The Bizarre Saga: Twilight Princess
Chapter 17: People Go OOC
Previously on The Bizarre Saga, Link was terrified, Saria went completely insane, Navi was a troll, Midna was a boss, Nathan was also a boss, the postman showed up out of no where and we were sort of left on a cliffhanger.
Now for Chapter Seventeen.
"If Navi won, then I'd…" Saria started, then paused.
"Then you'd what?" everybody asked.
Saria blushed. Holy crap. "I'd have to kiss one of the guys… like that…"
Everybody spat their random drinks out at once. Except for the postman, who was still trying to give Dark letters.
"Okay, seriously, what's with these random drinks?" Midna questioned.
"HUH?! Why would the writer decide something like THAT?!" Link yelled. "Saria, you know how ridiculous the odds are in this story! Why would you agree?!"
"Well sorry for being a daredevil," Saria said.
"Is this turning into a romance?" Navi wondered.
"Why don't we just wait until after we beat the boss and get the mirror shard?" Midna suggested. "I feel like this temple has been long enough."
"Um, yeah…" Saria spoke slowly.
On the inside, Nathan was flipping out. "YAAAY!" he thought way to excitedly.
LATER AT DAH BOSS ROOM… (without Dark anymore, cuz he left)
"Hey, I just realized that the lock and the key have hearts on them…" Link stated.
Saria remained silent, dragging her sword behind her.
"Well… this is a bit OOC," Navi said.
Since Saria was being awfully silent, Nathan unlocked the door. The giant lock fell right next to Link, and he didn't even move.
…
"… Okay, something is definitely wrong here," Navi stated.
They entered the boss room, which actually turned out to be a fairly large bedroom. The female yeti stood in the center of the room.
"How did you get up here?" Link asked.
"Mirror over there," the yeti said. "Mirror cause bad things to happen, but mirror pretty." She walked over to the mirror that was sitting on a shelf. "Mirror so pretty…"
"Wait, don't look at it too long, more bad things will happen!" Midna yelled.
"Pretty, pretty mirror…" The yeti twitched. "Mirror is so pretty…"
"Oh, crap."
"Mirror is so so pretty…" The yeti twitched again. "PRETTY MIRROR…"
"This is getting pretty intense," Nathan stated.
"NOT TAKE MIRROR!" The yeti turned around and her head did a 180 degree turn, revealing an incredibly terrifying face.
"HOLY CRAP!" everybody yelled, even Saria.
"Now that's the scariest thing I've seen!" Saria shouted. "HEADS DON'T DO THAT!"
"PRETTY MIRROR IS MIIIINE!" the terrifying yeti screeched, floating up into the air while spazzing out at the same time. The furniture in the room disappeared and it became a huge ice rink. The yeti created a giant ice 'shell' and started spinning around the room.
"… This is the boss?" Nathan asked. He did what looked like an attempt to walk over to it, but he slipped before he could even take a second step. Saria couldn't help but burst out laughing.
"Sorry, that was hilarious," she stated. "I don't think this is the boss, Sir I-Have-A-Strategy-Guide."
"Oh, right! I was so caught up in the competition that I forgot about it…"
"BALL AND CHAIN TIME!" Saria took out her ball and chain and flung it at the boss. Some of the ice shell broke. She repeated this process until the whole ice shell had broken.
"PRETTY MIRROR IS STILL MINE!" the yeti said, and the second phase started. She created what looked somewhat like a little 'room' that she stood in while a bunch of giant ice spikes floated around it. Epic boss music played in the background.
"All right, now this is a fight!" Saria quickly put her ball and chain away to heighten her agility and dodged all of the ice spikes that attempted to crush her.
"Wow, compared to the first story, the writing style has really improved, hasn't it," Navi spoke, but nobody really cares about that, seriously…
"Yeah, in the last two stories, it was almost all dialogue and everything was completed in seconds," Link pointed out.
Using the ice to her advantage, because apparently that's possible, Saria continued to dodge the ice spikes and soon realized that she needed to break the spikes in order to actually get something accomplished. She took out her ball and chain again and crushed them as they crashed down behind her.
The 'room' that the female yeti was in crashed down in the middle of the room, and all of the spikes around it. However, since Saria had broken some of the spikes, she was able to use her ball and chain to destroy the room itself.
"I feel pretty useless right now," Link stated. "It's saddening."
The ice spikes came back afterwards, and continued to attack Saria.
"Am I supposed to keep doing this?" Saria wondered, sighing. "Someone! Come over here! I feel like I'll get more force out of this ball and chain if two people throw it, since it's so dang heavy!"
