Reasons why I've procrastinated with this chapter are (1) my other two stories I'm scribbling away at and (2) this chapter deals with Christmas. Because I'm such a light-hearted person, it comes as a surprise when people hear I hate Christmas. I have my reasons. And those reasons made me squirm thinking of writing about the holiday season now that it's finally over. Phew. Sorry about that.
Thank you so very much, my lovely reviewers!
ScipioPB, I can't blame you for disliking tea and coffee. Tea was something I eventually grew into, but I admit, I was a weird eight year old taking my coffee black. n_n'
imagine believe, I wish I could put that dot between your username, but fanfiction just won't let me. Also, I hope I didn't get you in trouble! Whoopsish?
HersheyChoco101, you are too sweet! Ha, ha, 'chocolate.' Your username. Sweet. I get it. xD (Don't hate me! D:)
CAPJHMPAgirl, I almost didn't see your review up there, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for catching up – that was super nice!
I'm so glad everyone's enjoying the story. Let's get on with it, shall we?
Part of this chapter (and in future chapters to come) was inspired by ScipioPB's idea! Thanks so much! I hope you like it. :D
Interns and Holiday Spirit
"Right this way! Watch your step!" Hamilton laughed boisterously with a young man following him through the door of the stairwell.
"Who's that?" Vaughn asked out loud, more to himself than anything.
Gill answered him, moodily tapping a stack of papers even. "The new intern from the state university. A terrible idea."
For the first time in recent memory, Vaughn had to agree with him.
The plucky boy who looked no more than seventeen was nodding with interest (rather too much interest) as Hamilton introduced him to Molly. "This is our not-so-busty receptionist Molly."
"Excuse me?" Molly's polite smile vanished as an eyebrow rose at the comment.
Hamilton ignored her. "Despite her boyish figure, she's rather charming in her own way. And she's got a great ass, so look forward to that."
The poor kid was red in the face and staring at his shoes. He gave her a small wave and mumbled something like 'nice to meet you,' before Hamilton tugged him along to meet the rest of the office. "Over here is Dan. Don't bother him."
The boy's eyes rose in surprise as Dan sleepily drooled over a folder. Alice was upon him in an instant, ripping the folder out from under him and beating him over the head with it. "Dan! I told you not to sleep on this! It's the Harmonica report I told you to file away!"
"Mmf. Sorry…" Dan crossed his arms and buried his face in his desk.
"Ugh! You're so infuriating," Alice moaned, stomping her foot. Dan really wasn't the best person in the office to share a work load with, but at least he wouldn't get in the way. She turned her attention to Hamilton and the intern ogling her inappropriately low V-neck. "And who's shorty?"
"Ah, Alice!" Hamilton beamed, primping his strange grey hair. "This is the new intern, Basil. Just showing him around the office!"
Alice looked him up and down, arms folded over her middle. She cocked an eyebrow. "What's your size?"
'Basil' (Vaughn determined to be one of the cruelest names since 'Gill') was noticeably startled. "Um… size?"
Alice shook her head, marching back to her desk. "I should have known…"
"Well!" Hamilton clapped. "Luke and Tina are right through there – they're on prescription narcotics. Louis and Candace are in the next room down that way – they're number people; I don't like numbers. And right over here—"
"Rod!" Allen cheered, standing up to greet Basil by putting him in a headlock and ruffling his hair.
"Allen?" Rod stood, dropping what he was working on with a hurt expression of betrayal.
"Um… I'm Basil!" He choked under Allen's arm.
Allen released the intern and placed him next to Rod shoulder to shoulder. A finger to his chin, he assessed them. "I can barely tell you apart!"
"But Allen! I'm Rod!" Rod whined pathetically, taking this joke of being replaced far too seriously.
"Rod 1 and Rod 2," Allen dubbed them. "So fun! Like twins!"
Rod whirled on Basil, looking just as furious as if someone took his coffee away. Like a werewolf. He roughly poked Basil's chest. "Listen here, ginger, I'm the only… ginger! And don't forget it!"
