Chapter 65-Cosmic interference
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-December 31st-
The amount of gas passed this evening: Deadly
Number of embryos pressed against my bladder: 10
Current cravings: Pickles dipped in ice cream, cocktail onions and vinegar… disgustingly yummy.
Fake engagements: 2
Embarrassing sex-related insinuations: lost count
Sore feet: 2
Hours left till midnight: 4
Alcohol units: Big fat zero. It's been like ten years ore something since I was last sober on new years….
Side note: Edward wants it noted that his feet are sore too and that his back feels like a goddamn elephant stepped on it.
Stop hijacking my pity party, damnit!
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-December 31st, second message-
I almost forgot to remind myself to remember to get the laundry done, STAT!
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-December 31st, third message-
Top two baby names at the moment...maybe... Andie and Ellis
-End of message-
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"Well, that went well," Edward said, not able to keep the smile off his face.
He had been trying for sarcasm, but was too tired, too content, too sated to pull it off. The couch was comfy and the house was quiet for once. He heard voices from the dining room, but it felt like a million miles away.
"Mm, hm…." Bella lifted her head off his shoulder and nodded. "I thought so too. It's our second fake engagement after all. We're like pro's at this by now." She grinned and moved closer to him on the couch.
"Not funny," he groaned. "Some advanced warning would have been nice, you know. I never expected I'd have to get down on one knee, mid-meal, in front of the entire family and re-enact a proposal that never happened in the first place. I'm not good at improvising."
"Aww, I thought you did pretty good," she giggled. "And I did warn you. In fact, everyone but Alice got the heads up. "
"Yeah well, that didn't exactly make it any easier. My stupid brother nearly blew it by laughing though the entire dinner. Not easy to keep a straight face when everyone around you is cracking up at every single thing you say."
"Better that, than having it turn into one giant cry feast though. Imagine if your mother hadn't known it wasn't real…"
"Speaking about my mother… Did she coach you to say all those things about the ring?" he asked touching the makeshift engagement ring Bella had tied around her ring finger.
It was made out of a now slightly withered flower, with a stem was so fragile it nearly fell apart as Edward raised their entwined hands to get a better look at it. The flower was white and nondescript and came from Esme's fresh flower table arrangement.
"No, she just dropped this into my lap as she passed me some more gravy, whispering 'Alice expects a ring'. That's all. The rest was… I'm not sure where it came from, I was just…"
"Improvising."
"Exactly. Good thing your sister wants to believe this thing," she motioned between them. "so bad, she will fall for just about any romantic crap we feed her, eh?"
"Oh, so you're telling me you don't have your great-grandmother's sapphire and diamond, 18 carat, wedding ring stored away in a safety-deposit box?" he teased. Or at least sounded like he was teasing.
She turned in his arms to be able to look at his face. "Actually I do, but it's a plain silver band. No frills at all, which is why I cherish it immensely."
"But it's not actually like one of those rings that is passed down from generation to generation, like you implied."
"I never said that."
"No, but you implied."
"I had to explain the ring-less finger somehow," she huffed at his remark. "I honestly believe it could make a beautiful engagement ring… you know for some happy couple somewhere, someday... Not that I'd ever sell it but... I'd honestly never go for anything big and flashy myself and there has to be others that feel the same way I do. There's no need to buy new when slightly used will do."
She was rambling. Why was she rambling? None of the words that were coming out of her mouth made a great deal of sense.
Edward looked at her suspiciously. "Are you hinting at something?"
"No…why would you think that?" Then she realized exactly what he must be thinking. "NO! I was just trying to point out that there is at least a smudge of truth in everything that was said tonight. Because I know it bugs you to lie to your sister. That's all!"
"Okay fine!" he laughed at her flustered reaction. "Just checking… So, how long are you planning on keeping this up anyway?"
"I don't know, a few days maybe. I guess it all depends on Jasper. If you hate to lie to your sister, then imagine how he feels."
"Oh, good point. Maybe, I can whisk him away for a celebratory outing tomorrow, seeing as I've just appointed him my best man and everything. That should give you a whole day, at least, to mess with Alice."
"Brilliant! You're the best fake fiancé ever." She kissed his cheek once, then placed her head back on his shoulder. "Speaking of outings, weren't you already planing on doing something with Rosalie?"
"An outing with Rose? "
"Alice overheard the two of you making plans. She was actually kind of miffed because she thought you were taking Rosie ring shopping."
