The Bizarre Saga: Twilight Princess
Chapter 10: Dramatic Sound Effect

Previously on The Bizarre Saga, Link won a race, Saria kicked a monkey, Navi was discovered to have a strange violence problem, Midna mocked Link a bit, Nathan is a failure at swimming and the team caused mayhem in Castle Town. By the way, hardly any progress was made.

Now for Chapter Ten, where something SHOULD happen.

"Well, before we call the police…" Saria started, "Let's deal with those guys first."

A few minutes later, Saria had tied up the monkey and duct taped Navi's wings to the wall. It's harder for her to get out of that than you think.

"Now let's find out who this guy is!" She the monkey mask off the terrorist. Thankfully it was a mask.

It was… GABE?!

INSERT DRAMATIC SOUND EFFECT HERE!

"HOLY FREAK!" Saria, Link and Navi all screamed at once. See, Navi was so surprised that even in her violent state she was shocked.

"HOW THE HECK DID YOU GET HERE?!" Saria yelled. "I thought you were in TERMINA because you hated Hyrule!"

"Exactly! I came back to Hyrule, planning to blow it up then found a portal!" Gabe stated. How was he in a monkey costume, anyway…?

"How did you find the portal if it was in the Temple of Time?!"

"I found another portal within the hidden basement of the windmill in Kakariko Village and I appeared here! It turns out, this place sucks and it hates me just as much as every other place I've been too in only a few weeks, so I was planning to blow it up. Then I met my new boss, who also wanted to blow it up! Now I'm getting paid to do what I want to!"

"Why did you just tell us all of this? We were planning on calling the cops, you know."

"I HAVE BACKUP!"

Suddenly, about ten more monkeys appeared through the hole in the wall that was still there.

"Why are they all monkeys?!" Midna yelled.

"And why the heck did the McDonald's clown say that Gabe was the Burger King?" Link wondered.

"Truth never comes just by hearing," Nathan said.

"Hahaha, yeah right, because backup is going to help you in this situation," Saria told Gabe. "Are you unable to tell that we could just release Navi and she'd destroy you all? Even so, I think we could take you all out even without her help."

"GRRR…" Navi grumbled, struggling to escape. "LET ME KILL THAT STUPID OWL."

"Hey, do you guys even remember my real name?" Gabe asked.

"Yeah! It was Derpity In Your Face Annoying Chatterbox Never Stops Talking Pointless Information Giver Stalker Owl the Third! It suits him quite well!"

"Whoa, good memory!" Link exclaimed.

"The writer missed about four words when writing it by memory. Then she just looked it up in her older story. BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER. HE DOESN'T DESERVE TO LIVE ON THIS PLANET!" Navi struggled some more.

"You can't defy the power of duct tape, Navi," Saria told her, holding up a roll.

"Hey! Give me that roll!" Midna demanded.

"No, it's my roll! I'm going to eat it!"

"But I want to eat it!"

"I think the writer was referring to a roll of duct tape," Nathan said. "Not the kind that you eat…"

"But I pulled out the kind that you eat, so that's the kind that it is," Saria said.

"GIVE ME THE ROLL," Midna demanded.

"GUYS!" Link yelled. "I can't believe I'm telling you to stop fighting over something stupid! Especially in the situation that we're in!"

"BAZOOKA TIME!" one of the monkeys yelled, pulling out a bazooka.

"So, are you all people in disguise?" Nathan asked.

"Yep!" another monkey answered. The monkey with a bazooka punched him.

"Idiot! That's not true!" the bazooka monkey yelled.

"Yeah, that's not true!" another monkey insisted.

"Is that so," Nathan said.

"That was a close one!"

DRAMATIC SOUND EFFECT.

"OH MY DIN!" Link screamed. "IT'S YOU!"

"Who?" Saria asked.

"Eh… I only remember that he was only saying that over and over. What was he, a drummer or something…?"

"SEE?! YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME," the monkey yelled. "NO ONE REMEMBERS THE DRUMMER!"

"Heh heh heh… You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?" a monkey asked that monkey/Tijo.