Rod moodily stomped back to his desk, plopping into his chair and crossing his arms like a little boy sent to time out without dessert. Allen happily hummed with this new torture device, stapling some reports together.
Looking perpetually frightened, Basil finally made his way around to Vaughn. He stared at Vaughn's bored glare in obvious fear as Hamilton introduced him, pulling the same maneuver Allen just used and taking Vaughn in an awkward headlock while the sales representative was still seated.
"This is Vaughn! Don't you just wish he was a girl~?" Hamilton mussed up Vaughn's hair as he sat there straight faced.
Gill chuckled darkly. "Ah, sweet retribution! Soak in the humiliation, rival!"
"Check your bottom drawer," Vaughn remarked.
Eyes wide, Gill scrambled for the drawer in question, yanking it open with a cry of alarm. "What is this?!"
"About ten pounds of pistachio pudding," Vaughn said.
"Er… hello?" Basil attempted to introduce himself.
"Mr. Hamilton, I expect some punishment! The perpetrator has openly admitted to the crime!" Gill pointed furiously at Vaughn.
Hamilton finally released him with a chuckle. "Ah, and that's Gill. He's a hard ass."
"Mr. Hamilton…!" Gill whined, going ignored. He gave the free flowing pudding filling his drawer an exhausted stare of defeat.
"So… where will I be working?" Basil asked brightly, determined not to let the weird people get to him.
"Oh, I've got you set up right over here!" Hamilton jogged to the back corner behind Allen. He kicked a few packing pillows out of the way, indicating a large box from the warehouse. 'BASIL' was written in permanent marker over a square cut out of the front. "Right in there!"
"In… in a box?" Basil was too surprised to sound angry. "On the floor?! I don't even have a chair!?"
"Isn't it quaint?" Hamilton chortled. He picked up the small box the new coffee machine came in and tossed it inside. "There's your chair! See, and this has your name on it. All yours!"
"It's a dog house!" Basil's temper finally snapped. "What kind of work do you expect me to get done in a cardboard box?!"
"Work?" Hamilton asked. He laughed. Then he laughed some more. He stopped short, giving Basil a very hard look with a pointed finger at his nose, making the younger boy squirm at his closeness. "You listen here. Intern equals slave. You do what the people tell you here, and we tell your future employers you're the shit for whatever job you want. That's the deal. Now get in your box, Basil!"
Like a dog with his tail between his legs, Basil eyed the box a moment before finally giving in. Getting on all fours, he crawled his way into the dark as everyone watched in silence. He tried sitting on the box provided him, but it squashed under his weight. Instead, he hugged it in despair.
"Good, Basil!" Hamilton cheered and clapped. He turned to his employees. "Alright, back to work! If you need anything – ask Basil. I'll be in my office coming up with a theme song for us!"
Vaughn was still watching where Basil sat out of view in his little box when Allen turned back around. He gave Vaughn a mischievous look over the top of the cubicle. "This… should be good."
Once again, Vaughn was forced to agree.
"Baaaasil!"
Basil slowly walked over to Molly's reception desk, looking at her much less shyly. "Yes?"
Molly held out her mug, giving him a pouting face. "My coffee's a bit low… fill it for me? Please?"
Basil rolled his eyes. He was sick of his job, and he'd only been here an hour. He took the mug from her with a grumpy sigh. "Sure…"
"Thanks~!" Molly chirped, clicking away at her keyboard once again.
By the time he was back with Molly's coffee, Alice was whining for him.
"Oh, Basil?" She called, holding up a hand like she was rudely signaling a waiter.
He stomped over to her obediently. "Yes?"
"Can you get me some more staples?" Alice asked, her chin propped in her hand and the empty stapler flopping around in the other.
"Where are the staples?" Basil asked.
"In that drawer right over there…" Alice pointed with her foot. A spot she just needed to lean for.
Basil jerked the drawer open, retrieved the box, and dropped them in front of her wordlessly.
"Thanks, you're a doll!" Alice cheered, filling up her stapler.
