Author's Note: So - we won First Place - popular vote - in the Sport of Love Contest on www . TWCSLibrary . com. And we thank all of you who voted for us. This story was our very first collab and we had an awesome time writing it. Then the messages flooded in, requesting an extension. And here it is - chapter 2, delving further into their past, and hopefully their future.
Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. We just play in the sandbox she created. No copyright infringement is intended.
Many thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed the first chapter. Without further ado, enjoy this 2nd installment.
2. On Shaky Ground
BPOV
"Marry me. Please."
Oh. My. God.
I was stunned into silence, my throat closing up. As I tried to find my voice, the silence became deafening as Edward's smile began to fade, the color draining from his face. I didn't know what to say. We had just been reunited after spending fourteen years apart. Our feelings might not have changed – last night was certainly proof of that – but I had changed as a person and I was fairly certain that Edward had, as well. We needed time to become fully reacquainted, and neither one of us was in a position to get married right away.
The idea itself was preposterous.
And something I really, really wanted.
I squashed the irrational desire to simply tell him yes. I wanted to, but couldn't. We were adults now, with adult responsibilities. I had my son to consider, first and foremost, and based on Rosalie's reaction at the ballpark, Edward also had some issues to figure out with his family before we could jump head first into a marriage.
Surely he understood that.
I couldn't help but wonder what had motivated him to propose. Why had he chosen this moment to ask that question? How could I explain that as desperately as I wanted to say yes, I would have to say no – at least, for now.
Somewhere in the pit of my stomach, I began to regret falling into bed with him so quickly after meeting again.
"Edward," I began hesitantly.
"You don't have to say anything," he quickly cut me off, sounding so utterly dejected that my heart clenched. "It's just that –"
"Please listen," I said, reaching out my hand, cupping Edward's cheek. "I love you. I do. I always have … and I would be happy to become your wife. But..."
I shivered, momentarily distracted as a part of me recognized that I already was a wife. Jacob's widow, to be exact. And yet, for some reason, I felt this innate need to become Edward's wife. I blinked a few times, trying to refocus my attention.
Edward was silent while I collected my thoughts. I placed my other hand on Edward's cheek and pulled him to me, leaning into his lips, tenderly kissing them. I wanted him to feel my love before I continued. Slowly, I released his face and sat back.
"But, there's so much we need to talk about first," I explained quietly. "We've grown, Edward, and we've changed. We should take some time to really get reacquainted, to learn who we are now. I'm not eighteen anymore, and I'm no longer just me...I mean, it's not just me anymore. I have someone else to consider."
"James," Edward said simply, looking away from me.
There was a hint of bitterness in his voice, and though I tried to bring his face back to mine, he resisted.
I sighed.
"I'm not the only one who has to take other people into consideration," I stated grudgingly.
"Rosalie will just have to deal with it," Edward smirked as he turned back to face me.
"Interesting that you knew precisely who I was thinking about," I retorted sarcastically.
Edward exhaled loudly, then wrapped his arms around me.
"I'll stand by you for as long as it takes. I can finally breathe and feel my heart again." Edward paused before his voice got lower. "Just please tell me there's something for me to wait for."
"Oh, Edward! Please don't doubt my love for you," I replied, throwing my arms around his neck.
To hear him confirm that he would wait, that he would allow us to have the time we needed to truly find our way back to each other, caused my heart to swell. I was unable to hold back the tears as they streamed down my face.
"I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left you. I won't ever let you go again," I sobbed, whispering quietly. "Never."
Apparently that was all Edward needed to hear as I found myself being cradled tenderly in his strong arms once more and we made love, softly and slowly.
When the afterglow faded, reality set in again.
Although I knew James was fine, with Seth taking care of him overnight, I still needed to get home. Soon. I was anxious being away from James. We hadn't spent a night apart since Jacob's death and the motherly side of me was angry at myself for having done so now. But there was no way I could have left Edward last night. I forced myself to refocus on what I needed to do, rolling over, kissing Edward on the nose and then turning to get up.
"Wait, where are you going?" he asked.
I was torn between finally being with the man I truly loved and caring for my son. One voice kept insisting that James was fine while Edward wasn't, but my mothering instincts took over, demanding that I go home. I hated having to choose, but faced with the choice, James would always come first.
Somehow I needed to make Edward understand that I just couldn't shirk my responsibilities. And Edward certainly couldn't come home with me, at least not right now. Even though James knew Edward as his coach, I was not ready to introduce him to Edward as anything other than that.
"I have to get back to James," I stated reluctantly.
"Right now?"
"Edward, I haven't been away from him this long since –"
"Oh," he said quietly. "Can I see you tonight?"
"Umm, I can't expect Seth to stay with James again."
"That's not what I meant. He knows who I am, can't I just stop by?"
"Do you think that's wise? Do you think we'll be able to keep our hands off each other in front of my son?" I asked, chuckling.
"I would love to rub my hands all over your delicious body every minute of every day, but I think I can control myself around your son for a few hours," Edward replied smugly. "Come on, Bella, what do you take me for? I'm not some horny teenager anymore, you know? Okay, horny, yes – but not a teenager."
He winked.
The images my mind conjured nearly caused me to grab onto Edward and throw myself on top of him. I couldn't keep the smile off my face, giggling a bit at the prospect. I felt like I was seventeen again.
"Would you like that?" Edward asked enticingly as he gently ran his fingers up my side and then around the outer curves of my breasts. I felt my eyes roll back in my head, unable to stifle a moan.
"Mmm."
I really needed him to stop, but Edward's hands continued their path up to my shoulders and neck before coming to rest on my cheek.
"Edward."
"Yes, Bella?"
"I still need to go home," I said quietly with every ounce of willpower I could muster.