"Oh, that…"he laughed. "Not ring shopping. I've been thinking of having some ink done. Remember Rosie's friend Vera from way, way back?" He waited for her to nod before he continued. "Her boyfriend owns the only decent tattoo shop around here. He's actually supposed to be pretty good. I wanted to check out the place and I thought it would be a good idea to have Rose tag along, seeing as she kind of knows the guy."
"You're getting another tattoo?"
"I'm considering it, yes," he nodded. "I want to add Anthony's name below the Cullen crest on my arm. And I would love to do it in the next few days, if possible. You know, like a symbolic start of the New Year. "
"That's actually a sweet idea."
"Uh-Uh... My brother, sweet? What did he do now?" Emmett's booming voice came as a shock to them. Seconds later he appeared in the doorway with a digital camera his hands. The flash went off and the camera clicked noisily.
"Mom said to document everything, so that's what I'm doing," he offered as an explanation. "So, what's so sweet about Eddie? Did he book a fake honeymoon for his fake fiancée? Because a trip to Mexico sounds like a sweet idea to me."
"Shhh, not so loud," Bella shushed him, pushing herself up to a sitting position. "We're going to Vegas. Elvis themed wedding, haven't you heard? Then we're thinking of making a detour to Alaska, permanently."
"Oooh, I Iike Vegas, can I come?" He snapped another picture, before lowering the camera again.
"No, you can't come, because we're not going. Fake engagement, remember?" Edward sighed, pulling at his hair. "If you must know, I was just telling Bella about my plans for tomorrow, that's all."
"He's getting a tattoo," Bella offered, causing Edward to sigh again. It hadn't escaped Bella's notice that he didn't want to tell his brother any details. She didn't get why though. Emmett had plenty of tattoos of his own, including one with El's birth date on his wrist.
"He wants to add Anthony's name to his Cullen crest. A symbolic start of the New Year. I thought it was sweet," she added, giving Edwards hand a little squeeze.
"Oh really, bro? You were telling her about a tattoo? A new tattoo?" Emmett came over to the couch and plopped himself down on his brother's outstretched feet. "Why don't you tell her about the ones you already got? You chicken shit!"
"Ow! Get off me you heavy fucker!"
Emmett took three more photos in quick succession, before whispering theatrically to Bella, "You should ask him about it. He thinks I don't know, but I was right there when he had it done. He was drunk off his ass."
"Yes I was, that's no secret. I puked all over your precious car. I don't think she wants to hear about that."
"Oh, I don't know. From what I remember it was quite an eventful day."
"No, it was not… "
Just then a door banged open somewhere close by.
"Dessert's ready!" a shrill voice announced. This, of course had Emmett off the couch in a heartbeat.
"My Rosie is calling. We'll continue this argument later," he shouted, practically running for the door.
"Pay no attention to my brother," Edward scoffed. "One too many refrigerators dropped on his head when he was little."
He held his hand out, helping Bella to stand. Then he laced their fingers together before they started making their way they towards the sounds of muffled voices and laughter.
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"You don't have to tell me."
"Tell you what?" Edward pulled the cover around them. Bella's head was resting on his shoulder, as she drew pictures with her fingertips across his torso.
They were lying in bed together, curled up in the dark. It was a little past midnight, or more precisely 12:43, which was the earliest escape they had been able to get away with.
"Your tattoos. We were talking about your tattoos," she reminded him and smoothed the hair from his tired face.
His eyes closed at the contact. "Sorry, I'm just dead tired," he murmured, leaning his forehead to rest against hers. "I should have been in bed hours ago, but missing the champagne toast at midnight on New Years Eve is apparently a cardinal sin in this house. At least I got a childfree night out of it."
"Yeah, that was really sweet of her to offer," Bella replied as she absentmindedly traced the tattoo on his left arm. He had a few more on his arms, not like a sleeve or anything, just modest sized tattoos. This one, the Cullen crest, had not been there when she had first met him back in high school.
"I hope the little hooligan sleeps long and well and that he's good to his nana," Edward stated, eyes still closed. "Because I could sure use a night of uninterrupted sleep."
Bella hummed in agreement, while she spelled out T-O-N-Y on his skin with the tip of her finger.
He caught her hand, trapping her fingers against his chest. "You realize you've never asked about them before, right? I've been waiting, or rather dreading, but you've never asked. And then my stupid brothe-…"
"Your tattoos?" she interrupted him. "The new ones? Didn't realize there was anything special about them. Not that they are not special, it's just…"
"What's that suppose to mean?" He opened an eye to look at her. "You don't like them?"
"I didn't say that;" she defended herself. "Even if they weren't well designed and well executed, which they obviously are, I'd still like them. They are part of you."
