Chapter 6: How to substitute sugar with spice

If Ikkaku had thought that it was impossible to have dreams while already dreaming, then he was dead wrong. All he knew was that he'd had his eyes closed for such a long time, and if he didn't know any better, he would say that he felt his physical body.

There were crisp sheets that were burning against him and itching where his heavy body hadn't moved for such a long time. He was aching to turn onto his side, to scratch at the insides of his elbows where there was surely tape and needles, but he found that he couldn't move his real hands.

He thought he could hear congested breathing that was probably his own, but there was another soft little airy sigh that was coming from someone else. He could distantly hear the rolling of wheels and processing machines. It smelled like antiseptic. It was almost as if he was back in Seireitei and just had his eyes closed, but it felt like they were taped shut. All he could do was float and swim in water that encased his dream-body from all sides.

Here he was drifting along in the warm ocean, never feeling an urge to breathe or find the surface. All he wanted to do now was keep his eyes closed. He didn't want any salt water to get in. Swimming here was all that mattered, so he let go and let the physical sensations of the hospital fade away. He was calm, perfectly at ease here in the water, completely unaware that he was still sleeping awkwardly in a craggy apple tree.

After what seemed like hours of drifting along, the tide began to drag him away, taking him somewhere. Just as he was washed up onto the shore, he found that he was suddenly in a meadow. He found that this place was more like dreams he'd had in the past before all of this craziness happened. The surroundings changed based on his thoughts, disjointed memories leading up to one another.

He leaned down and picked a little white clover flower like the one Yumichika had worn in his hair on his wedding day, and suddenly he found a pond with lilypads and the real Yumichika's favorite flower: a lotus.

It was right there in the middle of the pond, the only lilypad that had a flower. Yumichika loved lotus blooms, and a water lily was the next best thing because they looked so similar. Ikkaku immediately made to take his shirt off and roll up his pant legs so he could wade in and grab it, but he found that his shirt had suddenly disappeared anyway. He didn't know about his pants still being there, because whenever he looked down, it seemed like he didn't really have legs at all.

He got distracted by a big frog that was staring at him with its creepy chartreuse eyes. Shoot. Yumichika would be disappointed that he hadn't been able to get that… that whatever it was, he couldn't remember. Yumichika… He liked Yumichika. Ikkaku smiled a little bit, eyes unfocused and hazy as he stared at the frog.

"Maybe he'll like you," he said thoughtfully, picking the frog up easily, which was a surprise. It was really big and he'd expected it to try to get away, but here it was in his hands, big legs hanging down. He pet its head in confusion, trying to see if it would try to hop away. "Maybe it's broken," he wondered aloud, turning it this way and that. "It looks okay."

He got the idea in his head to dunk the frog in pond water to clean it off so that when Yumichika took it, it would be nice and non-muddy. Once he got it in the water, however, it kicked hard and swam right out of his hands.

"Aw man," he mumbled, sitting down in the grass, finding that it was suddenly linoleum tile. When he looked up, he saw that he was in a dark room with Yumichika sitting next to him.

"Hello," Yumichika said simply, sipping from a glass of lemonade. Ikkaku was surprised to note that he was normal-sized this time. Soon they got to talking about reality, about how when he awoke, he would not be miraculously transported back into his living body. Now that the surroundings weren't warping so quickly, Ikkaku's conscious brain started to kick into gear.

"What's causing these dreams anyway?" Yumichika asked, which ticked Ikkaku off, because he didn't like the answer.

"Nothing," Ikkaku grumbled, unable to make eye contact any longer. He was still a little disappointed about that frog getting away. Besides that, it sucked to think about the fact that his crush was probably causing all of this crap.

"You know, it really is pointless to keep secrets here," Yumichika noted. Ikkaku just glared at him, even though he knew that he was right. It wasn't the real Yumichika, and it wasn't little-dream Yumichika either. The person in front of him was part of his own mind. What harm was there to vent for a while?

Oh but he couldn't, because there was harm. It harmed his pride, and he'd never taken that well.