"So, can I come over tonight?" he whispered in my ear.
Edward seemed to have complete control over me and I could deny him nothing. I found myself agreeing to his request as a shiver ran up my spine.
"Okay. Come over at nine. James usually goes to bed between eight and eight-thirty."
After one more searing kiss, I finally got out of bed, dressing quickly. Edward walked me to the door, clad only in a pair of jeans that sat low on his waist. It was only due to sheer determination that I was able to get in my car.
As soon as I pulled out of the driveway, I called Seth, anxious to ensure that James was alright. Deep down I knew that if there had been a problem, Seth would've called, but I really just needed to hear that for myself.
"Hey, Bella," Seth answered after just one ring. "James and I are fine. He had some breakfast and now we're playing video games."
"Oh, okay. I'm on my way. Do you need anything? And … thanks for yesterday," I mumbled, feeling slightly embarrassed.
"No problem. We always have fun. You know I'm here for you," Seth said before asking, "Do you want to talk about what's going on?"
I didn't really want to discuss what had happened with Edward or Rosalie, but after everything Seth had done for me since Jacob's accident, I felt I owed him some sort of explanation, just not right now.
"Well, perhaps another time. It's not a conversation I want to have in front of James."
"Alright," Seth said quietly before inhaling deeply. "I don't want to pry, but if there's anything wrong...just remember you and James are important to me."
"Thanks, Seth. I know and I appreciate it. I don't know what I would have done these past two years without you," I replied graciously.
"You would've been stuck with Mom and Dad," Seth said laughingly. "See you when you get here."
"Okay," I chuckled before hanging up the phone.
A part of me felt bad for taking James away from his grandparents, aunts, and the rest of the extended Black family. Jacob's parents, Billy and Sarah, still lived in North Carolina as did their twin daughters, Rachel and Rebecca who were several years older than Jacob and married with children of their own. Initially, after Jacob's death, it was a great relief having everyone around, but after the first year, it got to be too much. They were always around, never allowing James or me to be alone, not even for a moment. No matter how nicely I asked, or how much I insisted that we were doing okay, they assured me that they knew what was best. It became so stifling that I thought I would suffocate on their good intentions. James had always been close to Seth, so when he received orders to transfer to Jacksonville, Florida, I jumped at the chance to move.
Not only would both James and I get a fresh start, but I had grown up in Jacksonville since the age of six after my crazy, flaky mother left my father. It had been impossible for him to take care of me properly with the long hours he worked at the police station so I ended up living with my dad's parents, Charles Sr. and Marie Swan.
It was the town I had met and fallen in love with Edward, the town I had fled after breaking up with him to set him free. I had only been back three times since that horrible day, each of those a sad occasion.
My dad's parents had been in their late forties when my dad was born and they had passed away not long after Jacob and I had married. Grandma Swan died first, followed shortly thereafter by my grandfather. I think he died of a broken heart.
Tragically, it wasn't long after we buried my grandparents that my father was killed while on duty. Charlie had pulled someone over for speeding and was standing on the side of the road getting the necessary information when another car careened out of control, hitting my dad, killing him instantly. I had tried to contact my mother on numerous occasions, but to no avail. The last information I had indicated she lived in Phoenix, but I hadn't been able to reach her. I had no idea where Renee was and, truthfully, I didn't care.
Without even realizing it, I found myself at home, sitting in the driveway. I was anxious to see James, but hesitant nonetheless. You could never be sure what an eight year old was thinking, and even more disconcerting was wondering what he would ask. If James had insisted on knowing my whereabouts last night, Seth would likely have provided some sort of plausible and appropriate explanation.
I trusted Seth to have done the right thing, yet my head was swirling around the possible what-ifs as I opened the door.
"James, Seth, I'm home."
I heard them in the den, which was good because I needed to change my clothes before seeing my son. Under normal circumstances he may not have noticed, but since I was still dressed in my scrubs and I hadn't worked since yesterday, I thought discretion would be a good idea.
"Back here, mom," James called out, laughing with Seth. I couldn't help but get a little choked up as I climbed the stairs to my bedroom. The only time these days that I really heard that solid, belly-laugh from my son was when Seth was around and usually when they played video games. He'd always had such fun with Jacob and I felt my chest tighten knowing that James would never have the opportunity to learn from, laugh with and get to know his father.
Suddenly I heard feet flying up the stairs. I cringed.
"Be careful," I called out just as I heard a knock on my bedroom door. "Hold on a minute."
"Mom, I beat Uncle Seth again!" James shouted through the door. He was so excited. I hurried, changing my clothes as quickly as possible before throwing open the door and giving him a giant hug.
"He cheats," Seth laughed, shaking his head.
"Do not," James said, frowning.
"He's just teasing you, honey," I said, scowling slightly at Seth.
Seth raised his hand, ruffling the dark hair on the top of James' head. "Don't be such a baby," Seth teased, chuckling.
"I'm not," James said with a humph, folding his arms across his chest.
"You're right," Seth replied, patting him on the back. "You're the man of the house."
Seth glanced over at me, an odd expression on his face. I was fairly certain he knew where I had been all night and I couldn't help but wonder why he had made that comment.
The rest of the day passed without incident. Seth stayed for lunch and then took James to the park to throw around the football. They were gone the entire afternoon, not returning until I was in the midst of making dinner. I had expected Seth to stay, but he smiled and said he had plans. I nodded, hoping he had a date. He was such a sweet, caring guy and I hoped he could find a girl who deserved him. Of course, I was biased, but Seth really was great.
I didn't think I would have survived the last few years since Jacob's death without him.
James was tired and I was certain he'd fall asleep rather quickly. After a bath and a fresh set of pajamas, he was in bed reading when I went to check on him. I leaned over, kissing his forehead and smiled when I heard his quiet voice.
