Dear...I really can't do this.

Uh. Okay. First, I should explain that I wouldn't be doing this if it weren't for the assignment I mentioned in the last letter. The special, detention, Head-Girl-is-on-the-line assignment. Although I guess I don't technically need this disclaimer, unless she actually does make me give this to Potter. I mean, the letter is supposed to be addressed to him, but he doesn't ever have to see it, right?

So. Hello, Potter. I hope I don't have to give this to you, because the last thing you need is a letter detailing all the reasons you aren't a bigheaded, self-absorbed, unfairly gifted, entitled brat. You need me, Potter, to keep you down on the level of us mortals, right? Ha. Ha ha. Anyways...um...I really can't think of how to do this, mostly because I can't think of how exactly to compliment you, and this is supposed to be a letter listing what I like about you (you were right, I am writing love letters now, apparently). I guess I'll just do a list of your ten best features, since I listed your ten worst already.

Ugh. I feel so dirty doing this. Might as well jump right in.

1. Uh...okay, how about your creativity. Really, if I wasn't so irritated by you asking me out all the time, I think I might find it impressive. You've asked me out 192 times (counting today, when you whispered it to me in the hallway and then pretended it wasn't you, it was actually kind of funny) and I don't think you've ever asked the same way twice. And it's always- well, usually- a surprise. It's kind of flattering that you took the time to think of 192 ways to ask me out. Not to mention all of your pranks. Think what you could do with that kind of creativity.

2. Your sense of humor. Okay, I'll admit it, when you're not being an arrogant moron who thinks he's funnier than he is, you're actually pretty funny. And if I didn't care so much about the rules, I think I'd find your pranks pretty funny, too. And yeah, okay, I might hide a smile (or a laugh) on more than one occasion when you and Black start having your ridiculously loud conversations, or when you guys dare each other to do stuff. I guess it is pretty funny. But I'd never tell you that because that would mean admitting that you aren't the most irritating lump on the planet.

3. Your intelligence. Honestly, I think you would be top of the class if not for me working my arse off in the library all the time. Seriously, you're kind of a genius for still managing good grades even though you never really act like you're trying. And those pranks, too, you guys do some really complicated spells and things for them, stuff I don't even know how to do- where did you learn it all? And they're so well planned, too. I think you applied yourself, you could be the next Dumbledore or something.

Maybe this is a little too easy to do.

4. Your kindness. Okay, so you've never been nice to Severus, or, really, to me at all, but I've seen you be nice, I know you can do it. Just the other day, a second year tripped and threw her books all over the place, and instead of laughing like most people (including myself, I will admit), you knelt down and helped her pick it all up. I meant to help, I really did, but I was so surprised by you not being your normal self that I just kind of stared. I feel bad about that. At least you didn't catch me staring, you would've been insufferable then. But really, you are a generally helpful person, even to teachers when you're not cutting up in class- I always thought that you were just sucking up to them to make up for the pranks, but maybe not.

5. Your loyalty to your friends. Seriously, I've never seen anyone as close as you four. Yeah, you're all obnoxious gits (with the exception of Remus when he's not around you), but you kind of take care of them. I've seen you defend Pettigrew and Remus from bullies a lot (before people knew better), and Black's brother made sure everyone knew that Black was disowned, and yet Black arrived with you to the Hogwarts express this year, and left for summer break with you last year...don't think I can't put two-and-two together, Potter. Also, you're willing to take the fall for your friends and do detention with them. I can never tell if it's actually your fault and you're taking responsibility, or if you're just volunteering so they don't have to do detention alone. Either way, it's impressive.

