I woke up to the sound of my alarm blaring, but I just pulled a pistol out of my trench coat and shot the alarm clock a few times. "5 more minutes." I said, dozing back to sleep. It started blaring again, so I pulled out a sub-machine gun and unloaded a few rounds into it. Nothing, so then I threw a grenade, but it bounced off and landed right near my bed, blowing up and launching me out of bed. "Great. Now I'm up." I grumbled, getting ready for the day.
I walked to school and ran into a few guys who I knew, but you wouldn't exactly call us friends. Just the 'somebody that you know' category… Or in my case, 'somebody that you know, or at least looks familiar, but you can't remember their names'. "Good morning to you, Sai." The first one called.
"Morning, guys." I said with a nod.
"So are both of your parents coming, or just one?" The other one asked.
"My… Parents?" I asked, confused, then faintly remembered.
Flashback…
Ms. Nekonome was at the board with her usual cheery expression. "Kaaay?! And since tomorrow is Yokai Academy's parent day, you need to show your folks what a great school this is! Let's do it! I'll see you and them in the morning!" She said, pointing at us with her little pointing wand, I don't know what they're called.
End flashback…
"OH, shit." I said, looking up at the sky, then at the ground. I completely forgot/repressed that. A: I didn't want my parents know about my little (unwanted, may I add) harem and worse yet, Kurumu and Moka would try to win favor over my parents. Plus, my father would just hunt for the strongest source of monster energy and challenge the person to a fight. And last time my mother went to a conference, she hospitalized the parents of a girl who was constantly hitting on me… And the girl. "Neither. They didn't think they needed to be here." I lied.
"Dude that rocks!" The second one said, then turned to the first one. "This guy's parents trust him so much they don't need to come see him in school. I wish my parents treated me like an adult." He said.
"Well, we are adults now; we should get treated like one." I said.
"I really would've liked to have met your mom, though." The first one said.
In an instant, I was in front of him with a kunai to his throat. "You should choose your words carefully. It's historically dangerous to say the wrong things around my family." I said, putting it away as he trembled in fear.
"I'd like to meet her, too!" Moka called out, walking up from behind us. "I really would've liked to have met your mother, too, Sai! It would've been so nice." She said.
(Hm… Moka meeting my mother…) I thought.
[I don't think that would go well.]
She'd probably be happy that she isn't sucking our blood, but she wouldn't be as thrilled with the fact she NEVER leaves us alone.
(Lemme visualize this…)
Vision…
Moka walks up to my mother. "It's so nice to meet you, Mrs. Blade! Sai is such a wonderful person; you've done a great job raising him. I… also really like him." She said with her finger to her lips innocently, swaying back and forth a bit.
"Moka, you are the 13th smartest person in the school. You should know by now: This ain't happenin'." I said, pointing between the two of us.
"But Sai-!" Moka said, but was interrupted by my mom grabbing her by the throat, though not enough to hurt or choke her, and lift her off the ground.
"He said it won't happen. I suggest you respect his decision, or I'll respect your soul as a meal." She said darkly.
End vision…
([Yeah, that sounds about right.])
"My mom's… Not really a people person." I said.
After the opening scene (the song of which I love, by the way. And I gotta admit, it's really cute when the girls are dancing, even Kokoa), we are in the classroom and everyone was enjoying the time with their parents… Except Damion, Lady, Ayane and Saizou. Technically Moka, Tsukune and I, too, but we already knew the situations there. "Hey, Lady, Ayane, where are your parents?" Tsukune asked.
"Ooh." I said, knowing he just hit a nerve.
Both girls glared at him, rage in their eyes. "My parents are dead." Lady hissed.
"And my family still treats me as an outcast, so my mother can't show up." Ayane snarled.
Damion and I shot a look at each other. "He's gonna die." We said at the same time.
The beatdown commenced and we decided to ignore it to prevent serious nightmares. Damion's parents were dead, so I decided not to read into it and ask, since he knows how I can die. We then noticed Saizou. "Ah, shit." He grumbled.
"Saizou's even grumpier than usual, you think parents day could be upsetting him somehow?" Moka asked.
"What's the problem? Bad home situation, man?" I asked, passing him a beer.
