3. Those Distant Bells

It was well past midnight when Sam and I emerged from the woods, Sam having put me down on my feet to walk on my own volition so that no one would see.

"Bella thank God," Charlie said when we saw them.

Not an affectionate man Charlie hugged me tightly. "Come on let's get you inside."

"Dad, I just want to go home."

"At least let Sue take a look at you. She's a nurse." He touched my forehead, "Jesus Bells, you're freezing. What the hell were you doin' out in the woods like that?"

I looked at the group that had formed around me: Billy and Jacob, Harry Clearwater and his wife Sue, Sam with a woman next to him and the other boy that I had seen earlier.

"Nothing, can we just go?"

"Did he do this to you? Did Edward leave you in the woods like that? What the hell happened, Bella?"

I tightened my arms around my waist for the second or third time tonight. The only people who seemed to notice were Sam and Jacob.

"Charlie," Jacob said speaking up, "Maybe we can pick this up later? Bella's had a long night." He turned to me. "You can crash here if you want."

"Thanks," I replied, "but I think I just want to go home," I said turning my back on the search party and making a line for Charlie's cruiser.

"Guess that's my cue," I heard Charlie say to the group. "Thanks for your help. Bells, you're not hiking out of here," he called after me.

Of course he would think that.

WEEK #1

WEEK #2

WEEK #3

WEEK #4

WEEK #5

WEEK #6

WEEK #7

Life goes on. Isn't that the over-repeated saying that you sometimes wish you could shove down a person's throat just so they'll stop using it? I could not count the amount of times that I had been told those three small words.

The first two weeks were the hardest. After he had left I had spent the first three days, Wednesday through Friday, at home, the pain of his absence too much to bear that school was the last thing I could focus on. With the weekend over and having spent five days of wallowing Charlie had forced me to go back to school. He knew there was no time limit for grieving but he wasn't about to watch me waste away, or so he had said.

Despite Charlie trying to help nothing could. I was going to school but had distanced myself from my friends to what good it did.

"What are you doing," I asked as Mike came over to my table.

"Eating my lunch," he said.

I looked at him and took a deep breath. I had been sitting at the lone table, their table, for a couple of weeks.

"Why?"

"Because in case you hadn't noticed, Jessica and I broke up. I know what you're going through."

I tightened my arms around myself. "Doubt it," I said softly.

"Well maybe not exactly. I'm not sure how chicks handle break ups but anyways I'm still your buddy, at least I think I am. Someone's got to look out for you. You're looking a bit pale," Mike said as he reached over and patted my stomach, "And gotta start getting some energy in there."

I smiled slightly at Mike's concern. My happiness however was short-lived when I heard the chatter behind me.

"Have you seen how weird she's been acting in class lately," Jessica said to Angela and Eric, "And how she covers her mouth at even the slightest of smells? I bet you anything she's pregnant."

Both Mike and I looked up at Jessica, my face unreadable.

"I'm sorry," Jessica said when she caught us looking. "You just haven't been yourself lately despite what you're going through and…"

"Just stop," Mike said standing up and turned to look at his ex.

"Yeah Jess," Angela said also coming to my defense. "Can't you see Bella has been through enough? The last thing she needs is for you to start spreading rumors about her. Angela turned and looked at me. "Sorry Bella."

"Whatever it's fine," I replied.

"See it's fine," said Jessica.

I stood up quickly and took hold of the table. It was nothing. I had just gotten up too fast.

"Do you want me to take you to the nurse or something?" asked Mike.

"No it's fine," I said using the same words again. "I just haven't been eating. I'll be okay."

Without saying a word I left the cafeteria in need of some much cold air. I could still hear the chatter behind me.

"Did you see the way she left like that," asked Jessica. "She's totally pregnant."

Mike shook his head, "Shut up."

Pregnant.

That one word stirred up a range of thoughts from a life that I thought I could never have. I'd been willing to give up my life as a human and everything that meant including not having kids.

Pregnant.

I couldn't be right? The only person I'd ever had sex with was a vampire and yet even so we had not used a condom as my theory was that the venom would disintegrate it.

My drive to Port Angeles didn't seem to take that long. It would have been social suicide had I stopped at a drug store in Forks. People all ready talked about my depressing behavior.

