(dodges thrown chair for updating so late)

WELL EXCUSE ME PRINCESS IT'S SUMMER RIGHT NOW AND STUFF HAPPENS… not to mention I got my own laptop and have been doing OTHER things on it! Plus, I'm thinking about REAL LIFE stuff now. You know, because I'm considering going to college a year early! AND. I'm thinking of being a professional singer, or something like that. So gimme a break.

So much dialogue in this chapter. I die from it… (flops on table)

I don't own Zelda.

The Bizarre Saga: Twilight Princess
Chapter 12: Evil Clown and a Romantic Attempt

Previously on The Bizarre Saga, Link was weird, Saria ate something off the floor, Navi hardly spoke at all, Midna sat back and still did nothing, Nathan was incredibly hilarious and they saved Gamestop from the giant evil frog.

Now for Chapter Twelve.

"HOLY CRAP!" Nathan screamed, swimming for his life. "How did fish evolve to become bombs?!"

"Maybe they were made by a factory and put in here to annoy people," Navi said.

"BUT THIS IS A SHOPPING MALL!"

Later at the boss door…

Everybody stared. There was an incredibly long silence before someone spoke again.

Before them stood McDonald's, covered by a boss lock.

"… Are you kidding me?" Saria finally said.

"So McDonald's is evil after all…" Link spoke.

"What if it's just this McDonald's?" Midna asked.

"What if it's not?"

"Come on, let's just go and get out of this horrid temple!" Nathan said.

"Are you still going on about that?" Saria asked. "Get over it already, you need to learn to get over things when you're on an adventure."

"I control fire! It's natural for me to hate water!"

Later inside McDonald's…

"Hello, how may I help you?" a worker asked.

"SILENCE!" Saria yelled. "… I mean, is there a boss in here or something?"

The worker gasped. "THEY'VE COME!" The worker pressed a button and the whole team fell down a hole. Link had grabbed Navi in attempt to stay up, pulling her down too.

"Are you an idiot? I'm just a fairy! I can't save you from falling! Now let go, you're crushing me!" Navi shouted.

"Sorry!" Link answered, letting go of her. However, she continued to fall since she hadn't started flying yet. She pretty much saw no point in starting though since she could see water at the bottom anyway.

The crashed into a pool of water.

"There's a huge dome under there, I think that the boss will be underwater," Navi stated.

"What?!" Nathan yelled. "WHY?! I'm so useless here! I feel so useless!"

"Why do we have an underwater fight?" Saria complained. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to use a sword underwater?"

"All right, let's just go down there and get it over with…" Link said.

After about a minute of swimming down, they reached the bottom. In the center of the room, there was a hole. Tentacles began to rise out of it.

"AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" A maniacal laugh was heard. "You will never defeat me, for I am actually a mad scientist that mutated a giant fish!"

"Actually?" Saria asked.

"FOR I AM ACTUALLY THE MCDONALD'S CLOWN!"

"HOLY FARORE! HE WAS EVIL AFTER ALL!" Link exclaimed.

"I KNEW IT!" Navi yelled.

"Wait, what are you guys talking about?" Saria asked, standing there with her sword stuck into a giant eye. Ew.

"Where did that come from?"

"Oh, it was the weak spot on this monster. It was so similar to the Morpha battle that I defeated it with ease."

"THAT WAS FAST!" Nathan exclaimed.

"WHAT?! But my design is completely original! How could you defeat it so easily?! My wonderful Morpheel creation was created by the Fused Shadow!" the clown's voice said.

"Morpheel? Okay, now they're just having a hard time coming up with names."

"BUT IT'S NOT OVER! RISE, MORPHEEL!"

Suddenly, the monster that was originally sticking out of the ground rose out, revealing an ENORMOUS long body. In spite of its huge size, though, all it did was swim around the room.

"Are you sure this thing is wonderful?" Saria asked. "It seems pretty dumb to me."

"DANG IT! I knew I was forgetting something! I left out the AI!" the clown stated.

