A/N: Again so sorry for the delay. Moving and vacation have both messed up my writing schedule. Mix that with a funky keyboard and you get the mess that is my life. Anyway, I really hope you like this chapter. This one holds a scene or two from the show.
Watch. Listen. Feel it. This is the only way to be strong. Destroy the distractions. The slightly irregular thuds of blades impacting wood drove themselves into my mind. It would be muffled inside, but if I can't even watch a few trees die then how can I be a decent ruler? Peasants die every day and I can, I will, watch the last pieces of my father die too. He was weak. He would not fight mother. I won't lose. I'll weed out the weakness and then I will destroy my mother.
"Is something wrong dearie? You seem troubled." Rumpelstiltskin gave a sinister giggle.
Revealing shock is weak, you are a queen Regina. Act like it. I tilted my head in acknowledgement, "Just watching the gardeners work. Are you here for my lessons?" Perhaps it's time to dedicate myself to them more. If I'm going to be free I have to fight Cora on her own level. She knows better than to pick a fight anywhere else.
The alligator tittered behind me and clapped his hands. "Ia that a hint of eagerness I hear dearie?" He stepped around me to peer down at the orchard. "Oh daddy's trees? Is her highness feeling quite all right?" He's goading me. The dark one goads everyone, but he won't get me. I'm better than my mother. I will beat this weakness. I inclined my head in his direction and he chuckled, "Very well Majesty, let us begin!"
"Good good you've progressed." The dark one clapped again and I had to wonder what kind of sycophant raised this monster? He must have been human at some point right? Well if he can go from mortal to the most powerful being then I can too. I can do this. The flames in my palm grew. I will be the most powerful magician in the land and I won't even cheat like Rumplestiltskin. "Oh yes very good." He purred.
His voice grates on my nerves. It's like a child's giggle mixed with the sour feeling one gets from dragging fingernails over rusted metal. The actual tones of his voice could be described as nice, but when he spoke the pleasant voice is quickly overridden by his mannerisms. No, Rumplestiltskin is a powerful ally and teacher, but he is not to be trusted.
The burst in power and control were overwhelming. Even The Dark one was impressed with my progress. We didn't stop as soon as we normally did. We continued on until the darkness overtook the room. My stamina started to wane and Rumplestiltskin patted my hands down to my side. "That's enough for today dearie, I'll be back tomorrow when you're recovered. I'm glad to see you've changed your mind about the magics." He turned on the spot and disappeared. It's chilling to watch, like he's just left the universe. There's no smoke, no sound, just gone.
I would be nervous doing that. Could you imagine if something went awry? What if one day you disappeared entirely? That is what makes me weak. I am too frightened of death. Even the sight of the shadows over my face frighten me. What if one day those shadows don't leave? I don't want to disappear. Not like Daniel, or father. Living is worth too much to me.
"Hey."
A patch of blonde appeared in my balcony even as I whirled around to face the intruder. Emma. Of course. "You seem to enjoy doing this, is it going to become a habit Emma?" I asked, quashing the magic tingling at my fingertips. Emma isn't a threat. Not Yet.
She blushed for some reason. Hands shoved in pockets, shoulders slouched into a hunch that has to be uncomfortable. Emma smiled a little and said, "No, I mean I would like to come back I just. Bad habit. I'm sorry."
I blinked as all the words finally filtered into my head. The sheer speed at which her mouth can produce words is bordering ridiculous. "Do you actually speak in complete sentences?" I blurted. Mother would have a fit if she ever heard me speak that way to someone of import of course. Emma isn't important. Mother wouldn't care a wink about this strange woman. "Why are you even here? How did you get here? I would remember you if you were a servant."
Emma ignored all my questions and grinned as if she were the cat who ate the cream. "You would remember me my Queen?" She's actually teasing me. If I didn't know better I would say she's flirting. "Why would you bother remembering silly old me?" She sauntered forward to rest her hand on my arm. I bristled at her invasion, but internally I could only be pleased by her mannerisms. How could I not be pleased? She gives me the courtesies of a dear friend or a suitor, but we're only just met. Even my title sounds better from her lips. An endearment rather than a shackle.
I inclined my head, "Well I tend to remember ruffians with a penchant for climbing on my balcony."
She kept grinning as if I had said nothing. "You like it."
"I'm sorry what was that?" This woman has no sense of self-preservation. She is just standing here as if intruding upon royalty is a daily thing. There is no way that this behavior is endearing. "Are you even allowed on the grounds?"