"Ha! Who gives a crap about parent's day anyway?" He scoffed.
Suddenly, a voice rang out, belonging to an ugly-ass, fat-ass woman. "Saizou! Hi, sweetie!" She called out accompanied by an equally fat-ass man.
"Not even a Victoria's Secret catalog will pitch a tent for me after seeing that woman." I said in shock, going almost blind from the ugliness.
Suddenly, Saizou's eyes were giant and he looked like a 6-year-old who was going to see Santa. He quickly got up from his seat and ran over. "Mommy! Daddy!" He said.
"What the fuck?" Damion, Ayane and I asked, all deadpanning.
"Mommy?" Tsukune asked as we all sweatdropped.
"He absolutely ruined his image." I said.
"Let's change the subject, please?" Damion pleaded.
"Who's coming from your family?" Tsukune asked Moka.
"It's just me. I'd better get to Kokoa's class and spend some time with her." Moka said.
"Haven't you learned anything from the last episode?" I asked.
"Yeah, that's a terrible idea." Damion said, nodding.
"Definitely not good for your health." Lady agreed.
"Just you?" Tsukune asked.
"Yeah, the truth is, I've never once had anyone come and visit me on parent's day. It's the same for Kokoa, so I thought I'd go visit her." Moka said.
"I still don't think that's a good idea." I said.
"Oh, Moka…" Tsukune said as if he was going to cry.
"I don't need your charity!" Kokoa's voice rang out. Moka sidestepped and everyone else ducked as Kokoa rushed in with Kou as a Morning Star (the really big spiked ball) and slammed it into Tsukune, sending him flying.
"A beautiful use of a beautiful weapon." I said.
"If you even think of coming to my classroom, you're gonna meet the business end of my little Kou hammer here and you're SO gonna regret it." She snapped, walking off and dragging the weapon behind her.
"I certainly regret it." Tsukune said, his entire face red and flattened, blood coming from his mouth.
"Tsukune!" Moka shouted in fear.
The scene changes for a minute and Tsukune was holding a rag up to a wound on his face. "Hang on. I'm not gonna lie, this may sting a little… Okay, a lot… Okay, like hell." I said, pressing my thumb, lit on fire against the wound, cauterizing (Hey, I spelled it right!) it as he screamed.
"Are you okay?! I'm sorry you got hurt because of me!" Moka apologized.
"Don't worry, Moka, the goddamn plot won't let him die." I said annoyed.
"It's not your fault, but what was that you were saying before? About how no one ever came to see you on parent's day?" He asked.
She paused for a moment, wearing the smile she does when she pretends like nothing's wrong. "It's been like that since I was little. I'm always the one nobody comes to see." She said.
"Ouch." Damion said.
"That's the saddest thing ever!" I wept, referring to Itachi's confession and death scene in Naruto. "He was ordered to kill his own clan and he wanted his brother to kill him all along!" I sobbed.
"Sai! No spoilers!" Lady warned.
"Too late now." Ayane said, unfazed.
"Not this year. No one's come to see me, either. That means we're in the same boat." Tsukune said.
They had another romantic moment and then they leaned in, looking like they would kiss, but then Moka sucked his blood instead. Then they both freaked out when Mizore leaned over the desk. "PDA's are against school rules. Mind asking me what it is you're doing here, Moka?" She asked.
"I should be asking you what you're doing here, stalker!" Moka shouted, only to be frozen by Mizore. Damion and I practically died laughing.
"I think I want to ask Damion a favor." She said, turning to the vampire.
"Name it, my little Snow Bunny." He said, holding her close.
"Ah, young love. Right, babe?" I asked, pulling Lady close, one arm around her waist, then leaned in and kissed her.
Hell yeah! Damion ain't getting more action than US in our own story!
[True 'dat.]
"It's my dumb mother; she keeps nagging me to introduce you to her." She said.
"Sure, where is she?" He asked as Moka slowly began to break out of the ice, or at least cracked it.
We see middle-aged woman crouched behind a desk in a kimono, snow colored hair. "HOLY SHIT!" Lady and I said, jumping back.
"JESUS! WHAT THE HELL!" Damion said, also jumping back.
