The Bizarre Saga: Twilight Princess
Chapter 8: Idiots and an Awkward Situation

Previously on The Bizarre Saga, Link was infected with blue moss again, Navi was annoyed, Saria was annoyed, Midna was silently annoyed, and A NEW CHARACTER JOINED named Nathan, who's awesome and goes completely insane when infected with blue moss since he went along with Link!

Now for Chapter Eight.

"WHOA! LAVA!" Link and Nathan exclaimed at the same time.

"Scary," Nathan said with a spooky voice.

"KYA!" Link screamed like a girl.

"Nathan seems to be switching personalities violently with this infection," Navi stated. "I wonder when it'll go away."

"Well, it took about a day and a half for Link to go back to normal in Termina when he crashed into that glass case," Saria said. "This time was pretty similar, and time passes faster in Termina, so maybe it'll take a day or so. But then again, he did take a nap…"

"Whoa! A smart comment from the pyro!" Link stated.

"WHOA-HOA!" Nathan yelled. A rock fell down into the lava nearby.

"See what you're doing?" Navi told him, "Your loud voices are making rocks fall, and that is not good."

"Sorry. I'll be quieter."

"So, according to the information we got in the chapter split, we need to talk to a bunch of old guys and get pieces of the boss key since it's not in one piece this time," Midna said.

"Wonderful," Saria grumbled.

So, after much hardship of the dungeon, such as dodging machines that shot fire, walking on the ceiling using the Iron Boots, and killing lots of monsters, and talking to more crazy old Gorons for pieces of the boss key, they made it to the mini boss room.

"You're just lazy," Midna said.

Hey, I don't know this game very well.

"ALL RIGHT, MINI BOSS TIME!" Link stated.

"I AM A GIANT GORON!" said a big Goron wearing armor who was sitting across the room. "FIGHT MEH!"

"YEEEAAAH!" Nathan cheered. A rock fell on top of the big Goron.

"OW!"

"Yeah! I can make rocks fall on your head by using Hyper Voice! Woo!"

"No! Fernandogoron will never be defeated! I must protect the items that lie behind this door because they will be very useful and I'm going crazy for some reason!"

Fernandogoron jumped onto the platform in the middle of the room. More rocks fell on top of him afterward, knocking him into the lava.

There was a pause.

"… Did we win?" Nathan asked.

Fernandogoron then climbed out of the lava, "I recognize you as the heroes now! I let you pass, and you will take the items!"

"Yay!" Link and Nathan cheered. They skipped over the very dangerous magnetic platform chained up above lava.

"OOH! A TREASURE CHEST!" Link exclaimed.

Link and Nathan got bows!

"HEY! That's mine!" Saria yelled, snatching the bow from Nathan. "You don't need one!"

"Wha? Why not?" Nathan asked.

"Because you can burn things with your mind, that's why."

"Oh, good point. Here!"

Saria took Nathan's bow.

"I said it was mine from the start!" Saria yelled.

So then, after MORE walking on ceilings and walls, standing upside-down on magnetic cranes-

"YOU BETTER NOT LET GO OF ME!" Saria yelled at Nathan, who was stuck to the crane hanging above lava. "I'LL DIE!"

"Don't worry! This is a piece of cake!" Nathan answered.

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!"

So, after all of this horrifying crap, they finally made it to the boss chamber.

"ALL RIGHT! BOSS TIME!" Link yelled. A rock fell from the ceiling, right next to Nathan.

"WHOA! That almost hit me!" Nathan exclaimed.

"UNLOCK! Brother, give me the key to destroy this evil piece of metal over this enormous door!"

"On it!" Nathan handed Link the boss key.

Link unlocked it, and THE LOCK FELL ON TOP OF HIM.

"Ah, memories," Navi said.

"Wow, I haven't been crushed by a lock in a really long time!" Link stated.

"OH NO! Brother, are you okay?!" Nathan asked Link, trying to pull the lock off of him and failing.

"Oh, so you can manage to hold me 'easily' when we're hanging over lava, but you can't get that cheap lock off him?" Saria questioned.

