Merlin rolled over in between their excessive kissing and got on top of Arthur. He lifted his head just the smallest amount to smile lewdly down and then proceeded to capture Arthur's mouth back onto his own, continuing the deep kissing. While their tongues swirled around each other, Merlin lowered his hands to the waistband of Arthur's jeans. Just when he was about to undo Arthur's pants, Arthur grabbed his wrist and broke off the kiss. He pushed Merlin gently off him and sat up on the bed, his back turned to Merlin.

"Arthur?" Merlin was confused. He slowly inched closer and brought his hands up to said man's shoulder. The touch was like an impulse of energy to Arthur because he stood straight up from the bed.

"What's wrong Arthur?" Merlin asked. The concern was written all over his face and woven through his voice. "Did I do something wrong?"

Arthur didn't replied, he just shook his head. He brought his hands up and covered his face. Merlin stood up from the bed and slowly approached Arthur. He had no idea what happened, one moment they were in the heat of the moment, the next Arthur seemed to be against it.

"Arthur, talk to me."

Arthur continued to shake his head. "It's not you, it's me." His voice cracked and he was fighting to hold back the tears.

When he was on top during their… interaction, he hadn't had any trouble with it; he knew that he was in control and that he knew what the next step would be. But when Merlin got on top of him, his heart started to race and sweat threatened to break out of every pore. He wasn't in control anymore, and the most scaring thought was that he didn't know what would happen next. That was the thing that really scared him, because it brought back too many memories. He knew that Merlin wasn't anything like Gwaine, but his head was just not adjusted to the idea of him having sex... even when it was with his consent.

He suddenly felt Merlin's hands rubbing soothing circles on his bare back, and he heard Merlin softly shushing him. The next thing he felt was a kiss pressed in the dip of his shoulders.

"It's okay Arthur." Merlin whispered soft. "Remember what I told you this afternoon. Everything in your own time."

"I'm such a failure." Arthur admitted.

Merlin became a bit frustrated, what would've happened to Arthur that he would react that way. Had someone done something to him?

"No Arthur, you're not." Merlin turned Arthur around, but Arthur kept staring at the ground. "Arthur, look at me." Arthur slowly tilted his head up and looked into those beautiful sapphire eyes. "Arthur, you are not a failure, you are an amazing person, and caring and maybe even a bit of a prat." Merlin added, trying to lighten up the mood. Even if it would help just a tiny bit, Merlin would be happy.

Arthur did give a little chuckle at that. "M'not Merlin."

Merlin took Arthur's hands in his own. "No, you're not. What I'm trying to say, is that if you don't have to do anything you don't want to. I won't pressure you and I never will. I want you to feel ready, and not a moment sooner. Okay?" Merlin lifted Arthur's hands with his own and pressed kisses on the knuckles of each hand.

Not long after, Arthur fell asleep with Merlin in his arms.

~oOoOo~

Arthur has been awake for quite a while now and just couldn't go back to sleep. His mind had been too busy with worrying, that after a while he had just given up on trying to get to sleep. But getting out of bed wasn't really an option either. He felt far too comfortable where he was now; Merlin with his back against his chest and his own arm slung around the leaner man's waist.

He reached his hand out for his mobile and looked at the time and concluded that he might've been awake for two hours now.

Arthur turned his eyes away from the ceiling to look down on the beautiful black hair that was peeking out from underneath the duvet. If he strained his ears, he could even catch a soft snore coming from Merlin. The soft sunlight that streamed in from the crack between the two curtains lightened the room just a little bit and for the first time Arthur could really look around. That time he was taking care of Merlin, he was far too busy with Merlin to really be aware of his surroundings. The room wasn't really decorated. The walls were bare, apart from some light blue paint. There was a wardrobe closet and a chair filled with dirty clothes. Arthur chuckled for no apparent reason at that.

He drew his eyes back to Merlin. He was wondering if things hadn't gone too fast. They were only acquainted for a week and were already in a relationship, or at least in the process of getting into one.

But he couldn't let go of the past, not yet. No matter what Leon and his psychiatrist said.

Arthur looked up to the ceiling. But this, this felt so good. Like they were really meant to be. And he never, ever felt something like that with anyone else. He just couldn't let this slip because of what had happened to him.

