Dear you horrible BASTARD

How could you? How could you? How could you?!

I can't believe it I am so MAD you of ALL THE PEOPLE HOW COULD YOU?

No I will NOT calm down!

After three years of asking me out every chance you get, how could you just give up? I am so mad at you right now! It's been a few weeks, if you'd asked me out, I might've said yes, but no, you've been ignoring me and and acting uninterested and now you asked out Kendra Freaking Wood of all people and it's my fault but how could you? HOW COULD YOU? I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I haaaate yooooou

And not only did you do that to me, but I even got detention for it. I must be one of the first Head Girls in the history of Hogwarts to get a detention. Add that and Kendra Freaking Wood to the reasons why Lily Evans is the worst. Kendra Freaking Wood. And you didn't even try to be original. Ugh I could kill you right now, I wish you were dead, then everything would be so much

No, actually, I really don't wish you were dead. I don't want to jinx anything when there's a war going on. You're a surprisingly capable Head Boy and you seemed like a good guy when we were friends. But now

Well I guess most of my anger is at myself, because if I just hadn't said all of that crap about you being Head Boy, or if I had just told you how I felt then, none of this would've happened. And now I'm left miserable

Except maybe you really are a bad guy. Maybe all the asking out was just a joke, like I thought for the longest time, and now you've gotten bored after two years and moved on. Maybe you were never interested in me in the first place. Why would you be? You aren't mad at me, you just don't care about me anymore. I think that hurts worse, somehow.

Oh, how I love hurting myself like this. But I guess it's true. It's a likely possibility, given your history. I really did thing you were a nice person at the end of last year, that can't all have been a

No, no, let's not think about last year, that hurts too much right now. Let's just think about to day, and ohhhh you completely awful demon of a boy-

It was before lunch, and I was crossing the Great Hall with Alice and Emma when you used a Sonorous to ask the whole crowd to help you out.

"When Kendra Wood appears at the top of the stairs," you said, "I'm going to shoot sparks in the air, and when I do, I want you all to say, 'Kendra Wood, go out with James Potter!'"

Alice and Emma and most of the crowd were staring at me. I felt like crying, but I didn't want them all to see that, so instead I starting laughing. Loud enough to attract most of the crowd's attention, including yours.

"Problem, Evans?"

I wanted to smack you for that arrogant tone of voice. "Just think it's funny, Potter," I said, "how you asked me out in the exact same way two years ago."

"That was two years ago." you said, eyes cold. "It obviously never worked."

"Maybe it would've worked if you weren't such an obnoxious- pale- git!"

"Pale?" What an insult." you said. People were backing away now, forming a circle around us. Busybodies, like I said. "But you're right. You never liked me back, so it didn't work. Why shouldn't I ask someone else out then? You got a reason?"

"Because..." Well, I really didn't. The only reason, the one I'd discovered over the summer, isn't true anymore.

"It's called moving on, Evans, maybe you should try it."

There was an audible gasp from the busybodies. "What are you implying?" I said, advancing on you. "I hope you don't actually think that-"

"You hope I don't think that maybe you might have dropped your completely irrational hatred of me after two year?" you said. Kendra Wood had entered the room by now, but you didn't seem to see her. "Come on, Lily, I was a prick to you in fourth year, and you've never gotten over it, even though I've been trying to make it up to you for two years!"

"What, by harassing me at every opportunity?" I snapped. "Pretending to ask me out for attention, or to make fun of me for a crush I had on you in fourth year? That is not making anything up!"

"And what if I was serious?" you said. You almost looked sincere. "Maybe I actually liked you, and you've been rejecting me and humiliating me for two years because you did not get over what my idiot fourteen-year-old self did!"

I actually started laughing. "I've been humiliating you? How do you think I felt after all those public proposals, James?"

"Flattered? Considering you counted them all and you remember each and every one? Don't even try to deny it, Lily, you loved it when I asked you, and you loved rejecting me even more! You know, I'm glad I don't like you any more, because you are an actual bitch!"

The crowd, which had already been pretty quiet, fell completely silent at that point. "Excuse me?" I said.

"You're a bitch." you said. "I should have said it last year. I should have. You didn't even need to say yes to me, although not holding a three year grudge and giving me a chance would've been nice, but you never even let me down nicely! You punched me, you hexed me, you insulted me, and then got huffy when I took out other girls or insulted you back-"

"You could've stopped asking me out at any time!" I shouted. "Don't try to blame me for your humiliation. And while we're on the subject of bitches, you're- you're a complete arse! You bully people, you're egotistical, and immature, and completely self-absorbed, and rude for no reason! Just because you tried to be nice to me, doesn't mean you were ever nice to anyone else!"

"Maybe if you tried to get to know me, you'd figure out that I've changed!" you said.

"I did try!" I said. "At the end of last year! And you know what? You weren't a bad guy! And you're right, you have changed, because looking at you now, I can't for the life of me see what I liked about you last year, you're nothing but a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum because someone isn't giving him what he wants-"

"You need to get over yourself." you said. "This isn't about you. I was trying to ask another girl out, and you-"

"What's this fight about, then?" I said, laughing and spreading my arms out wide.