"Are you going out again tonight?"
I felt my chest tighten as I replied, "No, baby. Why do you ask?" I tried to remain calm on the outside even though my insides were squirming all around.
"No reason," he said with a yawn. "I just like being home with you."
"I like being home with you, too. Good night, sweetie. Sleep well. See you in the morning," I whispered.
James mumbled something, but he was already out.
It was only eight so I decided to change out of my sweats and tank top and into one of the few nice pairs of jeans I had. Most of my clothes had gotten too big over the course of the past two years, the weight loss a side effect of the stress and pain after losing Jacob, but I hadn't seen the need to buy new ones. I also found a nice blue blouse and then brushed my hair, spritzed myself with just a touch of perfume and got comfy on the couch with one of my favorite books while I waited.
I was nervous about seeing Edward again, especially after the crazy proposal this morning, but if we really were going to make this work, we would have to get to know each other again. I thought about the girl I had been and the woman I had become. Some things had remained the same, but plenty had changed. It would take time to discover each other again.
Edward had always been very punctual, so when I looked up at the clock and realized it was five after nine, I was surprised that he wasn't already at the door. I checked my phone to make sure he hadn't called.
No missed calls. Odd.
This didn't mesh at all with what he had revealed that morning, and the urgency and need that had been in his voice when he'd asked to come over. I shrugged it off, thinking that perhaps he'd gotten stuck in traffic somewhere, and returned to my book. I tried to refocus my attention on the page, but it was to no avail – I kept reading the same paragraph over and over again.
By half past nine I wondered if I should call him. I snatched up the phone and stared at it, as if it could answer the sudden questions in my mind. The voice of doubt crept into my head, telling me that he'd changed his mind. I would understand if he had. After all, I had left him all those years ago, lying to him about why I was leaving, and making that decision for both of us. I had a child now, and no guy in the right frame of mind would want to get saddled down with someone else's kid. Maybe he had slept with me just to hurt me – for revenge.
Do you really think that? That's not like him at all.
Yeah, but fourteen years is a long time. He could have changed.
Fourteen years is also a long time to wait for a revenge fuck. Besides, did you not hear what Rosalie said about how despondent he's been this entire time? How he's been hurting over losing you?
Yes, but...
And do you really think he would have asked you to marry him if he was only out for revenge?
No, but...
Shut up, Bella. Don't be stupid. The most likely scenario here is that something's come up and he didn't get a chance to call.
The voice of reason was strong, but I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that Edward's confession and subsequent proposal had been just a setup. The thought hurt very badly, but part of me recognized that if this was the case, I certainly deserved it. I should have never left him, I should have given him the chance to talk about my fears, and allowed him to at least be part of the decision. Whether he would have agreed with me was a completely different matter, but I never even gave him the chance.
Yeah, you lied. You broke him. No wonder he's not showing up.
Edward wasn't coming. Slowly I got up off the couch, turned off the lights, and headed to my room to change. I stripped off my clothes, tossing them on the floor as I grabbed my old sweats. I crawled into my bed, but it seemed even more empty and cold than usual. Immediately the loneliness overwhelmed me as the tears began to fall. I was no longer able to hold back the sobs that escaped from my chest while a torrent of anxiety consumed me.
I had lost him.
Again.
EPOV
You fucking idiot!
Just had to go and blurt that out, didn't ya?
Just couldn't keep your fucking mouth shut.
Dumbass!
My inner voice was still yelling at me. After Bella left, rather rapidly once I had opened my big mouth and proposed to her the morning after the very best sex in fourteen years, I mentally slapped myself. I was, without a doubt, a complete moron. I hadn't felt so juvenile in years. Or stupid. Ridiculously, over the top stupid.
When I had woken up, my thought processes had apparently still been caught up in the wonder that was our unexpected reunion, and the melding of our bodies the night before. Sex with Bella had been exciting and familiar at the same time, passionate and loving and altogether overwhelming my senses.
And since I hadn't been quite in control of my mental faculties after one of the best nights in fourteen fucking years, I asked her to marry me. I'd laid myself bare and she had said nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not one fucking word. The minutes had ticked by and I'd felt like such a fool. When she finally spoke she had tried to gently let me down. The more I thought about what had transpired, the angrier I became.
We didn't have to get married right away. I wasn't opposed to a long engagement, seeing how we definitely needed to figure some shit out, but I didn't see what the fuck her problem was. Okay, so she had a kid. Big deal. James seemed like a good kid – polite, attentive, well-raised. It was not like I was going to swoop in and try to be his daddy. He already had one, some fucker who had impregnated Bella with a kid that should have been mine to give her. Thank fuck the man was dead. Though I did feel sorry for the kid – nobody deserved to lose a parent.
And I knew very well what that felt like.
And now Bella and I had been given a second chance, something that I hadn't even known I'd prayed for all these years, something that I didn't even know I had wanted. Sure, I'd kept the ladies at bay, not interested in making a new connection with someone, because none of them would ever own my heart like Bella did.
And even if I had known, I wouldn't have dared hoped for it. Our break-up had completely destroyed me, made me fall into a black hole of despair from which I hadn't quite dug my way out, not even after fourteen years.
No wonder I was still single.
Thank God I was still single.
It almost felt as if I had subconsciously waited for Bella to come back to me.
You stupid fuck!
You probably scared her away.
My heart was pounding in my chest and I ran my fingers through my hair. I flopped on the edge of my bed, falling on my back as I covered my face with my hands, forcing myself to breathe.