Emma ducked her head, finally she shows some shame, "Actually yeah." What? I gaped. She peered up at me with a smirk, "I got a job with the groundskeepers."
"Why in the world would you do that?" My mouth refused to close despite my attempts to keep in shut.
She squeezed my arm and backed up towards the widow. "You'll just have to wait Regina." Before I could scold her for the informality, Emma slung herself out my window out onto the oak trellises. By the time I looked out, the woman was gone. Probably around the corner of the castle.
This woman is going to be trouble. "Bella!" I snapped. If this brigand wants a chase I'll give her one. My maid came through the door looking a frizzy mess. "Belle I need your help. A woman named Emma has just gained employ on the grounds. I need you to find out everything you can about her."
Belle is a sensible girl. Instead of asking questions she bowed, "Yes your majesty, I will do what I can." I nodded and waved her off.
Perhaps it was unhealthy, but I spent all my spare moments consumed with thoughts of the young woman. She did nothing to change that either. I found gifts of flowers lying on my pillow, small apple turnovers on my vanity still steaming when I awake. They tasted just like the apples from father's trees. That's what bothers me about this Emma. She has an uncanny ability to find exactly what I need, and know just what I like most. It's frustrating.
Every moment I threw into lessons with Rumplestiltskin. Between Leopold and Emma I had more than enough frustration and anger to fuel my magic. We started leaving my room to preserve the tapestries. My mother stopped her little visits so I must have been doing something right in her eyes. I shouldn't be proud of pleasing her. Cora is a heartless woman with no regard for anyone else; but she is my mother. I will never escape her. Not until she is dead in the ground with six feet of dirt above her.
The turning point in my lessons, the first moment that I realized what I am really doing occurred in the forest. Very near the place I met Emma. We rode there. I tried asking why we hadn't just teleported but the look my teacher gave m e silenced any queries before they could be voiced. As we got further from the castle I could feel my lungs expanding. It was such a lovely feeling. I'd forgotten what it was to breathe freely. I wonder why Emma would ever leave such a pleasant place.
The smell of crushed pine needles, even the hint of some kind of sweetness out in the distance. Berries maybe? This place really is perfect. Even the wildlife seems happy with our presence. living out here, now that would be some kind of heaven wouldn't it?
"We're here dearie, are you going to run off again?" The Dark One shocked me out of my reverie. I tugged my horse to a stop and leapt down. It's habit and the moment I did I looked back to Rumplestiltskin for confirmation. "Yes yes majesty, you're fine." He's placating me, gods you can hear him rolling his eyes. I need to be more confident. Come on Regina grow a backbone.
I looked around the clearing. The opening in the trees was sparsely covered with leaves, allowing in almost all of the sun's light. "What are we doing here" He has never taken me this far before. I turned around and gasped. He had one horse tied to the tree and the other laying on it's side with fear showing in it's eyes. What in the name of all that is holy is he doing?!
"Well dearie? Come a little closer, unless you're planning on staring all day." He gestured and I found myself walking forward mechanically. The horse's gaze transfixed my own. The whites of his eyes showing on all sides. I stopped walking a foot or so from the panicked animal just staring. My mind remained blank, I should be panicking or protesting or asking what was happening. I just stared. The Dark One plunged his hand into the animal's chest and ripped out a glowing red lump.
My throat clenched, "What is that?" I choked out.
He spread his arms and looked at me as if I were dumb. "It's a heart dearie." I stared at the pulsing flesh. My confidence shrank until I felt like curling up and crying. That is the life of a living thing in his hands. He's holding it like a hunk of cheese. My mother did this. She did it to herself. How could I possibly do this? I want to win, but can I do it like this? Could I live with myself afterwards? The Dark One rolled his eyes and crushed the heart into dust. The horse screamed only to be snuffed out by it's death. "Your turn."
That snapped me out of it. "What? No! I shan't! It's barbaric!"
He turned to me with his sharp-toothed grin, "No dearie, it's business. Barbaric is making a deal with a demon to learn magic. All for the purpose of killing your own mother. Of the two of us, who do you think is worse? The demon, or the little girl using him? Now kill the horse. Yank out his heart and crush it. Crush it or we're done here. I won't waste any more of my time on a child."
I have to destroy it. This is for me, the only thing I have ever done just for me. I want this. Cora is going to finally be out of my life. Anything, I'll do anything to get rid of her. The horse quieted under my hands, he nickered at me. They're all too trusting, I'll make them trust me and I will destroy them. My hand plunged into the beast's chest. His heart rested in my palm, shrinking to fit. The thrill of power as I crushed it to dust set my heart to racing. Blood flushed my cheeks. The horse is dead. Cora doesn't stand a chance.
