Holy cow, now we're over fifty reviews! Cah-ray-zay. Thanks an extra bunch HersheyChoco101, ScipioPB, imagine believe, CAPJHMPAgirl, and MikariStar! You guys are so super awesome for reviewing so constantly – where does your energy to comment come from?!

This chapter has been nagging at me for quite a while now. In all aspects, I was excited to write it, but I was worried I wouldn't do everything I wanted or things would turn out differently than I pictured. I'm so glad I finally sat down and finished this; I hope you like it as much as I do!

Lieutenant Colonel Vaughn

"Sick?"

Vaughn was glowering darkly in his early morning stupor, watching Gill smugly glare him down. Though he didn't know his age, Vaughn was positive he was older than the kid. It drove him up the wall whenever the pipsqueak rubbed his superiority complex in his face.

"That's right," Gill saucily crossed his arms, pointed his nose in the air, and placed his weight in one hip. It was one of the most ridiculously annoying displays of arrogance out of the platinum haired boy he had ever seen, and it should have warned Vaughn what was coming next. "Mr. Hamilton is out with a terrible fever today, so that puts me in charge."

Though Vaughn felt Hamilton was getting his just desserts for harassing poor Popuri (who was already showing the early signs of PTSD), he realized what this meant for the office on this particular Wednesday. Late as usual, Vaughn's breakfast of a cherry red lollipop was sticking out of his tightly closed lips and garbling his speech. "So? Who cares?"

Gill smirked, his hands on his hips. "That means I'm the boss of you, and you're ten minutes late! Careful, Mr. Vaughn, or you might find yourself being written up in my performance report at the end of the day."

Vaughn's irises lit up, though his flat expression still hid his new mischief. He furrowed his brow, taking the lollipop out of his mouth and studying Gill's shiny brass bolo very carefully.

Offset, Gill attempted to see where Vaughn was staring. He pulled at the clasp to adjust it in a near panic. "What is it? What are you staring at?"

"Oh, just…" Vaughn hesitated, faux concern wrinkling his nose as he squinted. He pointed his lollipop under Gill's chin, trying to show him. "It's right… there."

"What? What is it?!" Gill frantically looked down.

BOP.

Gill held his sore nose, some red sugary residue left behind from where he got whacked for being gullible. Vaughn shifted past him, pretending not to feel the fierce glare boring into his back. He tossed the lollipop at the base of the ficas and propped his briefcase up on Molly's desk.

Molly hung up the phone and clicked busily away at her keyboard. "Morning, Vaughn!"

"Hamilton's sick."

"Oh, I heard! Gill's going to make things hell today," she rolled her eyes, tucking her hair behind her ear. The following silence caught her attention. She ended her message and looked up with curiosity. "What's with that face?"

Vaughn fought back the rising smirk that was quickly turning into maniacal laughter. He shrugged and clicked his tongue.

"Vaughn, that is no way to treat your superiors!" Gill bravely marched after him in pursuit, finger wagging. "I'll have you know that my position here—"

Vaughn gave Molly a look and spun around on his heel, quickly getting into character. "Don't you have any idea what this is?"

Gill was caught off guard by his tone. His finger drooped as he hesitated. "Wha…?"

"This is a war! A war against decent advertising!" Vaughn ranted with an energy no one had expected out of him as he poked Gill in the chest. "You think we can let ignorant people get away with land grabbing? You think we can let them get plots our clients have for sale for cheap?!"

"N… no?" Gill asked.

"Then why are you wasting time? Show some initiative, private!" Vaughn sounded more like a drill sergeant with every sentence.

"Private?!" Gill shrieked, his courage growing. "I'll have you know that I am the Assistant Regional Manager, and that puts me above—"

"Gill, Gill, buddy…" Vaughn shook his head, wrapping an arm around the blond's shoulders with a look of friendly pity. "Don't you know anything about military rank? The Marines?"

"Uh…" Gill mumbled, looking at the arm dangling over his shoulder.

"Right," Vaughn gave him a pat. "The higher the rank, the shorter the word."

"Really?" Gill asked, somehow falling for this.