Eventually I sat up, leaning over to rest my elbows on my knees as I held my head in my hands, going over the last few minutes in my mind. She hadn't actually said no flat-out. It seemed that she had been just as shocked at my words as I. And although she'd said 'not now', she'd also given me the impression that eventually she wanted to be my wife. As her words replayed in my mind like a movie, I finally began to relax.
That lasted all of about two seconds until Rosalie's angry sneer popped into my head. Her reaction to seeing Bella had been quite different from mine – where I had been grateful and excited, Rose had been pissed off, claws out, ready to rip off Bella's head.
I wasn't looking forward to talking to my sister about the situation. Rose had been my rock, my unfailing support during the shittiest time of my life. Her attitude towards Bella was completely understandable. She'd watched me fall to pieces after Bella left, and it had only been because of Rose's insistence and constant badgering that I had even made it to college.
Rose had been the only one able to pick me up after Bella left.
Flashback:
The day after Bella had thrown away our love, Rose found me with the shades drawn and empty beer bottles strewn around my room. She had tried to speak with me, but I'd just moaned from underneath the covers. When she ripped the comforter off me, I was forced out of bed, in a mad dash for the bathroom to worship the porcelain god for my sins of the previous night. As I puked out my guts for what felt like a year, she gently stroked my hair, then offered me a wet washcloth to run over my face. When I was finally done heaving up bile, I lay on the cold tile floor next to the toilet, exhausted, blankly staring into space.
"Edward, you have to get up. You can't stay in the bathroom forever."
I knew she was trying to be quiet, but her voice sounded like a hundred banshees shrieking all at once. I slapped my hands over my ears.
"Leave me alone," I muttered angrily. I had no intention of moving, at least not any time soon. My mouth was dry, my head was pounding and I just wanted to be alone. Wallow in the misery, drown in the despair, the agonizing pain of losing the love of my life. I knew I shouldn't have taken out my hatred for what Bella had done on my sister who was now the only woman left in my life, but she was the only one physically in my room and I wanted her gone, too.
"Edward, come on," she said a bit louder, "you can't let Dad see you like this."
"He'll understand," I moaned, recalling how my father had drank away his demons every night after our mother had died.
Rose sighed and left. Eventually I did get off the floor, but only to return to my bed, crawling underneath the covers to hide from the world. Food appeared in my room and I ate if I felt like it. Dirty plates disappeared as if by magic. When the beer ran out, I got up to get more. When it was no longer sufficient to numb the pain, I moved on to harder stuff, raiding the liquor cabinet. When I had drunk all the alcohol to be found in the house, I raged like a madman until I dragged myself out of bed for long enough to make a run to the liquor store around the corner.
Thank God for fake IDs.
Ignoring the curious stares from the store proprietor, I loaded up on beer and cheap whiskey and went back to my room where I proceeded to drain bottle after bottle until the comfortable numbness took over again. Occasionally, I slept. Never more than for a few hours until the nightmares woke me, in a cold sweat, and I ran to the bathroom to puke again.
The vicious cycle of drinking, vomiting and sleeping continued for nearly two weeks, until my sister finally had enough.
"Edward, get up," Rose bellowed as she threw open the shades, causing me to hide my eyes from the sudden brightness.
"I've allowed you to wallow in your miserable filth long enough. Your room smells like sweat, dirty laundry and stale vomit and I've had it with you. I've made all the excuses for you that I'm willing to make, and Dad's expecting us to both be on our way to the University of Miami in two weeks. You're going to get up and rejoin the land of the living. Now scram!"
And with that, she threw back the covers. "The first order of business is getting you cleaned up," Rose said disgustedly. Before I realized what she was doing, I felt my sweatpants being pulled off.
"Hey! What are you doing?" I yelled, but my sister just laughed and kept tugging on my pants. I scrambled, pulling on the sheets as I tried to hold onto what little bit of dignity I had left.
"Get in the damn shower. You stink." She dragged me to the bathroom by my ear, as I screeched in protest, and turned on the water in the shower, pushing me under the cold stream. "Now clean yourself up. I'll be back in a few with some clean clothes."
I stood there, shivering in my boxers and a ratty t-shirt, and let the icy water pelt me until my head cleared up sufficiently to realize what Rose was doing.
She was saving my life.
End Flashback
With Rose's support, I had continued on with my life, putting one foot in front of the other. We attended college and somehow, I managed to graduate. I played football as expected, fielded NFL offers but declined them all, not interested in the high profile life of a pro football player.
Rose dated Emmett throughout our college years, and the two of them dragged me along to keg parties and other events, insisting that I partake in the college experience. Girls came on to me on a regular basis, but I turned them all down. I wasn't interested in a new relationship, and at the time, one-night stands felt cheap and dirty to me.
They still did, but after the disaster with Tanya, I had entered those arrangements with clear expectations from my end, and I did not hold back in clarifying beforehand that one night of sex would not lead to anything else. The women were free to decline and some of them did. I hadn't wanted any strings attached.
While in college, I was still used to passion fueled by deep love, and I'd had no interest in sex without an emotional connection, and absolutely no desire to even try building a new relationship. I only wanted Bella. I dreamed only of Bella, and the only sex I had for a long year was the self-manipulated kind.
Of course, that only lasted for so long until my hand was no longer enough to satisfy my needs, and I gave in to the hormonal urges, hooking up with a girl at a party one night, drunk as a skunk, because she reminded me of Bella, with long dark hair and brown eyes.
I fucked her from behind in her room, bent over the couch so she was facing away from me because I didn't want to see her face. I didn't even take off my pants, just pulled her panties down far enough to expose her sex, pushing her short skirt up around her hips.
It was fast and hard and desperate, and I climaxed quickly, my dick ecstatic to feel the insides of a pussy instead of the palm of my hand for a change.