The giant fish swam right into a wall, killing itself. All of the water drained out through the hole that the fish made, leaving the room completely empty except for a puddle covering the bottom of the room.

"THIS ISN'T OVER! AUGH, what's going on?! My laboratory is on fire! NOO! Steve, I told you not to touch that! WHY?!"

"Hey, look, the final Fused Shadow! Finally!" Midna exclaimed, floating over to the Fused Shadow nearby. "We've finally collected them all!"

"There's no way this can be it, there's definitely going to be way more than this," Saria spoke. "Watch these things get stolen or something!"

"Nah, that doesn't seem right," Navi said. "Perhaps we'll realize something else that'll get in the way or prevent us from pressing on, and forcing us to gather more items or shards of something."

"Let's get out of here."

They warped out of the temple and appeared back at the Lanayru Spring. They turned around to leave, but in front of them stood…

"ZANT, why the heck are you here?!" Midna yelled. "Move it already! We're kinda busy here!"

"Busy messing with my plans, right?" Zant asked.

"Hold it right there-" Lanayru started, but Zant sent him flying into a wall.

"Muahahaha! This place will be covered with twilight once again, putting your efforts to waste!"

"Efforts? Actually, Navi had people kill them for us," Saria told him.

"What?! Well, whatever, TWILIGHT!"

The area became twilight again, forcing Midna out of Link's shadow and turning Link into a wolf.

"EH!? Why in the name of pasta have you two not changed at all?!"

"Cuz we're awesome," Saria replied. "Wanna fight?" She drew her sword.

"Ha! You won't defeat me with that pathetic sword! I'm stronger than you think!"

"That's what they all say."

"No, seriously, much stronger than you think. You won't even be able to land a hit on me since I can warp."

"That's not being strong, that's just being a freakin' coward."

"All right, time for you to shut up! I'm going to talk now!"

"But you're a villain, you have no reason to monologue!"

"It's not monologuing! I'm going to talk! NOW FAINT! I need some private time with little miss Midna!"

Zant shot a blast of magic at all of them and they all fainted except for Midna.

"Aw, seriously?" Midna complained. "I don't feel safe when I don't have someone to attack you in case something happens."

"Exactly," Zant said. "Now, you do understand that all of these people are actually your enemy, right?"

"What the heck are you talkin' about?"

"They are of that light that hates us so much."

"Really? Cuz Nathan looks sort of like a demon in a human form if you ask me, and none of them ever said that they hate me. Well, maybe the fairy did, but she just didn't like my attitude."

"Do you not realize that if we take over their world, then we, the shadows, will finally be superior to them? I need your help, Midna…"

"Screw you. I'm not listening."

"All right then, TO STONE WITH YOU!"

"Wrong line!"

"Eh, I mean… YOU WILL BE CURSED FOR THIS!" Zant started creating more twilight magic and attempted to fire it at Midna. However, Link had woken up and jumped at Zant.

"I refuse to let you curse anybody, for I am Link the hero!" Link yelled.

"WHAT?! A TALKING DOG?!"

But, Link happened to jump at the magic, throwing him backwards. A black object went into his head.

"Are you kidding me? Great, now he's gonna be a wolf forever unless we find some way to get rid of that," Midna said, sighing.

"MIDNA!" Zant yelled, forcing Midna up like she was chained to a wall. "I have psychic abilities! Isn't that great?"

"You suck."

"All right, you lost your chance. TO STONE WITH YOU!"

"WRONG LINE!"

"SILENCE! Your Fused Shadows are mine!" All of the Fused Shadows appeared around Midna, and were stolen by Zant.

"Augh! I can't believe Saria was right! How could you do this?! I thought you loved me!"

"Well, that is true, but anyone who opposes me instantly becomes my enemy. NOW TO STONE WITH-"

"You're a moron."

"BE THAT WAY! I'LL JUST KILL YOU INSTEAD!" Zant sent Midna up high, in front of the spring. The twilight suddenly vanished, and Midna was being restrained. Lanayru came out of the fountain.

