The Bizarre Saga: Twilight Princess
Chapter 4: Village Invasion

Previously on The Bizarre Saga, Link was annoying, Navi was found, Saria had a spell done on her, Midna was very annoyed, and Zelda explained stuff.

Now for Chapter Four.

"So, you know what's going on now?" Midna asked while they walked along the roof outside the window they left from.

"Evil shadows and creepy person want to take over the world," Link said.

"… Yeah… Anyway, I promised to get you out of here, so I'll let you go back to where you first tumbled into twilight… But are you really sure you should be going back? Are you sure you aren't forgetting anything important?"

"Well, that blonde kid and Ilia got captured," Saria spoke.

"Do you want to save them?"

"I guess. We probably have to, anyway."

"In that case, little Midna would be happy to help you! But… You'd have to be my servants, and like servants, you'd have to do exactly as I say!"

"Servants? No way. Can't you just hang around or something?"

"Okay, fine, maybe the term servant is too much. But you still have to do as I say."

"Like what?"

"I'll just explain later. So, why don't you go back, take a little time, and give this some thought. Eee hee hee!"

"Sure…"

"Whoa, what did you just…" Saria started.

"I warped you!" Midna said, cutting her off. "Cool, huh?"

"Why am I still a wolf?! We just left!"

"Sorry, but you warped out of the twilight, so you aren't going to be turning back to your original form any time soon. Too bad!"

"Gah!"

"Hey, just so you know, you really have no choice but to listen to me. Without me, you can't go back into twilight! You'd be a wolf forever unless another one of those monsters came along and walked up to the wall again and pulled you in. But that's not very likely, you know. The only way for you to not be a wolf is to probably get rid of the twilight or something. So, go get me a sword and shield!"

"… What does that have to do with anything?" Navi asked.

"I want to look awesome."

"… Seriously?"

"Yep. I bet that the villagers have some stuff I could use!"

"Wait a second… I just realized, but you're all black and stuff!" Link exclaimed.

"I'm hiding in your shadow because I'll die if I'm exposed to light."

"But you're out of it now!"

"Well, not exactly. It's a long story, so just go with it. Now go into the village!"

"What with all these monsters everywhere?" Saria wondered, attacking all the monsters that got in her way. They entered the main part of the village.

"There are monsters all over the place and the kids are missing! Whatever shall we do?!" Atop a cliff and man was talking to himself.

"Seriously? The other kids disappear too? This sucks."

"Hi there!" a cucco greeted.

"What the crap?"

"I'm Mrs. Feathers!"

"I'm Link!" Link said. "Nice to meet you!"

"You're not hunting, are you?"

"Of course not! I'm just sneaking around in the village to steal a sword and shield for my orange haired shadow friend."

"Oh, that's all? One guy is keeping a shield in his waterwheel house and another guy that looks really injured is keeping a sword on his couch."

"… Seriously?" Saria asked.

"Yep! But you better stay out of sight from the villagers, or else they'll freak out and lock up. But what's even more important is that you make sure you don't get seen by that villager up there because he's right next to the hawk grass and might think you kidnapped the children!"

"… You hear a lot for a cucco," Navi stated.

"Indeed I do. Now, those guys over there look like they're whispering about the shield! How about you sneak up to them and listen? Then after that, you can scare the hawk grass man from behind so he runs off by jumping off that rock, landing on the roof and jumping up behind him. Then you can leap onto the waterwheel and get through that window, going into the house, where the shield is!"

"… Do you have a strategy guide or something?"

"I told you I hear a lot! I also have a really good memory and figure out a lot of things just in case someone asks me something like that!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yep! And just so you know, you can call me Kevina! Some guy in green named me Kevin, but he didn't know I was a girl so I added an A at the end. I didn't have a name before that. Later I found a portal and turned into a cucco! Too bad I'm not a magical peacock like I used to be."

There was a long, awkward pause.

"… What…" Midna started, because she could not talk to animals(besides wolf Link and Saria, for some reason) and had no idea why there was an awkward silence.

"Kevin!" Link exclaimed. "Why didn't you appear in Majora's Mask more than once?"