[So that's where that comes from.]
Stalking must be a Shirayuki family tradition, like being badass Anti-heroes that murder criminals is a Blade Clan tradition.
"Mizore REALLY takes after her mother, doesn't she!?" Tsukune asked, freaked out.
"Yeah." Moka said in her average tone.
"It's okay to come out now, Mother. This guy here's my boyfriend." She said, pointing to Damion.
"Pleased to meet you, I'm Mizore's mother, Tsurara." The older snow woman said with a bow.
"Pleased to make your acquaintance." Damion said, also bowing.
"And you must be the famous Damion. You're even more handsome than Mizore described." She said with a smile, an anime snow background behind her.
"It's pretty easy to see where Mizore gets her good looks from as well." Damion said, causing her to blush.
Moka, meanwhile, was absolutely PISSED, exerting a lot of monster energy with red eyes and a scary-ass dark anime background that showed the monster energy she was exerting, her hair flowing. The weirdest and scariest part was she had a big, open mouth smile, which she was screaming from like she was powering up in DBZ. "Oh, shit, all pink-haired women are Yandere after all!" I said, hiding behind Ayane.
"Back off before I snap your neck." She said.
"And who might these nice young lady be?" Tsurara asked, looking at Moka, Ayane and Lady.
"Oh, it's such a pleasure to meet you, ma'am!" Moka said.
"She's just a super-clingy, groupie girl." Mizore answered.
"THANK YOU." I said.
"The scary girl with the purple hair is Ayane and the girl with two different eyes is Lady. She's his girlfriend." She said, pointing at me.
"Mizore, if it wouldn't make this situation creepy and if Damion wouldn't kill me, I'd hug you. But instead I'll just say it again. THANK YOU!" I said.
"I'm Sai's girlfriend!" Moka said, the monster energy coming back.
"I strategically choose NOT to say anything." I said, crossing my arms, but was then grabbed by Kurumu, who latched her arms around my neck and put one leg up on my chest. "RAPE!" I shouted.
"Oh, Sai! I'm so glad I found you! Yes, finally! Hey, mom! Quick, he's over here!" Kurumu called cheerfully, waving over a woman dressed like either a high-class prostitute or a female pimp: A sparkly black coat with a fur neck and a red mini dress. "This is my mother." She said, holding her hand out to point her out.
The older succubus closed her eyes, smiled and waved. "Please, call me Ageha. So you're Kurumu's fiancée, huh?" She asked.
"WHAT?!" Lady and I shouted at the same time.
"And who might you be, dear? His wannabe lover?" She asked Lady.
"I'm his ACTUAL lover." Lady said, standing between me and Kurumu.
I sighed. "Kurumu, that does it. I've tried being nice up until now, but I think I'm just gonna come out and say it. You are not my girlfriend and you never will be. You have a better chance of getting with my little sister than you do getting with me." I said.
"What?!" Kurumu said, shocked.
"Damn, that's cold." Damion said.
"I don't even think Serena could handle that psycho." Lady said.
"So, Kurumu, you lied to me about having a fiancée?" Ageha asked, fierce monster energy flowing from her.
"I'm sorry, Mom! But he's my destined one, I thought I'd get him eventually!" The younger succubus pleaded.
At that moment, before blood could be spilled, Yukari walked in, accompanied by her mother and father. "There he is. Hey, Sai!" She called.
Ruby then walked in past her with her eyes closed, leading a group of other adults. "Pardon me, please. And this, folks, is one of our sophomore classrooms." She explained before Yukari interrupted her.
"Hey, Ruby? Why are you-?" She started to ask, but then Ruby noticed her parents and rushed over to them, but they didn't seem to at all acknowledge her.
"Fellow witches! I'm so happy to meet you. I don't know how many years it's been since I've seen adult witches!" She said happily.
Also before Kurumu's mother could commit filicide (killing her own child), she noticed Mizore's mother and became furious. "Tsurara!" She snapped, shocking all of the younger generation.
"Heey! Is everyone having an enjoyable parent's day?" Ms. Nekonome asked, walking in, followed by Damion's younger sister, Selene.
"WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING HERE!?" Damion asked, shocked to see her.