"All right!" Link said, running over. Because he was awesome, he didn't slip on the ice. Nathan wanted to go an help her, but he slipped again. (I'm not really sure why he didn't just melt the boss, but it probably had something to do with the fact that the yeti could make the ice appear out of thin air)
When they found the chance, Link and Saria took the ball and chain and tossed it as hard as they could (which is pretty hard) at the ice boss. The ice spike in the way acting as a shield and the 'room' thing broke.
"NO! MIRROR PRETTY MIRROR…" the female yeti said, then the whole room flashed back to what it was originally, with the yeti lying on the floor.
"Whoa, that was actually pretty effective," Saria stated, still holding the chain.
Suddenly, the bedroom door broke down. Standing there was the giant yeti.
"WIFEY! YOU OKAY?!" he asked quite loudly, literally knocking everything in the way aside, including Link and Saria.
"Yes, I okay. Mirror is evil and me don't want it," the female yeti told him.
"Hooray!" Midna cheered, taking the piece of the mirror that was still on the wall.
"I LOVE YOU WIFEY!" the giant yeti stated.
"I love you too husbandy," the female yeti replied.
A bunch of hearts went all over the place, followed by a heart container.
"Aw, how sweet!" Navi exclaimed.
People get a heart container.
"So, where are we supposed to go next-" Link started, but was interrupted by Saria pulling down on his tunic's collar and kissing him for a second.
"… Just getting that over with…" Saria muttered, blushing.
They could almost hear Nathan's dreams shattering.
"No! This can't be right!" he thought. "Calm down, Nathan! She said she was getting it over with! She wasn't actually serious or meaning anything romantic! Especially not with him!"
Link was dumbfounded. He definitely didn't see this coming. His face flushed.
"Um…" he started, "okay…?"
"It's amazing how this went from a complete parody to a romantic comedy," Navi said, sighing.
"W-what?! Romantic comedy?!" Link and Saria yelled at the same time.
"That's not right!" Link said.
"And after all our attempts to make it a parody again all throughout the series…" Saria spoke. "We end up as a romantic comedy?!"
"This is the writer's doing, isn't it?!"
"I think the improvement in the writing style along with the writer's age brought it to this," Navi said. "Also, you two have sort of matured since the beginning… in a way…"
Nathan was still depressed in a corner.
"Yep, the official genre of this story is now romantic comedy action adventure."
"That's way to many genres," Midna stated.
"That's mostly what it is!"
"What was it before?"
"It was parody comedy adventure."
"So it's not even a parody anymore…" Link said, sighing. Well, technically, it KIND OF is, but it's just not as ridiculous as it was.
"Yep. It's strayed too far to be a complete parody. Now it's pretty much just 'hilarious adventures in Zelda' rather than 'completely messed up hilarious adventures in Zelda'."
"GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE ALREADY!" the giant yeti who was still there ordered.
"Now husbandy, that's not nice," the female yeti told him.
"BUT THEY'VE BEEN HERE DOING NOTHING FOR TWO PAGES!" (in the document.)
"He has a point…" Navi stated. "We should probably go now."
"We better! Zant might be torturing more twilight people right now for no reason!" Midna said.
Meanwhile in the Twilight Realm…
"Where in the world did we get this giant deck of Old Maid?" one of the twilight people asked.
"I don't know, I found it laying around in front of where the portal would've been…" another replied.
"I'm really glad that Zant isn't here right now, because he might have made us polish his throne for the twenty-seventh time this week."
"You were keeping track?"
"Yeah."
"Where is Zant, anyway?"
"I think he said something about going to Gamestop and buying some new games to keep him occupied while he waited for the heroes to arrive."
"Gee, I sure hope the heroes win. I'm getting sick of that guy! All he does is make us polish his chair and his giant bathtub."
"Yeah, it sucks, doesn't it?"
"At least he doesn't have a torture chamber to amuse himself or something. We don't get punished either, since he's too busy talking to his giant Pikachu doll or something."
Back with our heroes…
"Man, he might even have a torture chamber to amuse himself…" Midna said. "I feel so bad for all of the Twili!"
"All right, time to go!" Navi stated. "I don't want that yeti to get angrier than he already is, that would be terrifying."
They entered the twilight warp thing and warped out of the mansion.
Right outside the mansion…
"Hey, um, Nathan's been like that for a while now…" Link said, turning around. Nathan's head was down and he didn't seem to have any color in him at all.
Navi silently snickered. She knew why he was depressed.
"GAH! THAT STUPID POSTMAN!" Dark yelled, walking out the front door. "He literally gave me every single letter in that stupid bag SEPARATELY! AND THAT STUPID GUY KEPT ON AVOIDING-"
Everybody started at him.
"Oh, hey guys!" He looked at the depressed Nathan. "Um, did something happen?"
