Ch. 30 Rebirth

[Bella POV]

Edward?

Of course I could hear him. And that was part of the problem. I could always hear him in my thoughts.

Even now as my body burned and I remained silent and still, my eyes closed, I could hear him in my thoughts. Maybe this would be my burden now, to spend eternity hearing Edward's voice in my mind, haunted by what had left me, if I made it to eternity.

With the progressing changes my mind was starting to have room for everything: my longing and pain of losing Edward, and the pain from the venom that was starting to destroy me. I'd felt fire sensations before. I'd burned myself on a stove, accidentally burned my hand on a hot iron when ironing clothes and for a time even had the burning from the venom left in my skin by James but all of those combined was nothing compared to what I was feeling now. It was as if my body had been left open on a surgical table with no morphine or anesthesia and I was left exposed to feel every procedure, every pull and tug the surgeons were making.

Was this what a patient with a ventilator felt like? Could they sense everything around them but unable to move and speak because of the tubes and medications paralyzing them? Or what a stroke patient felt like- completely alert but unable to do anything? Trapped inside their own minds?

I wanted it to end. I needed it to end. I wanted to scream, to let Jacob know that I was still somehow here but I couldn't and not because it would freak him out and he would worry but because of my twins. I wasn't sure how babies' minds worked, I still hadn't read that part yet in the books but the last thing I wanted was for them to develop some kind of memory of their mother in agony.

Mother.

It was weird applying that term to myself but if I survived this that's exactly who I would be. I had done it. Against the impossibility I had given birth to two healthy half vampires and because of them, maybe without even realizing it, my son was giving me the greatest gift of all. I wasn't sure how I knew, maybe mother's intuition maybe something else but if my son could create an immortal then maybe and his sister would live immortal lives as well. We would all be okay- my children, Jacob and Leah, and if I could survive this then I would be okay too.

I could feel the venom course through me, burning away at every blood cell, destroying every organ in my body, making its way down to the organs in my vaginal region. Cramps as a human was one thing, but not even that, the labor and pushing the babies from my birth canal could compare to the way the venom was starting to affect those areas.

It had to be over soon right? How much more did the venom have to spread? I couldn't be sure. I wasn't sure of anything now. I hadn't studied up on vampire transformations because when Edward left I'd somewhat lost hope on that possibility even though I had thought of a backup plan on where to go to get it done. Thinking about that plan now though seemed wrong. If Edward had come back to find me with Denali venom in my system what would that have made us to each other? Biology was complicated as it was with bloodlines but now just complicated with venom-lines. At least now I was connected by venom to Edward and Carlisle by the venom that ran in my son.

As excruciating as the pain was, as much as it felt like I was locked in a room with a smoldering fire around me with no way out, my thoughts kept me going. And not only my own conjured thoughts but the conversations downstairs. I could hear Jacob and his pack. They hadn't left with my babies. That was one relief. I had slightly feared that with me gone Jacob and Leah would have taken Vanessa and Edward Jacob with them, my job as an incubator having ended its use but Jacob was still here, still beside me.

"Still no change," he asked.

"Nothing," Edward replied.

Edward? Surely he was imaginary as were the rest of the Cullen's voices. Jacob had to be talking to himself or to me. And if Edward and the rest of him were speaking then it was only because I was filling in the blanks on how or what I thought they would say.

"How long do these things usually last," Jacob asked.

"Two or three days depending on the location of where the venom was placed," said Edward. "The closer to the heart the quicker it will go."

Now I really was wishful thinking.

"Well EJ did bite her near the breast," said Jacob, "That should be close enough."

Edward made a seething sound. Obviously my mind Edward didn't like my best friend talking about my breasts.

"He's just a baby," said Edward, "Maybe it wasn't enough. If I would have been here maybe I could have added more."

"I'm sure there's plenty," Jacob said trying to calm him. That was odd. "All it takes is one bite for you bloodsuckers. Maybe all it takes is one bite for him too."

"Stop being so optimistic," Edward said in distain.

"Hey if I'm optimistic it's because A.) I want to be and B.) I don't want Ness to worry about her mother."

"Guess it's a step up from the ass you were to Bella before you imprinted," Edward replied.

If I could nod I would have. Edward was saying everything I imagined him to say and of course he was imaginary since only a few people knew how Jacob treated me that day when I found him shirtless by his house with his hair newly cropped and the tattoo on his right arm.

Time ticked slowly. I counted every heartbeat I could hear, two of which seemed out of sync and were faster than the others.

The heat began to pick up again. Hotter and hotter until I wanted to scream out the lungs that were no longer there. This wasn't right. This heat. I had been able to tolerate it before but now this was too overwhelming, my breathing finally seemed to leave me. The thumping of my heart quickened and then there was nothing.

It was over. The absence of breath, the absence of a beating heart, the absence of pain.

I felt like now was the time. Now I could open up my eyes.

[Edward POV]

I could sense it, could hear it. Her heart had stopped beating. It was just like every other organ in her body, incinerated by the passing of venom.

Her eyes twitched. I stood up from my seat and leaned over.

"Bella, Bella can you hear me?"

I stepped back from the table as to not overcrowd her.

Her eyes twitched again and then they finally opened. Her head turned from side to side and then her eyes focused on me. I smiled at her. It was real. She was real. For a half second she smiled back but in that same half second she was up on her feet, a look of confusion on her face.

Her eyes glowed red but that was to be expected.

"Don't want to freak her out, Edward," Alice said coming into the room with several liter sized water bottles in hand.

"Aw you look incredible Bella," said Alice.

I shook my head, "Alice what are you-? And what are the bottles for?"