The answer was found when the two mothers were merely standing there looking at each other, but their rival/battle aura was sparking through the entire room, even slowly freezing some people, such as myself. "I don't deserve this." I said before being completely encased in ice.
"Ms. Tsurara please, can you calm down?" Damion asked, but she didn't pay the slightest attention. It's as if the only person that existed in their worlds was the other one
"Damion, what's happening?" Selene asked, worried, walking up to him and holding onto one of his arms.
"Selene! I thought I'd never see you again. Where did you come from?!" He said, hugging her.
"Aww, that's sweet." I said.
"Damion, it's been so long. Why haven't you told about your friends?" Selene asked
"Hold it." He said, pointing to Kurumu, and Tsukune. "Those two will never be my friends." He said, almost making me die laughing. Mizore glared and readied, ice claws, but Damion stopped her. "And, Mizore, don't get so defensive, this is my little sister, Selene."
The bell suddenly tolled and… "And that brings first period to a close. Now it's time for P.E." Ms. Nekonome said happily. The parents then left, but as Tsurara was about to, she was interrupted by getting bumped into by Ageha's MASSIVE jugs. The succubus merely smirked, but as she passed, she was tripped by the snow woman and nearly fell, but she managed to regain her balance and the two walked out, struggling to stay in front of the other.
"What the hell was with that fiancée shit?" Lady snapped at Kurumu.
"Well, if you must know, my mom was pestering me about my love life and that's just what came out. But do you really mean that, Sai? I thought you were my destined one!" She said, teary-eyed, trying to jump on me like always, but I grabbed Selene and moved her in the way.
"Let me go you big boobed bimbo!" Selene muffled.
"Always good to have an escape plan." I said, about to walk away, only to walk into a furious Damion. "Like this one." I said, pulling out a shotgun and blasting myself out of the window.
"And now it's the second period of parent's day, whee~!" Kou announced as we were out at the Tennis courts.
Yukari served the ball and got an ace, to which her parents cheered. "Did you guys see my swing?" She asked excitedly.
Moka and Lady were in the middle of an intense match, fiercely slamming the ball back and forth with all their strength. I should also add, the gym skirts are even shorter than the school skirts. Any time either of them so much as moved, their panties were on display. Anyway, Kurumu went for a save, but she missed on purpose to make her boobs bounce. "Dang!" She said happily.
Meanwhile, Mizore was just as useless for her team, bent over and not moving so her ass was sticking out. "Hey, a little effort would be nice!" Another girl on the team snapped.
"I melt when I run." She said.
Then both mothers called their daughters off to the side. "Kurumu, you need to keep up your efforts for Sai. And why haven't you used your love charm?" Ageha demanded.
"Well, uh… I promised him I'd never use that on him again. He can break free with enough effort, too. And I'm trying to get him to like me without my powers." She explained.
"It sounds like your relationship with him is over before it starts. If you want him, do it with him! Got it?" Her mother snapped. (Kurumu will have Sai before Damion gets anywhere NEAR Mizore.) She thought (I'll explain: Mizore likes Damion, so I can't have them fight for the original reason from the anime, so they made a bet their daughter would get with their crush before the other).
With Mizore…
"I wanna talk to you about your relationship with Damion." Tsurara said, having one hand as an ice claw.
"What is it, mom?" Mizore asked.
"I want you to freeze him, dear." Her mother said.
"Well that wasn't what I expected you to say!" She said, shocked.
"If you freeze him now, Damion will remain your boyfriend forever." Tsurara said.
"But mother, I made a promise that I wouldn't do stuff like that to him."
"Really? In that case, don't be surprised if he ends up with Kurumu or that Moka girl."
"No! I can't let that happen!"
"There's only one way to make sure it doesn't. And that's by freezing him and keeping him close." This shocked Mizore. "That's the proper form of love for a Snow Woman."
"Then that's what I'll do!" Mizore said, raising her fist determined.
(I refuse to lose to that woman.) Ageha thought.
(I will NOT lose to her.) Tsurara also thought.
They both laughed evilly on a split screen, then Kou flew in. "Boy, these are some scary mothers, whee~!" He said, crying.