"Nope," Link lied. "We'll be going now…"
"Wait, let me guess. Saria decided to ki-"
"DON'T FINISH THE SENTENCE," Saria ordered, shooting a death glare.
"Aw, how unfortunate…" Dark sighed, walking up to them.
"There was nothing romantic involved, right…?" Nathan whispered to himself shakily.
"Oh? Is that so?" Dark apparently heard him. "In that case, I can still have Link, right?" Link shuddered.
"STOP RIGHT THERE!" Navi yelled, flying between them. "Don't forget about what I said!" Link mouthed a 'thank you'. She cracked her knuckles. Loudly. "I'm stronger than I look…"
"Aw, you're no fun."
"Um, Nathan…" Link started, poking Nathan. "Where are we supposed to go next…?"
"I'm depressed…" was his response.
"Give me the guide then."
"I'M FREAKIN' DEPRESSED…"
"Please…?"
Nathan did not want to respond that time.
"Nathan, we need the guide!"
"Where have we not been?" Saria asked, taking out her map. "We've been in every region, and every temple in every region!"
"All right, let's just think about the elements of the temples we've been to," Navi told them. "We've been in a forest temple, a fire temple, a water temple, a sand temple, and an ice temple…"
"Shadow temple?" Link suggested.
"Where would that be?"
"Um… Kakariko graveyard…?"
"HOLY FARORE!" Saria and Navi yelled.
"He called it by its real name for once!" Navi exclaimed. "What has this world come to?!"
"Do you want me to call it Kakakakakokokoko…?" Link asked.
"NO! IT'S FINE!"
"HEEEEEY!" What?! The postman again?!
"LEAVE! NOW!" Dark, who was still there, ordered.
"Mister Link! I have a letter for you!" the postman stated, holding out a letter. "This letter is from Kevina the cucco!"
"Kevina? I almost forgot about her…" Navi said.
Link opened up the letter.
Dear Guy-who-named-me-Kevin,
You seem to be in quite a pickle right now! What temple are you supposed to go to next?
I'll give you a hint: it's where you met that obnoxious Skull Kid thing!
-Kevina
"… How did she write a letter, and on top of that, in our language…?" Navi wondered.
"How the heck did a cucco know what we were doing?" Saria asked no one in particular.
"WAIT WAIT WAIT!" Link exclaimed. "It must be related to where we got the Master Sword! In that case, it must be the Temple of Time!"
"How did you come to that conclusion? There wasn't even a temple entrance there. Why can't Nathan just hurry up and look it up in the guide?!"
"His dreams have been crushed," Navi stated.
"Nate, give me the guide or I'll mess up your hair!"
"I'm not important anymoooore…" Nathan mumbled.
"I'm getting cold! We need to hurry up and move on, seriously!"
He didn't respond.
"I'm, um… sorry…"
Almost instantly, Nathan seemed to come out of his depression state and kissed Saria on the forehead. "Are you?"
"W-what…" Saria stammered, blushing again. "Why does this keep happening?! Does it have something to do with being teenagers?!" she thought.
"DAHECK?!" Link yelled, basically speaking Saria's words for her.
Nathan simply smiled and he took out the strategy guide. He stared at it for a second.
"What?" Navi asked.
"It really is the Temple of Time," Nathan stated.
"See? I told you so," Link said. "BUT WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!"
Nathan simply grinned.
"Great! Now people are going to get into a shipping war!"
"That isn't very likely, Link," Navi told him. "Only Twilight fangirls get into shipping wars. And why would anyone get into a shipping war for an unpopular comedy like this?"
"You never know…"
"All right, warping time!" Midna said. Link turned into a wolf and they warped into the Faron Woods. Then he turned back to normal.
"I still wonder why I have to be a stupid wolf to warp!" Link complained.
"I dunno, twilight effects you or something?"
"But I have the Master Sword! Doesn't the Master Sword banish darkness?"
"Um…"
Yeah, I don't really get it, either.
"Hello! It's been a while!" Rusl greeted, standing on the way to the Sacred Grove with a golden cucco on his shoulder.
"Uh, hi…" Saria answered. "What's with the cucco?"
"Oh, you're not going to believe this, but something amazing happened yesterday! One of our chickens, Mrs. Feathers, practically shed all of her feathers and grew golden ones! Now she can fly like flying bird, even when someone is holding her!"
"Wow! So she does still have magic in her after all!" Link exclaimed.
"Still?"
"Yeah, she used to be a peacock that could turn into a miniature plane that carried us all over the place." Saria and Navi sighed, but neither of them interrupted him.
"Is that so? Well, I suppose it's not that absurd considering the fact that she randomly appeared in our farm one day and no one knew how. But she has been incredibly helpful, so it doesn't matter much to me!"
