The Bizarre Saga: Twilight Princess
Chapter 15: The Creepy One

Previously on The Bizarre Saga, Link remembered Dark, Saria insulted the sages, Navi just talked, Midna dropped a sandwich, Nathan dangled off a ledge and hardly anything actually happened. Oh yeah, and the chapter had a dramatic ending! Sort of.

Now for Chapter Fifteen.

"I swear, when we left, I heard that guy say 'I found you'," Saria stated. "That's a little creepy."

"HE FOUND US…" Link whispered with a creepy voice, emerging from the shadows behind Saria and putting his hand on her shoulder.

She jumped. "OH NAYRU!"

"Whoa, Link, you've gotten better at that!" Navi told him.

"Wait, what was the point of going into the bar in the first place?" Link asked. "Couldn't we have just found out where to go next in the guide?"

"Eh… Good point," Nathan said. Everybody groaned. "I didn't look that far. We're actually supposed to go through that cave that was at Zora's Domain."

"But it was frozen, wasn't it?"

"Not anymore. There's a chick there 'investigating' the Snowpeak mountain. Apparently there was a Bigfoot sighting…" Now remember that this guide was made by me.

"Seriously? Bigfoot?" Saria asked disbelievingly. "It was probably just a yeti."

"Just a yeti?"

"Yeah, a snow version of Bigfoot."

The rest of the team anime fell.

"What?!"

"How can you say just a yeti?! That doesn't even make any more sense that Bigfoot!" Navi yelled.

"Aw, come on. You know that people wouldn't put Bigfoot into a Zelda game, so they just put a yeti instead."

"You don't even have any proof that they exist! We've never run into them! Watch it be like, a giant Goron, or something!"

"Why can't Nathan just check the guide and find out what it is?" Link suggested.

"The guide is screwing up on me…" Nathan stated. "There's a whole page here that says 'HA HA HA! YOU WON'T BE FINDING OUT LIKE THIS!', and all the pages are stuck together after that."

Everyone else anime fell again.

"There's no way that's a Prima Games guide…" Navi spoke.

"Didn't think it was," Nathan said, closing the guide. "Now let's warp to Zora's Domain."

Later on the way to Snowpeak…

"Augh, it's so cold!" Saria complained, shivering. "And we haven't even gotten through the cave yet!"

"I'll just keep you warm then," Nathan said, embracing her.

"Are you still doing that…?" Link asked, sighing.

"He is warm…" Saria thought, but then stopped. "Would you stop being creepy already?"

"Haha! Take that, Link! My plan to take Saria away from you has started to succeed, shown by the fact that she hasn't jumped away yet!" Nathan thought, grinning.

"Look, Nate, the only reason I haven't moved yet is because I'm freezing cold."

"HAHAHA! Now she's nicknamed me! LEVEL UP!"

Saria raised an eyebrow. "What's with that look?"

"Oh, nothing. I'm just feeling cheerful today."

She sighed. "Is that so…" Despite Nathan's attempt to hide his excitement, Saria knew what he was happy about.

"Don't worry, Saria, I'm sure Drake will come and bring us some coats at some point," Navi said.

"Gah! Dang him…" Nathan thought.

During this 'conversation', Link was still being completely alert and looking out for a shadow that might jump out of no where and tackle him.

"Link, you need to chill out," Navi told him.

"I already am," Link answered, shivering.

BA-DUM-TSS!

Navi's shoulders dropped. "Seriously?" she asked in annoyance.

A few minutes later…

"Hey, look! It's the yeti!" Link exclaimed, looking at a person in front of them.

"It's just a coat," the person told him. "When I wear this, the monsters mistake me for a yeti so they don't attack me. At least, I think so, since nothing has attacked me yet. Then again, I haven't moved from this point yet or seen any monsters, so I don't have proof of that, anyway…" The person took the coat-thing off, showing her face.

"Why are you standing there again?" Saria asked.

"Oh, I was looking for Bigfoot."

"… Just by standing there?"

"Yep."

"And you haven't seen anything at all except for snow and ice the whole time you've been looking?"

"Yep."

"I don't think you're going to find it even if it does exist just standing there."

"Do you know if there's anything else out here? You know, a temple or something?" Saria didn't want to waste her time talking about Bigfoot with people and just wanted to hurry up and get to the temple.