"ARE THEY ALL FAMILIAR CHARACTERS?!" Link yelled.

"What is the writer planning?!" Saria shouted.

They heard a chuckle come from the hole in the wall.

"I am the master of them all," a voice said. A figure walked into the room. "My name is Gareth."

DRAMATIC SOUND EFFECT.

"Does anybody actually remember this guy?" Link asked. "He had one line in the last story and technically wasn't even supposed to be there…"

"Hey, Link, I just realized that you're wearing glasses all of a sudden," Saria stated. "What's up with that? You weren't wearing them a minute ago."

"Oh, these are magic glasses that immediately make me more clever. When I'm wearing them, I'm incapable of being stupid."

"Where did you get those…?"

"I got them from Drake about a minute ago."

"MAGIC DELIVERY GUY!" Drake yelled, jumping out of the shadows. Well, not literally. More like out from behind a rock.

"Okay, this is definitely the most random Twilight Princess story ever!" Midna said.

"You don't have proof of that, you know," Link spoke. "You're just saying that because it is."

"WHY DO YOU HAVE THOSE?!" Saria yelled at Link. "It's completely unnecessary! You used to be completely insane all the time in the first story! You've gradually gotten 'smarter', in a way, and then the writer gives you some magic glasses?! I JUST DON'T GET IT!"

"I think that ever since you made that comment about how much this story relates to the actual Twilight Princess game caused all of these strange events to happen and the writer attempted to make this an incredibly interesting story." Link sighed.

"NO DUH IT'S INTERESTING!"

"Eh… Have you guys forgotten about me?" Gareth asked.

"SCREW YOU GARETH! GET A LIFE!"

Saria used Frenzy Plant!

"OH NAYRU!" Nathan screamed.

"It's quite a mystery as to how long it took for her powers to activate," Link said. "She's been this angry quite a few times since she was discovered to be a sage."

"Okay, dude, really. Take off the glasses. It's kind of creeping me out."

"I believe the writer figured that if I suddenly became much smarter, then we'd be able to resolve the situation and get to the next temple, since we currently don't have someone to do that…"

"Oh yeah, and by the way, you look ridiculous in those since YOU'RE A WOLF."

Meanwhile, in the background, a ton of giant plants were attempting to completely crush the entire group of enemies. Including Gabe.

"STOP! You're going to destroy the entire domain and kill all the Zoras!" Nathan yelled at Saria.

"SHUT UP!" Saria shouted.

Suddenly, Navi mouthed some words and everything went white.

When it all reappeared, everything looked as if nothing had happened. The only exception was that Link was still wearing glasses.

"W-What just happened?" Midna asked. "Everything has started over…"

"Huh, deja-vu…" Saria said.

Navi suddenly drooped. She almost hit the ground, but Saria barely caught her.

"What did she just do?" Nathan asked.

"It didn't exactly start over," Drake said, walking out. "Navi cast a powerful spell that sent all of the villains away, and repaired all of the damange. In order for her to cast the spell, though, she had to send all of her anger away. It happened to end up in Saria."

"What kind of spell does that?"

"The one she used, apparently. Once she used the spell, the anger disappeared, too."

"How come someone like her can suddenly do that…?" Saria asked.

"Navi is actually a very unique fairy. Most fairies can't even use magic, and even the ones who can can't pull off something like this. Once you guys came back to the forest, she discovered a hidden spot with a skilled fairy inside. She said that she liked Navi's willpower and knew that she had been with Link on every one of his journeys and taught her the spell. She told her to never use it until desperate times came, and even so, it wouldn't work unless it was a time to be used. The spell has a side-effect, though, which causes Navi to pass out and when she wakes up, she'll… Well, she'll change for a while and act different…"

"Whoa, you're well informed."

"Hey, I work for the writer. Of course I know this stuff."

"But act differently? What exactly do you mean by that? What kind of spell can do pretty much anything, but has a side-effect like that?!"

"The one she used! It just exists!"

"How does she change…?" Link questioned.

"Well, um…" Drake paused.