When it was all over and I rose from my drunken stupor sufficiently to realize what I had done, I couldn't get out of her room fast enough. I never spoke to her again. I couldn't even remember her name at this point.
And the one time I had attempted to build something new, it had ended in a complete fuck-up. Tanya was a nice girl, and we had a lot in common. A chance meeting at a night club led to a date night complete with dinner and a movie and a chaste good night kiss at her front door, and for the first time in a very long time, I'd felt the possibility of something after Bella.
It slowly built from there, a few more dinners, meetings for coffee and conversation on Sunday mornings, a trip to the beach on a sunny Saturday in June. That night I had let things progress naturally. Tanya was responsive, we fooled around on her couch, and as things became more heated, we moved to her bedroom.
Flashback:
"Ungh, baby...kiss me."
Tanya looked up at me, her hands around my neck, her legs around my waist, lifting her hips to grind into me. I bent down to kiss her, thrusting my tongue into her open mouth, as I thrust my pelvis into her cloth-covered core.
"Fuck, woman..."
"That's the idea, Eddie," she whispered, smirking.
I groaned at the use of the hated nickname, sitting back on my knees and fumbling for the buttons of her blouse. Her hands moved to pull my shirt from my jeans, and I quickly pulled it over my head, tossing it to the ground. She raked her nails down my back and I arched forward, falling towards her.
Impatiently, I ripped the rest of the buttons open as she gasped, pulling her upper body forward to slide the blouse off her shoulders and arms. A red lacy bra covered her tits only partially, and I pushed the cups down, freeing her breasts before dipping down to capture a nipple in my mouth, sucking hard, swirling my tongue around the hardened nub.
A guttural moan burst from her lips and I continued down her body to open her jeans, dipping into lacy panties. Quickly, I moved down and freed her from the pants, taking the thong down with them. I shed my own jeans and boxers before joining her again on the bed.
Her legs were wide open, her bare pussy glistening invitingly, and I dove right in, sheathing myself in a powerful stroke, slapping my balls against her ass.
"Shit," she whimpered. "You're huge...fuck...oh...yes...harder...faster...fuck me, Eddie..."
I panted and grunted on top of her, lifting her legs around my waist, gripping her hips and thrusting deep and hard, faster and faster until I could feel the coil tightening in my stomach. I pulled back again and with one last hard push, the tension snapped and my cock pulsed my release into the condom.
"Unnngghhh...Bellaaaa..."
A second later, I found myself splayed on the floor, an enraged Tanya glaring at me from the corner of the mattress.
"What the fuck did you just yell, asshole? Who the fuck is Bella?"
I tried to catch my breath before answering. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...fuck, I'm sorry."
Moving into a sitting position, I put my elbows on my knees and rested my head in my hands, my now very limp dick still covered in the condom.
"Who is she, Eddie?" Tanya sneered. "You got someone else on the side? Oh my God...are you married?"
I laughed mirthlessly. "No, I'm not married. Look, I'm sorry, okay? Bella is my ex-girlfriend."
Tanya pulled up the sheet to cover herself, still looking rather angrily down at me.
"How long ago?"
"Five years," I whispered, looking down at my feet. "I'm sorry. I just can't seem to get over her. You're a nice girl, Tanya, and I thought...I thought that...maybe...fuck, I don't know what I thought. I'm sorry."
Tanya took a deep breath, the anger leaving her face.
"I think you should leave now, Edward," she replied resignedly, her tone leaving no room for further discussion. "I really like you, but you're obviously still hung up on her if it's been that long, and I deserve more than someone who's only partially into this relationship."
The whole situation was extremely awkward and embarrassing. I pulled the condom off and tied it up, then got up and put on my clothes, dropping the used rubber into the trashcan by her desk.
"You're right," I said softly. "You deserve better than me. I wish you all the best, and hope that you find what you're looking for."
I left quickly after that and never called her again.
End Flashback
It was my last attempt at an actual relationship. Nine years ago. There just wasn't any point in even trying anymore. I hung out with Rose and Emmett, excusing myself whenever they gave off signals that they wanted to be alone, and lost myself in my job, moving quickly through the ranks, until Carlisle offered me the position as his GC, overseeing the latest housing projects his company was building in our town.
And apart from the occasional one-niter, I pretty much spent all of my free time with Rose and my brother-in-law. Rose still tried every now and then to set me up with someone, but I always politely declined.
And that train of thought reminded me that I had quite a difficult conversation ahead of me. After yesterday's confrontation at the ballpark, I could only imagine what Rosalie would throw at me once I called her, especially since she knew that I had taken Bella home with me.
The conversation did need to happen, though. I knew of Rosalie's deep-seated hatred for Bella – hell, I could completely understand it, too. After picking up the mess I was in after Bella left and dealing with the empty shell of me for fourteen years, my sister had every right to detest Bella for what she had done to me.
Just like I had every right to forgive her for it. This was my life, and for the first time in years, I finally felt like living again. Bella did that, and I hoped that Rose would see that I was finally happy. Perhaps, there was forgiveness possible from her end, too.
I certainly didn't want to get into a situation where Rose would lose her temper again, especially not in front of the boys, like she had yesterday. That was just uncalled for, and didn't serve any purpose. Hell, I was more than willing to have a discussion with Rose and Bella both about it, and Emmett could join in the fun as well, but in the end, it was my decision, and my feelings that mattered.
And my feelings told me clearly that what they wanted was Bella. In any and every way possible. Rose would not be allowed to stand in my way, despite how much I loved her and was grateful to her.
Fuck, this ain't gonna be good.
Best to just get this over with.
I quickly showered and dressed and then grabbed my keys on the way out the door. From the car, I called Rose's cell to let her know I was on the way. Thankfully, it went to voicemail.