"Of course!" Vaughn laughed. "And private's like… the shortest word. It's… top notch."

Molly was writhing behind Vaughn as she tried to hold in her giggles. Gill was taking it in with interest, always willing to learn something new.

"And as a Lieutenant Colonel," Vaughn whistled, indicating himself. "I'm just… nobody."

Gill put a hand to his chin as he thought it through. "Are you sure? That doesn't sound right…"

"Damn right, it's right!" Vaughn slapped him hard, making the boy spin circles. "Now march, private! Didn't I tell you it's a war? Get to work!"

"Uh, y-yes!" Gill nodded, taking his role.

"Yes, sir!" Vaughn corrected, pointing for Gill to get going.

"Y-yes, sir!" Gill saluted as stiffly as he could, hurrying off to his desk without further argument.

Vaughn turned back to Molly who was all but clapping in joy as she bounced in her seat. "That was amazing! I can't believe he bought that."

Vaughn shrugged, stifling a yawn as he looked at his watch. "And it's only nine o'clock."

"Oh my God, I love you," Molly said, her laughter subsiding as she turned back to her monitor.

"Wh-what?" Vaughn stuttered, glaring at her suspiciously.

The brunette was taken aback by his tone. She swiveled her chair to face him, studying the alarm in his features. "I was just joking… What's gotten into you all of the sudden?"

"Er…" Vaughn rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger. "Nothing… Thought you said something else."

"Okay…" Molly chimed, not believing him for a New York minute. "Well, let me know if I can help in any schemes today. I might have a few ideas of my own."

"'Course," Vaughn nodded, shaking the thoughts from his mind. Molly watched him go, wondering what was on his mind, but she was even more excited to see what kinds of pranks he would pull next.

Alice was going to drive him crazy. It was that text message. Vaughn hadn't been able to stop thinking about it, and in turn, he was avoiding Alice like the bubonic plague. It wasn't fair, but that was a sticky situation he didn't want any part in. She liked him? Seriously liked…? She didn't exactly put it across well… though her advances were always blatantly obvious.

Now I'm starting to take it out on Molly… Quit being paranoid! Vaughn loosened his tie and tossed his briefcase onto his desk. He saw Gill busily scratching away notes across from him. Vaughn crashed into his swivel chair and swayed back and forth. He knew the perfect way to get this weird romance drama off of his mind. And he was afraid Gill didn't stand much of a chance…

"Why, that's a rather cunning smirk you're wearing," Allen purred.

Vaughn leant back in his chair, looking at the red head upside down. "Stalker."

Allen chuckled, resting his arms across the top of the cubicle and placing his chin on top. "Just curious. What with Mr. Hamilton out for the day…"

"Dan! Dan!" Gill shot up from his desk and hurried over to the poor man's corner cubicle. He shouted above him, going completely ignored as Dan snoozed. "Your posture is terrible! As your boss, I command you to poise yourself correctly!"

Vaughn let out a huff, eyeing Gill's unattended coffee mug. He peered around his cluttered desk and decided on his container of tacks and paper clips. Reclining with his feet propped up, he aimed and tossed a tack across the aisle. It bounced next to the mug, but it missed and rolled onto the floor.

"It's going to be a long day," Vaughn admitted, trying again. He bit his lip in concentration. "But only for some."

"No! Balloons are for birthdays only!" Luke and Tina tumbled out of stairwell carrying cardboard boxes full of tacky decorations.

"Racist!" Tina exclaimed, dumping her box.

"Then you're racist against streamers!" Luke shot back.

"Streamers are tacky…" Tina whined. She bounced up when she caught sight of a long line of glittering tinsel from Luke's box. "Ooo! So pretty!"

"Hey, if we use that with these lights," Luke dug around and showed her a bundle of colorful garland lights, "we can make the most extremely shiny decorations ever!"

"Yay!" Tina cheered, already forgetting their disagreement. The two scurried off laughing into their office to start their work on transforming the floor.

"That's right…" Vaughn mumbled. He turned his focus back to Gill's mug. "The Christmas party is coming soon."