"Do you know?" Midna asked.

"Yeah, but it's a little… unusual…"

"Unusual?" everyone asked.

"Yeah… She kind of turns into a guy."

There was a LONG silence.

"THE FREAK?!" Link screamed, his glasses falling off.

"She knew the consequences of using the spell," Drake explained. "After 'transforming', it's like she becomes a completely different person."

"I STILL WONDER WHY A SPELL LIKE THAT EXISTS," Saria yelled.

"Hey, if she didn't use it, all the Zoras would be dead and this entire place would be in ruin! Well, anyway, I need to go now. You guys should probably be moving along now, too, or else the writer might get bored again."

"When does she turn back to normal?!"

"Probably after you beat the next temple or something. Later!" Drake left.

Saria smacked her head a couple times. "This sucks!"

So, they ended up sticking Navi into Saria's completely safe pocket with all her items in it and jumped off a waterfall. Then they entered into a nearby cave where they found the next spirit.

"Hello, I am Lanayru-" the spirit started.

"Whoa! This is a fancy spring!" Link exclaimed.

"DON'T CUT ME OFF!"

"Yeah, yeah, we know what we're supposed to do! Calm down and give us the grapevine!" Saria said.

"But doesn't the fanciness of my spring prove my incredible importance? I can't only have a few lines when you first meet me!"

"Uh, yeah, you can… Hurry up!"

"Is something wrong? You seem to be in a pretty bad mood!"

"Well, our little fairy friend is going to turn into a boy because of some stupid spell that exists for some reason! Do you have any idea what that could mean?! DO YOU?!" Saria punched a hole in the wall.

"Ack! C-calm down!"

"Saria is in a really bad mood since this information is bringing back memories of her own fairy," Link said, wearing the glasses again. "You don't want to know what kind of memories those are."

"All right! Take the grapevine!"

They got the Shiny Grapevine.

"Hey, what was that?" Link asked. "That didn't sound right!"

Yeah, yeah! This game is so repetitive! I'm bored!

"CRAP! SHE'S BORED!" Nathan yelled, pulling the glasses off Link. "WE NEED TO THINK OF SOMETHING! NOW!"

"I'm not good at coming up with ideas!" Link told him.

Nathan put the glasses on and thought. And thought.

"I'VE GOT AN IDEA!" he shouted. "The next temple will be a shopping mall!"

Eh… It's decent. Whatever.

"WE NEED MORE IDEAS!"

All of sudden, a light came out of Saria's pocket. Navi had woken up!

"OH GODDESSES!" Saria screamed. "NO!"

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Navi laughed, flying out. "We totally got you guys!" (Insert a flipping angry audience here)

"Wait… What?!"

"Yeah, it was a joke. Well, the spell wasn't, but the side effect was."

Saria twitched. "I HATE YOU. Do you have any idea how many pages that entire scene took up?! You're just making this story longer!"

"Yeah, that's why, in return, Drake and his friends crushed all the bugs for you."

Because of this, suddenly the twilight vanished and Link turned back to normal.

"Did you think anybody would actually enjoy this?!"

"You know, I'm sure they'd enjoy you as a boy more-" Link started, but Saria pushed him into a wall.

"All right, story time!" Lanayru stated.

"Whoa, you're like a snake thing!" Link exclaimed.

"Yes. Yes I am. STORY TIME!"

There was once a power that was called the Triforce-

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Saria said, interrupting. "We already know the story of the Triforce! Unless this place has a different one!"

"What about the Fused Shadows?" Lanayru asked.

"Probably some corrupted twilight power or something."

"But this is one of the most important parts of the game!"

"I don't really care."

"Hey, guys, did you forget about Ilia?" Midna asked. "Should we go back to Castle Town?"

"Hey!" Lanayru yelled. "Don't ignore me!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Saria replied to Midna.

"But don't we have to go to the next temple?" Navi asked.

"I think that Zora ghost asked us to go save her son or something, and he was with Ilia, and that item to get to the temple in the first place is pretty important, isn't it, Navi?"