"I used up all of my superhuman strength already!"

Saria sighed.

"I need pineapple juice to bring back my superhuman strength!"

Saria face palmed. Hard.

"LOCK, I COMMAND THEE TO GET OFF OF THE GREEN MAN!"

Nothing happened…

"Oh, for crying out loud," Saria mumbled. She pulled the lock off of Link.

"OH MY GOODNESS! My superhuman strength must have rubbed onto Saria when we were dangling over lava!" Nathan exclaimed.

"I can't face palm enough to express my thoughts on your current stupidity."

"COMPLIMENT ACCEPTED!"

"FACE PALM!"

"All right, all right. BOSS TIME!" Link announced.

They entered the boss room to see an enormous monster chained up in the middle of the room.

"Whoa, he's scary… Do we really have to fight it?"

"Hmph. Finally, a boss!" Saria stated, drawing her sword. "I haven't fought one in forever thanks to that stupid monkey or clown or whatever the heck it was! I think I'll take him on by my self!" This comment was quite strange since she was the once who encourage him to blow up the last temple.

"NO! But I wanna fight a boss, toooooo!" Nathan complained.

"Oh yeah? And how is fire going to help against a fire boss?"

"OH NO! You're right! I bet it has Flash Fire, which means that his fire moves will strengthen with every fire type move that hits it!"

Suddenly, the giant black monster awoke! It burst into flames and broke the chains on its arms, but not its legs. It looked pretty scary.

"It's the Twilight Igniter!" Midna randomly stated. "He's probably like this from the Fused Shadow!"

"How do you know that?" Saria asked.

"I don't. But this is the Legend of Zelda, so it's pretty obvious, I guess."

"Good point."

A nearby pillar caught on fire.

"Nathan! I told you to stop randomly setting things on fire many times already!"

"That wasn't me!" Nathan insisted.

"Y'know, it seems like the blue moss is wearing off," Navi said. "We're getting straight answers again."

"RAWWWWWWWWR!" said the giant burning monster. It seemed as if it was trying to remind them that it was there.

"I wonder if this guy has a Goron name," Link randomly spoke.

"All right, BOSS TIME," Saria said, making it known that she was ready to fight.

However, as epic as the boss looked, the battle wasn't actually that hard. She shot an arrow at its forehead, pulled the chains on the ground to trip it, then hacked away at its head with her sword. That's all that happened.

"OH COME ON, that was pathetic," Saria complained. "I only had to trip it twice, and it didn't even have a second phase or anything!"

"Hey, another Fused Shadow!" Midna exclaimed. "That's two! Only one more!"

"Hooray! What's a Fused Shadow?" Nathan asked.

Midna anime fell in mid-air.

"Midna, he really doesn't know," Navi told her.

"All right, fine," Midna said, sighing, "We're going around and gathering these things for reasons that I didn't actually explain. And I think I'm supposed to be telling you some sort of story about Zelda and Zant, but I don't remember what it was about. All right, let's go!"

"Let's go to Taco Bell!" Link said. "I think I saw one on the way to this room!"

"Ugh, what happened?" a large Goron asked.

"I think you were possessed by a strange black rock and then locked away in here for everyone else's safety."

"Oh, that completely makes sense."

"BYE," Saria said loudly, as she was sick of this temple and wanted to leave.

"You know, I realized that sometimes we get the Heart Container at the end and sometimes we don't. I wonder why," Navi stated.

Saria got the Heart Container! … I guess.

The blue light that they entered into took them to the Eldin Spring in Kakariko.

"Kakakakakokokoko!" Link yelled.

"You're still going on about that?" Saria asked, annoyed.

"Hey, it's the little girl!" Nathan exclaimed.

"I'm a boy…" Colin muttered. "I was about to run over to you guys happily but now I'm depressed again." He ran back inside the house.

The long haired guy named Renado walked up to them, "I see you have defeated the evil that was in Death Mountain," he said.

"How do you know that just by looking?" Saria questioned.

"THERE WAS UNHAPPINESS IN THE SKY BEFORE."