"Yeah, but what would you know about that?" Ikkaku challenged bitterly. Yumichika simply raised his eyebrows, as if to say he was not having Ikkaku's attitude. As always, Ikkaku's mind could conjure up a perfect Yumichika clone. His sass, his appearance, it was all the same.

"I must be a better liar than I thought," Yumichika said lightly. Ikkaku hummed in agreement, sitting there in silence for a minute before doing a mental double-take.

"Wait, what? You really have a secret that you're not telling me?" Ikkaku said in offense and curiosity. The idea that this wasn't the real Yumichika was thrown out the window in an instant.

"What the heck, man?! I told you about my bankai right away, and you…. Ugh, c'mon dude!" Ikkaku threw his hands up, getting heated, upset when Yumichika didn't rise to argue back at him. He stayed calm and aloof like the real Yumichika and it ticked Ikkaku off. Somewhere off in the distance he could hear sad music playing and immediately he wished for his sword. Like magic, it was suddenly in his hand.

"Stand the fuck up," Ikkaku growled, fully intent on slicing him to pieces. Yumichika still just looked back at him, cool as a cucumber. That was the bad thing about having known Yumichika for so many years. It was impossible to intimidate him.

"You and your temper." Yumichika blew him off, waving a dismissive hand. Ikkaku started sputtering angrily. "This secret is different than your bankai… much deeper." Ikkaku had to pause for a moment.

If this was his own mind… why would this Yumichika tell him that he had a secret? As far as he knew, the real Yumichika didn't keep any secrets from him… Was this some sort of sign?

The hairs rose on the back of his neck. He dropped his arm down, opting for listening rather than fighting. A secret… The real Yumichika had a secret… Just the idea of it was already starting to gnaw at him, mixing hard with offense and curiosity. "Well what is it, then?"

"I can't tell you," Yumichika said, cut off when Ikkaku scoffed and rolled his eyes. He felt like a kid who was having candy dangled in front of his face. He could hardly take how irritating this was. It was digging under his skin so hard. He and Yumichika didn't keep secrets from each other, right? Ugh, he had to know!

"Dude-"

"I really can't," Yumichika said defensively. "I don't know what the secret actually is. I'm just telling you that there is one… Yumichika's keeping it. Not me," Yumichika said with a sniff, taking a gulp of his drink, which was now a martini.

"You're lying… There's no way you could know that," Ikkaku said, although he didn't sound very confident even in his own ears. Yumichika just gave him a look, and Ikkaku huffed. He plopped down with a thoughtful noise, one hand supporting his chin, the other braced on his crossed knee. Yumichika's soul was coming into his dream of a dream and telling him things he wasn't supposed to know? Well, stranger things had happened in the last year.

"Huh… I wonder what it is…" Ikkaku practically squirmed just thinking about it. He was seriously itching all over. He wanted to know so bad. "Why are you telling me this, anyway?"

"You're falling apart and you need a dose of confidence," Yumichika noted.

"Hm… Yeah, but why are you telling me this? I mean… I didn't know Yumichika had a secret… so how did you get here? Why would you tell me this?"

"Because some tiny part of Yumichika wants to know what would happen if he told you."

"Why would you want me to know that?"

"Because I care about you, of course," Yumichika said fluidly, expression softening in a way that rarely happened on the real Yumichika's face. He was starting to wonder whether this really was part of Yumichika's soul, or whether this was all some convoluted dream. Maybe dreams one had inside of dreams were meant to fuck with you even more than normal. He wouldn't be surprised.

Ikkaku sighed, heart aching so much that it was traveling up his throat and into his mouth. He couldn't help when it just came out, "That's a nice lie to tell me."

"What do you mean?" Yumichika asked with a small frown, slightly hurt. Ikkaku had to wonder why Yumichika would have to ask what he meant if he was a figment of his imagination. Instead of trying to figure it out, he just decided to roll with it.

Ikkaku sighed, rubbing the back of his head, not making eye contact. Yumichika had been right earlier when he said that it was pointless to keep secrets. So, digging deep like the man he was, Ikkaku forced it out, "You… you don't care about me the way I need you too. I don't even know if you're capable of that… I've seen you with all kindsa' men over the years, and you're so cold… Even when your heart's breakin', you don't let anyone in… I'm already the closest person to you, and asking for more would be stupid."

