The Bizarre Saga: Twilight Princess
Chapter 18: Nothing Makes Sense Anymore…

Previously on The Bizarre Saga, Link was kissed, Saria went OOC a few times and kissed him, Navi swore to protect Link from Dark, Midna got a piece of the mirror, Nathan's dreams shattered and he mentally flipped, and Dark joined them for the next temple for some reason.

Now for Chapter Eighteen.

"Holy crap!" Saria exclaimed.

"Did that doorway send us back in time?" Link asked. "It's pretty much the same shape, but it's all repaired and it's a building again."

"This must be the Temple of Time!" Navi stated. "This world's version, at least."

"But where's the actual temple?" Saria questioned.

"Did we actually go so far back in time that the whole building is completely repaired?" Nathan wondered. "I wonder what's outside…"

"Castle Town?" Link suggested.

"No, Link, it's a different world," Navi told him.

"But what if Hyrule Castle used to be here, but then they had to rebuild it where it is now? The ruins of the Temple of Time were all that remained…" Link was wearing the glasses again. Of course.

"What if the Temple of Time was always hidden away in the Lost Woods here, to keep the Master Sword safe?" Saria suggested.

"Sacred Grove," Nathan corrected.

"Whatever."

"It's a possibility, but how was it destroyed?" Link asked.

"Some evil guy found it and destroyed it, but the Master Sword was still there."

"Where the actual temple?" Dark asked, drinking a random can of soda. "There isn't anything here but a rebuilt shrine temple, not a dungeon temple."

"I wonder how far back we went," Nathan stated.

"Probably very far," Navi told him.

"Maybe some of my family is here-"

"WHERE'S THE ACTUAL TEMPLE?" Dark asked again, raising his voice.

"WHOA WHOA WHOA!" Navi yelled, bouncing up and down. "Why did we need to go back in time in the first place? It doesn't even make sense! We're looking for the pieces of the mirror, and why would one of them be in the past?!"

"Zant is more ridiculous than you think," Midna told her. "He was really determined to prevent us from getting the next piece."

"It still doesn't make much sense. In order for us to access the past, we needed to temporarily put the Master Sword back, right? That means that unless we did that, no one would be able to get into the past."

"ZANT IS MORE RIDICULOUS THAN YOU THINK! The Legend of Zelda is too complicated for you to think about it!"

"Man, Midna says that a lot," Link stated.

"Huh, come to think of it, I do…"

"GUYS!" Dark yelled. "Don't you know what could happen if someone stays in the past too long?! What if we happened to come here right before it was about to be destroyed, so what if we have to hurry up and complete the temple before it's too late?!"

Everyone paused.

"… I honestly didn't see that coming," Link said.

"So, we need to hurry up and find that temple and not take any chances!" Dark told them.

"THE WINDOW!" Link ran to the back of the temple without giving Nathan a chance to say anything.

"Why was the door open?" Saria wondered. "That's kind of risky, don't you think?"

"Wait a minute! If the Temple of Time's window in our world lead to Ordon Village…" Navi started, "shouldn't the Temple of Time window in this world lead to the Kokiri Forest?"

"Not necessarily," Dark said.

"GUYS! HURRY UP!" Link yelled. "YOU'RE TAKING TOO LONG!"

"Wow, he's getting really impatient!" Nathan stated.

They all followed him to the back of the temple.

"Wow! That window is a lot prettier than ours!" Link said. "But it's got stained glass in it, unlike our window, which is just a bunch of fancy bars in a frame…"

"Do that thing that you did in order to let us get back here," Nathan told him. Link put his sword back into the pedestal and took it back out.

"AUGH! Another time paradox!" Navi yelled. "If we went back in time, the sword should still be here!"

"I have a theory!" Midna stated. "Maybe time doesn't pass in the Temple of Time, which is why it was all repaired when we entered through the doorway. Technically we weren't inside it when we just walked through the ruins, so when we went through the doorway, we went into the actual temple."

"That's why the sword isn't here?"

"Yep."

"Good enough."

A translucent stairway appeared from the pedestal to the window.

"CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK!" The thing named Ooccoo from the Goron Mines suddenly ran up the stairs. The window disappeared, and Ooccoo was gone.

"Has that thing been stalking us?" Nathan wondered. "Why the heck would it want to go into the temple?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if it is stalking us," Navi said.

They walked up to the window. Beyond it was a dark tunnel.

"I wonder how this temple is going to work out," Saria stated. "Knowing the Legend of Zelda, you'd think it would have some complicated time manipulation system, right?"

"Nope," Nathan told her.

"Did you really look through the whole thing?"

"No. There's a page here that says 'Nope, there's no time manipulation in this temple'."

Saria anime fell.

"GUYS, WE LEAVE NOW!" Link yelled, a bit louder than he needed to.

"All right, all right! Goddesses!" Saria said. "Why are you in such a rush?"

Link slowly eyed Dark cautiously without turning his head.

"Come on, Link. You can trust me!" Navi told him.