6. Your lack of prejudice. It's kind of thing no one talks about at Hogwarts- how much blood prejudice there still is going around. I, as a proud Mudblood who lost a best friend over it, know this better than everyone. But -Ja- Potter, you're a pureblood, and I've never seen you treat anyone differently for it. You make friends and enemies regardless of their blood status- you humiliate us all equally, I suppose, and although that's not exactly a desirable trait, it's still admirable considering you grew up in a wealthy pureblood family. I've even see you go after people for being bigots before- you've stood up for me a couple times, and for Black after he was disowned, and for other Muggleborns. I don't know. I guess, underneath all that immaturity and obnoxiousness, you can be kind of a good person sometimes.

Uh, I never thanked you for standing up for me, by the way. I feel kind of bad about that now.

7. You are a pretty good conversationalist. The few actual talks we've had that weren't date-related or fights were actually pretty fun. You seemed genuinely interested in me, but you were also funny and you told me all those funny stories about your life. And I guess you're pretty charming, too, I'll just go ahead and put that in here because I don't want to look at it too closely- that "most beautiful girl at Hogwarts" line is a good one, and even if most of your flirting with me is just a joke, I can safely say that, were you serious and much, much more mature, I would have -dropped my panties for-okay, no, let's not go there. But I would have probably accepted around attempt number three or so. Can't be too easy to get.

8. Your Quidditch skills are actually pretty good. I really think you're a major reason why we have such a good team, although I'll never tell you that, because you would never let anyone forget it. I may not be all that interested in Quidditch, but even I know that someone who can play as a Chaser, Seeker, or Captain is a pretty impressive Quidditch player. You're always playing catch with that stupid Snitch, aren't you?

9. Speaking of Quidditch, you're actually pretty responsible with being the Captain this year. Honestly, I wouldn't expect you to be so good at coming up with practice times, and keeping track of people's schedules and the reserves, and whipping everyone into shape, on top of your busy life of pranks and harassing me, but you are. I don't think you've screwed up at all, from what Alice has told me. Although I guess maybe you're just good at being a leader. Merlin knows you lead that little posse of yours like you're the lead singer and they're your backup boy band. But you do a good job of leading and being responsible. I've sat in at some of the practices (all for Alice, I assure you), and you keep everyone on task and under control and do it all while still remaining easy-breezy likable Potter. Makes me think of what you could have accomplished had you actually cared about school. You probably could've been the most brilliant kid in the last decade of Hogwarts students, and the other Gryffindor Prefect instead of Remus, and I bet even Head Boy. Now that's weird to think about, Potter as Head Boy. But you could've had so much potential, if only you weren't such an immature, self-absorbed slacker.

10. ...I guess...if you aren't actually going read this...well...you're kind of attractive. Ugh. I keep expecting you or one of your moronic lackeys to pop up out of nowhere, read this letter, and mock me for the rest of my miserable life. But, I don't know, you've got a good build from Quidditch, and your messy hair is kind of -sexy- cute every now and then (when you stop fiddling with it, mostly), and you have really, really pretty eyes, dear Merlin, and a nice face, and your smile, even when it's making fun of me...well, I can see what all those girls are after. But unfortunately, looks don't matter to me when the boy's personality leaves so much to be desired. So even if you have all of those good qualities, I still wish you'd grow up. Honestly, I think if you were more mature and less self-absorbed, you'd be my ideal boyf

Okay, not gonna finish that, because after rereading the whole thing, I realize I got a little carried away. I don't know what happened. Must be fatigue, or maybe McGonagall cast a spell on the room out of desperation. I just hope, hope, hope that no one ever reads any this, because this whole letter is so embarrassing.

Strangely, though, it did help some. Maybe you are a tolerable guy after all. I've got a truce to maintain for the Head Girlship, so maybe if you ask me out again sometime soon, I'll smile and say, "No, thank you.", or if you flaunt your date in front of me, I'll just face the other direction instead of tonguing Rich Davies for revenge (we haven't had another date, by the way). So, in conclusion, Potter, you're still an obnoxious git, but you're not insufferable, and I feel like I can get along with you until the end of the year at least. All for the Head Girlship, of course.

With determination,

Lily Evans