"You sound worried," Allen observed, rubbing his glasses on his sleeve. "Not prepared, Vaughnie?"

With a nervous tick, he ignored the nickname. The thumb tack he threw missed completely and hit the cabinet behind Gill's desk. "Why? Have your present all picked out?"

"Of course I do," he easily bragged. "Whatever I get will make my mark happy. Having trouble?"

"I'll figure it out," Vaughn grumbled, almost making it that time.

Allen watched with interest. A paper clip Vaughn threw ricocheted off the rim of Gill's mug. "Oh, that one was close!"

Tossing them quicker, Vaughn managed to plunk a few tacks and paper clips into Gill's coffee while he continued to rant at the slumbering employee across the room.

"Here, let me try," Allen said, reaching his hand down. Vaughn placed a few pins, clips, and tacks in his palm before going back to his game of basketball. Allen chucked a few, missing completely, but he laughed in excitement as he got closer. On his last paper clip, he tossed it high. It landed in the center of the mug with a splash, dribbling coffee down the sides and splattering a nearby post-it pad. "Aha! Victory!"

Vaughn congratulated him with a high five. Allen caught Gill storming back over, so he began to whistle innocently. Vaughn, however, continued the game without concern.

"Vaughn! I need Terry. Luke ate some tinsel and threw up all over the – what are you doing?!"

Vaughn tossed another tack that missed. "You said something about Terry?"

Gill held his head in his hand. Thinking better of it, he took a deep breath and revealed his face once more, holding every last bit of his patience. "Terry. I know you know where he hides."

"He doesn't hide," Vaughn lied, dropping his feet to the ground and sitting up.

"I know you know where he hides!" Gill repeated. "Tell me this instant!"

Vaughn eyed him for a moment, organizing the things on his desk. With a heavy sigh, he took the extra opportunity and leant forward, indicating for Gill to do so as well. The gullible guy did as he was told, hovering over Vaughn's computer monitor. "Women's restroom."

"What?! You've got to be kidding me," Gill crossed his arms and glared daggers at him.

Vaughn shrugged, picking up his rubber band ball and snapping the different colors. "It's the last place anyone would look."

Gill hesitated, knowing Vaughn was right. He glanced at the women's bathroom door next to the ficas.

"If you don't believe me, it's the third stall. You might have to wait if he's not already there, but once he comes in, you'll have to pounce him before he can get away."

"Hm…" Gill debated the possibility. He finally put on a brave face and walked briskly across the room. He opened the door and went in.

Molly had watched him go. She jumped up and hurried over to Vaughn's desk. "Did I just see…?"

"Gill in the women's restroom," Vaughn nodded. "Can't tell that boy anything."

Molly giggled, swaying on her heels. Her brown eyes were bright with troublemaking as she placed a bottle on his desk with finality. "I found this!"

Vaughn picked up the bottle and turned it over in his palm. "Krazy Glue?"

"Figured we could have some fun with his desk drawers or his chair or something," she smiled with a wink. "Been saving that for a special occasion."

"I like the old school," Vaughn agreed.

A terrible scream followed by a thump came from the women's room. Heads turned to see Gill scrambling out in a panic with Alice close on his heels, wielding a tube of pepper spray. "You pervert! My father will hear about this!"

"Well!" Molly remarked as Gill passed them by and huddled behind his desk, his face the color of his favorite tomatoes. "Those were the best few seconds of my life."

Vaughn would have laughed if he heard her, but he had caught sight of Alice, and his brain had spiraled into awkward cynicisms again. Alice went back to her desk puffing in fury, but her face was clearly showing she was possibly on the verge of tears. Was she looking this way? Should he have done that? How he was supposed to know the prank would hurt her?

Vaughn grumbled to himself, not liking the piercing feeling of guilt twisting his gut. He picked up his head set to get some real work done before trying anything else.

"Vaughn's on a roll today," Allen opened the fridge. He peered past the old, forgotten lunches and snagged Tina's Starbucks Frappuccino. He popped the lid off and tossed it in the trash. "He paid me five dollars to hum the Gilligan's Island theme song whenever Gill tried to talk to me."

