Title: Rollercoaster, Favourite Ride

Author: ZombieJazz

Fandom: Law & Order: SVU

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Will (and his family) and Noah have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.

Summary: Elliot has left SVU - and it hits Olivia hard. His departure has some implications for her work life and her personal life. She tries to figure out what it means for her own identity, her new marriage, and her work situation. In the midst of it all, she's also having to navigate new squad members at work and still deal with being the mother of a sick child. This story takes place just several months after the conclusion of Undeserved in my AU series of stories.

Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. My stories are not EO and never will be. You may want to read some of my other ones for context on the characters in this AU first - though, it's likely fairly self-explanatory on its own too.

WARNING: THIS STORY MIGHT KIND OF BE A SPOILER FOR READERS OF UNDESERVED.

"So what's the deal with Benson?" Amaro asked Fin out of nowhere.

The detective glanced at him from the driver's seat of the squad car where they were parked and watching for any movement from their suspect.

"What you mean?" He said.

Amaro shrugged. "Well I heard about her partner – and the shooting."

"It was a good shooting," Fin said defensively. "Stabler was a good cop. Her and Stabler were partners a long time. Twelve years. That's 10 years longer than my marriage."

"She's quick with the smart-ass comments, though. Angry," he interjected.

"You'll be pissy too after you've worked this job as long as she has," Fin said, gripping the steering wheel and gazing more at the window. "She's dealt a lot of scum."

"Yeah, but I'm not one of the bad guys," Nick said.

"You haven't proven that to any of us yet, Rookie," Fin said.

"I'm no rookie."

"You are in our squad. She'll cut you some slack after you've earned it."

Nick made a disgusted snorting sound and looked out his window. He rapped on it with his knuckles and looked back at Fin.

"So she's got a kid, eh?"

Fin glanced at him again. "Yeah, what of it?"

Nick shrugged. "Don't know. Just never pictured Bad Ass Benson with a kid."

"Bad Ass Benson?" Fin said purposeful and looked at him with some shades of disgust and seriousness.

"Over in Warrants, that's what I got told, warned about before getting transferred – that I was getting shackled to Bad Ass Benson with Stabler bailing. She's got a bit of a reputation."

"That reputation better be that she's a damn good cop," Fin told him quickly and angrily.

Nick shrugged again.

"And you'll be damn lucky if the Cap ends up partnering you with her," Fin added with even more seriousness.

"Yeah, I don't think that will go over so well with her," Amaro said in an almost sulky voice.

Fin glared at him. "Well boo-hoo, Rookie. She's a good cop – and you can sure as hell learn a lot from her. So you better start listening up when she says something. She knows what she's talking about."

Silence hung in the car for several minutes but then Nick glanced at him again. "So what's wrong with her kid?"

Fin really glared at him now – taking his eyes off where he was supposed to be watching. "Nothing is wrong with Noah. He's a good kid."

Nick made a face. "Yeah, but he's one of the endowment kids, isn't he?"

"Who told you that?" Fin demanded.

He didn't like people chattering about his colleague and did his best to shot down any gossip that people directed at him. He knew what it was like to be the target of the house chatter. Benson didn't deserve it – especially when it was about her little boy, which he knew she was deeply private about. She even was cautious with what she'd told him.

Fin figured the only one in the squad who had known the full extent of what was going on with Noah had been Elliot – and even then he got the sense that she was holding those cards close to her chest. He knew she had to in a way with all the hoops she'd jumped through to keep her com-care contract going this long. She didn't want too much information floating around or rumours – she didn't want any reasons out there for them to yank those privileges away from her.

The only time he'd gotten a real glimpse at what she was going through was the summer before when they'd worked the chemo-nurse pedo case and he'd seen her have a near breakdown before pulling it together and collecting endless victim statements from all these sick kids and their families. He'd heard her recite some of the details of what her Little Man was going through over and over again as she strived to connect with the families and the kids. He'd seen her sit mentally and emotionally drained at the end of the day at her desk and wondered if they were pushing her too far.

Fin had seen Noah in and out of the precinct during the whole never-ending treatment ordeal. He wasn't touchy-feely with the kid like John was – but he looked at the Little Man. He'd seen his changing complexion depending on where he was in a treatment cycle. Sometimes the kid looked like a fucking corpse he was so pale. He'd seen him look puffy from the steroids and then nearly famished in the weeks following it. He'd seen the kid's hair come and go. He remembered the that the kid had had thick, straight brown hair same as the detective before but now when he did have some hair on his head it was almost blond looking and always looked like a curly, frail and dead mess. That was if he could even see it. The kid nearly always had something covering his head and Liv would quickly cover it for him, if she was switching his hats or tending to what sometimes looked like nasty blisters on the kids scalp. As a parent, he felt bad for Liv but knew she was strong enough to deal with it all.