There was an ambulance with sirens blaring, driving through the street and it made Arthur snap out of thoughts, and perhaps that was a good thing. His mind could be a dangerous and unpleasant place at times.

Arthur snuggled closer to Merlin, his nose buried into the soft wisps of hair in Merlin's neck and he just breathed in Merlin's smell. It was comforting in a way. He soon felt the man starting to stir and Arthur kept as quiet as he possibly could.

Merlin's eyelids fluttered and soon he began to regain consciousness and awareness. A smile spread over his lips when he felt the warm body against his back. It wasn't a dream after all!

Slowly he turned and looked straight into Arthur's eyes. "Morning." He breathed in deeply. "How long have you've been awake?" Merlin whispered, his voice still uneven from first using it that day. He cleared his throat.

Arthur leaned down to press a kiss on Merlin's forehead. "Good morning to you too." He whispered back, not wanting to break the peacefulness by talking loudly. "I've been awake for quite some time, I couldn't sleep."

Merlin half rose, supporting himself on his elbows. "If this is about last night Arthur, then-"

"No. It's not that Merlin." Arthur quickly said. He didn't want to let Merlin feel bad about something he couldn't prevent. Maybe one day he would tell what had happened, but Arthur didn't expect that day soon. For now he let it rest. He breathed in deeply and let a smile appear on his lips.

"What you say about some breakfast? I've been told I make amazing pancakes." Arthur pressed a kiss on the tip of Merlin's nose when he saw the man nod and rose from the bed. He was still wearing his jeans and it made him feel ashamed of the fact that he couldn't even take that off. After a small search for his shirt (which he started to remember was somewhere in the hallway) walked away towards the kitchen.

He had picked his shirt up along the way and was now on the search for some bowls and a pan and of course the pancake mixture. Merlin appeared in the door opening and was leaning with his shoulder against the post. "Bottom drawer on the left."

"Ah, thanks." Arthur's head appeared above the counter first before a pan came into view.

He was about to start mixing the ingredients when Arthur heard his phone go off and he grumbled softly under his breath. "Sorry." Arthur walked past Merlin, apologizing and made his way back to the bedroom.

The screen told him that his father was calling. Arthur just couldn't believe the man, he'd probably call to remind him of his doctor's appointment… he should know how close his son and the doctor are.

He was tempted to decline the call, but that would just release the anger in his dad, so he pressed accept.

"Father?"

"Arthur, where the hell are you!? You know I have that appointment with doctor Emrys at 11:15." Arthur contained his snort. His father definitely would get heart palpations if he would know the truth. "Arthur you get home immediately."

"Yes father, I'll be there in about thirty minutes."

"Twenty."

The next thing Arthur heard was a click and the line was disconnected. His father was never the one for greetings or goodbyes. He sighed, and felt two arms wrap around him and lips pressed against his shoulder.

"Your dad?"

Arthur nodded, turning around. "He's in one of his moods again, stressing about me not able to be home in time to bring him to the appointment with, well you."

Merlin grinned. "Well let's not let that poor man waiting then, shall we?"

Arthur looked up to the door. "I guess we should do a rain check on the pancakes then."

Merlin's grin grew wider. "Even better, now you have an excuse to come back here."

Arthur pushed his phone back in his jeans pocket and grabbed Merlin tighter. "I hate being secretive."

"Don't be Arthur. We'll take it slow, okay? Don't worry about it too much." Merlin didn't know the whole of Arthur's story and now he just didn't want to know, well okay he wanted to know really badly, but he would not pressure Arthur in telling He wanted Arthur to come clean all by himself, not because he feels pressured too.

Merlin decided to change subjects. "Maybe we could lunch together… our bench?"

"Our bench?" Arthur's eyebrows rose. "Not yours but ours?"

Merlin winked. "What's mine, is yours." He pressed a chaste kiss on the corner of Arthur's lips and went to the chair that was overloaded with clothes. Merlin peered over his shoulder. "Come on Arthur, tick tock."

"Shit. Right, well see you in a bit." With one last pearly white smile Arthur dashed out the room.

Merlin waited until he heard the front door click close before he went into the bathroom and checked himself in the mirror. The bruise had come through completely and it looked like he'd been playing with Morgana's eye shadows and decided to chuck them all onto his face. Well, there's hope that no one would say anything about it. But still, it didn't look really professional to his patients.