Later…
Damion was in a game against me, when suddenly, Mizore waved him over. "Hurry up, Damion, there's something I want to do to you." She said seductively.
"What might that be?" He asked hopefully.
"I'll show you!" She said, freezing him.
I was about to melt him out, but then Kurumu grabbed me. "Hey, wait, Sai. You didn't get hurt when you shot yourself earlier, did you? Does it hurt here?" She asked, grabbing my crotch.
"Gods-dammit, old nuns and dead kittens!" I said, thinking of that so I wouldn't get turned on.
"Just hold on a little bit longer, Damion!" Yukari said, using her magic to create a tea kettle full of hot water, melting him out of the ice, then chasing Mizore away with it.
Skipping ahead, this is getting too long: Long story short, the rivalry between the mothers continued, oblivious as to what was going on around them important for school. "Maybe I SHOULD'VE invited my mom. This situation wouldn't be happening about right now." I said.
Later in music class, Mizore and Kurumu each sang their character songs, but I think I like Mizore's song "Snow storm" better, Kurumu's was too sad for me. But one thing I noticed is the animators royally sucked at the right lip movements when the girls were singing.
Then, both mothers offered to have their daughter have dinner with them and their crush. I blasted myself out of a window with a shotgun this time. "That's such a kind offer, unfortunately Sai will have to turn it down because we'll be going to the place you planned with Damion and I don't think there'd be enough room in the restaurant afterwards." Tsurara said.
"Not to mention he shot himself in the head this time, I think he needs a doctor." Damion said, looking out the window to where I was laying.
"I've got him." Lady said, jumping out after me.
"Sai takes this way too far sometimes." Ayane said.
"Considering that brainless succubus throwing herself at him all the time, I can't blame him." Selene said.
"What did you say, you brat?!" Kurumu said, tackling her, wings and tail exposed, but not the nails.
"Well, you must be mistaken, because Sai promised to go to the restaurant and take the last place with Kurumu and I." Ageha said.
"I don't think so, I remember all of my dates because I don't pick up random men, unlike some bimbos I know." Tsurara said.
"Like this one!" Damion said, grabbing Kurumu's tail and lifting her off the dominated Selene, throwing her out of the window.
"It must be nice to have so few dates that you can actually remember them all, as for me, I get so many offers from men, I can barely keep track of them." Ageha snapped. Then, strangely, both of them laughed.
Late in the cafeteria…
After recovering from blasting myself in the head, I rejoined everyone and was forced to eat a meal with the whole group, mostly with Kurumu and her mother. "Sai?" Ageha asked.
"Huh?" I said uncaringly, tearing into my steak, trying to seem like a slob no one wants around.
"We need to discuss yours and Kurumu's engagement party, you ARE getting married, after all." She said.
"This is why guys should wear engagement rings, too." I said, holding up Lady's hand to reveal a (fake) engagement ring.
"Oh, that? I hope you are joking, that is completely fake. I've been tricked like that a few times, so there's no way a fake can slip by me." She said.
"Damn!" I said, looking down at the table. "Note to self, never lend money to Stein, you never get it back. Wonder what he ever did with it? Actually, I don't want to know." I said, stopping my train of thought.
"Hey, Damion, I think you and Mizore should have a lax wedding." Tsurara said.
"A wedding?!" Damion and Selene shouted in shock.
"Of course, you and Mizore are only dating now, but you know what that usually leads to." Tsurara said.
"Okay, screw this, it's taking too long." I said, pulling out a remote and fast forwarding a few minutes to the fight.
Both mothers stood up and faced each other down. "Chaos claw!" Ageha announced, extending her nails to impossible lengths (well, longer than Kurumu ever did, considering the decent space between the mothers), sending them right at the Snow Woman.
"Ha! That's no match against my giant blizzard!" Tsurara snapped, creating a blizzard that was easily stronger than any Mizore had ever mustered, easily blowing a hole in the wall.
"This is some scary shit!" I said, hiding behind Tsukune.
"You got that right!" Damion said, hiding behind Kurumu.
"Mom, cut it out!" Kurumu called.
"Chill out, Mother!" Mizore asked, hugging a terrified Selene (Darkchild and I were discussing cute sisterly scenes between them earlier, so I thought I'd add one here. And if I don't make another chapter, that's because he killed me).