As I scanned the feminine hygiene isle confusion set in. There were so many different types of pregnancy tests: Clear Blue, First Response, EPT, Accu-Clear, One Step, Sure Sign, Confirm, Answer, Pro-Care, and others.

I hated myself for being here. I didn't know the first thing about pregnancies or babies or any of that world. I had resigned myself to the idea that I would be with him forever and was willing to give up all aspects of a normal human life.

I tightened my arms around my stomach but not too tight just in case. Even now it was painful to think of him and if this moment turned out to be true, it probably always would be. And if it was, then what? There weren't any guidelines to aborting a vampire fetus. I shivered at the word. I didn't even know if abortion was an option for me. Even if it was could I really do that?

I looked at the pregnancy tests. The only way to stop my circling thoughts was to take the damn test but what if it didn't work? It was my pee that was going on the stick so it had to work.

Maybe it was nothing. Maybe the aversion to food was part of the depression I was going through or maybe it was a food allergy- a lot of people had those. Even the tiredness could be associated to the depression. And the weird dreams I'd been having could easily be attributed to losing him. Yes that had to be it. I shook my head feeling like an idiot for letting Jessica get me so worked up this way.

"First time," asked a lady in a white lab coat who had come up to me.

I looked at the pharmacist, taken aback not having heard her footsteps. She was white-haired and must have been in her mid-60s.

"N-n-no," I stammered trying to lie but failing.

The woman smiled, "Sweetheart, it's okay. I've seen girls a lot younger than you come in here. That's just how life goes sometimes. Nothing to be ashamed of."

Clearly she had been doing this job for years or had had some experience with teen pregnancies.

"I'm just- I'm just not sure I'm… or that I…,"

God this was so embarrassing.

"Isn't that why you're here, to find out?"

I looked away for a moment. "It's nothing. I'm sure it's probably depression or something."

The woman nodded. She had been at her job for a long time and knew well enough to be sympathetic toward pregnant teenagers but also knew when not to pry.

"Okay maybe but from what I can see you're also thinking it could be more than that." The pharmacist reached for several tests, "Here, on the house. I'll even brown bag them for you. Take the test just to rule out or confirm your depression theory."

I looked at the woman, "Thanks."

Reluctantly I followed her to the cash register where she placed the tests in the bag.

"Good luck," she said to me.

"Do you have any idea what time it is," Charlie asked when I walked through the door.

"Sorry I lost track," I replied.

"You lost track?"

"Yeah?"

"You missed your afternoon classes so where the hell were you?"

"Nowhere," I replied as I made my way to the stairs.

"That's not an answer Bella."

"Dad I'm tired can we do this later?"

"No now." I sighed knowing I couldn't get out of this one. "Look Bells, I've been trying to give you some space but it's like walking on egg shells around you and quite frankly this behavior is starting to freak the hell out of me. I'm sorry what Edward put you through…" Charlie noticed as I tightened my arms around my waist. "See that right there, that's what I'm talking about. Can't even mention him or his name without you on the verge of breaking. I don't know, maybe it's time to get out of here. Maybe a change of scenery would be good for you, get a fresh start."

"You want me to leave?" I asked sounding a million miles away.

"Course not. I just don't know how I can help you and maybe your mom might have better luck. Maybe what you need is another woman to talk to and god knows your mother has had her fair share of break-ups."

"I don't want to leave."

I could feel the load in my backpack pressing down, a reminder of what I had yet to do. Weren't pregnant women not allowed to fly anyways?

I'm not pregnant.

I looked at Charlie and forced my voice to sound stronger. "I'll figure it out I promise. I just need a little more time. I don't want to live with mom."

I thought of Jacob Black. He had been calling since I'd returned home from that night in the woods. He had even checked up on me when I stayed in bed or sat like an empty life-form in the living room. He had been with me when my mind was a million miles away. The least I could do was thank him for that. So Jacob would be the plan.

"I will I'll start talking to Jacob."

"Okay that's a start I guess. That and no more missing school."

"I won't. Night dad."

"Night, Bells."

When I was safely upstairs I locked myself in the bathroom. With my backpack on the counter I hesitantly pulled out the brown bag and then the three contents inside.

I looked at myself in the mirror, took a deep breath and then made my way to the toilet seat.

One by one I waited. After 5 minutes, each of the three pregnancy tests laid face up with the results.

"Damn it," I whispered.