"Geez! Overreaction!"

"Anyway, I have decided that your team will go save Ilia from whatever she needs to be saved from while I watch the children back here."

"Surprise, surprise…"

Suddenly, Link and Nathan flopped over into the Eldin Spring. Actually, Link fell over first and Nathan fell on top of him.

"Huh?! What the…" Navi started.

"Gah, what happened…?" Nathan mumbled, rubbing his head.

"DUDE! What are you doing on top of me?!" Link yelled.

"Hey, they're back!" Saria exclaimed.

"AUGH!" Nathan screamed, jumping off of him.

"Well that was awkward, wasn't it," Midna said, snickering. "Don't fall into blue moss again!"

"Hey, Navi, do people keep their memories of when they're infected?" Saria asked Navi.

"Well, they have the memories of getting infected for sure, but I don't think they have the memories of when they are infected. Link hasn't shown any proof of remembering."

"What is your problem?!" Link yelled at Nathan.

"Well, we fell into that weird moss, then…" he started.

"You both fell off our horses and were infected by blue moss all throughout Death Mountain."

"W-what?!" Link and Nathan yelled in horror.

"We didn't do anything really weird, did we…?" Link asked.

"Naaaaah," Saria replied.

"Are you sure…?"

"Yes!"

"Hehehehehe…" Midna giggled. A horrified look rose on Link's and Nathan's faces.

"Don't listen to her, she's just trying to scare you."

"I'm a GUARD NOW because of my KEEN eyes!" Talo randomly stated. "I'll stand up dangerously on that super tall tower that has no fences and look for monsters! Hey, Link, I have an idea! Why don't you show me how to use a bow? Somehow I know you have one! I'll set up targets all over the village and you have to shoot them!"

"Whaaat?! This again?!" Link yelled. "Tell Saria to do it."

"NO! I REFUSE!" Beth shouted at him. "LINK WILL DO IT THIS TIME! I have faith in you!"

"Aw, is she really that obsessed with him?" Nathan asked, pushing his hair aside.

"I say RUN. Who's with me?" Link questioned.

"NOOOO!" Beth screamed. "Link doesn't love me!"

"About time that got to your head!" Talo said.

Later, after some running, shooting, and obtaining bombs from a bomb shop in town…

"AWESOME! Bombs!" Saria cheered. "I wonder what would happen if I attached them to my bow-"

"KEEP RUNNING! She's still coming after us!" Link yelled.

Then they came to another store…

"What?! This kid owns this store?!" Saria shouted in disbelief.

"Problem?" Malo asked, raising an eyebrow. "You wanna buy this thing? I think it's like a telescope or something, but I've never used it so I don't know. You can have it for 30 rupees."

"Sure…" Saria paid with Link's money. He grumbled.

Saria got the Hawk Eye!

"TIME TO RUN, I hear her outside again!" Link said. So they ran… again. This time they actually left the village.

"So where do we go next?" Saria wondered.

"Lanayru," Midna answered. "C'mon…"

So, they continued on their journey, and crossed a bridge. Saria had to blow up a giant rock with a bomb, but then part of the Bridge of Eldin disappeared into a portal and shadow monsters fell out of it.

"More shadow monsters…" Saria said.

"BURN!" Nathan yelled, burning all three shadow beasts while they were still in mid air.

"Whoa! This is going to make life a lot easier."

"Actually, that was pretty hard. I just made it look easy."

"Well, these guys appear not that often, so I still think it's going to make life a lot easier."

So, in a bit, they came to the wall of twilight to Lanayru.

"Are we going to go through the same routine for every single area?! Twilight, then a temple. Seriously?" Saria complained. Nathan looked confused.

"Eh… What's this…?" he asked.

"Oh, our little shadow friend here is going to forcefully yank you through the wall since that's apparently the only way to get you through."

Midna popped out of Link's shadow, "Hi!" she greeted. "It's paintime!"

"Midna! Stop trying to scare him! You've already scared him by making him think about the blue moss too much!"

"AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Midna floated through the wall while laughing maniacally. And of course, she pretty much pulled Saria in as 'gently' as possible, while scaring the crap out of the other two.

"Auuugh… That hurt! Stupid little…" Nathan complained. "HOLY CRAP! Why is he transforming into a wolf?!"

Link sighed, "I wish I knew. Why do you still look normal? Everybody except us turns into spirits." Midna crashed onto Link's back as usual.

"Because I'm part demon, so that makes sense, right?"

"Eh. It's still not fair."

"Isn't Nathan's personality supposed to be like that 'calm' and 'handsome' type from anime or something?" Saria asked. "Why is it that everyone's personality in this story always changes? Link used to be so insane it was like he's always infected with blue moss, Navi was sort of hot-headed, I was crazy and a complete pyromaniac, and this guy's supposed personality only lasted a few lines. That's a new record! Now Link is completely sane and mostly reasonable, I'm the new Navi, Navi hardly talks anymore and Nathan's become the king of being obnoxious and sarcastic. What the heck?"

"What kind of nickname is that?!" Nathan yelled.

"I think the only person in this whole series whose personality didn't change was Tatl," Navi said.

"Hey, I found Ilia's bag!" Link exclaimed, sniffing a bag on the ground. "Now I can figure out where she is!"

"Good puppy!" Nathan said, patting Link on the head. Link growled.

"It's funny how well you two got along before you came back to your senses," Midna stated. "Now you get on each other's nerves! This adventure is more interesting than I thought it would be!" She laughed.

"I want to leave you behind…" Link grumbled. "But then I'd leave Saria behind too, and that would be horrifying." He turned to see Saria sharpening her sword.

"Are we leaving yet?" she asked impatiently.

"CATCH ME IF YOU CAN, HA!" Link dashed off suddenly, Midna almost falling off his back. Saria looked incredibly ticked off.

All of a sudden, a bunch of vines came out of the ground and tripped Link. This time, Midna was practically launched off forward.

"Whoa, did I do that?!" Saria exclaimed. "I didn't know being the Sage of Forest did anything! Especially because of that whole going back in time thing!"

"Saria used Grass Knot…" Midna mumbled, climbing back onto Link.

Saria grinned menacingly, "Hehehehehe… I wonder what else I can do."

"It's kind of strange how long it took you to figure out you could do this stuff. You've been a sage since the first story!" Navi said. "You'd at least think it would activate while Mido was annoying her or something."

"You know, it's pretty annoying how everyone else has all these awesome powers but all I got was a dumb transformation that turns me into a wolf. Even though I have the Triforce of Courage, I still don't get anything cool!" Link complained.

"Hey! Remember in Chapter One how you said that you still had that mask that makes you like, 8 feet tall and awesome?! You never got rid of it, did you?!" Saria exclaimed suddenly.

"Well, we woke up here and didn't have any of our items."

"We didn't bring any of our items. Or at least I didn't, thanks to Navi who didn't let me go and get any! Did you even check your inventory?"

"Yeah, obviously! I got a bow and used it, and my bag was empty!"

"But you can't lose that mask, it was freakin' awesome!"

While this argument happened, Nathan, Navi and Midna were sitting by a tree playing cards. Whenever an enemy tried to interrupt, Nathan made it spontaneously combust.

"Don't worry, Saria! It'll work out somehow! You know our writer!" Link told Saria. "They'll either make it disappear until the story ends or make us get it at the last second to defeat the final boss or something."

Saria sighed, "Whatever, then. Run off like a happy puppy so Midna can't catch you," Saria said. Rather than arguing with the insult, Link ran off quickly.

"HEY, WHAT?!" Midna yelled, dropping her cards. "GET BACK HERE, YOU IDIOT!"

"Whoa! Midna had three Draw Fours!" Nathan exclaimed.

"Hey, Nathan, where did you get this Uno deck anyway…?" Navi asked.

"I dunno, I grabbed if off that guy over there while threatening to burn him to death." He pointed to an unconscious twilight monster. "I ended up knocking him out instead, though."

"So should we go follow Link?"

"Probably."