"Rod 2? Can you come here?" Allen waved him over.
Rod shot Allen a vicious glare, nearly grabbing his own finger with the sharp stapler remover instead of the packet in his hand.
"What?" Basil asked through clenched teeth.
"My foot itches," Allen held up his Gucci shoe.
"You have got to be (RATED M) kidding me," Basil snapped.
Vaughn rolled his eyes as Basil was forced to remove Allen's shoe ('careful – they're Gucci, they can't touch the floor' 'they're shoes!'). It was funny as hell treating the kid like Cinderella, but Vaughn didn't want any current part of it. If he honestly needed something, then he'd have the intern run a few copies or do some real work. Not the pathetic, lazy ass side jobs his co-workers were forcing on him. There was no pride in that.
"Basil, do fifty push-ups!"
"Basil, fluff my pillow."
"Basil, drink this."
"Basil, can you file these away for me?"
"Wait, what?!" Basil's eye that was furiously twitching had stopped.
Gill repeated his statement, pointing to a stack of folders on his desk. "Can you file these?"
"Are you sure? Don't you want me to lick your shoe? Lift your desk? Make you cookies?" Basil parroted off the ridiculous requests that had been bombarding him all morning, his orange hair disheveled and his nice blue shirt stained with sweat.
"No. Can you file these?" Gill repeated once again.
"Um…"
"Are you capable of filing?" Gill asked, finally looking away from his monitor and meeting Basil's blue eyes with his own cold ones.
"Er – yes!" Basil answered.
"Good. Go file these," Gill nodded. He turned back to his work without another word.
Basil's face was over-joyed as he picked up the heavy stack. "Work! Real work! Hahahaha!" He gave Gill a look of strong admiration which would later evolve into creepy idolatry. "Thank you, sir!"
Gill 'tched' and typed in a few digits on his number pad, studying the figures on the screen.
Vaughn watched as Basil lugged the busy work over to the row of file cabinets lining the wall between Gill's desk and Molly's. He happily logged each one away, some of his sanity returning. Vaughn realized how truly nice of Gill that was. Those folders weren't supposed to be filed. They were supposed to be reviewed and given to Hamilton. Did… Gill just take on extra work to be nice?
Gill felt eyes on him, so he looked over at Vaughn and glared. "If you're thinking about what to put in my desk next, I can tell you right now I'm putting a lock on it. So no more funny business."
"I wouldn't count on that," Vaughn shrugged, turning back to his duties, very capable of picking a lock or having an extra key made.
"Sail!"
A heavy, thumping back beat accompanied the loud title word. The volume increased a hundred fold when Hamilton's office door burst open. With the most serious expression Vaughn had ever seen on the man, Hamilton slowly emerged from his office wearing thick sunglasses and his CD player perched on his shoulder.
"This is how I show my love. I made it in my mind because… I blame it on my A.D.D., baby."
Seems Hamilton found his theme song.
Everyone watched in awkward silence as Hamilton made his round of the office. He nodded his head along with the beat, gesturing he was 'watching them' with his fingers.
"Blame it on my A.D.D., baby…" the radio blared as Hamilton finally passed Molly's desk. Basil had dropped the folder he was holding in disturbed shock. Dan even lifted his head to watch. Hamilton's walking was painfully slow, making the escapade seem even longer than it was.
"Maybe I should cry for help. Maybe I should kill myself—"
"Seconded," Alice muttered as Hamilton rounded her cubicle.
Hamilton had gone too far. The cord of his CD player, even with the extension, caught around Dan's chair and tightened unexpectedly. With a yank, the CD player jerked Hamilton's strut backwards as it simultaneously lost power from disconnecting from the outlet and brought him to the ground with a crash.
Quickly rising, Hamilton collected his music player and righted the broken sunglasses hanging off his nose with one lens missing. He cleared his throat in the silence. "Er… our theme song."
Hamilton quickly scrambled back to his office, collecting the cord as he went. He shut the door behind him, and things returned to normal.