Once he'd started letting it out, he found that he couldn't stop, words just pouring out like a tidal wave.

"And besides, the only reason you didn't kill me in my sleep after we met was because I was the one guy who wasn't makin' passes at you. I thought I was broken or somethin', cause' everybody around me was some horrible sick pervert and I just didn't feel anything but the urge to fight… and you didn't care, you liked me anyways. You… If I told you now that I… If I told you, you'd just… It'd be breaking your trust, wouldn't it?" Ikkaku was now arguing with himself, Yumichika staying silent. Yumichika had always been a good listener like that, and he could really feel the support even through the silence.

"I mean, we've been best friends for so long that 'best friends' doesn't even cover what we are to each other… and if I told you, that would mean that the moment we became friends was a lie. I just can't… I can't," Ikkaku cut himself off, finding that his chest was really hurting. "I already tried, and… and it fucked things up between us. I'm still struggling just to get you ta' talk ta' me like we used to… What do I have on Hisagi anyways… No… It's better to just leave it be, an' let you live life. All I would ever do is fuck things up… Our friendship wouldn't survive… Nothing would, it's…"

Ikkaku gave a rough sigh. "The truth is, it fucking scares me, okay? In all kindsa' ways. If I ever admitted that I feel that way out loud, I'd be worrying about losing ya' all the fucking time, I'd be picking fights with everyone who talks to you, and… Ugh, I don't have time for that, right? Even worse, I'm scared that you might accept it, cause' what the hell will happen then? I don't know anything about making someone happy like that!" Ikkaku cut himself off, glaring at his feet.

"I just know you could never feel that way back. You've finally seen that I'm an asshole that's not worth following, and maybe you're right." His anger faded away, leaving him feeling completely pitiful. "Maybe you're right," he mumbled. He'd never appreciated the fact that he never had to look over his shoulder to check if Yumichika was still there. He'd never appreciated Yumichika's presence until he'd finally looked back and seen that he was alone.

"Maybe so, but I am no liar," Yumichika said kindly, scootching closer, putting a hand on his shoulder. Ikkaku blew up, having that tough-guy syndrome in which he couldn't stand anyone touching him while he was emasculated or talking about his feelings. He tried to punch Yumichika in the face, but he ducked smoothly, prepared for it.

"Are too! You just said you have a secret!" Ikkaku shouted. "Ow!" he said suddenly, looking down at his hand. There was a crescent-shaped mark there. He looked up incredulously, truly surprised. "You fucking bit me!"

Yumichika just grinned and slapped him in the face, and when he was knocked backwards, he opened his eyes to see a bunch of green and yellow shapes above him, feeling some tingling on his cheek.

Upon further inspection, he realized that the shapes were leaves and the tingling on his cheek was due to a tiny person standing on his face, reaching for an apple on their tip-toes. The memories of his double-dream were starting to fade a little, but some part of him felt good, like he'd lifted some weight off his chest.

His eyes opened wide and he quickly focused on what was on his face, heart freezing. In that moment, he did the only thing he could think to do, which was to scream.

Yumichika immediately clutched his ears and bent over in pain, nearly being flung off somewhere in the tall grass below because of how quickly Ikkaku scrambled back to awareness.

"You- and- you were- What the fuck, man?!" Ikkaku sputtered, clutching Yumichika in his hand, checking him all over for wounds or fingermarks. Yumichika tried to explain but Ikkaku kept babbling and squeezed him tight to his chest.

"Ack-"

"-so glad you're okay, you fucking bastard!" Ikkaku shouted, punching the trunk of the tree, causing a few apples to fall down.

Yumichika took a gasp and walked a little crookedly when Ikkaku suddenly let go, holding his palms flat and close to his face. "Woah, you don't look so good."

Yumichika just coughed a couple times, putting a hand to his ribs, glaring at Ikkaku a little. "No thanks to you."

"I seriously thought you were dead," Ikkaku said seriously, pulling his hands closer and forcibly rubbing Yumichika up against his cheek. Yumichika tried to push him back, making mock-disgusted noises as Ikkaku practically petted him for a few minutes, holding him to his face.