"Are you that guy that named me Kevin?" Kevina asked.

"Yep!"

"I am a girl."

"Why'd you help us? How were you born? Oh, I have so many questions!"

"And I probably don't have time to answer them all. I have an appointment in fifteen minutes, so make it quick."

"So why'd you help us?"

"I was created for the sole purpose of getting you through things that the author didn't have any ideas for or was too lazy."

"AH HA!" Navi exclaimed. "I KNEW IT!"

"But however, that time in the Water Temple back in Ocarina of Time was because there was no possible way for you to get up that hill. And Link isn't really that good at sneaking, anyway, so I think it was either the lack of ideas or the fact that there was no other way to do it."

"But I thought you didn't remember anything after we went back in time," Link said.

"That was just an act."

"…"

"So then I didn't know it?" Navi asked. "I thought it was just laziness."

"Nope," Kevina answered.

"How come I couldn't talk to you before, by the way?"

"It's not that you couldn't, it's that you never actually did."

"So are you going to go on adventures with us?!" Link asked excitedly.

"Sorry, but I'm just a normal cucco. You know how people like to eat us so much. I'm staying here at the safety of this ranch."

"Can you at least distract everybody while we go around getting stuff?" Saria questioned. "I mean, everybody's just going to freak out if they see wolves running around their village."

"Nope!" Saria groaned while Kevina walked off.

"Hey, I was just wondering…" Navi started. "I know it makes sense that they stayed wolves after warping out because they came directly out of the twilight-"

"Not for me!" Saria interrupted.

"But Zelda said that I would change depending on the area."

"I guess it's the same thing for you," Midna said.

"How?"

"Hey, shouldn't we be getting my stuff rather than talking about random crap?"

"I wonder how Ilia would respond to that phrase," Link stated.

"HEY! SO ABOUT THAT SHIELD," Mayor Bo started(quite loudly), off in a distance.

"Shh! Not so loud!" the strange-looking man from earlier in front of him said.

"Hey, they're talking about a shield!" Link exclaimed. "Let's eavesdrop!"

"So Midna, you know, I already had a sword before I got turned into a wolf, so I was thinking maybe if we got another one…" Saria spoke.

"I know it's pathetic, so don't get any ideas," Midna told her. "I saw the whole turning into wolves thing, so I know."

"Dang it."

"Shield!" Navi reminded them.

"Right."

"I still can't hear them," Link stated. They walked closer. "I'm still hearing nothing but whispers."

"If we get too close, they'll see us," Midna said. "Well, see you, I mean."

Saria crept up close.

"So, you got the shield in your house, right?" Mayor Bo asked.

"Yep," the big headed man answered. "Safe from everything."

"But I don't get what you're hiding it from. It's just a piece of sanded wood shaped like a shield with a design painted on it. … Well, I guess that's kind of what a wooden shield is. But still, it's not that important."

"But it looks like a masterpiece, so I don't want anybody to take it! I even hid it up on a ledge that you can only access by taking a ladder, which I took down and buried! Now the only way in there is to go through the window that you can only access using either a ladder or jumping onto the waterwheel and onto the roof, which nobody could ever pull off. There's absolutely no way up there now, so we're safe!"

"But what's the point of making it if you can't even get to it anymore?"

"Umm…"

"You're pretty dumb for someone with such a big head."

"Hey, I-" The man paused and looked at Saria. "WOLF! AHHHH!" They both ran away. Surprisingly, though, even though they yelled as loud as they could, the man on top of the cliff didn't notice.

"So we have to use the waterwheel to get my shield," Midna said. "It looks like we have to get that guy off the cliff first before we get reach there."

"I'll deal with this," Navi told her. She flew up right behind the man, who didn't know she was there. "HEY!"

"AH! HOLY CRAP!" the man screamed, turning around.

"Quick! Get inside your house! They're coming!"

"AHHH!" The man quickly ran into his house.

Navi flew back to them. "Problem solved."

"Wow, I can't believe he bought that," Saria stated.

After they jumped over the waterwheel with the help of Midna…

"How in the world is you floating over there helping us defy gravity and jump ridiculous distances?!" Saria asked.