"Are you still annoyed about the joke?"

"No duh. You brought back bad memories!"

"Let's just go." Navi pulled out a phone. "Bring the helicopter over here!"

"What?! Helicopter?!" Nathan yelled.

"What about the horses?" Link asked.

"They'll be fine, don't worry," Navi answered. A ladder dropped down from above. "C'mon!"

Later at Hyrule Castle Town…

Link climbed out of the helicopter as fast as possible, "DUDE! What were you thinking?!" he yelled at Nathan.

"What? It couldn't have been that bad," he answered.

"YOU FREAKIN' MADE ME PLAY SLENDER!"

"Oh, that's all he did?" Saria asked. "I thought he was doing something else…"

"Come on, come on!" Navi yelled.

Inside the bar, Ilia and the Zora were still there.

"Ilia!" Link called.

"… Eh, who are you?" Ilia asked.

"Huh? Amnesia? Does that mean she doesn't remember that accursed show?" Saria wondered.

"What show?"

"You know, that one about-" Link started, but Saria covered his mouth.

"Hey, you guys are heroes, right?" the lady from that other time asked. "We need to go to Kakariko Village for a reason that I don't remember!"

"Don't you remember?" Ilia questioned. "The stupid doctor here was being a complete jerk and refused to try and help the Zora, so we need to take him to Kakariko instead."

"Right. That's why. It's just, the only problem is that there are monsters all over the field-"

"So you need us to fend them off, I'm guessing?" Saria asked with a sigh. "Whatever. It's not like we haven't done that many times before…"

"But, all of the monsters in the field will magically have fire arrows and bombs, so the carriage will probably catch on fire numerous times, causing us to freak out and go in a circle for twenty minutes."

"Honestly. We took a freakin' helicopter here, can't we just take that back?" Nathan asked Navi.

"Wouldn't that be cheap since we'd be skipping the most annoying part in the whole game?" Navi told him. "Of course we can't do that!"

"But we have a helicopter!"

"Time to go!" the lady(whose name is Telma, I'm sure you know) said.

"Why is that stupid thing back?" Link wondered, groaning. The giant pig thing stood on the bridge back to Kakariko Village.

"Don't worry, he'll be gone soon," Nathan said, sitting in the carriage with Ilia. He set the boar that the pig thing was riding's tail on fire. It flipped out and jumped off the bridge like a complete idiot. "Wow. That was easier than I thought it would be."

"Wow!" Ilia exclaimed. "That was soo cool~"

"Hey!" Link yelled. "You're not allowed to compliment him like that!"

"But I hardly know you."

"He's more annoying than he looks! Don't be deceived by his good looks!"

"Link, the only reason he's annoying is because he decided to be more annoying after he figured out that you're annoyed by him," Navi told Link.

"… What?"

"Never mind."

Later, after riding past more burning monsters…

"Whoa! How did we manage to get all the way from Castle Town to Kakariko Village in fifteen minutes? It's not like we're riding a car or something!" Saria stated.

"It's a small world after all," Link said. "Literally."

"Dude… Is that liquid ketchup?" Nathan asked, looking at the fence.

"I guess they didn't clean that off yet," Saria said.

"Unlock the gate!" Telma yelled. "The monsters keep respawning!"

Saria prepared to kicked it down, but Navi stopped her. "You do realize that if you kick it down, the monsters will be able to get in, right?" Navi told her.

"Right. Who has the key?" Saria asked.

There was a pause.

"… Does no one have the key?!"

"Oh, don't worry, I'll just melt the lock," Nathan said, but the fire immediantly went out.

"… Looks like they want us to use a key…" Navi said. "Where the heck do we get one?"

"Wait, didn't Saria herself say that she was the master of lock-picking?" Link asked. "Can't she just pick the lock to get it open?"

"Fear not, for I have the key!" a random monster stated. He unlocked the door. "You may pass!"

"Aren't you supposed to be evil…?"

"JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!" The monster ran away crying.

"Um… Okay…"

They turned their attention back to the gate and passed through to Kakariko Village.