He could, of course, call his sister and let her apply some of that mak- nope he's going to stop right there. Better to sport a bruise for about a week than being teased by his sister for probably the rest of his life.

~oOoOo~

By the time Arthur came home, his phone had rang three times already. He didn't need to check the caller-id to know who it was. Feeling annoyed, he shut the front door and walked into the living room; only to see the grey haired man sitting there on the couch with the most unpleasant expression ever on face.

"Took you long enough." Uther said with a stern voice, hints of annoyance could be heard throughout. Arthur just sighed.

"Ran out of pills, have we?" Arthur sneered back, until realizing the way he just spoke to Uther. One afternoon with Merlin's parents and his whole perspective on politeness to parents had changed dramatically. He hoped that his father hadn't heard his way of talking. He didn't want to have his father being mad at him above everything else.

"-rthur!"

Arthur drew his eyes up to his father, when he thought he heard his name. He must've zoned out for a moment, because his father stood a mere two feet away from him with a deep scowl on his forehead and flailing only his left arm about as his right arm was still very painful.

"Seriously Arthur, what's wrong with you all week! You've been more absent than ever and we can clearly see that at training. Arthur, you are not putting everything in and we both know that you have a lot more in you. So it's time you'll be start showing it."

Uther shook his head in agitation. "If this is about Gwaine, then remember what I've said. It's just temporarily, just until his deal with the sponsors is finished. Christ, I've already made sure that you two aren't training together, what more do you want of me, Arthur?"

Arthur didn't respond and his father didn't even seemed to notice, he was far too busy with letting out his frustrations.

"And do you know anything about that fight he's been into? Yesterday, he turned up at training with his face all busted up, but he wouldn't say who had done it to him. I hope to god you have nothing to do with it... ARTHUR!"

Uther punctuated his son's name when he saw Arthur not paying attention to him. He really did not like to shout at his son, but sometimes he just couldn't help it. That didn't mean that he didn't love his son, he loved him very much even. But right now he was mainly concerned about his only son.

He had noticed the change of his son's personality for years now, since he was about eleven years old. But in the beginning he had just passed it off as being part of puberty and all those hormones that were searing through his boy's body. But then he became eighteen, and his son seemed even more depressed and Uther thought the cause might've been the aftermath of his mother's death when he was only thirteen. But still, there was something else too, he didn't know how he knew that, he just knew. He really didn't know what was bothering his son so much, because Arthur seemed to have everything; good looks, fortune, lots of girlfriends and his motorcycling career was well on the way.

Uther still passed parts of Arthur's mood swings off as part of late puberty. And there were moments where he tried to make everything alright for his son, but they always failed. The problem of that was, that he never was the person for comfort. He actually didn't know how he could make Arthur know that he could tell him everything that was bothering him.

Uther just knew that there was something in his son's life that wasn't quite right, he just didn't know what.

Uther noticed that Arthur became a real private person and whenever he tried to ask Arthur something personal, and especially about his love life, Arthur would shut down and go to his room as quick as he could. Uther just thought it was his son not wanting his father to bother with his personal life.

But when eighteen turned twenty-seven and nothing had really changed in those years, Uther felt lost. On twenty-seven, it seemed that Arthur's whole life had plummeted to the ground and Uther really didn't know why. His son had just won the World Championship, but he didn't seemed to be celebrating or even enjoying it. Uther even asked Leon if he knew what was wrong with his son, but Leon hadn't been telling him anything.

And now, now his son was twenty-eight and things finally did change a little bit. It had been improving somewhat over the past four months, and the first thing that Uther noticed, was that Arthur seemed to be smiling a little bit more again. Still, it wasn't a full blown smile, at most it was a small twitch of his lips, but to Uther it was victory.

And then, since last week, Arthur's mood changed every other day. On Monday, right after they left the hospital, Uther could see a small change for the better in his son's mood. But Tuesday, when he saw Gwaine, his mood had dropped like a brick. Uther knew the two racers weren't friends, but he didn't knew it was that bad. That's why he made sure that his son and Gwaine wouldn't be in each other's hairs at training and made different training schedules.