Rumplestiltskin clapped and giggled, "Ha ha! Oh I knew you had it in you dearie!" He skipped around, "Yes yes it's all coming together, soon you and I will both get what we want." He's not in this for me. Gods! How could I be so stupid?! He's using me just like mother. He wants me to go after my mother. Is anyone here just for me? I turned around to glare at the wretched monster but her had already left. I guess he trusts me to teleport back. With a leaden heart I turned on the spot.
The first thing I saw upon arriving was a flash of yellow as Emma fell to the ground from her perch on my vanity stool. I clasped a hand to my pounding heart. Is everything going to be a heart attack with this woman? "Shite!" She exclaimed, catching herself on her forearm. Emma turned red, "Oh sorry, I just. I didn't mean-" Emma scrambled to her feet and bowed like a gentleman, "My queen, that was a reprehensible fault on my part. Forgive my crass language."
Gasping is not a lady-like behavior but good Lord I've seen princes with worse manners. Who is this woman. She broke the facade to look at me. It wasn't so much the cheeky look of a prince who expected forgiveness. No, Emma isn't like that. She looked more like she was searching for something. A smile spread across my cheeks and I offered my hand to her. "You are forgiven." She kissed my hand and I had to wonder. "Who are you Emma? What is it you expect from me?" Those words. My illusions gone. I have to ask. How do you plan on screwing me over?
She straightened with a gleam in her eye that spoke of determination. "Nothing my Queen." Gods above I want to believe her. She is so sincere I can see her desire to be believed screaming from her eyes. I can't. Rumplestiltskin, Mother, my own husband. THEY ALL WANT TO FUCK ME OVER! I can't take it lying down. I won't! I will not be a hole for my husband to fuck. I refuse to be Rumplestiltskin's toy, and I will never follow my mother's commands again.
The hope in Emma's eyes dulled as time stretched between us with no end to the silence in sight. It came back immediately when I smiled at her. Perhaps my newfound commitment gave me strength. My voice came out as a husky purr. "Emma my dear I don't understand your purpose in being here then." If she isn't going to run then I might as well use her. To hell with my mother.
Emma cleared her throat, "When I saw you in the woods, the day you uh," She gestured at my forehead, "You just looked so terrified. No one should look like that. I just, I thought you were visiting the castle and whatever was scaring you would go away." She ran a hand through her golden locks in what I can only imagine was fright. "Then ma told me you were the queen and I had to check on you."
"But why dear? The terror had passed and your neck is still on the line."
She met my gaze, "This castle is the one place you should always feel safe. It should be your home, not a prison. I'll do anything in my power to give you a proper home." Emma you are a very unique woman, but you should have waited a tad longer to make you little declaration. Now that I had done it I could feel her heartbeat on the tips of my fingers. Not yet, but soon.
I walked behind her with a hand on her shoulder so she knew where I was. Like a skittish horse. She relaxed almost instantly. A smile softened my voice even more. "But how can I trust you Emma? You still refuse to tell me who you are." Her manners are both charming and alarming. I will be the only manipulator in this relationship.
She blushed, "Sorry it slipped my mind. Honest. My dad's a shepherd from a very long line of animal tenders. Ma, well ma used to be a lady. I think grandda is a duke or something? All I know is they're a bunch of toadies putting on airs." Her grandfather is a duke or something? I had to hold back laughter. This woman has the heritage of near royalty and the free spirit of a shepherd's whelp. If she were a man she would have been knighted long ago. Maybe that is just what I need. A knight.
"A bunch of toadies you say? I bet that means they never taught you the sword, did they?" A gasp escaped her lips. I circled the young woman, she has the musculature for the job. "Yes you would do nicely. Tell me Emma, how would you like to be part of my personal guard?"
Emma's jaw fell open and she nodded frantically. "Hell yeah! I-I mean yeah absolutely!" She took my hand and knelt before me. "I Emma Charming do pledge fealty, Loyalty and love so long as my Queen will accept my service."
My own mouth took the opportunity to fall open now. Her grip tightened briefly and though she kept her gaze on the floor waiting for my answer, she let a smile lift her cheeks. Cheeky little chit. I cleared my throat and replied, "I Regina Mills, Queen of the White Kingdom do accept this pledge and I pledge to return fealty with fealty, trust with trust, loyalty with loyalty and love with love." My fingers began to tingle. Though I doubt Emma noticed, a light grew between our hands. What is it that I have gotten myself into? Emma Swan you will be the death of me.