Molly giggled and shrugged. "I think my favorite was talking Gill into going into the girl's bathroom. I thought Alice was going to kill him!"

"Won't he get into trouble when Mr. Hamilton comes back?" Candace asked, timidly playing with her braid where she sat at the only table.

"I doubt it," Allen said. He chugged half of the little drink before finishing his thoughts. "Vaughn's Hamilton's little lap pooch. He's got affection protection. Kind of like Dan… What?"

"Nothing. I was just going to ask if you'd share that, but then I remembered you probably have Herpes," Molly teased, not wanting to admit she had been watching him. She couldn't help but still have a crush on the suave, incredibly egocentric processing manager.

"I just hope he doesn't get fired," Candace still fussed, staring down at the floor. "Lay-offs…"

"Hm," Molly hummed in agreement, swinging her legs back and forth from her favorite spot on the counter. "Do you think that's why the Superintendent made a show? She usually means business…"

"I-I don't want to think about it!" Candace covered her ears.

"Candace is right," Allen grinned, pinching Molly's cheek. "It's almost Christmas! Besides, worry doesn't suit a pretty face~"

Before Molly could betray herself with a blush, Vaughn walked in with a screwdriver in his mouth and a step stool under his arm. He surveyed the room, ignored its occupants, and made for the clock directly across from him. They watched silently as he stood up on the stool and took down the clock, plunged the screwdriver into its back, and pried off the protective backing over the controls.

"What are you up to this time?" Molly was the first to speak.

Vaughn carefully turned the clock forward a couple of hours. He eyed his watch to make sure the time was correct before spitting out the screwdriver and anchoring the screws in again. "Getting us an early release day."

"That sounds dangerous!" Candace piped up. "What if Gill finds out?"

"I think it's a marvelous idea!" Allen's voice overpowered her worries. He threw a friendly arm around Vaughn's shoulders as he stepped down from the stool. "Hero of the office! Cheers to Vaughn!"

"You can't get drunk off of those," Vaughn reminded him, knocking his arm away. Allen finished the coffee drink and put the empty glass back in the fridge in good humor.

The blinds on the door rattled as Gill burst into the room. Candace squeaked and attempted to hide under the table. But Gill had one objective. He stomped up to Vaughn, and he held up a piece of paper under his nose. "What is the meaning of this?!"

Vaughn looked at the ransom note he had written when he had stolen Gill's employee of the month trophy. It was a dinky piece of plastic that could be found at the nearest Dollar General, but Gill liked to parade it around the office as a bragging right.

"Gloves are pickle televisions," Vaughn answered with a straight face.

Everyone in the room blinked in confusion.

Gill faltered, shaking his head. "No! Answer me in plain English! No riddles!"

Vaughn gave Molly a quick look. Understanding he was just speaking gibberish, Molly quickly joined in, adding: "But ties can be rose blowers!"

Allen couldn't hold back laughing out loud, clamping a hand over his mouth to stifle it.

Gill fumed, whirling on him. "What are they talking about?"

"They're speaking perfect English," Allen managed with a shrug, not forgetting to hum a few bars of the Gilligan's Island tune. "Surprised you can't understand it."

"Light bulbs make cruel frames," Vaughn agreed with a nod.

Gill's eyes widened in genuine worry. He caught sight of Candace trying to hide. Her voice shaking, she asked: "Are you feeling okay?"

"No!" Gill denied. "They're tricking me again! It's not just me!"

"Maybe whistling signs can shadow," Molly suggested with all sincerity.

"She's right," Allen said.

Gill panicked, dropping the ransom note and fleeing the break room screaming. The door slammed behind him, allowing those inside to erupt in laughter.

"We're totally going to hell for this," Molly shook her head.

"If he snaps and starts killing people, I'm blaming you," Allen gave Vaughn another whack in the shoulder as he picked up his stool to leave.

"So much for hero, huh?" Vaughn smirked.

"Come on! Let's see what we can do with that Krazy Glue," Molly said, hopping off of the counter and smoothing her skirt. "Anymore clocks you have to change?"

