Title: Rollercoaster, Favourite Ride
Author: ZombieJazz
Fandom: Law & Order: SVU
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Will (and his family) and Noah have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.
Summary: Elliot has left SVU - and it hits Olivia hard. His departure has some implications for her work life and her personal life. She tries to figure out what it means for her own identity, her new marriage, and her work situation. In the midst of it all, she's also having to navigate new squad members at work and still deal with being the mother of a sick child. This story takes place just several months after the conclusion of Undeserved in my AU series of stories.
Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. My stories are not EO and never will be. You may want to read some of my other ones for context on the characters in this AU first - though, it's likely fairly self-explanatory on its own too.
WARNING: THIS STORY MIGHT KIND OF BE A SPOILER FOR READERS OF UNDESERVED.
Will broke away from their kiss, pulling away from her a bit.
"We should stop," he told her quietly.
"Mmm," she just mumbled and leaned back into him on the couch. "I gave him dramamine with his pills tonight. Don't worry. He's out."
She moved her mouth to his ear and slipped her hand down the waist of his briefs. He'd already undone his pants a bit himself to give himself some more room and comfort as their touching had gotten more intense. But the addition of her hand down there wasn't helping at all – not to mention what she was doing just shy of his earlobe.
"Fuck," he moaned quietly, as her fingers brushed against him and then her whole hand wrapped around him. He pushed himself back into the cushions on the couch, and literally had to force himself to remove her hand, pulling it out of his pants and settling it on his chest instead.
"Com'on, Liv," he said. "You know don't like to the few days before the race."
He heard her audibly sigh and dropped her forehead to his shoulder for a moment before she sat up beside him, breaking the contact and then pulling her legs up and under her on the cushion and gazing at him.
"You know you're going to be too sore and tired for days after the race too," she told him seriously.
He gave her a smile. "Never."
She rolled her eyes. "I've heard that before."
"You want me to …" he motioned towards her and kind of gave her a combination of a shy and sly smile in one in his offer to get her off.
She snorted. "No. I don't, Mr. Romance."
"You can still have some fun," he offered again, putting his hand on her one thigh and running it upward.
But she just gave him a small but annoyed smile and tossed his hand back into his own lap. Instead she put her one elbow up on the edge of the couch and rested her chin on it, looking at him. She reached out and ran her hand through his hair some more, now in a more motherly way than she had been minutes before when her hands had come up to his head in their kissing.
"You didn't say what color your wave is this year," she commented, examining him.
He gave her a smile. "Green."
She smiled again and shook her head. "OK. That will never come out. We'll be shaving it after."
He made a 'yes' fist-pump motion with his hand. "Goodbye Summer Curls."
"Mmm," she sighed again and ran her hand through the mess on his head some more. "I love your summer curls."
Will just gave her a smile and leaned his head against her hand more as her fingers threaded through his hair and nails lightly grazed against his scalp.
"You going to let me put any in Noah's hair this year?"
"Mmm," she thought about it. "We'll have to take a look at his blisters. Green will really stain his scalp. We might have to get some dabbers – or just do face paint this year."
He nodded and watched her some more. She seemed a little spacey – and he didn't think it was just sexual frustration.
"You OK there, babe?" He asked gently. She'd seemed OK at dinner – but she'd been a little short with him and Noah. That was kind of the norm anymore, though. He'd definitely noticed that she didn't seem quite as balanced when she came home from work anymore with Stabler out of the picture.
She met his eyes again and gave a little nod. "Yeah. It was just a long week at work. I'm tired."
"Long weekend," he offered, and reached out to rub her arm. "You're not on-call. You can rest up."
"Mmm," she sighed and leaned into where his hand had come up to cup her cheek. She gave him a little smile. "Except for your race – and McTeague family insanity."
He put his own elbow on the back of the couch and rested his head on it too, looking at her some more. "You know I don't care if you aren't at the swimming pull-out or the Park gates. I just like having you at the finish line."
She nodded her acknowledgement, but said, "I like seeing you get out of the water."
"I'm sexy in my wetsuit, right?"
She snorted. "No I just like the waddle-run and watching you flail around to get out of the thing and onto your bike."
He smiled at her. "You aren't very nice."
She leaned forward and put her forehead against his. "You knew that when you married me."