I saw Rose's car as I pulled into her driveway, but parked behind hers was another car, one I didn't recognize. I stopped my car next to my sister's and sat there for a moment, wondering who might be visiting.
I considering leaving and coming back later, but my curiosity got the better of me so I turned off the engine and got out of the car. The front door was open, only the screen door blocking my way, and I knocked before calling out.
"Rose?"
"Yeah, come on in," she shouted between laughs.
It was surprising to hear her so happy. She didn't often let loose and when she did, it was usually with Emmett and Jasper. As I turned the corner into the kitchen, I stopped dead in my tracks.
Well, hot damn.
I hadn't seen her in years. A smile slowly spread across my face.
"Sam?"
"Hi, Ed," the woman said, smiling. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"
Only one person ever called me Ed and that was Rose's friend, Samantha, whom we had known longer than even Bella. Samantha's family moved around a lot so her family had come and gone more times than I could recall, yet somehow Rose and Sam always picked up their friendship right where they'd left off each and every time. The last time they'd moved away was right before high school. I'd seen her since then, but only when she was visiting Rose, and during a week of Spring break in our senior year at college.
After Bella broke up with me, Rose did her damnedest to set us up. Sam was almost like a sister to me and, in all honesty, being with her would have broken one of my cardinal rules. Although Samantha was thinner and taller than Bella – built more like Rose – she had very similar hair color and eyes.
And I never ever dated anyone who even remotely looked like Bella. I had categorically refused to even entertain the idea, but Rose just wouldn't give up.
That week during Spring break had been exceptionally awkward, and I had no intention of ever revisiting that time in my life.
We'd done the usual college routine, Rose, Emmett and I, staying in a cheap hotel far from the action in Daytona Beach to which we returned only to sleep and clean up. We'd done the same in the years prior, but senior year, Sam joined us for the week, sort of like a last hurrah before college was done with.
As soon as we'd arrived, Sam had made it fairly clear that she was interested in taking things to another level, and I had practically hid myself in my hotel room for most of the week, trying to avoid her as much as possible. It had felt like a rather pathetic set-up, and Rose and I had fought like cats and dogs afterward.
Flashback:
"I don't get it, Edward," she huffed when we got back to our college dorms after that disastrous week of pussy-footing. "Sam is a really nice girl, and you practically ran from her. We've known her for ages. I don't understand why you won't even try..."
"I don't want to try anything, Rose," I snapped angrily. "I'm not interested in anyone. You of all people should know this."
"But why, Edward? Sam really likes you, and she'd be perfect for you." Rose crossed her arms in front of her chest and glared at me. "If you'd only give her the chance, you'd see it, too."
"Perfect how?" I sneered. "Perfect because she's your best friend? Perfect because we've known her for so long? Tell me, Rose – how is she perfect for me?"
"Well, for one – she looks a lot like Bella-"
I lost it when my sister mentioned that name.
"Are you out of your fucking mind?" I shouted, throwing my hands up in the air, pacing around the small room. "That is exactly why there will never be anything between me and Sam. How many times have I fucking told you not to mention that name, huh? Some sister you are. I'm fucking done with this conversation."
I moved towards the door, just needing to get out of there. A beer or ten sounded good, just something to numb the pain and agony.
"You gotta get over her at some point, Edward," Rosalie yelled. "How much longer are you going to pine after her? She didn't want you! When will you get that through your head? What was it she said? 'She needed to find herself' or some such shit? Yeah, right. Find fresh meat, more like it. She's probably fucked the entire college campus by now, whatever school she went to."
I was so enraged I saw red. My hands balled up into fists and I punched the wall, the pain in my fingers a poor substitute for the anguish I had been feeling for nearly four years. The images of happier times flitted through my head and suddenly all the fight went out of me.
"Fuck you, Rose!" I said resignedly. "Why don't you twist the knife a bit more. The wound is obviously not deep enough yet."
"Edward..."
"I don't think I'll ever get over her."
I walked out of my sister's dorm room, ignoring her whispers of how sorry she was.
Welcome to purgatory.
End Flashback
It had been the last time she'd tried to set me up with Sam. None of us had ever mentioned that week again, and I had seen Sam on occasion after we got out of college and settled back in Jacksonville. She'd come to Rose and Emmett's wedding, of course, being the maid of honor, but it had been clear that I wasn't interested and that hooking up with her wouldn't happen.
Ever.
And though Sam had visited since their wedding, I had studiously avoided Rose's house during those times whenever possible. I actually hadn't seen her since Jasper's second or third birthday party.
Samantha looked at me expectantly, and I realized I had yet to answer.
"Yeah, you could say that," I replied to the question, scratching my neck, an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. "God, it's been...what? Five...six years?"
Sam laughed. "Yeah, probably. You doing okay? You look great."
She winked at me and the feeling in my gut intensified. This was way too coincidental for my taste and alarm bells were going off in my head.
"Uh, thanks. Yeah, I'm great, actually," I answered, with a side look at my sister. "How about you? You look...well."
"Thanks, Ed," she said with a smirk. "I didn't realize it had been that long. Time flies when you're having fun, right?"
As I caught a glance between Rose and Sam, I suddenly knew that Samantha had already been told what had recently occurred between Bella and myself; it was too much of a coincidence and the timing to perfect to think otherwise. I realized what my sister was trying to do, but it wasn't going to work.
There would never be another woman for me – only Bella. Samantha looked at me, an odd expression on her face when I realized I hadn't answered yet another one of her questions.
"Yeah, yeah, it sure does," I said as Rosalie smiled. She was definitely up to something.
"Sit," Rose said, smirking. "Coffee?"
