Chapter 8

Rose was literally on the verge of tears. They'd tried everything to wake up John—or John who was actually the Doctor now. She needed to speak to him one last time, and now it looked like they'd waited too long. He'd never tell her what she needed to know—that one line he had to say. No, several lines.

She hadn't heard those voices in her head after the last time. She brushed them off as ghosts created by her somewhat crazed head. But now, as she bounced the now three-year-old Alex on her knee and tried so, so hard not to cry in front of the kids, she didn't know what the word crazy was about to mean.

She let Alex go, squirming off to see Grandpa, who picked him up and surveyed his daughter and son-in-law with a grim face. Two Jackies were together as well—her big girl had grown up while her father slowly died. She was nearly six. Rose felt so guilty—she'd missed so much of her kid's lives.

A trembling hand she barely recognized as her own gently reached out and touched John's steaming chest, feeling the unsteady beat of the single heart that could barely sustain his raving mind any longer.

Rory softly entered the room, beginning to set out another array of items for their next attempt at rousing him. That Rory—he'd been such an angel. Part of her wistfully hoped that the other Doctor, the real Doctor in the world she'd been born in, might have met a Rory as well.

"D'ya think the chemicals will work?" mum Jackie questioned, rousing her from her thoughts. "Oh, Rose, he'll come awake sometime! He loves you! He's just got to!"

"I know, Mum," Rose choked out, "but nofin's worked! I don't think he's comin' back, Mum, not ever!"

Jackie opened her mouth like she was about to say something in reply, then shut it again.

Dr. Ridenour entered the room and crossed to where Rose was sitting. "Mrs. Smith," she said gently, "I'm afraid this is the last attempt we can make to rouse your husband. After this, there is no other method available to us."

Rose could only swallow tears and nod in response.

Rory placed the mask over John's face, lifting his head from the sweat-soaked pillow underneath, and the doctor instructed him to turn on the chemical arousal.

John moaned faintly and Rose's heart caught in her throat as his head moved, turning toward her, but all her hopes were dashed when he lay still again within a few seconds. Even the chemical wasn't enough to rouse him out of his stupor. He was more dead than alive. He had nothing left to give her. Nothing.

Rose felt the bottled tears start to fall as her whole body shook with suppressed sobs. Her Mum came and put an arm around her, but it wasn't enough.

"We ca—" Dr. Ridenour started, but Rose interrupted.

"Just take it off!" she shouted. "Just take it off of him! We're done! We'll let him be—if I can't—I'll just let him be!"

Rory removed the mask and turned off the machine as Rose continued to grip her mother's arm as she sobbed. There was a bowl of ice water next to them. Rose used to dip her hands in it before she would touch him, so she would help to cool him down instead of making him even warmer with her touch.

Suddenly she stood up, plunging both hands in. Between the tears that blurred her eyes, she could see John's chest rising more slowly, each breath more and more torturous. When her hands and arms were finally cool, she threw herself over him, hugging him tightly, running her numb hands over his face, his neck, his chest, his hands, all dripping with sweat. Nobody made a move to stop her.

"Don't leave just yet," she sobbed, whispering in his ear. "Don't go! We can't end like this—we're not done! Doctor—Doctor! Tell me that you love me! Doctor—" she stopped, remembering their first Christmas together, the last time she'd seen him in such a terrible state, he wouldn't wake up even for her. "Help me!"

In a blink of an eye so quick no one saw it coming and almost made it surreal, he sat up and grabbed her shoulders with a shocking amount of strength. His dark brown eyes were open and blazing at her as if on fire—and they were. He was fighting too hard to smile, but he looked her straight in the eye. His Rose. The most precious thing he'd leave behind. "Two words I never refuse," he said under his breath.

Rose thought she was going to faint. But she suddenly shook her head, realizing how stupid that would be, to waste all their time like that. "Doctor?"

"I'll see you again, Rose Tyler," he spat out, barely able to speak, shaking under his own weight.

"—Doubt that," was all she could manage, unshed tears blinking back behind her eyes.

"That's a pity," he shook his head.

"Sorry." How could she no longer believe this? Even her John? Her Doctor?

"Keep looking." His eyes blazed, and she felt her body jerk as she recognized the words.

"Why?" she shouted, grabbing him as tightly as he was holding her.

"'Cause I—" he stopped, hesitating for the first time since he'd come awake. She noticed how his arms shook as he tried to keep on holding hers, and realized how short of a time they had.

"Doctor! Tell me that you love me, now!"

A sparkle of wonder suddenly came to his burning eyes, of sudden realization that that was all he had to do. "I can do better than that!" he scoffed, almost managing to crack a last smile, his whole body shaking now, and his voice. "Rosie Jacqueline Smith, I. Love. You. I'm gonna see you again."

His upper body collapsed on her shoulder, and she caught him with his head resting against her ear. His voice was strained and hoarse as he whispered one last thing to her. "And it's John, on my tombstone, d'ya hear?"