He nodded, bobbing both of their heads. "You're right. What the hell was I thinking?"
"Desperate."
He smiled. "Completely." He leaned in and gave her another kiss on the lips. She accepted it briefly but quickly broke away.
"Mmm, don't start," she mumbled and moved her forehead back up and against his. "I won't let you stop this time, if you get us going again."
He sighed and let a comfortable silence hang between them in their shared space for several moments.
"So did you call Elliot?" he finally asked quietly.
She made a frustrated sound and pulled her forehead away from his and knocked it a couple times on the back of the sofa before putting her chin back on the heel of her hand and shaking her head at him.
"Why are we always talking about Elliot Stabler while you've got an erection anymore?" She raised her eyebrows at him.
"You know I have the hots for Stabler," he teased and she whacked the back of her hand against his chest.
He gave her another smile – and glanced down at himself and shot her a lot. "Talking about him sure seems to be working at fixing my problem. Hard-on killer."
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, mood killer is right. You – and your topics of conversation. Not him."
He just gave her another smile and reached out again to squeeze her shoulder and rubbed his thumb gently down her bicep.
"He knows him and the fam are still welcome at the barbeque?" Will asked gently.
She nodded but looked sad. "He knows. I left a message. Sent an email. He's not going to show Will."
Will shrugged and gave her a weak smile. "He might. They've come two years in a row now. He seems to like it."
She shook her head. "He doesn't want to see me even. He's not going to want to be at an event full of cops and First Responders whispering his business. Everyone is still talking about what happened. It's going to be what he's remembered for. It's not fair to him – and he's not ready to deal with that yet. He doesn't want to put a face to it. It's probably best he doesn't come anyways. He'd likely get fed-up with someone. There'd be a scene."
Will sighed and looked down. He wished he could fix the whole Elliot thing for Liv. The situation at her job sucked. He knew he couldn't do much about that and that that was the other man's choice. He really couldn't fault him on that. He knew that after the guy had done the job as long as Stabler had – his wife was likely sick of it.
Beyond the emotional damage of the shooting – Stabler and his wife were likely just trying to salvage their family life before they ripped apart at the seams. Will could understand that. Every time Liv came home after having seen something else that was awful, every time she had that ghostly and distracted look in her eyes, every time he could tell that something had truly shaken and saddened her but that she wouldn't or couldn't speak about it to him – he just wanted to scream at her to get the hell out of there, stop it, move on, before it broke her, before it broke their family. But it didn't really seem like that was a choice or a luxury their family had anymore. He wasn't sure when ,and if, it ever would be. It made him sad on a whole other level – and it made him worry about her more.
But even with Stabler leaving the job – that didn't mean he and Liv had to stop being friends. He didn't get how you could work with someone that intimately and just completely cut them out of your life. They'd been there for each other's kids being born. Liv had been there for his grown kids. Elliot had been there for her with Noah. The man had fucking stood up with them at their wedding not even a year ago. It couldn't just be called a working relationship. They weren't just office spouses – as much as Will hated to admit that. It just seemed so harsh to cut each other out of their respective lives.
Sure, Stabler was a guy and processed emotions and relationships differently. Will could appreciate that too. And, it wasn't just that - Stabler was clearly a guy's guy. But he saw how the man looked at Liv. He saw how he hugged her and how he would touch her shoulder or back sometimes. As much as it had made Will uncomfortable for a long time, he also felt extremely guilty to feel any sort of joy that that relationship had been torn from his Olivia. She needed people in her life. Elliot Stabler was family for her. You don't just chop off family. You can't. It doesn't work that way.
He hoped that Kathy didn't have something to do with the decision for the lack of communication. He hoped that Stabler was just being a prick, really. Because it made it him even sadder and more angry if the guy's wife was the one dictating this. He'd had to navigate an entire relationship with Stabler in the picture. Kathy could at least suck it up and be understanding when she'd already had years to establish herself and their family with the guy. Will hadn't had that luxury and he'd done OK with Liv.
His wife had made it clear repeatedly and multiple times that her and Elliot were just friends – work partners, that anything more wouldn't ever happen. She'd also made it clear that if Will wasn't able to come to terms with that – then he wasn't going to get to have a place in her life. So he'd come to terms with it and Liv had never made him feel like a third-wheel in terms of where her heart was. Elliot Stabler may have pieces of her heart and collective memory and identity – but Will knew he held others, if not bigger and more important ones – just different ones.