"Well, I think that there were some yetis living at a giant abandoned mansion incredibly far out, but that doesn't have anything to do with looking for Bigfoot."

"But if you think that there are yetis, why would you believe that there's Bigfoot?! How do you know it wasn't just the yetis?!" Navi yelled.

"Well, um… Even if you are looking for the mansion or something, you can't go out onto the mountain without an exact path set in mind or else you'll appear back here, so going out there is a bad idea!"

"We have a helicopter," Link stated.

"There's a really strong blizzard out there!"

"How do you know that if you've been doing nothing but standing there?" Navi asked.

There was an awkward silence.

"… You should get coats…?" the woman(Well, Ashei) said slowly.

"I have fire powers," Nathan told her.

"Oh, yeah! So we don't need coats after all!" Link stated.

"Screw whatever else we're supposed to be doing at this point, I just want to take the helicopter to the next dungeon," Saria said. "I hate cold places."

"Well, now the so-called strategy guide is letting me turn the page, and it says we were supposed to go and get a fishing rod upgrade by attaching a Zora earring to it, allowing us to catch Reekfish, and Link would have to follow the sent of a Reekfish that the yeti has, then have a snowboarding race with him…" Nathan explained.

"Forget it. Helicopter."

"Haven't we cheated enough using that helicopter?" Navi asked, sighing.

"I don't want to hike up a frozen mountain!"

"All right, fine. It's just a little shortcut, after all…"

The helicopter had dropped them off right before a large cave. After passing through the freezing cave, they came outside to see a giant yeti standing by an ice-covered tree.

"LET'S GO SNOWBOARDING!" the yeti yelled. He smashed his head into a tree, knocking a piece of ice off. "YAAAAY!" He jumped onto the small piece of ice that only one foot could fit on for him and slid down the hill.

o_o

"So I'm guessing we need to follow him, right?" Link said. He turned around to see…

Saria sleeping on Nathan's back with him carrying her?!

"DAFRICK?! Did you drug her?!"

"No, I didn't, I swear!" Nathan insisted. "You weren't paying attention! She slipped and twisted her ankle inside that cave, and I picked her up even though she didn't want me to. I'm pretty sure my fire powers make me warm or something, so maybe she fell asleep because of that…"

"But that's not like her AT ALL! Are you sure you didn't drug her?"

"Yes, I'm positive! I'm not that terrible!"

"Eh…?" Saria suddenly started to wake up. "Ah, warm~" She wrapped her arms around Nathan.

"Saria! Snap out of it! I think he drugged you!" Link yelled.

"I didn't drug her, for the last time!" Nathan shouted.

Navi sighed, "Come on, guys, Saria is probably still half-asleep or something," she said.

"Wait…" Saria started. She jumped. "GAH! Did I really fall asleep?! It's only been twenty minutes since I hurt my ankle!"

"Does it still hurt?" Nathan asked.

"No, it doesn't. Why are you carrying me, anyway? I told you it's bad for my reputation!"

"But we're on a frozen mountain that no one but yetis are on."

"You never know what the yetis will do!"

"What are we going to do about that guy that slid down the hill earlier on that piece of ice…?" Link asked.

"Whoa, wait! We can sort of go snowboarding?! I've always wanted to try that!" Saria jumped off Nathan. "Augh, it's c-cold!"

"Ah-ha! I told you!" Nathan said to Link.

"All right, here I go!" Saria kicked the tree that the yeti had smashed his head into. A piece of ice fell off. "I wouldn't exactly consider this safe, but I don't really care!" She stepped onto the ice. "How about we race?"

So they all ended up racing down the very long hill on pieces of ice, dodging bottomless chasms from time to time until they reached the mansion. Conveniently, the long hill lead right to it.

"TOOK YA LONG ENOUGH TO GET HERE!" the giant yeti said. "I NEED MAKE SOUP FOR SICK WIFE!" He went inside the mansion, needing to crawl through the front door because he was so huge.

"So there are yetis living in the next dungeon?" Saria asked. "I wonder what that'll lead to…"

They all went inside. It didn't look NEARLY as ancient as it did from the outside. A relatively large spinning chair facing away from them was in the middle of the large entrance hall.