"It just does," Midna answered.

… They went through the window, knocked the shield off another window and took it.

Saria stole the Ordon Shield!

"Man, this shield is crap!" Midna exclaimed. "I was hoping for something better, but I guess this will have to do for now."

"Hey, at least it looks better than Link's first shield," Saria said. "I never got a wooden shield, though."

"Come to think of it, all of the shields that we had in Ocarina of Time were stolen," Navi stated. "He stole the Deku Shield because he didn't have enough money, and the shopkeeper was stupid enough to let him, Saria stole the two Hylian Shields while graverobbing, and the Mirror Shields were both technically stolen from the Spirit Temple."

"You know what's really weird? Somehow, that guy at the Trading Post in Clock Town sold the shields that we came to Termina with."

"What the heck are you guys talking about?!" Midna yelled. "I'm so confused!"

"Previous adventures."

"Wait, you've been on adventures before this? I thought you were just ranch workers!"

"That's what everybody thinks. You might as well know that we don't actually live here. Believe it or not, we came through a portal in our Hyrule and woke up in our houses, not that long ago."

"… A portal? Seriously? You expect me to believe that?"

"Yep," Link said.

"Now I'm starting to think the both of you are crazy."

"Do I sound crazy?" Saria asked.

"You used to," Navi stated.

"Shut up."

"But seriously, there is absolutely no possible way that you could've come through a portal to get into this world," Midna said. "A lot of people know about the Mirror of Twilight, but nobody's ever heard of a portal going to a different Hyrule."

"The Mirror of what?" Link asked.

"… Never mind. But the whole portal thing just makes no sense."

"What would you say if I told you I was a Kokiri?" Saria questioned.

"A what?"

"Exactly."

"… I don't understand…"

"Can't you just believe that we're from a different world?" Navi asked. "Let's just say that Link is a twelve year old Hylian in our world, Saria is a Kokiri, which is a child that never grows up, and we all live in a forest that had a tree for a guardian until he died. I know it sounds crazy but it's real."

"Why would I believe any of this? It's all nonsense!"

"All right, fine then, whatever. You can go along with everything that goes on without understanding how we know so much about getting through adventuring."

"… Just go get the sword…"

A few minutes later…

"Look! A limping guy!" Link exclaimed.

Kevina walked up to them, "I think the sword is in their house. Just dig on the side of their house without getting seen and the sword is just sitting there on the couch."

"It's a blade, right?" Saria asked.

"Yes." Saria grinned.

"A sword on a couch in plain sight. Great idea," Navi muttered sarcastically.

"I'm going to get the sword!" Saria stated, running off. It wasn't too long before she came back with the sword, because she's obviously a ninja.

"All right, so now you have a sword. Looks like you can actually be useful when you concentrate!" Midna said.

Saria growled. "I really don't like you at all."

"Okay, now no more detours. I'm going to take you back into the twilight. Go back to the woods where you first transformed into that shape!"

"So why are we going back there?" Link asked.

"What, you plan on sticking around in this village as a wolf for the rest of your life?"

"No."

"Then go back to the twilight wall."

"… Is that a cat by the water?" Saria asked Navi.

"I think so…" Navi answered.

"I think we were supposed to get it back into that lady's house…"

"What?"

"Oh right, you weren't there."

"Come on!" Midna yelled.

"Right up here," Midna said, guiding them.

"Hey, I know my way, I've been here before!" Link told her. "And it's not even that far away!"

"I just want to make sure there are no distractions! I don't want to go running into any monsters or anything!"

"Wait, come to my spring before you leave…" a voice coming from the Ordon Spring called.

"No! We're going now!"

"But this is important…"

"All right, fine. But make it quick! We have plenty of work to do!"

"We don't even know what we're supposed to do, though!" Saria yelled.

"I'll tell you later."

"But that's annoying! Can't you at least give us a simple explanation?"

"If I tell you now you'll have too many questions! It will make more sense later!"

"COME TO MY SPRING!" the voice shouted to get their attention.

"Right…" So they entered the spring, only to be surrounded by a barrier and a monster falling out of a portal in the sky.