He hated to think that Kathy hadn't come to terms with what Liv and Stabler had. Or worse that she didn't trust Liv. Olivia would never do something that would damage Stabler's marriage – let alone she wouldn't do something that would damage her own. Family was everything to Liv. She'd wanted one for so long and Will knew how much she loved having one – how she made that known to her son and to him every single fucking day. She was an amazing mom. She was a great life partner. He loved having her as a wife. He despised even thinking that Kathy would suspect there was any sort of impropriety or suggestion of it that would prevent Liv and Elliot from still having a friendship outside of their work.
Part of him wanted to call Stabler himself – to march himself over to Queens and just say, 'What the fuck?' to the guy or even to his wife. He'd thought about it multiple times. He'd even sat looking at his contacts on his phone and thought about hitting the call button – especially on the nights that Liv just looked so distracted and sad by it all, when she had that cloud hanging over her. Or when she'd sit there staring off in space and clearly not having heard a thing he'd been saying until he startled her back to reality and she'd apologize and look embarrassed. He knew she was thinking about it. He didn't know if she was running the shooting over in her head or if she was thinking just about Stabler generally or about the loss of her friend or about something that had gone down between them over the 12 years they'd worked together. But he could tell she'd been thinking about it.
"Well, I hope he does decide to show. The family would like him there too. They're family now."
She gave him a kind smile and reached out tracing her index finger along the scars around his eye. She leaned forward and gave him another closed-mouth kiss. He kissed her back and they both lingered in the several short joinings and releases. Her lips felt so soft. They always did. She brought her arms back up around his neck again and settled her forehead against his again – their shared thought position. He wrapped his arms around her waist and rubbed her lower back with one hand, as his other hand just slipped into the waist of her pants as they pulled away slightly from her body with how she was leaning forward and into him.
"I love you," she told him softly.
He smiled, even though they were both looking down and he knew she probably couldn't see of feel it. "I know. I love you too, babe."
They sat like that for several moments before she straighten away from him and settled back into the couch again. He snaked his hands away from her back and lightly caressed her belly before wrapping his arms across his chest and watching her again. She just gave him a small smile. She still had her summer coloring – her olive skin even darker than usual in a way that he thought nearly made her glow and made her look even more healthy and beautiful. But the sadness in her was really creasing her parts of face anymore. He could see it most at the corners of her eyes. Noah, Elliot, work. It was too much sadness and stress.
"You going to invite that … blond …"
"Rollins," she filled in for him.
"She got a first name?"
"Amanda."
"You going to invite Amanda to the barbeque if she shows at the finishing chute?"
Liv shrugged. "I don't know. Want me too?"
"Atlanta to New York – probably a bit of a change."
Liv shrugged again. "I don't know. Looked like that city had some grit in it too."
"Yeah, but New York is New York. It's a hard place, Liv."
She just shrugged.
"You forget because it's always been home to you," he told her.
She sighed.
"I found it pretty hard to come back here and make friends as an adult after being in Boston for so many years," he offered.
She rubbed her eyebrow. "Now I have to be the new kids' social co-ordinator too?"
He smiled and snorted at her. "It's not a social co-ordinator. It's inviting her to a barbeque. I'm pretty sure she can talk and mingle on her own after she gets there."
Liv sighed loudly. "OK. Sure. Whatever."
He knocked her knee with his hand. "You're so grouchy sometimes, Detective Benson."
She rolled her eyes at him.
"You could see they're scared of you," he commented.
"Good," she mouthed purposefully at him.
He shook his head at her.
"She might have a bit of idol worship going on. She seemed eager to be chatty," he told her.
"Yeah, I got that on the first day she was there. I'm no one's idol either."
"How about role model?"
She sighed again. "How about I just do my job and come home?"
"She seemed OK."
"You sound like you want to date her. Want me to be a match-maker too?"
He snorted. "I do have a thing for detectives."
"Mmm," Liv offered and rolled her eyes again.
"Just invite her to the barbeque," Will nodded at her.
"If she shows."
He gave her a smile. "She'll show."