"It's- it's about you interrupting me! You, laughing at me, starting a fight, getting mad that I'm moving on to another girl- maybe I'm not the one with a crush here-"

"If you think I will ever like you after what you've said here-"

"Oh, no, did I hurt your feelings? Did I refuse to see you as anything other than your flaws, and never treat you like a human being?"

"I treat you the way you deserve to be treated." I hissed.

You shrugged. "And the fact that you think that is what make you a bitch."

I was really starting to get upset now. "Stop calling me that, James."

"Bitch."

"Arse!"

"Cunt!"

"Dick!"

"Potter! Evans! Fifty points from Gryffindor each! Come here at once." Professor McGonagall said. It seemed all our yelling had carried into the dining hall. It also seemed that having a screaming match in the middle of the Great Hall in front of most of the school was completely unprofessional, and never in her thirty years of teaching, and we had to remember there were eleven-year-olds at this school and did we think that there were no other candidates for Head Girl and Head Boy? Because we would get replaced immediately if we ever did this again, we should consider both of ourselves on probation, and we both had a week of detention in her office starting tonight, and could everyone just move along and get to lunch, please.

So not only are we probably the first Heads to scream vulgarities at each other in front of the entire school, we're also probably the first pair to lose one hundred points at once, and get chewed out in front of the entire school for it. It was humiliating, and after the other events of the day, I honestly felt a bit teary. And then Potter had the bloody nerve to- well, let me just write what happened next.

"Hey! Kendra!" he called as we were all heading inside. "Gryffindor may have just lost a hundred points, but I think you're worth a thousand! Will you go out with me?"

Like it was all part of some idiotic plan.

Like I had never happened, or mattered.

The worst part of it was everyone else's reactions. They were all laughing, and cheering, and wolf-whistling, like their precious Potter hadn't just lost them fifty points, or like he didn't just use the lamest pickup line ever, or like he hadn't been doing all this to me a few months ago. Seems the people of Hogwarts were so glad to see that prick move on from me that

Why do they all like Potter and none of them care about me?

Why do I like him and he suddenly doesn't care about me?

He clearly doesn't care about any of the girls at this point, he clearly never did, so why do they still all cheer him on in all of his stupid askings and dumb conquests?

I didn't run out of the hall to go cry in the bathroom, though. Give me more credit. I walked, dignified, out of the hall, and then went to cry in the bathroom, until Emma and Alice found me. And I wasn't crying that hard, just sort of sniffling, and wanting to scream and throw something, and punch him right in his stupid fat face or maybe punch myself for my part of it, and also cast some choice hexes at most of the Hogwarts population. I guess it's a sign of growth that I never actually punched him in the face this time, just fantasized about it. A lot. And thought of all the other ways I could hurt him or beat him up. Maybe these idiotic letters are actually helping. I'm releasing my anger on here, or just by yelling at him, instead of actually attacking James.

Although he deserves it, oh how he deserves it. Especially for what he's going to do to Kendra, you know she's just going to be a one-date-wonder, as it were. I feel bad for the poor girl who was dumb enough to actually say yes (excitedly) to James Potter. Having carefully observed his dating patterns over the past three years, I can tell she's not going to stick around.

You know, it's a good thing this fight happened. It's a sign that I really should be over James Potter. I was waiting for him to annoy me, and now he has. I know if we did date we'd just be having this sort of explosive fight again, and some good qualities and a few months of friendship don't change his innate awfulness, as shown quite clearly by the things he said to me today. He never deserved any better treatment. He never did anything to deserve better treatment. He always has been, and always will be, a total prat. I can't believe I actually thought he might've changed, or gotten better, people don't do that. I guess, in the end, Potter isn't going to be an ex boyfriend or anything more to me, he'll just be a guy who harassed me so much in school that I briefly, briefly gave in. But I'm done with him now. No more being nice to Potter, I'll tolerate him and work with him civilly as Heads, but no more being friends, no more being enemies (because I'm not letting this obsession continue, or giving him any more reason to call me jealous). I'll work with him because it's my responsibility, and my duties as Head Girl are more important than our silly feud, but no more beyond that.

So goodbye, Potter. Goodbye, stupid cru almost crush. Goodbye, silly feud. Lily Evans is being the bigger person and moving on. Someday, all of this will be a wild school memory to laugh about, when my daughter is kicking his son's arse, and when we're both married to the person we're actually supposed to be married to

-Why do I keep implying I wanted to marry him-

Yeah. It'll be funny to look back on. I might leave this part out when I brag about boys falling at my feet, though.

And I never actually thought I'd marry Potter. Well. Maybe once or twice. But it was a stupid schoolgirl thing. I wouldn't actually marry him. I wonder that about most guys.

Lily Evans.

P.S. Why does this feel so melancholy if all he did was piss me off?