"NOOOOO!"

"Oh no, I'm doing something terrible!" Lanayru exclaimed. "WARPING TIME!"

And with that, the entire team vanished in a flash of light.

"Dang! Way to mess things up!" Zant yelled.

"Silence! I cannot destroy you, but face the penalty!" Lanayru ordered. Zant was teleported away.

He awoke in a strange-looking land. "Where is this? Wait, no… NO! NOT TELETUBBIES!"

"Ugh, where the heck are we?" Saria wondered, rubbing her head. "Are we in the middle of Hyrule Field?"

"Guys… I'm gonna die…" Midna said, sitting on Link's back. "We need to hurry… to Zelda…"

"NATHAN! Get up!" Saria shook Nathan.

"Five more minutes…" was his response.

"SHUT UP! Midna will die if we don't hurry! Get up or I'll kick you!"

"Go ahead…"

"MORON." Saria kicked him in the stomach.

"AUGH!" He sat up. "That really hurt, you know!"

"I wasn't even kicking very hard."

"That was pretty hard!"

"I guess not very hard for me is really hard, then? HURRY UP." Saria summoned her leaf board. "Or we'll leave you behind!"

"You aren't very nice."

"You just realized that?" Navi asked.

Later in Castle Town…

"Hey, guys, why am I still a wolf?" Link asked.

"You got cursed, I think," Navi told him. "I was semiconscious."

"EEK! There's a wolf in our town! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" someone screamed.

"Chill out! He's just our dog!" Nathan said. "Haven't you heard of dogs that look like wolves?"

"Sorry, he's a bit crazy," another person told them. "Your dog must be very tame if he can walk around without a leash."

"Um, sure…"

"Can't you tell we're in a hurry?! Move out of the way!" Saria yelled.

"Crud! We're probably going to have to take that sewer passageway again," Saria said. "How do we even get there?"

"I know! We'll flush Navi down a toilet with some explosives-" Link started, but was interrupted.

"NO," Navi yelled.

"Meow," a very fluffy cat meowed, walking up to them. "Do you like my meow?"

"We have a dying imp and need to get her to Zelda," Link told the cat.

"Oh, I know a shortcut. You need to get into my owner's bar, and there's a passageway in there. But, you have to get in there without being seen, and cross a few ropes. There's a tunnel at the end that will lead into another house that has the entrance to the shortcut."

"Why can't we be seen? I mean, it's not like I'm doing this by myself."

To Saria and Nathan, Link was talking and the cat was simply meowing. Navi could understand the cat, though.

"My owner doesn't want pets in her bar," the cat said.

"But you're a pet, aren't you?" Link asked.

"She doesn't want any other pets inside. Now, if you have a dying imp, you're probably going to want to hurry."

So, they snuck into the bar in a high entrance and attempted to sneak by. But this didn't work, so they tried to come up with a distraction.

"Set something on fire outside?" Nathan suggested.

"It's raining," Saria told him.

"Barge in and say someone is robbing their food storage?"

"Yeah right."

"Walk in and tell them that someone is spraying graffiti on their walls?"

"We would need someone to actually do that in order for it to be a long enough distraction."

"How about Link crosses all the ropes while we trick the Postman into causing mayhem, which is when we'll follow Link?"

"Eh… It works. C'mon, I actually saw the Postman in there a minute ago, in a corner!"

Saria dragged Nathan into the bar while Navi stayed behind with Link.

"She's pulling my hand…" Nathan thought, with imaginary hearts floating around his head.

"Hey, postman!" Saria yelled. He ignored her. "HEY!"

"I must sort my letters, for it is in my schedule," the postman said.

"Well, you know what else is in your schedule? Spraying silly string all over this bar! You know you forgot about it!"

"Oh my Din! I did forget about it! Letter sorting ended 23 seconds ago!"

"Here! In order to keep your schedule at a balanced rate, you can have this silly string!" Saria gave him seven cans of silly string. "Have fun!" She pulled Nathan off again.