I sat and took the cup of coffee from my sister as I watched the two friends return to their casual, easy-going banter. Perhaps Samantha was just in town for a visit and I was overreacting, but the weird feeling didn't leave me. I nursed my coffee for a while, only half listening to their conversation, my thoughts on Bella and the uncomfortable talk with my sister that loomed ahead.
It wasn't until Rose spoke my name that I was brought out of my contemplations.
"Sorry, what?" I asked.
"Was there something you needed?" Rose repeated herself.
"N-no. Do I need a reason to see my favorite sister? Just thought I'd stop by and say hi," I answered. The expression on Rosalie's face led me to think that she didn't totally believe me, but she let it go.
"We're going shopping and then Sam's staying for dinner. Would you like to join us?" she asked coyly.
At that point I was absolutely convinced that my sister was up to no good, but at the moment I didn't care. I needed to talk with her about Bella. Unfortunately, it seemed I'd have to wait. Maybe I could catch a moment after dinner.
"What time?"
"Emmett and Jasper will be back around four-thirty so we'll eat around six. That work for you?"
"Sure," I replied, knowing that I wouldn't be seeing Bella until nine. I had plenty of time.
I stood up to say good-bye, walking over to give Rose a hug and a kiss on the cheek. When I turned to leave, I accidentally bumped into Samantha who'd also stood up, causing her to fall backward. Without thinking, I quickly reached for her, grabbing her until she was once again steady on her feet.
Samantha smiled and attempted to give me a hug, but I instinctively backed away. I didn't mean to appear rude and, truthfully, I had no qualms about hugging her, but over the years that kind of behavior had become ingrained, almost like second nature.
I had always made certain that any woman I was with knew from the start that it was just for fun, a good time, a few hours at most, and that things like love were not a part of it – not something I could give. Actions like tender kisses and gentle hugs were always out of the question.
I was very open about the fact that sex with me would be hard and fast, just an itch that I needed to scratch, and when it was over, so was I.
Awkwardly I quickly reached over, took Sam's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before turning around again, walking out of the kitchen.
Rose looked like the cat that swallowed the canary, causing me to shake my head, a slight grimace on my face.
"Bye ladies," I said, walking out the door.
"See you at six," Rose called out. "Don't be late."
I drove back toward my house, but I was too restless to sit around so I headed to the construction site I was currently supervising. Sometimes Carlisle, the owner of Cullen Construction, would go to the site office on the weekends to review the progress of the project. Carlisle had hired me straight out of college at Emmett's recommendation and we had worked together ever since. We'd become close over the years; Carlisle was my mentor, but he also acted like an older brother. His car wasn't there, but I decided to stay and do some paperwork anyway.
After a few hours, I left and soon found myself driving around town aimlessly, as I replayed my time with Bella over and over again in my mind. At first glance, it seemed everything was going to be okay. Sure, we had things to work out, but we had been given another opportunity to get the forever we'd promised each other so long ago.
And yet, I couldn't seem to get rid of the nagging voice in the back of my head, questioning my sanity. She had provided me with an explanation for why she had left, but I couldn't help wondering if that had that been the entire truth.
That she had basically broken my heart only because – in her words – she didn't want to hold me back. It didn't make a lot of sense in the daylight. I couldn't quite comprehend what she'd thought she'd be holding me back from. As if she didn't know or hadn't believed that I could only be whole with her in my life. Yes, I'd been successful professionally, though perhaps not in the field I had originally envisioned, but in my private life, I was just as broken and lonely as the day she had left.
It had only ever been Bella – and I had on more than one occasion told her so. For her to think that she wasn't what I needed, what I craved, was preposterous.
And Rosalie, on more than one occasion, had insisted Bella's reasons had been purely selfish ones. Was there any truth to that?
The more I thought about it, the more annoyed I became, seeing how I had allowed myself to be so easily taken in by her again. Without a doubt, she still owned me, mind, body and soul. For years I had wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms again and now that it had happened, I was questioning her motives and my own.
We'd fallen back into a physical relationship, and that part of us had always been incredible. That alone though would not be enough to sustain us in the years to come. We needed to reconnect on an emotional level as well, two mature adults with adult responsibilities, and I didn't know if Bella would still like the person I had become. Or whether I would like the person she had grown up to be. I supposed we should start over slowly – date, for lack of a better term, though that word felt weird at my age. Dating was done in high school or college, and I sure as hell hadn't dated anyone in quite some time. Not since Tanya. What the hell did I know about what it encompassed these days?
Asking her to marry me had been done with no forethought – well, the wrong part of my anatomy had asked that question, and it hadn't been my brain or my heart. Or maybe it had been that broken-hearted young man she'd left behind, panicking at the thought that I might lose her again if I didn't bind her to me in some tangible way.
I shook my head, not knowing what I was going to do. Baby-steps, I supposed, were the way to go. Slow. Steady. Careful.
If I didn't pay close attention, there was a chance I might get my heart broken again, and I already knew that I would not survive losing Bella again if I opened myself up completely right away. Stupid idiot that I was, I wished now that I could take back the words I had spoken that morning.
A part of me was feeling slightly manipulated by Bella. It had seemed so easy for her to cut me out of her life and just as easy for her to waltz right back in. All the years I'd spent trying to just get through each day, building a wall around me, and she had in only a few days torn it down, reducing it to rubble.
Dangerous creature, sneaking into my heart as if she'd never left.
She never did leave your heart.
Admit it, Cullen – you're setting yourself up for an epic fail. Tread carefully.
She left you once – she can do it again.
The nagging voice in the back of my mind continued to torment me as I wondered if there wasn't more to why she had left. Between the time she had returned to her house this morning and now that I'd had time to actually think about what had transpired, I had slowly put my guard back up and I wasn't about to lower it again any time soon.
I was scared, plain and simple. And I had no idea how to get past that feeling.