"What the heck?" Nathan said. "This isn't right…"

"… I've been expecting you…" the one sitting in the chair said. The chair spun around to reveal…

DARK.

"Hello there." He grinned. This time, he didn't look exactly the same as Link. His tunic looked almost the same as it did in Ocarina of Time, and his hair was slightly longer than last time.

"AAAAAAHH!" Link screamed, attempting to run out the door, but Saria grabbed the back of his tunic. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! LET GO!"

"It's so nice to see you again!" Saria stated, an evil glint in her eyes.

"WHY SARIA?! WHY!"

"If you're wondering why the mansion doesn't look like it should, I bought it and had it completely rebuilt. The yetis are still living here, though, and I can't really seem to do anything about that…" Dark said.

"Wait, how is this the next dungeon, then?" Saria asked.

"Oh, well, in the center of this whole place, there's a tower with a 'bedroom' on the top of it. It's been locked this whole time, but there's a key somewhere in here. I just don't know where it is. The lock is enormous, so I guessed it might be the boss room or something."

"Hold on a second!" Navi exclaimed. "If Dark is here, then that means Ganondorf let him live! How did you manage to pull that off?"

"Luckily, the writer is on my side so I didn't really have to worry about dying or anything. There was some lightning, and then I was set free!"

"Lightning…?" Nathan said slowly.

Dark stood up and walked over to Nathan. "Who's your new little friend?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Little? I'm as tall as you are."

"What?! That means he's still taller than me?!" Link yelled.

"Well, it makes sense," Navi told him. "You're the same height as you were when you were seventeen in our world."

"SURPRISE!" Midna shouted, popping up behind Dark.

It's not very effective…

"Hello," Dark greeted. "I knew you were there."

"DANG IT!" Midna yelled. "Oh, whatever."

"Look, it's nice seeing you and all, but we need to hurry up, don't we?" Navi said. "Midna, you're the one who wants to hurry up and get all the mirror shards to repair the Mirror of Twilight!"

"Aw, come on, Navi! I can't help but take a liking to this guy since he's Link's dark side, and he seems to be doing a pretty good job at scaring the crap out of Link." She glanced over at Link, who jumped when Dark looked at him.

"Hey, would that be considered an insult?" Saria asked. "It makes it sound like they aren't a significant person, and the one who matters is the light side. And also, how come 'shadow people' always are explained to have black hair and red eyes? That sets them apart even more, when light people can look however they want."

"Aw! That's so sweet coming from the heroine!" Dark stated.

"We need to go now…" Link said.

"Hmm? What was that?" Dark leaned in a little too close for comfort.

"Saria! Let go of me before it's too late!"

Saria grinned instead. Rather than simply letting go of Link, she pushed him right into Dark.

"I honestly don't get why you do these things," Navi spoke. "I understand that Link annoys you, but still."

During all of this, Nathan was quite freaked out about what was going on. He didn't realize Link was scared of Dark because he was freaked out by this.

"Maybe we should go and complete the temple while Link stays here~" Saria said, starting to smile like a maniac.

"NO! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE WITH HIM!" Link yelled, trying to pry Dark off him. "I'M TOO YOUNG FOR THIS!"

"You're seventeen," Midna pointed out.

"I'm twelve at heart!"

"Wait a minute, shouldn't that mean that Dark became seventeen again too when he came here, considering the fact that he's a part of Link?" Navi asked.

"Actually, I came into existence when Link pulled up the Master Sword for the first time, and I didn't disappear when he put it back," Dark stated. "I turned into a twelve year old, but I was seventeen when I first came around."

"Came into existence?"

"Yep, I said I was Link's other half, didn't I?"

"Wait, so all this time, I've only been half of myself?!" Link yelled.

"HOLD ON A SECOND! If Link's dark side was split away from him, he should've been perfect!" Navi said. "Could that mean that Link had more darkness in him than light, and Dark is completely darkness while Link still has some darkness in him?!"

"Yeah, but no one is perfect," Saria told her.

"But what if their dark side is the thing that's making them not be perfect?"

"What if it's not?"

"But that could mean that they aren't actually their dark side, they just coincidentally have black hair and red eyes and aren't usually very good, with the exception of Red from Pokemon. Or that person's light and darkness weren't perfectly equal or split, so in that case, they either had more darkness in them than light, or the dark side has a bit of light in them if they had more light than darkness!"

