LETTERS FROM JAMES POTTER TO LILY EVANS AKA EVANS AKA GORGEOUS THAT HE WILL NEVER SEND- VOLUME XIII

Dear Gorgeous,

You looked great today. Early spring was made for you.

Guess putting a Chocolate Frog down your neck might've been a bad idea after all. Moony was right. I should never listen to Padfoot when it comes to girls, ever. Wonder how he gets all those girlfriends.

You're just too cute when you're angry, Evans. And all the rest of the time.

It was just a joke. Wish you wouldn't take things so seriously. You get so angry. I really think, Evans, that if you ever stopped being angry at me, we would make a lovely couple. A very attractive one at least.

I do feel bad for calling you a bint, though, I think you might've thought I was saying something worse. Maybe I'll apologize for that later.

Wonder what you're writing about me?

Sincerely,

James working-like-a-House-Elf-for-your-attention Potter

P.S. Just got a brilliant idea for my next asking. One hundred and ninety, I think?

Dear Beautiful,

Well. That was probably a bad idea. But in my defense, it was really funny.

Maybe if the lyrics had been better? Moony refused to help, saying that I should leave you alone. Apparently I have as much chance of dating you as Avery Mulciber does. Pads laughed and agreed with him.

Ouch. These are my friends.

Wormtail, at least, is on my side, and isn't coming up with any stupid ideas, either. Although he didn't try to protect me from Evans, either. Neither did Em.

Traitors. But maybe I deserved it. The lyrics were really bad.

...

Never let it be said that there's nothing between Evans and I. Guess who tried to look at my paper just now? Evans. Now why would she do that if she despised me?

I suppose I was doodling a nice picture of her on the back, but she tried to read what I was writing. That's a good sign. Even Remus can't ignore that.

Sincerely,

James knows-what's-going-on Potter

Dear Lovely,

We might be Heads together! McGonagall told me. I admit, I was surprised. I've never been the most well-acting student. And I figure she knows Sirius and I call her McGoggles behind her back. But here we are. They must have seen some leadership potential in me. I am Quidditch Captain, and we're the favorites for the Cup this year.

She (McGonagall again, not you, Evans) said if we stopped fighting, we would both have a better chance. Also said she hasn't told you yet. Probably thinks you would panic. You would, wouldn't you?

This could be my chance. To show you I'm not all the things you say I am. Well, you might be right about a few things.

I'll hold off on asking you out for a while. That really seems to set you off. I can't make any promises for what you'll do. You have it out for me some days.

I hope you do get Head Girl. You would be a great Head Girl. I might be leadership potential, but you're perfect for the job.

You also probably really want it. You care a lot about that stuff. Maybe if we were both Heads, I could ask you out somehow with the patrolling schedules and/or being really responsible?

Will file that away for future reference.

Yours most responsibly,

James Potter

Dear Most Radiant and Confusing,

You're doing well with the not-fighting thing. It's weird. More than weird. Weird enough to warrant a nondetention letter. Not that I'm complaining. I like being friends with you. Really. It's just weird. I'm used to dodging hexes whenever I see you. Now we're friends who have conversations.

That isn't all. You're really funny. Really, really funny. We have a good time together. And you're easy to talk to. I learned about your horrible sister and Snivelly as a child, and I told you about my grandparents, and what my parents were like before the attack third year. Talking to you about family is nice. Most of Moony's family treats him like an outsider, Wormtail's is big and stifling, Sirius has the Grimmauld family shithole, but you and me? We've both got small-but-loving.

We've had other good conversations, too. And, well, originally I asked you out because you were hot, and I've been doing it since then because it's fun to plan them and I love your reactions, but now I'm starting to actually

Look at me, writing love letters like a girl. Pads and Wormy would have a field day if they knew. Moony would just look smug, and that would be the worst. (He already knows, I think, his furry self's senses can somehow tell my feelings towards you).

But, Evans, what's making this even worse? You're flirting. Don't think I don't notice. I'm an expert in girls flirting. Don't know how serious you are. You flirt with boys sometimes just for fun. It's driving me crazy.

Don't want to bring it up to Moony. Just imagining his smug face hurts me inside. But maybe I'll risk it. He could use a distraction. Sirius's been putting the moves on Em and I've been distracted with Evans and Pete has been Merlin knows where, so Remus's alone a lot.