Eventually it was time to head back to Emmett and Rose's place for dinner. Initially I had been a little apprehensive, but whatever Rose's intentions, I would make it clear that I wasn't interested in pursuing anything with Samantha or anyone else, except for Bella.
When I got to my sister's house, I steeled myself before rapping on the door.
"Hey, come on in," Emmett said with a smirk as he opened the door and stepped aside, letting me in. "Want a beer?"
"Sure, why not," I replied, knowing that I wouldn't be driving anywhere for several hours.
Dinner was great as usual. No one could compare to Rose's mad cooking skills. After all, it had been through my sister's determination to keep me going that I hadn't withered away to nothing when Bella initially left. In fact, over the years Rose had kept both Emmett and me well fed as I was invited over to their house more times than I could count.
I would always be grateful to my sister for everything she had done for me over the years.
I tried hard to stay focused on the good food and enjoy the company, and as the evening progressed, I realized I was happy that I had accepted Rose's dinner invitation. I didn't even mind Samantha's presence as I watched her interact with my sister. It had been years since we'd all spent time together, and it was nice to see how easily we all seemed to fall back into our casual, friendly banter.
There were no expectations to live up to, just a feeling of family as it always had been. It was nice to see my sister enjoy her time with Sam. They had been such good friends, and I realized that during most of those years I had been so focused on Bella that I hadn't had a real conversation with Samantha, always too worried that it might be misunderstood or misconstrued into something I didn't want.
The evening passed by so quickly that I didn't realize the late hour until Rosalie mentioned to Jasper that it was time to get ready for bed.
"Shit," I muttered, getting up to carry my empty bottle of beer into the kitchen.
"What's wrong?" Emmett asked, following me.
"I've got to go. I'm running late. Please tell Rose I'll call her tomorrow, okay?"
Emmett eyed me suspiciously. "Hot date?"
"Right," I snorted. "See ya later."
"And if she asks where you ran off to?" Emmett inquired curiously.
"I didn't tell you," I replied as I ran out of the house quickly.
The moment I got into the car and glanced at the dashboard clock, the time seemed to jump out at me in vivid color – it was already after ten and I had promised Bella I'd be at her house at nine.
Fuckity fuck! Better get a move on, Cullen.
I thought about calling her, but abandoned that impulse when I realized that she hadn't called me which led me to wonder if she even realized I was late.
And with that thought, the doubts starting nagging me again. I had been, and still was, very punctual so I found it odd that she hadn't even bothered to call. Then the vicious voice told me that Bella really didn't want me, that she was home and perfectly happy without me as she had been for so many, many years. I shuddered at the thought and continuing driving, speeding down the empty roads like a madman.
Bella lived on the opposite end of our section of town from Emmett and Rose so I knew that even with the roads free of traffic at this late hour, I wouldn't get to her house until half past ten. I seriously considered going home instead and just calling her in the morning, but I really needed to see her.
As I thought about how she'd felt in my arms the night before, all soft and warm, her familiar scent, her face when she'd fallen apart underneath me, my dick sprang to life and my pants became uncomfortably tight. I shifted in my seat, trying to think of something other than Bella's overheated flesh against mine as I drove as fast as possible toward her home.
When I finally pulled into her driveway, I noticed that all the lights in the house were off. That was not good – either she hadn't cared that I was late which could only mean that she didn't really love me, or she was upset and had gone to bed thinking I wasn't coming at all, which caused my chest to constrict at the thought of hurting her.
It didn't matter all of a sudden how she had hurt me – just the thought of upsetting Bella caused me to gasp. I ran quickly up the drive to the front steps, knocking on the door as I skidded to a halt. Ringing the doorbell was out of the question – I didn't want to wake up her kid.
"Bella," I called out in a loud whisper. "Bella, I'm here."
I waited, listening, but I couldn't hear even the slightest movement in the house. I knocked a little louder, calling out to her again. Nothing.
Shit, you fucked up.
I walked around to where I thought her bedroom was on the second floor and tossed a small pebble at the window, in a last ditch effort to wake her. I called her name one last time, but the room remained dark. The silence was deafening and I just as I was about to give up, I saw a light turn on in what I hoped was her room.
"Bella, it's me, Edward. Sorry I'm late. Please open the door," I said a little louder than I had before. I still didn't hear anything, but decided to return to the front door, hoping against hope that she would come downstairs.
After what seemed like an eternity, the front door opened, but what I saw in front of me was not the face I was expecting. Instead her face was splotchy and red, her eyelids swollen from what I assumed were tears, dried, salty lines marring her beautiful face. Words failed me as my heart clinched in pain.
I could only stare at her.
"Edward!" She whispered my name like a prayer and the voice that had been nagging me all night finally shut up. Bella's tears were proof to me that she did want me, that she had waited for me and most likely thought I wasn't coming.
Emboldened, I stepped forward and pulled her into my arms, kissing her forehead and rubbing my hands up and down her back.
"I'm sorry, baby, I know I'm late. Can I come in?" I pleaded in her ear. "Please, Bella, I was at Rose's and lost track of time. I'm so sorry. Please, let me in."
She extricated herself from my embrace, searching my eyes for something. For a long moment, she simply gazed at me.
"Okay," she said finally and stepped back.
I exhaled a breath I hadn't realized I was holding and took her hand as she led me into her living room. Unsure whether to tell her about Sam being in town, and the fact that I hadn't gotten a chance to speak to my sister yet, I resolved to not mention anything unless she asked me directly.
For the rest of the night, for as long as she'd let me stay, I only wanted to hold her in my arms and heal the pain she had inflicted on us both.
One band-aid at a time.
Endnote: Well, I hope this was worth waiting for. Please leave a review. Thank you for reading.