"Hey, ya' want an apple?" Ikkaku asked as he hopped down from the tree, picking one up. Yumichika clung to the skinny branch Ikkaku had set him on.

"Yes, I was trying to pick one when you blasted out my eardrums," Yumichika said wryly, wiggling a finger around in his little ear. Ikkaku scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, holding his hand out and helping Yumichika get down into the tall grass.

He picked him back up almost immediately after Yumichika saw a garter snake. Ikkaku sucked on his bloody knuckles and held the apple gingerly, letting Yumichika get a little bite of it.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Go where?" Ikkaku asked in bewilderment, still just preoccupied with the fact that Yumichika wasn't dead after all.

"Down the path," Yumichika said as if it were obvious, with a nod of his head towards something. Ikkaku turned to try to see it, but didn't notice anything out of place. They were still in the same apple orchard that was identical to the one he'd been in last night. Maybe he really had come into some other world, which would explain why he'd woken up here and had been able to dream whilst already sleeping.

"What path? I don't see a path," Ikkaku said in confusion, holding a hand up to his eyes to block the sun. All he saw was field grass and straight rows of apple trees in all directions. He couldn't actually remember which way he'd come here from either.

"Yes, you do," Yumichika corrected stubbornly.

"What, no I-"

"Yes, you do." Yumichika looked at him pointedly, crossing his arms. "Say it."

"I… I see a path?" Ikkaku said, feeling really stupid. What do you know, he turned around, and suddenly the tall grass seemed to part a little bit, showing a straight line going off into the distance. "Oh. Yes, I do." The path got bigger.

"That's what I said," Yumichika said with a yawn, letting Ikkaku put him on his shoulder. Suddenly Ikkaku remembered those few times that Yumichika had shown him how to cheat the dreamscape. It appeared that it was working again, which he was glad for, because being stuck in a perpendicular world was kind of scary. It was nice to be reminded that he was just asleep.

"Alright, alright." Ikkaku started following the path, tramping through the tall grass, sending up bugs in every direction as he went. "Are you gonna' disappear on me again?" he asked warily.

"Yes. About a dozen more times," Yumichika said casually. Ikkaku facepalmed. When he came back to his senses, he saw that the divet in the grass was turning. That curve had definitely not been there a minute ago.

"I think it wants me to go this way," Ikkaku said, kind of creeped out, but he followed the turn, cutting horizontally through the apple tree rows.

"Yes, let's go. We're on schedule to meet a few more friends soon."

"Oh yeah? I'll try not to lose you this time."

"We need to try to make it as far as Portside today, but right now… I think the next landmark is the 'Sugar Bowl'."

"Oh. Okay. Will it be hard to see?" Ikkaku asked, imagining an actual sugar bowl.

Yumichika shook his head. "It shouldn't be."

Ikkaku's legs started itching like crazy as he waded through grass that became taller by the minute. Soon the trees were gone all together and the grass was stretching on nearly endlessly, some hospitable looking forest on the other end of the enormous field.

After walking and chatting for nearly twenty minutes, they'd made it almost halfway through the field. All of a sudden, Ikkaku plowed over something and ended up smacking down in the dirt hard. Well, it would've been hard, were it not for all the weeds and grass.

Yumichika screamed as he fell off Ikkaku's shoulder, skidding away into the grass. Ikkaku spat out a couple of seeds, getting up.

"What the fuck did I-" Ikkaku stopped short, looking down and finding Renji laying in the grass, just waking up. "What the heck, man, why are you sleeping out here in the middle of nowhere?!"

Renji gave him a look. Yumichika peeped from somewhere off in the distance that Ikkaku was the one who decided to walk into the one obstacle in the entire field.

"I didn't ask for any input from the sass department!" Ikkaku called back, rolling his eyes, holding a hand out for the sleepy Renji to take. "You feeling better, dude?" He helped him get up, and Renji swayed on his feet a little, legs wobbly.

Renji nodded hesitantly, holding his own arms cautiously, as if he were afraid he would hurt Ikkaku otherwise. Ikkaku cringed when he saw huge gouge marks all over Renji's body. Had he scratched himself when he'd gone nuts earlier?