"Very diplomatic, Swan." He sighed like he was a bit annoyed. "You don't have to love them all, you know. Or say that you love them just to please me."
"No, I really do like them. I don't get the meaning behind a few of them, but knowing you, they are probably all well thought out and wisely chosen," she told him in complete seriousness. Then, to lighten the mood she jokingly added, "Also, this is going so well and I'd hate to start a fight over some silly tattoos."
"Hey!" he huffed and narrowed his eyes. "They are NOT silly!"
"You have a pair of scissors tattooed on your foot."
The tattoo she was referring to was on the skin between his big toe and second toe and was accompanied words 'cut here'.
"A par of very aesthetic looking pair of scissors, mind you. Very pleasing on the eye," Edward said with a laugh. "But okay, fine. That one is kind of silly. I have no regrets though, every single one of my tattoos means something to me regardless of whether or not it means anything to anyone else."
"I know that. I'm just messing with you," she said kissing his cheek. "So tell me what's so special about the new ones you've got? What do they mean? The crest is self explanatory, I guess, but the other two…."
Reaching for her, he grasped her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. She sighed happily, reviling in the warmth, the connection between them.
"The crest is about family and gratitude," he finally admitted, confirming what she already knew. "Because no matter where I came from…"
"They ARE your family." She snuggled into his chest, waiting for him to continue.
"Yeah, something like that. The feather is… " He lifted his arm so that it was facing her, "…well, it's actually supposed to be a small, white swan's feather."
"A feather from a swan?"
"Feather of a white, female Swan, yes."
"Shut up!"
"No, it's true."
She reached out to touch the ink. "When did you get it done and how drunk were you?"
"First week of college and I was surprisingly sober for that one."
"So, then it's not this one that Emmett's been ribbing you about. That leaves the writing on the underside of your forearm. Is it kinky? Or misspelled, or just embarrassingly cheesy?"
He shock his head. "They are connected; the feather and the words. I don't know how he figured it out, but he did and now he finds it hilarious to mock me about it all the freaking time."
"Figured what out? What does it say?"
"It's a reminder, kind of like confession of a life learned lesson," Edward admitted, rubbing his thumb over the letters. "'The best way to catch a swan is not by scaring it away,' that's what it says."
Bella immediate response was to laugh, in a nervous you-can't-be-serious kind of way; but Edward's eyes told her that he wasn't joking. "Really?" she choked out. "Are you serious?"
"Dead serious. I'm not making this up. It's an actual African proverb. I exchanged 'bird' for 'Swan' but other than that it's legit. I wanted to keep it private, hence the placement and the choice of language."
He read it again, moving his thumb along the letters as he spelled it out for her word by word.
"So this is some African tribal language then?" She mirrored his thumb's movements with her own.
"No, it's Gaelic. The tattoo artist that designed it for me was Irish and supposedly I have like a quarter or something of Irish blood flowing through my veins, so… It made sense at the time."
"Ah, I see… this is where the alcohol comes in."
"I was out of my mind drunk… and not even twenty years old… and sentimental because I had seen an old red Chevy pick-up truck hurtle down the highway at 65 miles per hour that very same day. You were my 'the one that got away' and each and every reminder was like salt on fresh wound, you know and..."
"And getting a reminder as permanent as a tattoo inked into your skin helped how exactly?"
"Oh, don't you start mocking me, too," Edward warned, wrapping his right arm tight around her neck in a side headlock. "I know we were teenagers, but losing you broke my fuckin' heart." He nuzzled the side of her face affectionately. "And I stubbornly held onto my anger for a very long time."
She pulled away. "For the record, I was pretty heartbroken too. Luckily, it appears as though swans are not as easily spooked as other birds. This Swan is still around, isn't she," Bella said, pointing to herself.
"But I kind of did scare you away, though... And I suppose this tattoo was my way of acknowledging that at least some, if not all, of the fault was my own."
"We were both to blame. We didn't know what we were doing. " Bella ran her fingers soothingly through his hair." We were just kids, that had to cope with the shit we were dealt."
"I know, but we've moved past that now, right? We're supposed to be older and wiser now. We're supposed to be adults, raising babies. Though, I'm still not clear on how I went from having zero kids to two kids on my conscience, literally overnight."
He looked al bit frazzled at that, probably thinking about all the sleep he would miss out on, or the staggering amount of diapers two kids can go through in a day.
She took pity on him and said, "You're not alone in this. We're co-parenting, remember?" she nudged his shoulder in affection and continued. "At the risk of sounding like Alice, maybe it was fate that it all happened this way. Have you thought of that?"