Then Wednesday came, and Uther thought his son was… giddy. Uther almost thought that his son was replaced by someone else, because he really hadn't seen this side of his son in, well years, maybe even decades. Uther wondered if his son had finally found a girl who he really liked, and that she was the one that made his son's mood change for the better.

He hadn't seen his son for the rest of the week, because Arthur would stay over at Leon's house.

So now was the first time in almost five days that he saw his son again, and Arthur was… distant. Arthur didn't look happy, but he wasn't sad either. It mostly looked like he was deep in his own thoughts.

Uther breathed in deeply through his nose, and released everything through his mouth. He closed the small distant between himself and his son and put his hands on his son's shoulder. It made Arthur come out of his own thoughts and was looking dumbfound at the two hands on his shoulders.

Arthur was a bit shocked. His father wasn't a person for a hug or any other physical contact. The last time he remembered his father doing any kind of this sort of contact was more than fifteen years ago, when his mother had died.

His mother's death had changed them both. Before her death, his father was a very emotional person and Arthur would receive a hug on an almost daily base, but after her death those things just stopped over time and Arthur had grown accustomed to the less physical contact.

Still, Arthur knew that his father loved him very much. He could see it in his father's eyes.

Arthur felt the hands on his shoulders tightening, and Arthur turned his eyes back to his father.

"Arthur, I know we don't talk much, but I want you to know that if there's anything, anything at all, that is bothering you. Then you can tell me."

Arthur swallowed a few times. Was he brave enough to tell his father about his sexuality, about Gwaine, about Merlin? Could he really say; father I'm gay.

He had always pretended to be straight for his father, especially in his teens and early twenties. His father was always talking about him starting a family with a great woman and he couldn't wait for grandchildren. Arthur just couldn't disappoint his father and brought home a girl every once in a while, even though he knew nothing would ever come from it. But it seemed to make his father happy, so he continued doing that for some time.

And then three years ago he decided to accept the fact that he was gay. He was just very much in the closet gay, because he was still mostly afraid of his father's reaction. Back then, he had only told Leon and a few other of his closest and most trusted friends.

But it was time that his father would get to know it too!

"Father," Arthur started. "I…"

Uther leaned forward, waiting in anticipation to see if his son would be opening up to him.

"I…" Arthur's heart started to beat hard. He sighed. "I think we should go now if we don't want to be late for the appointment."

Today was not the day to tell his father.

Uther's shoulders slumped and he let his hands slide off Arthur's shoulders. He gave Arthur a genuine smile which Arthur seemed to returns to him.

~oOoOo~

"Uther Pendragon for the 11:15 appointment with doctor Merlin Emrys." Uther's voice sounded full of authority, but the bubbly girl behind the desk didn't even seemed to catch that. She turned her chair towards the computer and glanced up at her screen to confirm the time.

Arthur was just casually standing behind his father with his hands in his pockets, rocking from the heel to the ball of his foot when Elyan approached him.

"Arthur was it. right?"

Arthur turned and recognized the man who helped Merlin. He nodded.

"I just saw Merlin." Elyan said, smiling. "At least that eye looks better than Saturday. I heard that other bloke got in the A&E that night, he needed some stitches. You rather punched him good there!"

Arthur's head switched between his father and Elyan to see if his father has heard the conversation, but it seems he was far too busy talking with the girl behind the desk about whatever subject.

"Um… yeah." Came Arthur's lame response.

"Well, I need to get going." Elyan clapped Arthur's upper arm. "I'll see you around Pendragon."

~oOoOo~

Arthur had found himself inside a waiting room again and his face just showed the clear annoyance he felt at being there. There were children screaming, a guy saying 'ow, ow, ow' with every breath he took and the guy sitting next to him smelled so bad he almost needed to gag.

His father tried to strike up a conversation with him about the upcoming race but Arthur wasn't feeling talking about it. Thankfully he didn't had to listen long to his father's prattling about the race because moments later the door opened and Merlin filled the doorframe. In Arthur's opinion, he looked quite dashing in that long white doctor's coat.

Merlin looked down onto his clipboard and had to hide a smile when he read off the name.

"Mr. Pendragon." Merlin almost immediately spot the stern looking man and the beautiful blonde sitting next to him. Uther stood up from his place and Arthur followed.