"Doesn't he realize that if we rush, there's a higher chance that we'll get separated?" Midna spoke.

"Midna has become Navi 2," Saria randomly said. "But by now, we really should be heading into the temple."

They all walked through the dark tunnel. It felt like what it did when they were walking through the underground tunnel leading to the Clock Tower.

They entered the first room of the temple. It didn't look like anything out of the ordinary, except for the fact that there were a few statues in some places.

And that's when an army of little statues that looked like viking helmets hopped into the room.

"DESTROY THE INTRUDERS!" one of them yelled, shooting a laser beam at a random statue, causing it to explode.

"James, I told you!" another one said, "You're only supposed to fire laser beams when there's an intruder! I understand that you know we're invincible, but the temple isn't!"

"But blowing things up is so much fun! I JUST CAN'T WAIT UNTIL WE FIND AN INTRUDER! The boss told us some would be coming after all these years!"

"Holy crap," Saria said.

"FORWARD MARCH!" one of the statues said, and they left into another room.

"Invincible viking helmet statues that can shoot exploding laser beams," Link spoke. "I guess that's a bit… weird…"

"You know what else is weird?" Saria asked him. "THAT FACT THAT YOU KEEP SWITCHING FROM IMPATIENT TO CALM AND COLLECTED."

"Maybe it's the age? When we leave, maybe I'll go back to 'normal'."

"You're still the one who said you were twelve at heart," Midna stated.

"Shut up. You already said that."

Later…

"Geez, this temple is more like a palace," Saria stated. "Who the heck has been keeping this place clean?"

"Probably the viking helmet statues," Link said.

"They don't have arms."

"GODDESSES, this temple is so boring!" Dark complained. "The only things I've seen are a few enemies and some incredibly easy puzzles that we've completed in seconds. Are all the temples like this?"

"And the background music sounds like a timer," Link stated. "That's also boring-"

Suddenly, the background music transformed into an ear-blasting electric guitar song. Everybody covered their ears.

"THIS ISN'T WHAT I WANTED!"

A disco ball lowered down into the room, and the floor became reflective. Many statues appeared and began dancing like maniacs.

o_o

"IS THIS SOME SORT OF HALLUCINATION?" Link yelled, but the music was so loud that nobody heard him.

"TURN THE STUPID MUSIC DOWN! I'M GOING TO GO DEAF!" Saria screamed.

The same song remained playing, but the music's volume decreased enough for everyone to take their hands off their ears.

"So, we're just going to wander around here until we run into something that's going to help us?" Dark asked. "Booooring."

"This was a bad temple to have him join us for…" Nathan said, sighing. "I barely know him, but this temple is boring as heck…"

"What makes heck boring?" Link asked.

"Link, it's a phrase."

"Why would you say it if it doesn't make sense?"

And that's how English people communicate!

"Wait… what?"

Never mind.

"Aside from the fact that there's a rave party going on in the background, and an army of viking helmet statues out to kill us, there is absolutely nothing happening in this temple…" Midna stated. "On top of that, there's nothing that CAN happen."

"How would you know that?" Navi asked.

"I took the strategy guide from Nate." Midna held it up.

"HEY!" Nathan yelled, snatching it back.

"BIG STATUE THINGS!" they suddenly heard a voice boom, "YOUR TEMPLE HAS BEEN BOUGHT BY THE ONE AND ONLY MALO, WHO IS SO WONDERFUL THAT HE CAN TRAVEL THROUGH TIME WITH A CARROT!"

"Oh goddesses…" Navi muttered, sighing.

The entire temple transformed into an enormous Malo Mall.

"Hold on a second! Won't this screw up the future?!" Saria yelled.

"Probably," Dark said. "Not like it's our dimension, though."

"How the heck can Malo buy a temple in the past? That guy is definitely inhuman," Link said.

"Watch out! A mob of crazy statues is coming towards us!" Navi stated.

Everybody dove out of the way as the statues came bursting through the room. Some of them continued through the rooms, while others stayed in the rooms and bought things from the stores that were in there.

"Statues aren't supposed to have emotions!" Saria yelled. "This isn't right! IT MAKES NO SENSE!"

"Goddesses, Saria! Calm down!" Navi told her.

"THIS IS A ONE-TIME OFFER!" they heard a statue yell. "This is the only Dominion Rod left, and it's on sale! Come and buy it before it's too late!"

All of the statues ignored this and continued buying everything else.

"Wow, that's convenient," Nathan said. "That's the item of the temple and none of them want to buy it."

"All right then, ninja time!" Saria stated. A vine broke through the ceiling and she swung over the crowd, in front of the desk. "What was that about a rod?" Angry customers complained behind her, since she was cutting in line.

"For only fifty rupees, this Dominion Rod allows you to possess statues and have them do your bidding! You can only possess one at a time, though, but it's still pretty cool," the cashier said.

"WHAT?! You never told us what it did!" an angry statue shouted.

"SELL IT TO ME! SELL IT TO MEEEE!" a crazy statue demanded.

