can confirm THAT is the girl's locker room." I told him.
"What?! Then Gin, you tricked me, you scum bag!" Tsukune snapped.
"Guys, I don't have to tell you that Moka's SMOKIN' HOT. I was howlin' the first time I saw her. And I said to myself: 'I definitely want her to join MY pack.'" He said.
"Yeah, mind NOT talking in useless metaphors that make it obvious to what your monster form is?" I said.
"What do you mean?" Tsukune asked.
"Tsukune! The stupid questions." I scolded.
"In other words, he's saying he wants Moka to be his girl." Damion said.
"You can HAVE her!" I said, hopeful to get one member of my unwanted harem off my back.
"No, he can't!" Tsukune said.
"I'll get her. One way or another." Gin said in a creepy tone.
"You know, I really don't like the way you worded that. Too creepy." Damion said.
"Yep. So now, it's time for you to get a feel for my favorite band: Five Finger Death Punch!" I said, rushing in to throw a super strong punch at his face, but then he disappeared (Fact: I FUCKING LOVE Five Fingered Death Punch).
"He's gone... Or perhaps... He never here to begin with." I said, widening my eyes as the screen zoomed in on me and went gray (Seriosuly, SOMEONE tell me where that originally came from). "Heyyy, too close, TOO CLOSE!" I said, until the screen zoomed in too far and hit me in the face, knocking me down (Spaceballs Reference).
"Where did he go?! It was so fast, even I couldn't keep track of it. It's like he can teleport." Damion said, slightly intimidated (In the BloodYokaiStudios Rosario Vampire Abridged series, he actually DOES teleport. I recommend that series by the way, it's funny. They make Gin an alcoholic and at one point, he's a hitman).
"Oh well, We'll run into him sooner or later." I said, pulling out an M4.
"Sai... Where are you going?" Tsukune asked nervously.
"I'mma go out for a little walk." I said, putting on some sunglasses walking off.
"The only thing more badass now would be if he sprouted either giant bat wings like Kurumu's or raven wings like Sephiroth and just flew off." Damion said impressed. I then did so. "Damn, we have lived." Damion said.
Later on the roof...
Moka was looking off into the distance, wondering if Tsukune really was a perv or not, when suddenly, she got a visitor. "What's up? What are you doin' out here? It's kinda late. It sure is a gorgeous full moon out tonight, isn't it?" Gin asked.
"Oh, hey, Gin." She said.
"I just heard. About Tsukune, I mean. I gotta say, though, the guy didn't really look like the type to peep. I guess it's true about some people having second natures inside of them." He said.
"If you knew just exactly you were talking to, you'd have no idea. And as for Tsukune being the type to peep, he isn't." I said, firing a shot passed Gin that grazed his cheek.
"Ah, what the hell, man, you could've killed me!" He said.
"I was trying. I just missed." I said. Then I looked at Moka as the wings retracted. "He was the one who peeped, Moka. I takes long naps in trees and I just-so-happened to pick a tree where Gin was spying on some women. That was the incident with Tsukune. He also tried to trick not only Tsukune, but also Damion and myself into trying to peek into the girls locker room." I said.
"Where's your proof?" He demanded.
"Artificial intelligence, my friend." I said, unleashing Porygon Z, which I had record and make a layout of the situation. Just then, everyone else arrived for no reason and also pointed fingers at Gin, who, in the process of trying to explain himself, stepped back, causing dozens of pictures of girls to fall out of his blazer. "Dammit! Oh well, I wanted to do things the easy way. I guess now I'm just gonna have to take you by force! Sorry about this!" He said, jumping away faster than anyone could track.
"That sounds like a rape claim." I commented.
He landed far away and began changing. His hair grew longer, he became purple, he began expanding, becoming more muscular and then his face protruded and he became a dog. He was a werewolf.
"Oh, you guys are supposed to be fast, huh? But can you outpace a demon?" I asked challengingly, limbering up and taking a running stance.
He rushed at me, so fast he was a beam of light. I managed to dodge it pretty easily, though. "Oh, please. I have to run faster than that when Nero finds out I've been flirting with Kyrie." I said. I tried my own attack, which should've hit, but he moved again, too fast for me to try and stop. "Okay, what the hell?! That should've landed easily!" I said.
"Sorry to tell you, but I'm a werewolf and we're known for our speed!" He said, appearing in front of me and kicking me high into the air. I went Super Saiyan and chased after him, but even with Damion's help and in Super Saiyan mode, we couldn't stop him. I did manage to hit him with a fireball, but it didn't stop him too much and he knocked me into the air again. "There's nothing I can do against that kind of speed! If this keeps up, I don't even think Moka could stop him!" I shouted, slightly panicked. Suddenly, I felt the intense brightness of the moon behind me. I stared at it long and hard for a moment, then grew angry. It felt as if it was toying with me. "Stop mocking me!" I shouted, shooting a fireball big and powerful enough to destroy it.
Gin looked up in fear to see that the moon was gone. "No, there's no way! If he blew up the moon, then my powers are gonna go way down!" He said in fear and disbelief.
"Take that, moon! Perfect orbit my ass!" I said, landing. I then looked as Damion easily took down Gin. "Yep! Once again ONE destruction has solved all of my problems. With no negative reprocussions." I said happily.
Back in the human world...
Integra was watching TV about an urgent News Report. "We've got breaking news that the Earth's moon has been completely destroyed. While the long term environmental effects can only be guessed at, preliminary speculations put the short-term death toll from tidal effects alone at the hundreds of millions. We now go to our resident expert on lunar science, Sailor Moon, Sailor?" The News guy reported, then went to her.
"Oh, dear God!" She screamed.
"Thanks, Sailor! We now return you to Nick at Night's 24 hour Full House marathon, already in progress." He said, cutting back to the program.
"Oh, for the love of God, what has Sai done now?!" She asked.
The next day...
"Special edition!" Kurumu shouted.
"Hot off the presses!" Yukari called out.
"Hey, Damion, how useful do you think Gin would be if he's on our side in these fights we always seem to be getting wrapped up in?" I asked.
"Considering you BLEW UP THE DAMN MOON, less than before, but he could still have his uses." Damion said.
"You act like it's a big deal to destroy the moon." I said.
"Whop would've guessed that our first story would be about proving that I'm NOT a peeping tom?" Tsukune asked.
"I dunno, it could be likely." I said.
"Crazy, huh?" He said, looking back at Moka, who was on a stool putting up posters on the bulletin board. Unluckily for Tsukune, he could now see up her skirt from this and lost a couple more pints of blood from the nose.
"Don't look while I'm up here!" She said, embarrassed, kicking him and knocking him down.
We now see the paper that says "Yokai Newspaper: Extra! The true culprit behind the fabricated peeping tom was from year 2 class 1 Ginei Morioka. Speaking of him, he was in his monster form, running like hell from a herd of angry girls. "Get back here, you creep!" They shouted, chasing him. Somehow, he turned and started running the other way with them right behind. "Gin, you pervert!" They shouted again. Once more, he turned around and ran the other way with them close in tow. "You're gonna be sorry for peeping on us!" And again, he ran back the other way to try and escape. "You're dead!" They shouted.
"Hey, let's go trip him." I said.
"Good idea!" Damion said as we ran in his way and did so, leaving him to the angry swarm of girls.
"Don't worry everyone, the moon will be back next episode, but either way, I pissed Integra off. Just remember: No moon is bad and NEVER watch Hypno's lullaby. See you next episode." I said, winking and flashing a peace sign near my eye.