Maybe we should get Moony a girl, maybe that'll cheer him up. I'll talk to Pads, see what he thinks.

Optimistically,

James

P.S. Well. That didn't turn out well. Moony found out we were trying to set him up and got all Moony. Seems to think his furry little problem should keep him from dating. Wish there was some way to change his mind.

Dear -Lily,- -Evans,- -Lily Evans,- you,

-Hi- -Hello- Hi. How's your summer going? -Mine is going great- Mine is going great. -Sirius has been over a lot and we've been- Hope yours is going well, too.

You're probably wondering why I'm writing. -I am too.- I, -uh wanted to say- wanted to

-Uh, so- we were friends last year, and I really liked that, and -I wanted to be more- I like being around you. You're funny, intelligent, and -beaut- -pretty- beautiful. I was just wondering if maybe you

Sirius stole this letter. Spent half an hour trying to get it back from him. Not sure what he's up to now, said he was going to help me with Evans. Now that I've got the letter, why is he still cackling? Probably because he found me writing a love letter.

Disaster. He sent Lily lingerie. Why? Where'd he get it from? Why must he constantly ruin my chances with Lily? Do I send Emma crude gifts? Probably should, just to make up for

Lily sent a Howler. Thinks it's my fault. Pads still laughing.

Why does she blame me? Here I thought we'd gotten along. Why is she still assuming the worst?

Maybe Remus was right. She'll never say yes and I should stop bothering her. Maybe I should move on. She probably wants me to.

I am hopefully going to be her co-Head. Maybe I'll have a shot then.

Curiously,

James has-horrible-friends Potter

Dear Frustrating -ly pretty,

You're assuming the worst of me again. Knew what you thought of me. Just didn't think you'd refuse to believe I was Head Boy. Remus was right.

Update: You tried to apologize. I think we aren't friends anymore.

Guess I'd better move on. You've giving me clear signs that you aren't interested. No matter what you acted like last year. Must've gotten over me, or something.

It's frustrating. You're frustrating. Wish you would give me a chance. I've changed since fourth year. Might not have treated you well until the end of last year, but I'd like to think it isn't "shocking" that I'd be Head Boy. That you wouldn't think tackling me was saner than believing me. Just like the lingerie over the summer.

You know what? Even if you were interested, I won't date someone who thought this badly of me. And you haven't treated me well either. Because I wasn't serious until a few months ago, but what if I had been? You hated and insulted me, and your rejections were usually violent. You've got no place to look down on me. Well, almost no place.

Too bad. We really would've been a lovely couple. But you're not interested, so I should try to get over it.

Pessimistically,

James

P.S. Might try asking out Kendra Wood. She's friends with Hestia Jones so Pete might be able to talk to her like he wants. Merlin knows he's been staring at Hestia since last year. She's also cute and easy to talk to. Not Lily but I think we'd do well together. We'd be an attractive couple, at least.

Dear Frustrating AND Confusing,

I don't understand you. One minute, you're disinterested, the next, you're upset when I ask out Kendra. Make up your mind. Do you like me, or not? Because I'm pretty tired of being shot down.

Unless you were angry because you hate me again. Or you've never stopped. But I'm still mad. And tired of this. Maybe I've been obnoxious with asking you out, but you could've been less violent when you rejected me.

Although I was harsh today. Maybe I should apologize to you.

But you were the one who started the fight. If you don't have feelings for me, let me move on. It's that easy. Don't interfere with me and Kendra because your ego won't let you consider that I could be interested in anyone else

That's not fair. You're not that egotistical. You wouldn't be a good Head Girl if you were. You've been doing a good job this year. Been brilliant working with you, even if we aren't on good terms.

Might be worth it to apologize just for that. Had a pair of Heads who hated each other in third year and everything went to shit pretty fast. Would hate to leave that legacy when we graduate. Especially since you've worked hard to do a good job.

And I'm sick of fighting with you. Except for a few months ago, we've been arguing for almost two years. Calling a truce would be nice.

Update: I apologized. We still aren't friends.

Got Kendra. -Trying to- Moving on. But I miss being friends with you

-James

Dear Miss Confusing,

Don't understand you. I never will.

