I've been planning on doing a Serena chapter for a while now, and was going to go the 'Bonnie and Serena=sisters' route, but then XY039 happened and the unfairly brief scene with contemplative!Serena took me by storm. So I wrote this instead.
Enjoy!
There was a time that Serena hungered for the day her journey would begin, if only so that she could pursue every one of her goals. Of these there were many; when she was a little girl, she wanted to be something – someone – great, which translated into countless things. A gym leader. A member of the Elite Four. A Pokémon professor. A breeder, a coordinator, a connoisseur; briefly, a Rhyhorn racer like her mother. Everything was a possibility; everything had potential, especially Serena herself. She wanted so much, so intensely.
And then she stopped. And started her journey.
Does aspiration just disappear if you don't nurture it? Can ambition evaporate if you stop caring?
The waves lap at the shore, splash up to meet the dock and her bare feet. It tickles; she'd laugh if she were in a laughing mood, if it weren't for the fact that she doesn't want to break this quiet, so beautiful in its rarity. It's silent, for once: no Bonnie giggling cutely, no audible sweetness from Clemont, no Ash-induced heart-pounding on her own part.
The latter of which would be nice, if it didn't give her so much time to think about her reasoning, her impatience. She'd been galvanized into journeying by seeing Ash on the television screen that day, for a while hadn't given thought to a goal of any kind. When anyone brought it up, she evaded and deflected, dodging well-meaning questions as a Pokémon dodged near-fatal moves. She left home primarily to find Ash; escaping Rhyhorn racing was only a small part of it. That was it, that was all, and that was fine. A bit rushed, maybe, but fine.
Okay, very rushed. Extremely rushed. Her cheeks warm up as she thinks about how quickly she went out that door upon hearing that he was in Kalos.
Perhaps…perhaps she's been a bit hasty?
She shakes her head to clear it of such thoughts. Does anyone need a concrete goal with bullet-points-milestones-visualization to go out and live their life, or to validate their experiences, to wander and wonder? No. They don't.
She doesn't.
But she wonders – without wandering, at the moment – what happened to all those dreams of hers. Rhyhorn racing's rejection was a given, but the others…she could have been so much. She could be so much.
"But I already am," she says, and Fennekin, on her lap, twitches an ear. She rubs her belly, gives her a grin – Fennekin's such a cutie – and leans back to look at the stars, to prove herself. She's a Pokémon trainer. She's the daughter of Grace the famous Rhyhorn racer, the surrogate big sister to the fabulous Bonnie, friend of trainers Ash and Clemont, a budding baker and Pokévision star. She is Serena; that is enough.
This time, she whispers it. "I already am."
But it's not what she is that's bothering her. It's what she does. Which is 'looking for a goal', or, rather, be passive. She calls herself a Pokémon trainer, but now that she thinks about it, she hasn't done any Pokémon training.
The realization makes her feel hollow.
She thinks about Shauna, Trevor, and Tierno, and how – despite their joy at traveling together – they have such crystallized goals, and work so hard towards them, and encourage each other, play off each other, strengthen each other. Thinks about how, even if they went their separate ways, they would always have their defining drive, always have another mountain to climb.
If she were to split off from Ash and the others – she frowns, shivers at the thought – what would be her motivation, her passion? What would define her, and her alone?
She pets Fennekin again to ignore how hard it is to answer the questions, and tells the stars, "Perhaps I've been a bit hasty."
The words are so much scarier when spoken out loud; rid of them, she becomes even emptier. For a while Serena sits there, quiet and frightened of her aimlessness.
Fennekin shifts and growls, chasing dream-adversaries as she sleeps. Serena glances down and considers her for a moment, then asks, "What do you want to do, Fennekin?"
Fennekin yawns: obviously, the answer to that one is 'to sleep more'.
A better, and worse, question: what do I want to do?
She doesn't know. She enjoys baking, but is not passionate about it; she liked working on her Pokévision, but wouldn't consider it as a career choice.
What, exactly, is her mountain?
Serena thinks again of Shauna, and of what she said about being a Pokémon performer. She sighs, thinking, that's as good a start as any, I guess.
The one good thing about emptiness is that it allows one to be filled.
I am really, really excited for Serena's character development from this point onwards. She can only improve.
Speaking of improving...reviews, as per usual, are highly appreciated.