Thanks for the support, guys! Three reviews (on just the first chapter) are awesome, so thank you so much Icefeather, HersheyChoco101, and CAPJHMPAgirl!
More f-ery to happen in the office today. Mostly because I miss warm weather. Already. D:
So they get to suffer the warmth!
The Hottest Day of the Year
"I have a great idea, everybody!" Hamilton bounced out of his office and onto the main floor.
Everyone peered over the tops of their cubicles. Candace and Louis had a separate room for accounting, as did Tina and Luke as the source team, but their doors were always open. Four heads poked into the room to see their boss cavorting about gallantly.
Hamilton was… a character. As Regional Manager, whatever he had to say: goes. But everyone also knew that even though Hamilton held the power, the real boss was his underling Gill, a.k.a. Assistant to the Regional Manager. Every bit of sense that came out of their sector of Persuasive Papers was under Gill's watchful eye. He oversaw production, organized the office, and kept everything running. Whereas Hamilton enjoyed curling his grey hair to massive, Willy Wonka heights and reintegrating into what he liked to call 'youth culture.' This meant he blasted Beyoncé and overly used the words 'yo' and 'swag.'
Still. The little, rotund man Hamilton was boss. And today, he felt like flexing that power.
Hamilton clapped his hands together as if he hadn't gotten anyone's attention already. He pulled tight his ridiculous blue suit jacket and smiled wide. "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! All eyes on me, yes? Boobs facing this way?"
Oh, and he was a pervert.
"Great!" Hamilton nodded, lingering by his office door in the awkward silence. He swung his arms, getting ready for the big news – and the onslaught of anger that he would make Gill deal with. "The budget's been settled; by none other than our lovely Candace and Four-Eyes over there. But we're a bit down this month. Boo-hoo! Darn…"
Everyone eyed each other, wondering what this was supposed to mean. Alice raised her hand like she was in school, except she was heavily leaning forward to display her red v-neck. Trying to keep herself safe, no doubt. "Does this mean there will be downsizing?"
It worked. Hamilton ogled for a moment before snapping back into his peppy personality. "Rumors! Those are… rumors! And rather unhappy ones at that, so none of that talk, Miss Alice, or I'll have to punish you," he laughed boisterously.
Alice tried to smile it off and failed miserably, slowly sinking back into her chair and pulling her shirt collar closed.
Molly wrinkled her eyebrow. "So there's no downsizing?"
"Molly!" Hamilton pointed at her Fonzie-style. "Hey, babe, remember that little talk we had?"
"I'm here as eye candy, not to think…" Molly grumbled, crossing her arms. "Or ask questions."
"Right-o!" Hamilton praised. Getting back on topic, he scratched his round nose and looked at the desks closest to him – Vaughn and Gill's. "Um… So to increase revenue, I've decided to turn off the air conditioning! I'll be in my office!"
As fast as he had skipped out, he had skipped back in. The door slammed shut, followed by an almost imperceptible click of a lock. The workers looked around in disbelief, jaws dropped – anger and confusion in their faces.
August was going to suck.
Vaughn loosened his tie, pulling his shirt collar away from his neck. Propping his elbow up on his messy desk, he rested his head in his palm. He ruffled his hot hair in frustration, soon with both hands, before throwing his forehead down in defeat.
Hot rays of sun clouded the glass windows. They were opened wide, but August didn't have much air flow. Not a breeze entered the sticky office. Only more hot, stagnant air.
Everyone had different ways of coping with the heat, with little to no work being done. Molly drank gallons of water, often disappearing for another bathroom break. Allen had Rod fanning him with a manila envelope. Vaughn was about to take up Dan's strategy of sleeping through it, when a swivel chair slammed against a desk across the room.
"Screw this!" Alice hissed. She furiously unbuttoned her shirt, revealing a lacy black bra as it fell from her shoulders. "I'd rather be laid off than fry like this!"
Gill was immediately there, attempting to look everywhere except her viciously glaring chest or face. He tapped his foot impatiently. "Dress code, Miss Alice! Shirts must be worn at all times in the office!"
"Bite me," she threatened, sitting back down in her chair and organizing her paperwork.
"Alice, you must put your shirt back on!" Gill demanded. A red blouse was thrown in his face followed by a few 'ooo's and laughs around the office. Allen had the audacity to whistle.
Gill scrambled away like it was laced with Anthrax. His face the color of the shirt, he pointed a finger at her, his light blond hair frizzing from the heat. "If you don't put your shirt back on this very instant, you're fired!"
Alice swiveled around, perfect posture as she flipped her silver hair over her shoulder very sassily. "My daddy's a senator, and my mother's a cop. I'll sue you for everything you could possibly be worth, you little prude. And if you look at my chest one more time, I'll call it sexual harassment."
It was obvious enough that Alice didn't have to put her shirt back on. But she would be the only one in the office since no one else's daddy was a senator.
Molly unbuttoned the first two buttons on her white baby doll top. Gill was walking back to his desk with his tail between his legs and caught this. "Button up, Miss Molly, this isn't a brothel."
Her jaw dropped. "Aw, come on—" the look she received made her meek. She fastened them again. "Oh, fine…"
Things quieted down again. A fly buzzed around Vaughn's face, which wouldn't leave no matter how much he swatted it away. There hadn't been a telephone call all day, so he busied himself with transferring his written notes to the computer. Even the black keys of the keyboard were sticking in the heat.
Allen popped his head over the top of Vaughn's cubicle, peering around in disgust. "What is that smell?"
Vaughn looked up and around. Soon, his face wrinkled as well. "Smells like… rotten eggs…"
Molly held her nose frantically pointing to the office door next to her reception desk. Allen shrugged. Vaughn called out. "Hey, Luke! Tina! What is that?"