Renji made a sorry expression, seeming guilty about what had happened yesterday, but Ikkaku just waved him off, picking up little Yumichika who had made it back through the grass and tapped on his leg.

"Wanna' come with us?" Renji brightened considerably and nodded, pointing off into the distance towards the woods, which was actually a different direction from the path.

"Shouldn't we stay on the path?" Ikkaku asked curiously, looking to Yumichika, who shook his head. He shrugged, letting Renji lead them through the grass. Soon enough they found what looked like a real path. That is to say, there was a trail of mowed grass that led straight up to the woods. Ikkaku was relieved, happy to finally be able to see the ground again. Walking was much quicker when he wasn't practically wading through grass.

Entering the woods, he found that this was completely different than the Bewilderness. Rather than seeing chunks of memory debris, this place looked more like a jungle, a beautiful one at that. There were vines and fancy flowers, and he could hear the hum of a million insects if he stood still.

Ikkaku decided to lead them, after prompting from Yumichika of course. "You're supposed to know the way. I don't know why you keep asking me for directions," Yumichika commented. Ikkaku then took it upon himself to prove Yumichika and his sarcastic smug ass wrong, following the sound of running water.

They made it to a little river with alarmingly blue water, and by then Renji looked all healed up, scratch marks gone. Ikkaku hoped that he wouldn't go crazy on them again, but just in case, he decided he'd just shove Renji in the water rather than fight him. The current would carry Renji away a little, giving Ikkaku time to escape.

Renji tugged on his sleeve and Ikkaku startled guiltily. Renji shook his head and put a hand up to his ear. Ikkaku listened as well, suddenly able to hear something weird. He couldn't quite identify it, but it sort of sounded like voices.

Yumichika knowingly said that they were going in the right direction. Ikkaku cautiously approached the noise, Renji following behind almost silently. Yumichika then took it upon himself to warn him, hearing some shrill laughter. "Oh god, she's still practicing her routine."

"Who is?"

"Rangiku," Yumichika said with a little eyeroll. "She's into paranormal paronomasia these days. She's been pretending to be a vampire lately too, and I'm still not sure if it's an elaborate joke or not." Ikkaku hummed, somewhat remembering Rangiku being a semi-famous comedian here when she wasn't looking for Ichimaru. What was her stage name again? Lolly-pop? No, that wasn't it…

Eventually they came upon a little clearing next to a small waterfall. What he could see was mildly disturbing.

Underneath a peach tree, was Rangiku and Kira. Rangiku was singing cheerily and dancing in a circle, while Kira was moaning and weeping hysterically, dragging his feet. They were circling around a burning persimmon bush.

"I say I'll go through fire, and I'll go through fire as he wants it, so it shall be," Rangiku sang.

Ikkaku watched with wide eyes. "Why is he crying like that?" he whispered, pointing to Kira, finally understanding what Yumichika had meant by 'mess'. Renji watched, seeming traumatized, not blinking as he stared at the two of them. Yumichika leaned in close to Ikkaku's ear, telling him that Kira was trying to put out the fire with his tears.

"Crazy he calls me, sure I'm crazyyyy, crazy in looove, you seeeee." Kira was crying along with Rangiku now, blubbering so hard that he could hardly breathe or talk right. Rangiku didn't seem concerned with his sorrows. Suddenly Ikkaku remembered the 'sadlands' from earlier… Maybe Kira had come from there.

What disturbed him more than the burning bush, was that they were right next to that little waterfall. It wouldn't be too difficult for them to cart some water in their hands and put out the fire, but instead they were choosing to dance around it in some little seance.

"Why… why are they doing that?"

"-shakes the bough, he moves me with a smile," Rangiku smiled creepily, turning and meeting Ikkaku's eyes dead-on, startling him. "The difficult, I'll do right now, the impossible-" She turned and kept on dancing, not paying attention to them.

The jungle seemed to become darker, fitting the theme of what was sure to turn into a nightmare. Ikkaku's heart began to pound as the flickering of the fire sent shadows over everything.

"When people are happy, Ikkaku… they can hear the music," Yumichika said solemnly, "but when they are sad, they understand the words."