The crowd around Saria became even more crazy than it did, so she didn't have time to lower the price or come up with some crazy idea to get it for free. So, she just put the purple rupee on the desk and got the item.

Saria got the Dominion Rod!

"Wow, cool!" she exclaimed as customers still complained around her.

"SHE WAS CUTTING!" they all yelled.

An idea suddenly struck Saria. An evil grin spread across her face. "I could become the statue lord with this…"

"OH DIN!" the rest of the team yelled in horror, as they saw the grin on her face.

Dark, however, took this chance to use the crowd to take Link and split away from the rest of the crowd while they were distracted. He grabbed Link and dragged him into the crowd.

"H-hey! What are you-" Link started, but Dark covered his mouth.

"You let your guard down because of the fairy, didn't you?" Dark asked, smirking.

"That's not even fair!" Link attempted to say.

"I know you're doing something important, so we'll just complete the temple together with no one else in the way~" Link shuddered. "Wait, looks like the fairy is noticing that you're gone. Time to run!"

"I'm not running anywhere- HUH?!" At that moment, Dark dragged him into the shadows and pulled him off somewhere in the temple.

"Where'd Link go?" Navi asked.

"Dark's not here either…" Nathan said.

"Oh crap! He must've snuck off with Link while I wasn't paying attention!"

"Some guardian fairy you are…"

"I HEARD THAT!"

"Okay, seriously, guys, we should probably hurry and go find them," Saria said. "They're probably still in the temple, somewhere."

"I thought that Dark being a creep amused you."

Saria blushed. "Well… maybe not so much anymore."

"Aww, is it about that?" Nathan asked. Saria growled. "Hold on… Isn't Midna in Link's shadow, so we're pretty much safe?"

They looked over… to see Midna, just floating there. "I saw them leave, but I got kicked out when they left…" she said.

"Well double crap," Navi spoke. "We need to hurry before it's too late! Heck, it might even already be too late…"

"D-don't say that!" Saria yelled.

"Augh, I feel like I'm going to puke…!" Link stated, lying on the ground.

"Sorry, I needed to get away fast, but light doesn't work well with shadow magic," Dark said.

"Dang it! This was your plan, wasn't it?! To make me sick by doing that so I can't fight?!"

"Huh? No, it wasn't. I don't want to get puked on!"

"So you're going to wait until I'm feeling better? In that case, I should get away while I have the chance-" Link attempted to get up, but then collapsed again and coughed. "Dang you…"

"If you're going to throw up make sure it's not on the floor, and especially not on me."

"I don't plan to…!"

Back with the regular team, Navi was practically hyperventilating.

"Navi! Calm down!" Nathan told her. "What could they possibly do in the middle of a department store?"

"What if they're in a storage closet?!" Navi yelled.

"There are a ton of people working here!"

"What if they're in an OLD storage closet that nobody uses anymore?!"

"This place hasn't even been a store for twenty minutes yet!"

"WHAT IF THEY'RE IN A ROOM THAT WAS NEVER USED IN THE FIRST PLACE?!"

"The only reason that would be is if there was some sort of boss in it!"

"WHAT IF-"

"Hey, guys…" Midna started, "what happened to the invincible army of statues?"

They all paused.

"AH HA! They must be chasing after Link and Dark, keeping them from-" Navi started, but was interrupted.

"They probably disappeared," Saria said. "I mean, we're talking about Malo here…"

"GAH!"

Saria jumped. "Oh, crap! If Navi flips out, then…"

"She'll tear the temple to pieces and kill Dark?" Nathan finished. "That would be unpleasent."

"I don't want Dark to die, I just want him to leave Link alone!"

"Wow! Saria has finally developed the emotion called compassion!" Navi said. Saria smacked her. "OW!"

"What, you gonna throw a party about it, now? LINK'S BEEN PRACTICALLY CAPTURED. The unfitting background music isn't helping, either!" Metal music was no longer playing, but now it was the same theme as the Malo Mart in Castle Town. "NOW, WE HURRY. You know? If you guys aren't going to hurry, I'll just leave without you!" Saria stomped off.

They were quiet for a moment.

Midna grinned, "Am I seeing a flower of love bloom here?" she said. Nathan made a disapproving face.

"Oh, come on, Nathan," Navi spoke. "Link and Saria have known each other since the beginning."

"Of the story?" Nathan asked.

"No, since Link first showed up at the Kokiri Forest as a baby."

"But she's younger than him!"

"Being a Kokiri, she was ten years old… for a really long time. It was pretty strange when she suddenly zipped up to fifteen when we came here."

"So we don't actually know her real age…?" Nathan asked.

"Yeah, but that doesn't really matter, as long as she looks like a teenager, right?" Navi replied.

"Okay…"

WILL THEY BE ABLE TO LOCATE LINK AND DARK?!

WILL LINK REMAIN SAFE?!

WILL LINK AND SARIA EVER GET TOGETHER?!

WILL PEOPLE EVER REALIZE THAT MCDONALD'S MAKES PEOPLE FAT?!

Well, that last one has nothing to do with this story, but…

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!