"Where did you get those?" Nathan asked.

"Eh, I found them in a box in here. There were a whole lot of cans."

While Saria and Nathan climbed up to the passageway that Link secretly went into, the postman was going completely insane and spraying silly string all over the bar. There were guards in there, but they had come to drink and were too drunk to actually do anything about it. The postman wasn't taken away for about ten minutes.

"Whoa, is this money on the ground?!" Saria exclaimed at the sight of the room they ended up in after going through the path. "There's so much!"

"ATTACK!" a random ghost with a scythe yelled. Saria attempted to cut it, but it went right through it. "Ah ha ha ha! Silly little girl! You cannot hurt me with a sword!"

"Silly little girl?"

"I'LL EAT YOUR SOUL!" Link yelled, jumping up and pulling the ghost's soul out with his teeth. The ghost 'died'. Wait a second, did I seriously reference Soul Eater before I even watched it?

"Thank you for killing that evil monster," someone said.

They all turned their heads and saw someone who pretty much looked like he was made of gold. He wasn't moving at all.

"… What the heck?" Saria asked.

"I was cursed by the evil Poes. In my greed, I sold my soul to them for money and ended up like this…"

"All right, so we need to go around and collect all of the Poe's Souls so you turn back to normal?" Nathan asked, holding the strategy guide.

"Oh, forgot he had that," Navi stated.

"Yes, you are right," the gold person said. "How do you know that?"

"Strategy guide," Nathan answered.

"I see. In return for killing that one Poe, I will allow you to take the shortcut to Hyrule Castle."

A treasure chest that looked like it was buried in the ground opened up, revealing a very deep-looking hole.

"Wow, that's so realistic," Saria said sarcastically. "What's even under this gold pile, anyway?"

"GUYS, did you forget that Midna's dying?!" Navi yelled. "Don't question now, just hurry!"

"Shall we go together?" Nathan asked, holding his hand out to Saria.

O_o

"No thanks," Saria replied flatly, jumping down the hole.

"Really, dude, you gotta give up on her," Link told Nathan.

"I don't understand why she doesn't like me, I mean, when we first met, she was all over me, right?" Nathan spoke, sighing.

"Your personality changed and you suddenly became annoying," Navi explained in a very straight-forward way.

"But I was only being annoying to him!"

"It changed, Nathan, it changed." Navi flew down the hole. Link and Nathan followed soon after.

So, soon after traversing through the sewers that they mildly remembered (and Nathan didn't know at all), they finally arrived at Zelda.

"Man. We should be glad that Midna's still alive," Saria said.

Midna rolled off Link's back, onto the hard ground.

"Zelda…" Midna said.

"Midna!" Zelda exclaimed. "You're dying!"

"No duh…"

"We need to save her as soon as possible!" Link told Zelda. "She's a major character!"

"Zelda… We need to break the curse on Link…"

"Yeah, he's still a dog, even outside twilight," Saria stated.

"In order to break the curse on Link, you need to go to the Sacred Grove and find the Master Sword," Zelda explained.

"Where's that?"

"It's in the Faron Woods. You couldn't get there before because you need help from Midna, and the game wouldn't let you since you're not supposed to do it until now."

"What are we going to do about her?" Link asked.

"We need to find the Mirror of Twilight…" Midna spoke. "In order to stop Zant…"

"All right. I understand the situation completely," Zelda said. "I'm going to give my life force to Midna in order to save her."

"What…?!"

Zelda took Midna's hand. Sparkles floated out of Zelda to Midna, and soon Zelda disappeared.

"Why did she do that?!" Midna yelled, standing up. "Wait, what the? I thought I could only float!"

"I guess it had some sort of effect on you," Navi said.

"But seriously! She's the princess! She can't just give up her life to save someone like me!"

"Zelda sure is nice, isn't she," Nathan stated. "Unlike some people."

"Oh, shut up, you!" Saria shouted.