Edward made a skeptical face. His tiredness seemed to be forgotten now. "You don't believe in fate," he reminded her.
"Maybe, I've changed my mind," Bella turned over and fluffed up her pillow a few times before lying back again. "I don't believe in coincidences, so it must be something else."
"Like what? Cosmic interference?"
"Maybe," she shrugged. "As much as I digress believing in destiny or fate or the universe's plan, there must be some kind of reason our path crossed again in such a dramatic and unpredictable manner."
"I don't know if I would call it fate, though. If this has taught me anything, it's that the cosmos has a sick, twisted sense of humor, but I'd still like to believe that we shape our own destiny. "
"When did you become so wise, Eddie-san?" Bella teased him, with a yawn. "Not to change the subject or anything, but I'd just like to say one thing about your tattoo while I'm still awake and lucid. I find it fascinating that you'd pick proverb about a swan. It's all kinds of fitting and not just because of my name."
"Why? Because swans supposedly mate for life? I remember you telling me that when we were seventeen."
"Well, that and the fact that we are in Forks right now. It's actually believed migrating birds return to nest in the same area they were born in. Combine those two primal, biological instincts and you'll see that I was probably always meant to come back to you and this podunk town eventually."
"Great, so now all I have to do is to figure out how to keep you in the nest," Edward chuckled, but stopped when he noticed Bella had tensed in his arms. "Figuratively speaking, obviously," he hurried to add. "I didn't mean it in the keep-her-pregnant-and-barefoot kind of way, because I don't think that's the solution to anything in the long run."
"Caging this Swan is not advisable either, just so we're clear. I want to be able to work, have at least a resemblance of a career, even if it will be a modified one. "
"I suppose wing clipping is a no-go as well."
"Yeah, definitely. I want to still remain me and not just become 'mom' or the 'wifie' at home. So no neck band either, thank you very much? I'd like to remain unmarked, for now."
"Noted. So what will it take to tame this Swan?" he asked, pushing a dangling lock of her hair behind her ear.
"You'll have to feed her and love her and let her spill the messy contents of her heart all over you. Sometimes it won't just be word vomit, and it won't always be pretty, but you have to pretend that it doesn't faze you. Same as when she passes foul gas and her ankles swell to the size of tree trunks. You won't go wrong if you fan her when she's hot, rub her back, fluff up her pillows and bring her ice cream when she's grumpy. Oh, and pickles. Baby Swan loves pickles."
"Aww, the little one is hungry again, mama Swan?" Edward cooed, bending down to caress her stomach.
"No! It's the middle of the freaking night," she huffed in great indignation. "I stuffed myself to the top of my throat with dessert like less than three hours ago."
"Are you sure? Because I could go get you something."
"Yes, of course I'm sure," she insisted, despite the fact that she had just caught herself subconsciously rubbing her stomach.
"I could make a few sandwiches or something to snack on for later, in case you wake up hungry."
"You're making fun of me," she pouted. Yes pouted. "You're not allowed to make fun of me for the next five months or so."
"So, no sandwiches then?"
"Well, since you're offering, maybe I wouldn't mind a pickle, cheese and mayonnaise sandwich. You know for later. With extra pickles. Oh, and some milk. Ice cold…"
"Hold that thought," He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "Maybe I should write this down."
"Now who's mocking who?" She slapped his arm not so gently.
"Who is mocking whom."
"Oh, shut up, Edward," she growled, I'm practically talking in my sleep. "I will absolutely perish if you don't get me some cheese. STAT."
"Pickles has a nice ring to it, as a middle name," Edward got up and fumbled around on the floor for his boxers and his—no, his pregnant girlfriend was wearing his t-shirt. His mind reeled at that thought. Pregnant, girlfriend, semi clothed, semi naked….
"Edward?"
"What?"
"Over my dead body. It's even worse than Peanut"
"How about Cygnet or Flapper?" He tugged his underwear on and dug a pair of sweats
"Cute, but you realize those are not real name, right?"
"I thought we wanted something gender neutral and unique."
"Not that unique," she yawned again and curled up into a ball with the sheet wrapped around her.
"You're going to be fast asleep two seconds after I'm gone, aren't you?"
"Probably, but you'll leave anyway, because you have this compelling need to check on Tony before you can actually get any sleep yourself."
"I didn't realize I was that transparent."
"I know you better than you think I do."
Edward looked down at her and gave her a fond smile. "No you don't, but I hope someday you will."
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