Think about it.

Insert Jeopardy music here.

"… Cookie dough, anyone…?" Nathan asked, holding out a bowl of cookie dough.

"Why cookie dough?" Saria questioned.

"It's all I had! It tastes wonderful, though!"

"Wait!" Navi said. "According to the information we got at the first Water Temple, Saria's 'shadow' was the exact opposite of her! Dark seemed to be the opposite of Link for a while, but Link has changed over the years and now they aren't exact opposites anymore. Link has common sense most of the time, now!"

"Most of the time?" Link asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Maybe that has something to do with the fact that I might be my own person now, since he put back the sword…" Dark suggested.

Link paused for a second. "I'm going to be forever half?"

Dark smirked and leaned close again. "Unless you want to be whole again~"

"DIN NO!" Link was so freaked out right now that he managed to break free and run all the way to the next room, slamming the door behind him.

"Aw… He's gone," Dark complained.

"WHY?!" Navi yelled. "WHY! ANSWER MY STUPID QUESTION!"

"One word: Fangirls."

"Isn't that two words?"

"SHUT UP IT'S ONE!"

"Hey, I have an interesting idea!" Saria exclaimed. "Why don't we all split up and see who can find the key first? Since this whole place has been rebuilt, doesn't that mean it's practically a regular mansion?"

"Well, it was completely rebuilt, but there still are a ton of ice soldier skeletions wandering around in some places, and there are also some giant ice hockey pucks every once in a while…"

"If this was a normal dungeon, I'd be able to set everything on fire and solve all of our problems," Nathan stated, sighing. "But the whole place will burn down if I try that here."

"Eh? You can control fire?"

"Yeah."

"All right, later guys!" Saria said, running off. "I'm gonna find the key first!"

"I'm just going to go find Link now," Navi spoke, flying in the same direction he ran off to.

…

"Um…" Nathan started.

"I'm gonna participate too!" Dark stated, his weapons appearing out of no where. "It sounds like fun!" He ran off.

"All right then, be that way, my friends…" Nathan's knives appeared in his hands. "It's on."

Meanwhile…

Link was gasping for breath as he sat on a nearby couch, "He seems even scarier now than he was before…" he said.

"Honestly!" Midna huffed. "Can't you slow down a bit?! Just because I'm in your shadow doesn't mean that I can just sit back and move around with you!"

"Huh? Now that I think about it, isn't Dark my shadow? How do I have a shadow, then?"

"We're not starting up this conversation again. This is complicated enough already."

"Link!" Navi called, flying up to him. "Saria has decided to start a contest to see who can find the key to the boss room first. She ran off on her own!"

"Hello, I sick female yeti!" a nearby yeti on another couch stated. She wasn't nearly as big as the other yeti, and she didn't seem to have arms either. "Husband making soup for me, but all we have is reekfish since he too lazy to get anything else."

"Hey, do you know where the key to the boss room is?" Link asked.

"Oh, key is being kept in this room."

A certain room on Link's map began glowing. As of now, the whole team has maps except for Navi and Midna, obviously.

"I is positive. Or maybe I is unsure… I don't remember meaning of words."

"I don't really care if someone else gets the key first and wins," Link stated. "I'm actually pretty glad that everyone split up, cuz that means that Dark isn't going to be following us around like I thought he might!"

"Oh come on, Link!" Navi yelled. "You can't just give up! If Saria won, she would laugh in everyone's faces. If Nathan won, he would laugh about the fact that he was way better than you just as he predicted!"

Link yawned. "I would just say 'I wasn't really trying' and get over it."

Navi thought for a moment. "If Dark won, if he's participating, then-"

The door slammed open. Right there stood Dark.

"Not really trying, hmm? How boring," he said.

"I don't have any intention to," Link spoke.

"Then, if I win, I get to do whatever I want to you~"

Link spat out a random drink he happened to be drinking. "WHAT?! NO!"

"Why don't you participate, then, to lower the chances of me winning? If you win, then I'll leave you alone…"

"All right then, COMPETITIVE MODE ACTIVATE! I'M OUTTA HERE!" Link ran out a nearby door for his freakin' life.

"… For the time being…" Dark's smile grew as he laughed.