"Hey, Gill," Rod approached his desk. Without Basil bothering him or doing things for Allen, he seemed to be back to his optimistic self. "I wanted to propose a gift exchange since the holidays are just around the corner. Wouldn't a Secret Santa be fun?"
"No," Gill flatly denied. "That's a terrible idea. You'd have to worry about equalizing the costs of gifts and making sure everyone is satisfied."
"But we'd all only have to get one gift. If anything, it can be funny or weird!" Rod pressured.
"That sounds like fun!" Alice called from across the room. "Whoever gets me – I'm a 36C, and my favorite flavor is chocolate!"
Rod and Gill blinked innocently at her obvious request for an edible bra. Rod shook his head, turning back to plead. "Oh, come on, Gill! Even Alice thinks it's fun."
"It could bring the office together…" Candace's voice caught Vaughn's attention. She was standing by Molly's desk where they were obviously chatting instead of working. She had a Styrofoam cup of tea in her hands. "I think that's a g-good idea, R-Rod…"
"Did someone say Secret Santa?!" Hamilton threw his door open like Sail never happened. He placed his hands on his hips. "That's a wonderful idea!"
"It was mine!" Gill stood suddenly, making Rod's jaw drop in offense.
"You sentimental bugger!" Hamilton pointed at him with a wink. Rod was suddenly glad he wasn't credited with the idea. "Everybody, listen up!"
Louis, Tina, and Luke each peered out of their doors and approached (Luke and Tina flawlessly performing leap frog to cross the floor) as Hamilton waved them over. People left their desks to linger around poor Vaughn's – Alice sliding seductively onto it as per usual. This time, Molly decided to bug Vaughn too (since she hadn't yet that day), and propped her elbows up on his slouched head. Dan just looked up from his pillow rather than moving, letting out a long yawn.
"Gill, get me some paper," Hamilton demanded. It was provided, and everyone waited at length for him to finish. Looking around, he quickly snatched Vaughn's briefcase – emptying the contents onto the floor and putting his own papers inside. Vaughn wasn't surprised. "Alright! I've written everyone's names down and put them in this briefcase!"
This was obvious information, but everyone was surprisingly patient with him as he violently shook the closed briefcase around. He held it before him. "Everyone shall take a name! Go on, get a name! This is the person you'll be buying a gift for in our office's Secret Santa!"
"Is there a price limit?" Louis asked as he looked at the paper he chose.
Hamilton was almost too busy threatening to close the lid on Tina's fingers to hear him. "Oh. Sure! Let's say… fifty dollars."
Vaughn grabbed a slip of paper, but he didn't bother looking at it. If he got Candace like he hoped, he'd hate to have Molly peering over his shoulder to see it, too, and poke fun at him all month.
"We'll have the exchange at the Christmas party!" Hamilton announced, setting the briefcase back down on Vaughn's desk.
"Should I pick a name?" Basil asked timidly from the back of the group.
"No, you're not allowed. Bad Basil," Hamilton scolded as the intern whimpered and sat down in shame.
"What about you?" Allen asked. "Aren't you drawing a name?"
"Me?" Hamilton asked, a hand on his heart in terribly phony surprise. "Why… this is about camaraderie in the office! It wouldn't be fair if I bought a gift."
"Right…" Allen muttered, not convinced.
The meeting disbanded. Alice tossed Dan the last paper which landed on his head. He read it and shrugged, snuggling back into sleep.
"So, who'd you get?" Molly asked excitedly, bouncing in front of Vaughn with her paper clutched tightly in her fist.
Vaughn shrugged and read the name. His face paled. "Uh… who'd you get?"
"I'm not telling!" Molly turned up her nose. "Not if you aren't."
"Fine, don't tell."
"I won't."
"Great."
"…Vaaaaughn!" Molly whined, poking him in the head.
Vaughn swatted at her. "Buzz off!"
Molly giggled, making buzzing sounds all the way to her desk. She sat in her chair, zipping her lips and effectively ending her buzzing. He couldn't help but smile at her antics, but it wouldn't persuade him to tell her he had…
Not Candace.