"Arthur what do you think you're doing?" Uther asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Going with you." Arthur stated matter-of-factly. "You won't expect me to sit here again right?"

Uther looked towards Merlin. "Is he allowed to go in?"

Merlin glanced around Uther and was in time to catch Arthur's sensual eyebrow motion and pursing lips. "I have nothing against it." He replied, still trying to keep his smile at bay, he was at work now and he needed to be professional.

~oOoOo~

"You'll have to lay completely still when the procedure is in process, mister Pendragon. I keep contact with you via the microphone. You can talk back to me through the intercom, as long as you keep still."

Uther nodded in understanding and lied back.

Merlin walked to a small glass room within the MRI room. Arthur was already sitting there, waiting for Merlin to return. He spent a few minutes looking at the technology, but had no idea what all those buttons were used for.

"Don't you dare touch anything Arthur. You have no idea how expensive this all is!" Arthur's head snapped up and saw Merlin standing by the door, a smirk on his lips. Arthur threw his hand up in defence.

"I'm not touching any I swear." A smirk of his own started to appear on his face. "But I might touch you."

Merlin shook his head. "Arthur, you're just lucky that the microphone is off. If it would be on than you father would've heard you.

Arthur's eyes turn wide. "Well thanks for the heads up!" He said sarcastically.

"Well, now you know." Merlin pressed a button and a green light lit up. "I'll start the procedure now mister Pendragon, the table will automatically move forward in a few seconds."

Merlin pressed some keys of the computer and Arthur saw the flat surface where his dad was lying on starting to move. He turned his head to the computer where images are starting to appear, he found it all amazing, even though he had no clue what to to look for.

Arthur saw Merlin looking at the pictures as well. Merlin was scrolling the wheel of the mouse to let the image appear one by one and then wrote words on his notepad. Again, Arthur had no idea what the words actually meant.

Merlin then pressed some numbers onto his telephone and put his notepad down. He started to say some reassuring words into the microphone; he knew that people tend to be a bit anxious when they were getting an MRI.

Moments later, Balinor walked into the room after a short knock. He was a bit surprised seeing Arthur sitting there, but didn't had anything against it.

"Ah if there isn't my favourite son-" Balinor was interrupted when both Arthur and Merlin made coughing sounds as they both knew that the microphone was still on. Merlin managed to press the button of the microphone and both he and Arthur saw the green light turn to red. Arthur heaved a sigh.

Meanwhile, Balinor softly finished his sentence. "in law." He frowned when the two boys were acting strange. "Merlin, you okay?"

Merlin chuckled nervously. "Yes, fine, never better. You know me, I'm just being my clumsy self again."

Balinor didn't even respond to that, he knew his son all too well. But he had a purpose here, so he better get right onto it. "So you paged me, what did you want to ask?"

"Ah yeah of course." Merlin turned round in his swivel seat and picked up his notepad and scrolled through the images on the screen. "I was wondering if you could look at this MRI. I want to see if my suspicion is right."

Arthur's eyes went wide, suspicions were usually a bad thing.

~oOoOo~

Back in Merlin's office, Uther had taken a seat and waited patiently for the return of both doctor Emrys junior and senior, who he had met shortly after the MRI was done. They told Uther that they needed a bit more time to discuss and that's when Uther realised that his painful shoulder wasn't just a sprained muscle. He tried not to let it show on his face, but he had a worrisome feeling in his stomach.

Arthur stood nervously at the corner of the desk, he still hoped that everything was alright with his father, but chances of that were looking slim. He needed to distract himself and started to look at the plastic human torso on the desk. His hands were itch to touch it, but he was an adult for crying out loud!

"I wouldn't touch it if I were you."

Arthur turned around when he heard his father speak up. He saw his father tapping his fingers on his knee but Uther wasn't looking up at Arthur. He just stared in front of him.

Arthur looked back and forth between the doll and his father. Why would his father even care whether he would touch it or not, it wasn't like he was going to break it.

Not soon after, Merlin and his father entered the office. "Mister Pendragon." Balinor addressed and sat down in the chair. Merlin kept standing behind his father.

Uther remained calm, waiting for what either person would tell him. He nodded and Balinor continued.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news."