"Beware, a shadow being approaches…"

"Kill it, quick!" Midna ordered. "And why the heck are you telling us that after it falls down?"

"Nobody cares…"

"Ugh, I hate having to kill things with my teeth rather than a sword." Saria destroyed the monster and a blue portal appeared at the top of the sky. A giant, shiny goat appeared in front of them. Midna quickly hid away.

"O brave youth… I am one of the four light spirits that protect Hyrule at the behest of the gods. I am Ordona," the spirit told them.

"HA! I KNEW THIS WAS PART OF HYRULE!" Link stated. "… So why did Rusl say it like it wasn't…?"

"Wait, how do you know his name?" Saria asked him.

"I had a magic character description list! It automatically adds characters as we meet them, and adds data we've learned about them, so don't worry about anything being revealed."

"That sounds like something Navi would have. And had?"

"I dropped it when we went through that black wall…"

"But I picked it up again!" Midna said, holding up a notepad.

"Oh, I guess I didn't lose it!"

"But you and not Navi?" Saria asked.

"Hey, Navi had a strategy guide in the last story, and usually knows everything. Sometimes a change is nice. But now it looks like Midna's going to have it…"

"I think I was talking," Ordona spoke.

"Oh, right."

"The black beast you slayed was a shadow being. It had come to seize the power of light I wield. My brethren in Hyrule have already had their light stolen by these fell beasts. The entire kingdom has been reduced to a netherworld ruled by the cursed powers of darkness."

"So what's so bad about twilight…?" Saria asked. "Besides the fact that Link is a wolf once we deal with my wolf and human situation."

"What do you mean what's so bad?!"

"If the spirits can't see physical things, and physical things can't attack or usually see spirits, there's nothing bad about it for anyone, except for Link that is."

"It's darkness! And us spirits don't like being weak and helpless!"

"But the sky does look pretty cool."

"Finally! Someone who realizes there's nothing bad about twilight!" Midna exclaimed. "Zant may be my enemy, but that doesn't mean I'm against twilight in this land."

"Wait, Zant?"

"He's the villain. You know, the guy in Zelda's flashback."

"Right…"

"But if you are going to be a physical human when you go into the twilight another time, the monsters will be able to see you."

"I can defeat them easily. And how come you know-"

"They can bring each other back to life if there's one left! And nobody else will be able to see you, because they're all spirits. Wouldn't you rather be able to be noticed instead of people acting like you aren't even there?"

"Okay, fine, the twilight is fine, but the side effects aren't so fine… Midna, why do those stupid things even exist? The monsters and the whole spirit thing?"

"Well, the humans turning into spirits is normal," Midna answered. "But the shadow monsters are a creation of Zant."

"Well that sucks. Can't you undo the spirits? You look like one of those… whatever they're called."

"Twili. And no, I can't. And besides, wouldn't it be better to leave the spirits as they are if I could? They don't even know that they're spirits, and that is why they're all hiding away from the monsters, and I know that because I've been looking around… But if they become physical, the monsters could see them."

"What is the point of wasting your time trying to find a solution to all this rather than just getting rid of the twilight?!" Ordona yelled.

"All right, fine!" Saria said. "Just get one with your speech."

"Okay… The blight will not stop with Hyrule. Before long, the entire world of light will fall into the hands of the king who rules the twilight. To save this land from the king of twilight, the lost light must be recovered. The three light spirits who have lost their light must be revived. There is but one… I mean, two who can revive them and redeem this land… You."

"What about me?" Navi asked.

"… But you're just another being of light. How come you're-"

"Magic from Zelda."

"Oh. Anyway, those transformed by twilight usually can't recover their original forms, unless you were to return to the Faron Woods where you were first transformed and revived the light spirit. There, by the power of the light spirit, you may find the means to regain your other state of being."

"Oh, so that's why I'm still a wolf!" Link said.

"So I can't become human again until we get rid of the twilight? Well crap," Saria stated. "I guess we have to go get rid of it, then."

"All right then, we're going back to the twilight!" Midna told them.

"Okay, okay. We're going."