You started dating Rich. Great. Can't complain. Kendra's great. -Not as great as- You're moving on, too. That's great.

Not that you liked me. Did you? Can't tell. Thought you were flirting, or jealous, but

We've been working together a lot on Head duties. Haven't been talking much, but it's still odd. Weird feel to it. Wouldn't have noticed but Kendra walked in on us, and afterwards, had a long talk with her about Lily. Said that we were sitting too close, and you were looking at me, and I was looking at you, too, to which I replied I'm not going to do my Head duties with a blindfold on. She said it was the way that you looked at me (and maybe, how I looked at you?) that bothered her, and wanted to know if I still liked you. I told her I didn't and we hadn't had a real conversation since I asked Kendra out, but Kendra didn't seem too happy with that answer. Also says you hate her. Must think you're jealous or something. So I told her there was nothing between us besides Head stuff, and then clarified I didn't mean HEAD stuff. She seemed fine with that answer, but she's been coming over to our dorm a lot. She's even there before me some days. And Davies has started coming over a lot, too.

You told me I couldn't invite the Marauders, but you have Davies over a lot. And Emma and Alice, too, but they're more tolerable. Maybe I'll ask again about bringing Pads and Moony and Wormy.

Yours neutrally,

James

Dear Lily,

Well. Not sure what to make of you right now. You know what happened. You probably know more than I do about your letters. I won't try to find them. I respect your privacy.

Attached are some of the letters I wrote over the past year. Don't know if they'll make a difference. Just wanted you to see them so you'd know the truth about last year, and the lingerie, and Kendra. Feel it's only fair, considering what I did.

I read your part of your letter today, I'm sorry. It was mostly an accident. I just couldn't figure you out otherwise. You get jealous, you flirt, you enjoy being around me, then you say things like in the library. But your letter...

I know we've both had breakups today, and you're angry at me. I know I haven't given you much reason to want anything from me. I've harassed you. I've been arrogant, obnoxious, and very immature. Whatever choice you make, I'll respect it this time. I...I know what I read, but I also heard what you said today, so I'll leave it up to you.

But I want you to know something else, too. You, well, the reason why I first started asking you out was because you're beautiful. Your eyes are stunning, your hair wavy and gorgeous, your skin (pardon the compliment) is almost luminous, and your freckles are the cutest thing I've ever seen. And I love your legs. Sorry, but they're really pretty. It's a weird thing to say, but it's true. Also, you smell really nice.

But you're more than that. You're Lily Evans. Brilliant, witty, confident. Hilarious, and I think I'm a good judge on that, being a Marauder. You are smart, not just in textbooks- you're clever, which is a whole other thing. You're perceptive of other people's problems, and you actually do something about them, you care enough about other people to try and help them.

And you're a great Head Girl, just as I knew you'd be. You're strict, of course, but you're not...I don't know, bigheaded about it. People still listen. And you're not afraid to take initiative, do things that others are too lazy to do. You work hard for the job.

And you're also brave. You defend kids from Slytherins, even though they barely acknowledge your authority. You aren't ashamed of who you are or your birth. You aren't afraid to make your views known on issues or to speak out when you think something is wrong. You have high expectations for yourself and those around you, and you're willing to call us out when we aren't doing the right thing. You can be harsh, of course, and short tempered, and self-absorbed, and obsessive, and nosy. I'm not saying you're perfect and you wouldn't say that about me. But you're Lily Evans, which is pretty damn close as far as I'm concerned.

That was a bit of a ramble. Sorry. Just wanted you to know all that. I don't like you because you reject me, or because you're beautiful, or because you're funny when you're angry, I like you because you're you.

So. Uh. After that, I don't really know what to say. -Will you go- -Lily Evans, will you- -Would you want to-

Deep breath, James. Get it out. Will you go out with me?

No. Know what? That was 199. Got room for one more, and I want to do it in person, anyways.

I understand if you don't, after all of this. If you don't, I'll accept it, I won't ask you again. It's a good number to stop at anyways. But if- if what I read today was true, come find me. I'll be waiting where number 32 was, that one was always my favorite.

Respectfully yours,

James Potter

Sorry for the delay, this one took a bit more editing. One chapter to go!