There was silence for a moment before Luke appeared in the doorway. His blue button up to match his hair was stained with sweat. "What's what?"
"That smell!" Molly said, holding both hands over her nose and mouth.
"Oh!" Luke laughed. He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Must've been that old spinach and mayonnaise sandwich I found in my desk! Sick, right?"
Alice shrieked when he brought out a trashcan, the stink intensifying in the main office.
"Man, gross…" Vaughn shook his head.
"How's Tina suffering that?" Rod piped up, still fanning Allen off and on whenever he remembered.
"Tina?" Luke asked, scrunching his brow in thought. "Dunno. She fell asleep awhile ago."
"More like passed out!" Allen said.
"Get it out of here!" Alice whimpered.
"Whoa, what'd I miss?" Dan unstuck his face from his desk, looking around frantically. He inhaled. "That wasn't me, right?"
Alice was acting like an elephant with a mouse in the room. "No, it's that God-awful sandwich!"
"Get rid of it Luke," Gill calmly ordered from his desk, penciling in some paperwork without looking up.
"I did! It's in the trash," Luke defended, holding up the offending bin.
Everyone recoiled. It being closest to Dan, he looked it up and down, holding a hand to his brown nose. "Man, that's nasty."
"Get rid of it!" Alice repeated, her voice pitching higher.
"Where?" Luke asked.
"Take it outside?" Rod suggested, rolling his sleeves up higher.
"No way, man, I've got a ton of work to do!" Luke said, leaving the trash can and going back into his office.
"What's going on out here? Did someone let off a stink bomb?" Louis peered out of his shared office, Candace close to gagging behind him.
"It's Luke's disgusting sandwich!" Alice cried, legitimately near tears.
"Everyone, calm down!" Gill projected his voice, picking up the phone and dialing. "I'll call Terry up to take care of it."
"Terry will never be here," Vaughn groaned.
"Vaughn's right – we need to settle this ourselves," Allen nodded, adjusting his glasses on his nose.
"How?" Alice asked, spraying her perfume all around her in clouds.
"There's a can of aerosol in the bathroom," Molly suggested, already rising from her seat. "We can try that first and see if it works."
"Good idea," Vaughn agreed.
"That's a trooper!" Allen grinned, leaning back in his chair and propping his feet up.
Molly beamed from his compliment, hurrying to fetch the can. She soon returned, reading the label. Molly bit her lip and peered at the trashcan. Holding a hand over her nose and mouth, she pointed the nozzle and sprayed the thick air freshener at it.
Everyone waited. Dan was the first to yell and cover his nose. His eyes watered. "Yow! Now it just smells like shitrus! Somebody's gotta get that thing out of here!"
There was mutual agreement as Molly tossed the can at the ficas and went back to hide from the new awful smell at her desk.
Gill stood, professionally sweeping a hand over his hair. "There is no need. I will go find the janitor myself."
Vaughn scoffed, knowing Terry was better at hide-and-seek than a first grader at Chuck E. Cheese's. There were whispers of office competitions as Gill waited for the elevator. When he stepped inside, he held the doors before they closed. In his best boss voice he shouted: "Everyone – back to work!"
The second the elevator left, there was a mass uproar. Alice was screaming incomprehensible nonsense, Louis was insisting they draw straws, Rod was the only one to suggest getting an ambulance for poor Tina, and Allen demanded Luke's head on a pike.
Molly stood next to Vaughn, watching as everyone argued. She waved a hand at her face to create a breeze. "Maybe we should keep it."
"Keep it?!" He looked down at her, thinking she had gone insane.
"It'd be great prank material," she shrugged. He should've known. Her mind was always on the next big thing.
"I'd like to stuff it in Hamilton's air conditioned office," Vaughn muttered in agreement. The Regional Manager's office had a separate unit, and apparently, Hamilton didn't wish to suffer with his employees at a balmy 72 degrees. Everyone else was roasting in the 90s.
Allen sauntered up holding a small straw. "Vaughn, it's you and me. I picked smallest."
"What? Why?" Vaughn's face was incredulous.
Allen switched his weight to one hip. He gave the signature hair flick. "Because I drew for the both of us. Now what do we do with the sandwich?"
Vaughn grumbled to himself, looking around the office and the expectant faces of everyone around him. Candace's blue-eyed gaze stood out, making him uncomfortably urgent to find a good idea. "The… The window."
"Right!" Allen snapped his fingers. He wound an arm around Vaughn's shoulders. "That's my mad, little genius!"
"Don't touch me," Vaughn grouched.
"Wow, you're so smart!" Alice fawned unnecessarily, seeming to forget she was still shirtless.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Rod asked. Again, he was ignored as Vaughn and Allen went to the window with the trashcan.
"A-As long as it's out of here…" Candace agreed.
Everyone watched as they made their way to the window behind Gill's desk. Allen cranked the handle to test if it was open all the way. He nodded.
"Well, here goes—" Vaughn said, lifting the bin and upending it over the sill. The weight slid out slowly.
There was a loud splat below. Vaughn and Allen's eyes went wide. Tossing the trash can aside, they both lunged out of the window, looking below.
A slimy green and white mess was splattered all over the hood of a navy Kia. The parking spot was none other than Gill's. Vaughn and Allen looked at each other in shocked silence. Vaughn gave a slight nod. Allen returned it. They leaned back inside.
"Sh…!" Vaughn held up his hands to the office. Allen made quick slices across his neck behind him.
Everyone scrambled back to their seats, finding something, anything, to keep them looking busy. Molly picked up the phone, looking over at Vaughn anxiously. She mouthed: Gill's car?
Vaughn only looked down at his desk, hearing her muffled giggles.
Well, at least it seemed to cool down a bit.