"For Bella of course. She can hunt real animals later. She wasn't going to be patient long enough to even finish a hunt until she saw her children." Alice handed a bottle to Bella, "Here you go, chug along."

The three of us continued to look at each other.

"Why won't she take it," asked Alice, "And why is she looking at us funny?"

"Why do you think," Jacob said standing by the door. "She doesn't think you're real."

Alice turned to him and I noticed Bella look at Jacob with a sense of relief.

"What do you mean she doesn't think we're real? That's just preposterous."

"Well you didn't exactly have the best timing when you got here," Jacob said coming closer and between me and Alice. "She was practically still unconscious so can you blame her for thinking you're imaginary?"

Jacob took a step forward. "Bella, that's still you right?"

"Edward," she said, her voice sounding as delicate as the softness of wind chimes. She looked beautiful, she even sounded beautiful.

I could see Jacob roll his eyes, "Figures that would be your first word as a newborn."

Bella shook her head, "You're not here, you can't be."

"Bella," said Jacob, "Hey focus on me okay."

Bella easily turned her attention to him and then smiled.

"You're still here. I thought-,"

"What that Leah and I would just take the kids and leave? You really think we're that selfish?" Bella only shrugged. "Give us some credit. I've only been doing my job and acting like a godfather and Leah's only been acting like a sister. We know our place Bells, we know you're in charge."

"Are they-," Bella said unable to ask the very question I knew she'd want an answer to.

"They're perfectly fine," said Alice.

Bella looked at Alice and then at Jacob still not trusting her vision.

"They're perfect," said Jacob. "Ness has your eyes and EJ has Edward's. They're the perfect combination."

[Bella POV]

The perfect combination I repeated to myself. I looked up at my best friend and smiled at him. I owed Jacob so much and the way he sounded when he talked about his goddaughter and nephew was like a man speaking about a miracle by an angel or a messiah

Suddenly as if barely paying attention for the first time I brought my right hand to my nose. "God I think you need a shower, Jake. You reek."

He laughed as did my imaginary versions of Edward and Alice.

"Hopefully you'll get used to it," Jacob replied.

"You mean you always smelled like that? I never noticed."

"That's because you only used your human senses. You don't smell that good yourself you know. It's like my lungs are on fire."

"I can't be that bad."

"You're a walking open bottle of Pine sol, bleach and chlorine," he semi-joked.

I laughed with him. I then took a step closer and wrapped my arms around him. "Thank you Jacob, for everything."

"Any time Bells, any time. Although right now mind losing up your grip, don't want to end up with my bones all shattered again that was not fun the last time."

It took Bella less than a second to place her hands behind her back. "Sorry."

I looked down and let my thoughts take over for a moment.

"Hey, what is it," Jacob asked.

I looked up at him, "I just wish Edward was here that's all. I know it's unfair to think that."

"No it's not and Bella he is here." I looked up at him confused as he motioned to where my versions of Alice and Edward were standing. "Edward and Alice they're standing right here aren't they? I'm telling you Bella they're real. All the Cullen's are. They came back."

"No they couldn't have. Edward said-,"

"I lied to you," said Edward, "I had to. I thought it was easier for the both of us," I said taking a step closer.

"See Bells," Jacob said touching Edward's shoulder. "I'm touching him. You're not imagining it and you're not imagining me doing these things."

"You're real?" I asked. "You're really here?"

I wanted to cry but I didn't know what it was like to cry or how to even do that.

"I'm here Bella," said Edward. "It's me."

"But you left."

"And I'm sorry that I ever did. I thought you were better off without me Bella. I didn't think it through. It was wrong of me to think you could live a normal life and had I known you were pregnant I would have stayed. I'd do things differently if I could. I wouldn't have left."

Edward took a step toward me and I let him take my hand and place another on my cheek. The touch of him was enough to spark a frenzy inside of me giving my body a tingling electrical pulse that I'd never felt before.

I took an unnecessary swallow, ignoring the burning sensation and trying to ignore the arousal that I felt embarrassed that surely the others could see but of course they wouldn't. My cheeks would no longer turn red again, I would no longer blush.

Edward was here. He wasn't a figment of my imagination.

"You're here," I said stepping closer to him.

"I'm here. I am so sorry Bella for everything I put you through. I'll spend a hundred lifetimes trying to make it up to you, if you'll let me. I love you."

I looked up at Edward, my skin like his now. He was no longer rock solid or cold like before. We would always be the same temperature now. I'd had eight and half months to deal with his leaving- to be hurt, to be angry, to be betrayed and now all of those feelings had come to an end. While I would be saddened for a while over his leaving and the fact that he hadn't been here to experience the pregnancy with me he was here now and that's all I cared about.

The faith that Jacob and Leah had about his return had not been misplaced; another thing to be thankful to them for.

I smiled at Edward, "I love you too," I replied and I'd meant it.

His smile grew and he leaned down to me, I tiptoed to meet him, our lips meeting. Not even when I was human had he kissed me this way before nor when we'd been together-together. There was no need to breath, no need to take a break. I could kiss him like this forever and never get tired.

Jacob cleared his throat and let out a small laugh.

"Wow," I whispered. I continued to look at Edward. "Welcome home."

"I guess so," he replied, "I was going for a more I'm glad you woke up kind of kiss."

"Oh so you're prince charming now?"

"I don't know I guess, better than being the monster."

I touched his cheek, "You were never a monster Edward, always the opposite," I said going up for another kiss that I couldn't get enough of.

After a couple seconds Edward pulled back. "We have a lifetime of this love. Wanna come meet your daughter and son?"

I smiled at him and then at Jacob who was also smiling, both of them as anxious as I was for me to meet my children.