"Just the one on his computer, I got his watch with Louis' help…" Vaughn explained as their voices disappeared with them out into the main office.

Allen watched them go with a thoughtful expression. Candace was surprised to see such a serene, sincere look come across the face of someone like Allen. His shrewd eyes slid to study Candace. He felt her watching him and said: "They'd make a nice couple, don't you think?"

"O-oh?" She asked, startled by his suggestion. She stared at the closed door where Molly and Vaughn had left. "I… I suppose so…"

Allen sighed, raising his hands in defeat. "If only they weren't so immature and easily distracted! Oh, well. I'm sure we'll see it happen eventually. Perhaps when we're all old and grey and miserable from working here all our lives."

Candace smiled and stood up to follow him out. "Yeah… Maybe."

"Basil! Front and center for duty!" Gill pounded on the intern's cardboard box.

The ginger sprang out, recognizing his voice. Like a dog greeting his master, he saluted in bubbling excitement. "Anything, sir!"

Gill shoved a pile of disarrayed papers into his arms. "Quick! Show me these ink blots!"

Obviously confused, Basil looked over the therapeutic tests. He yelped in surprised when Gill pulled him to the floor, squatting nervously and holding his knees in front of him.

"No time for dawdling! Go, go, go!" Gill demanded.

Crossing his legs, Basil cleared his throat. He held up the first ink blot. "Um, right. What do you see?"

"Vaughn…"

"Okay…" Basil turned it over, thinking it looked more like a dog. He held up another. "What about this—"

"Vaughn, definitely Vaughn," Gill sneered. "Look how smug it is!"

"Uh…" Basil hesitated with the next. "Perhaps this isn't a good idea?"

"Next."

"Right!" Basil propped up the next card.

"Vaughn!"

"Vaughn!"

"Vaughn!"

"What are you doing over here?" Rod looked down, holding a stack of papers. Though he reserved a special, threatening glare for Basil, his demeanor soon returned to normal.

"Mr. Gill requested I show him some ink blots," Basil explained, showing Gill the next one.

"Oh, Vaughn! Look at him there! Glaring at me!" Gill raved.

Rod took the ink blot from Basil, looking it over himself. He showed it to Gill again. "Gill, this is definitely a butterfly."

"NO! It's Vaughn! How can't you people see it?!"

"I think Mr. Vaughn's finally pushed him over the edge," Basil explained.

Rod frowned, not caring for Basil deducing anything. He swiped the remaining ink blots from him. He held one up for Gill to see. "Here. Gill, this is a house."

"No, it's the devil."

Rod blinked. He turned to Basil. "My God, I think you're right."

"Will you two leave the poor creature alone?" Allen crossed his arms like a scolding parent above them. "You're only confusing him with your twin-ness."

"We are not twins!" Rod cried.

"Yeah, I like plants," Basil retorted with an arrogant expression.

"And I like animals," Rod agreed.

"And you're both so God damned happy about it!" Gill suddenly shrieked. He swiped a handful of ink blots from them, crushing them in his fists. "Poor design! Same person, different interests! It pisses me off!"

Rod and Basil were wearing similar expressions of shock and horror, jaws dropped wide.

"See? What did I tell you?" Allen reprimanded, grabbing Rod by the ear and dragging him back to his desk kicking and screaming.

"But I wear goggles! I'm adorable!"

Meanwhile, Molly and Vaughn were fiddling with the lock Gill had rightly threatened about putting on the bottom drawer of his desk. Vaughn had a paper clip wedged into the opening, slowly prodding it further in to set the tumblers.

"You should've just made another key," Molly sighed, sitting on her knees in boredom. She juggled the bottle of glue between her hands.

Glaring in concentration, Vaughn didn't bother to answer her until after a long pause. "Forty bucks… not worth it… if this works…"

Molly had to shrug in agreement. Just then, the lock clicked, and she perked up. Vaughn successfully pulled the drawer out, pocketing the paper clip. "You did it! Great! Now where do we glue?"

"Hold it," Vaughn warned, stopping her from popping the lid off. He studied the new papers that lay inside. "These weren't in here before…"

"What are they?" Molly whispered, trying to see over his shoulder.