"I'll cut you in half with my ultimate claw attack!" Ageha said, coming down at
"Ice pillars array!" Tsurara announced, sending giant ice pillars at the succubus.
This caused another explosion that destroyed most of the cafeteria. Both daughters tried to stop their mothers, but were thrown to the side. "Damn! I thought MY mother was scary!" I said.
"Hey, Mr. Death Scythe, maybe you should do something about this?" Ayane said, annoyed.
"Oh, right. Lemme think…" I said, stroking my chin and coming up with a plan.
After some talking and a flashback, we learned that their situation was exactly the same as their daughter's situation in the actual canon.
"Meet my servant of fear!" Tsurara said, making a giant snowman.
"Oh, yeah, try these on for size! Breast missiles of rage!" Ageha said, unveiling her boobs, which shot GIANT LASERS at them, destroying more of the school.
"Can you do that?" I asked Kurumu.
"Well, I- uh… Apparently." She said, pointing at the spectacle with her hands.
"Okay, succubi are FUCKING AWESOME!" I said.
"We're gonna die, aren't we?!" Selene asked.
"Wait! I think I've got it now. I, the immortal badass uses fire. And Mizore's mom uses ice…." I said, making a plan.
[And Succubi can be frozen by ice. And ice is weak to fire. And fire is strong against ice!]
And Earth, Wind And Fire sang 'Boogie Wonderland!'
(That was a good song. Yes. Dance. Boogie Wonderla~and~!) I sang in my head.
"Sai, a little help here? We need to stop their mothers!" Tsukune said.
"One sec, Tsukune! I need to get my groove sufficiently on." I said, bobbing my head to the music while thinking of a way to get them both to attack me. "Okay, I've got it." I said, jumping over the debris. "Hey, violent milfs. You ready for this bombshell? Your daughters are Lesbos and go at it like bunnies. EVERY. NIGHT." I said.
They both screamed, then glared at me with the intent to kill. "How dare you spread lies about my Kurumu!" Ageha said.
"Mizore would never touch another woman, you bastard!" Tsurara said.
"Lady, warm up the hot chocolate. I'mma need it after this." I said, getting in a stance ready to jump at them.
"Let's teach this boy a lesson!" Ageha said.
"A painful one!" Tsurara agreed.
"Painful for you, maybe. Let's see if you can go as many rounds as your daughters." I said, jumping.
"DIE!" Ageha said, firing the breast missiles, but missed.
"Where ya aimin' dugong?" I asked, now in the gap between the two mothers.
"Take this!" Tsurara said, blowing a cold breeze at me, but I dodged with a 'whoop!'
"No, wait!" Ageha said, flinching just before getting frozen.
"You know, Lady calls me hot for more than just my looks!" I said, throwing a fireball at Tsurara, easily knocking her out. "Conveniently, each monster's strength is the other's weakness." I answered.
"Wow. You solved your problems by essentially avoiding it." Damion said, impressed.
"Yeah, I like that, too." I agreed.
"Good job, Sai!" Kurumu said, tackling me.
"I don't like that." I said, annoyed.
Later…
Yukari's parents fixed the damage and Kurumu and Mizore confronted their mothers on the issue. "You used us to carry out your stupid fight!" Kurumu said.
"I'm sorry." Ageha apologized, bowing.
"Well, what about you, mother?" Mizore asked.
"I'm sorry, too." Tsurara said, bowing as well.
"And I'm sorry I lied to you about my relationship with Sai. I want him to fall in love with me naturally and not in some underhanded way." She said.
"Hey, she hasn't met you and this is crazy, but here's my little sister's number. Call her instead of me." I said, giving Kurumu Serena's number and walking away.
Then they both noticed Saizou and his family and realized that their crush was now Saizou's ugly-ass father, causing them both to feint and me to throw up. "Kurumu, it's not the hunks in the past, it's the hunks in the future that count!" Ageha told her.
"Got it, mom!" Kurumu said.
"Well, sorry to tell you, but you aren't getting this hunk." Lady said as we walked back to my dorm.
"This is one running gag that will NEVER get old." I said, one arm around her shoulders.