"I say I'll care forever, and I mean forever… if I have to hold up the sky-"

Renji moved into the clearing, looking at the bush intently, and then to Kira, who had tears profusely dripping from his eyes, more than was normal.

"Sure, I'm crazy, crazy in love am I-" Rangiku gave a short bow. "Thank you!"

Renji clapped a little bit, smiling. Kira's voice rose into a wail as the bush kept burning. It was then that Ikkaku noticed that it was on fire, but was not actually burning or turning to ash.

Deciding that it was pointless to try talking to Kira, Ikkaku approached Rangiku, who he now noticed was in a denim mini-dress that looked like overalls. She had a barmaid top on underneath, which was striped red and white like a 'candystriper'. Her skin was pale and greyish, almost like she was a corpse or something.

"Hey. Which way is the sugar bowl?"

"Oh, there's no way out there," Rangiku said, straight-faced. Yumichika gave a small moan, putting his face in his hands. Ikkaku furrowed his brow, glancing at him for a second. "You could say it's a dead end,"she ribbed, elbowing him. Kira burst into renewed tears.

"Enough, Rangiku. We're running late, we don't have time for this," Yumichika said, pointing in her face. She crouched a little, coming close to Ikkaku's shoulder.

"You don't? Here," she said helpfully, pulling a pocketwatch out from between her breasts, handing it to Ikkaku. Yumichika let out a slow breath. Kira was crying so loudly now that Renji was holding his ears.

"Slow down there, Izuru. Cryin's a crime," Rangiku said cheerily, hugging him around the neck as he blubbered into his hands. "Boo, hoo, hoo, poor little ghostie." Izuru clamped his hands on each side of his head and screamed, crying his eyes out, looking sort of like the ghoul from Scream.

"Hey, Rangiku," Ikkaku said, suddenly remembering Ichimaru from last night. "Your boyfriend was looking for you."

"Oh, I broke up with him," Rangiku said seriously, and Yumichika seemed to actually have hope that she was finally going to help them. "He wasn't my type." She grinned, baring her pointed teeth, which were tinged a little bit red.

"Oh, for the love of-" Yumichika groaned. Renji was smiling, still trying to make Izuru feel better by patting his back.

Ikkaku stopped Rangiku so she couldn't set them up for another one. "Stop. Your jokes are bad."

For a moment he'd been cautious, thinking that she would get upset or something, but she took it in stride. "My jokes may be bad, but at least my blood isn't," she said, looking at him with narrowed eyes as if he were drenched in the stuff.

Ikkaku paused. "Bad blood…" Yumichika pulled his eye sockets down, groaning. Renji giggled a little bit, with no voice of course.

"I don't have any, so stop asking." Rangiku crossed her arms and turned her head away, nose in the air.

"I wasn't!" Ikkaku shouted, getting annoyed.

Renji finally broke it up, after Ikkaku chased Rangiku around for a while. She was fast and kept hurling bad puns. Renji waved his hands between them, giving Rangiku a pleading look and then rubbed his fingers together like he was sprinkling something, holding his other hand underneath like a little bowl.

"Okay, c'mon sugar, let's go," Rangiku grinned merrily, dragging the weeping Kira along with them. The further away they got from the bush, Izuru started calming down, just sniffling a little.

Ikkaku sighed and followed behind, trying to act natural as he began hearing people talking to his body once again.

Yumichika seemed to be there with him, because whenever he heard some kind of door open and a doctor would talk, Yumichika would reply. Unohana still insisted that nothing was wrong with him. Sometimes his Captain was there, asserting that if he was fine then they should just slap him awake and let him sleep at home. Unohana would explain that he wasn't sleeping, but appeared to be in a coma, which meant that he would die if left unattended.

Things went quiet for a long time, and then Renji came to check on Yumichika. They talked for a while, and it seemed that Renji was trying to keep the secret about his dreams, but was starting to feel guilty and concerned enough to think about breaking his promise.

After ages of silence, Ikkaku's heart clenched as he heard Renji get up and mutter something to him under his breath. "I hope you can get yourself out of this… whatever this is."