"Goddesses, guys! Don't just ditch me like that!" Dark yelled, jumping out of the shadows.
"GAH! How did you get here so fast?!" Link asked, jumping.
"Shadow travel. It's a lot faster than running."
"Clearly…"
"Wait, you don't live at that mansion now, or something?" Nathan questioned. "I thought you were going to stay there."
"When did I say that?" Dark said. "And let me remind you that I didn't say I'd find you and then leave you alone. After all, Link didn't win…"
"No way, we're not having another member on our team. Especially not this guy!" Link yelled.
"I'm not joining your team or anything! I just want to join you for the next temple, y'know! I'm not actually evil anymore, and I'm not completely opposite of Link, I want to have an adventure, too."
"Oh, whatever! Go ahead," Saria told him.
"Don't worry, Link, I'm here," Navi said to Link. "You don't need to worry."
"What if we split up?" Link asked. "That seems like a possibility…"
"We won't split up!" Navi told him. "I'll never trust this guy with you!"
"Navi, you are a lifesaver!"
"Link must've gotten magic contacts," Saria randomly stated. "He's changed so much it seems unnatural."
"I don't think I'm wearing contacts… I think I would know."
"Eh, maybe it's influence."
"NINJA!" Drake yelled, dropping from the sky.
"OH DIN IT'S SHEIK!" Link screamed. "No wait, it's just Drake."
"I come bearing pasta!" He held out a large container of macaroni and cheese.
"Um… okay…"
"Oh, come on, guys! You eat so little it's unrealistic!"
"I think we eat during scene transitions," Saria told him. "But then again, we haven't eaten for a while, so…"
PASTA FOR EVERYBODY!
A bit later…
"So, anyway, I'm going to let you borrow Mrs. Feathers in order to progress!" Rusl stated. He put Kevina in Link's arms.
"Because for some reason Link can't just get over the gap like he did last time?" Saria asked, turning to the team and raising an eyebrow.
"Hello! It's nice to see you again!" Kevina said. "I've learned how to speak and write in your language since last time! Impressive, huh? That's how I sent you a letter!"
Saria looked at Rusl. "And you aren't the slightest bit weirded out by this?"
"Nope," Rusl answered. "See you later!" He left.
"Hold onto my feet! I SHALL FLY!" Kevina stated, spreading her wings.
Nathan stared. "Do you seriously expect me to believe that you will fly us over a chasm? ALL FOUR OF US?"
"I still wonder why we can't get over like we did last time!" Saria said.
"Don't doubt the power of a magic peacock!" Kevina told them.
"But magic peacocks aren't supposed to exist in the first place!" Nathan said.
"HOLD ONTO MY FREAKIN' FEET DEMON BOY!"
"Uh, actually, I'm only half demon-"
"WHO CARES!"
Afterwards, they were all somehow holding onto Kevina's feet. She spread her wings.
"Onward we go!" Kevina said. THEY WENT FLYING right into the sky.
"HOLY CRAP!" Nathan yelled.
"Next stop: Temple of Time!"
"How does this even work?!" Saria shouted.
So, for about a minute, they were flying incredibly quickly over the woods. Kevina landed right in the room that the two statues used to be in.
"Well, looks like the hole in the wall is still there…" Navi said.
"How did that even happen?!" Nathan yelled. "There were four of us dangling off a golden cucco that was flying through the air!"
"I told you not to doubt the power of a magic peacock," Kevina stated. "I must leave now." She left.
"I wonder if we were supposed to follow that Skull Kid again," Navi spoke. "I guess it's a good thing that we didn't have to."
"Wait, what are we supposed to do next…?" Link asked.
"You need to put the Master Sword back in the pedestal, then just take it back out again," Nathan told him. "I don't know why that works, it just does."
They followed Link into the pedestal room, where he did as he was told. There was a woosh outside of the room.
"A statue disappears in front of an old doorway, and we need to go through it."
"Interesting," Navi stated.
"Why is Dark being so quiet?" Saria asked. "He hasn't said anything since we came here."
"Huh? Did you say something?" Dark questioned, taking out his earbuds.
"Seriously?" Navi said, sighing.
"C'mon, guys…" Link spoke. "LET'S JUST GO."
"NO! THE DREADED LINE!" Saria exclaimed.
"THEN COME ON!" Link ran out of the hole in the wall and over to a seemingly random doorway that a statue used to be in front of.
"All right, all right! Someone is rushing all of a sudden!" They followed him out.
Link opened up the door in the doorway. Inside, there was a white light. He walked right in.
"Why does he seem so sure of himself all of a sudden?" Navi wondered, flying in. Everyone else followed.