He'd always made the trip in and paid his respects on the numerous times the poor Little Man ended up stuck in the hospital for a couple days. He'd take the kid a Hot Wheels. He remembered Ken always liking when he brought home the seventy-cent cars and trucks. Liv's kid seemed to eat it up too. He knew she even had some of the growing collection of little cars in her desk drawer for the boy now - for when he breezed in and out of the squad room.

But seeing Liv with her boy in the hospital. It was always a different experience. He knew she appreciated them all coming in – and they all had. He'd want his privacy but want the same if his boy was ever in the hospital. He knew Liv would show up for Ken if something ever came up – even though his kid was a man now. Munch would get his skinny ass in there too. But, he knew, he'd be like Liv – he'd struggle with letting them in on that part of his life. Hell, he'd avoided even telling anyone he had a kid. It wasn't anyone's fucking business but his own. He knew where she was coming from.

He could see what a soldier she was for her kid, though. She was a stoic presence at Little Man's bedside. He'd seen her glare down some of the young residents and nurses too and snap back at them information that made clear she had her boy's charts and tests and entire medical history memorized. That she knew all about the treatments and the medicines and everything else that they were pushing on the kid and her family. Benson didn't let anyone walk all over her and she sure didn't let anyone get anywhere near her kid until they earned it. He wasn't going to let some New Guy start nosing around and pissing her off. If Liv wanted him to know about her boy – he'd know.

Nick shrugged at his demand for an answer on where he'd gotten his information about Liv accessing the endowment funds. That was private – and she fucking deserved every cent she got out of the money. Amaro wasn't going to get to make it sound like she was robbing the bank by taking some cash out of an account she'd long paid into, just like everyone else. That's what the fund was there for and her Little Man sure as hell needed it. The rookie's shrug, though, just prompted Fin to shake his head and go back to watching the windows of the apartment for any movement or lights going off and on, glancing at people coming in and out of the building.

"Bad Ass Benson is Mommy Benson, no one ever told me that," Nick said again.

"Do you have to be so damn chatty? Look out the window. Keep your eyes open," Fin told him.

"I'm looking," Nick spat. "If I have to sit here with you all night, the least you can do is give me some tips on the squad. Com'on man."

"OK – here's a tip. Don't slip up and call her Bad Ass Benson to her face – or you'll be choking on your balls. Call her Mommy Benson to her face and you definitely won't ever be giving that little girl of yours a brother or sister. Got it?"

Nick snorted out a laugh and took a swig out of his energy drink.

"Seriously, though, is her kid sick or something? Seems like she takes a lot of personal calls."

"I seen you on the phone and Skype a lot with your kid and girl too," Fin told him, "and you've been here, what like three weeks? She's earned the call-time with her kid and man."

"Man?"

"What now you crushing on her? Jealous?"

Nick just made another face. "No. I just … Bad Ass Benson is a mom and … married?"

Fin examined him. "You're real observant there, aren't you Rookie?"

"She doesn't have a ring," Nick said.

Fin tapped the ring finger on his right hand.

"Yeah, but that's not a wedding band."

"You think it's smart for a female detective to go in with perps sporting all sorts of indicators about her outside life? I don't think so. She keeps it casual. She's smart about it."

Nick snorted. "Her husband must love that."

"Will's cool. He gets it."

Nick glanced at him. "Her guy's not in the force, though, eh? Someone would've mentioned it then."

"Your sources sound fucked anyways – if you managed to get over here not knowing anything about her other than some whacked nickname."

"More reputation," Nick said. "Bitch. Balls crusher."

Fin glared at him. "Benson ain't either, New Guy."

Nick shrugged. "So what's her guy do?"

Fin glared out the window. "Why don't you ask her?"

"Ah, because I asked her about her picture of her kid on her desk and I thought she was contemplating ripping my jugular out."

"So maybe that's all the answer you need then. She doesn't want to talk to you about it."

Nick rolled his eyes. "OK."

Fin sighed. "Look, Kid, that woman's been through hell and isn't even back yet. So just leave her the fuck alone about her family, OK? Her kid and Will are in and out of the precinct enough. You'll meet them. Don't say shit that makes her feel like she can't have them in there. She's earned that privilege too and she don't need the stress of trying to reorganize her life more just because we've got some new Nosey Nancies in the squad."

Nick sighed. "Yeah. I just thought made us both having kids could be some sort of common ground to maybe make her hate me a little less."

Fin shot him another disgusted look. "What are you 10? She doesn't fucking hate you. She doesn't even fucking know you yet."

"She sure is giving off a whole lot of negative energy that seems to be directed my way," Nick commented.

"Just do your fucking job and she'll be fine with you," Fin spat and went back to glaring out the window. "You can start be sitting here and watching that fucking apartment. I'm going to get coffee."

He opened the door and got up, being sure to slam it forcibly, clearly demonstrating his disgust with the conversation.