Vaughn quickly skimmed. He noted the water mark seal on every page. "They look like government documents of some kind…"

–hereby request the transaction dated on the fifteenth of July, the year nineteen hundred and eighty—

"A request form?" Vaughn wondered.

"Maybe he's a spy!" Molly joked. She looked up and violently smacked Vaughn in the back of the head to get his attention in her panic. "He's coming back!"

Vaughn shoved the papers back inside and shut the drawer in record time. The pair scrambled up and dashed off to their desks just as Gill crawled his way past the cubicle wall. He ignored Vaughn completely and sat in his desk with a heavy sigh.

The typing of keys cluttered the following minutes without any suspense. Though their prank had failed, there was one last back up that Vaughn had under his desk.

A snowball shot across and hit Gill square in the chest. Backing away from his work in surprise, he looked down at the bits of snow clinging to his shirt and melting there. When he went to explode his rage on Vaughn, he saw the silver haired cretin talking animatedly on his head set with a customer.

Thoroughly confused, Gill shook his head and scooted his chair forward. A few, suspicious moments passed before once again – SPLAT. A snowball sailed over and hit him in the shoulder.

"How are you doing that?!" Gill stood.

Vaughn excused himself from the call and put a hand over the mouth piece, swiveling to face Gill. "What are you talking about?"

"The snowballs, you imbecile!" He fumed, close to stomping his foot like a child.

Vaughn eyed the wet spots on Gill's shirt. In a low voice, so as not to alarm his client, he asked: "Are you suggesting I'm somehow keeping snowballs in a sixty-five degree office and throwing them at you when you're not looking?"

Gill realized the oddity of the accusation, but after the prank spree he had been hit with that day, it wasn't so unbelievable. "Yes! Now cut it out!"

Vaughn rolled his eyes and went back to his call. "Yes, of course, Mr. Smith. Sorry about that interruption."

Muttering to himself, Gill sat back down. Not a second too soon, a snowball sailed across and splattered Gill in the chest again. He sprang up like a jungle cat ready to fight, pointing accusingly at the perfectly innocent looking Vaughn. "Where are you keeping them?!"

Covering his mouth piece again, Vaughn reiterated his last point. "I already told you, there's no way I could possibly keep snowballs in here."

"You are! I know you are!"

Vaughn nudged the open blue cooler full of snowballs next to his cowboy boot under his desk. He pursed his lips in annoyance. He went back to his phone call. "Yes, we can have that ready before the twenty-third."

Gill paled. His fists clenched.

Vaughn took a look at his computer and reached for another snowball. With Gill watching his every move, he brought his arm up and threw it directly at his face.

"AHA!" Gill cried triumphantly, despite the cold stinging his cheeks.

"Would you look at that?" Vaughn gave up on his phony call and tossed his head set down. He grabbed his briefcase and stood. "Time to go home."

"What?! It can't be!" Gill rushed to his seat. He moved the mouse to bring his computer out of its screen saver of a slideshow of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood characters, only to see the time set on his computer to read it was indeed five. His watch told him the same story.

The employees of Persuasive Papers gathered their things and were chatting on their way out, just like any other day. The sun behind Gill was shining brightly at three in the afternoon.

"B-but… But…" Gill whimpered, slowly sinking.

Vaughn shut his computer off. He watched Gill continue to slump until he was just a head above his desk. He reached into his pocket and placed the little golden employee of the month trophy back in its spot, turning it just so like he had found it. "Thanks, boss."

Gill was too dumbfounded to reply. The lights flickered out one by one. The elevator closed and hummed as it brought the last occupants to the first floor.

Molly waited for Vaughn next to the coatrack, holding the door of the stairwell open where Candace was waiting as well. "Lieutenant Colonel?"

Vaughn grabbed his coat and gave her a mock bow, making her laugh, and the three descended the stairs together.

He brought himself up again. Straightening his bolo, he ran a hand through his disheveled hair and breathed deeply. The headache was slowly ebbing away. Gill looked at the plastic trophy cup, and despite everything, a small smile quirked up his lips.