You guys! You guys? YOU GUYS. You guuuuuys. Over ninety reviews – I don't know what to do. I'm on shut down. I had no idea that anyone would like this weird story so much, and to see it in numbers is crazy amazing. Thanks so much every single one of you! Especially the latest entries: MikariStar, Cheetos, Guest, imagine believe, teamBLAZE, XxBlue and CrimsonxX, and ScipioPB for pushing the bar and getting it over ninety. Wow. Just wow. Bouncing off the walls right now.
Duck, Duck, Office Bonding
"Mr. Gill, my login's not working!" Rod waved his arm in the air over his head like a student signaling his teacher.
Gill hung up his coat, carefully exchanging his hot coffee cup between hands as he did so. He glared over the cubicles at the man who was still wearing goggles on his head to identify himself. "What?"
Rod shrugged, getting out of the way as Gill pushed back the chair and leaned over the keyboard. He entered in his own numbers, speaking briskly. "You'll use my account today. As an administrator, you'll have access to all of the digital office files and contacts, so just find your things and continue your work. If you go where you're not supposed to or download anything illegal, I'll have you strung up by your ginger roots – do I make myself clear?"
"Uh, yes, sir," Rod gulped, watching the loading ring spin around and around.
"Hey, Gill! Me, too," Alice waved her fingers for his attention.
"Why isn't my login working?" Dan asked, hitting enter rapidly to remedy the problem.
Louis poked his head out of his office door. "Anyone else having trouble logging in…?"
"What…?" Gill looked back to Rod's computer and found his own login had been rejected. He re-typed it carefully and waited, only to be kicked out again by an error message. "What is the meaning of this?! Vaughn!"
"Hey, I don't know computer tricks," Vaughn held up his hands in surrender, spinning around in his swivel chair to face him. Besides, if Vaughn did know how to hack into Gill's computer, there would be a lot more interesting hell to raise.
"So what do we do now?" Molly stood over her computer, looking around the room at all of the hopeful faces. They all turned to Gill.
"Um… I'll just have a word with Mr. Hamilton. I'm sure the servers are down for maintenance or something. Just a temporary issue," Gill straightened his tie.
Allen hung up his coat again with a huff. "Guess we're stuck here until that happens…"
"And I was hoping for the day off," Molly agreed and blew the bangs from her eyes with her hands on her hips.
The elevator rang, and Terry and his mop appeared. The old man lazily moved across the floor, dragging his wet mop across the carpet and receiving horrified looks as he made the ground soggy. He stopped before Gill, holding out a stack of paper. "Forgot your mail, kid."
"Oh. Thank you, Terry – I knew I was forgetting something…" Gill accepted the mail from him, skimming through the names with precision.
"Yeah, yeah…" Terry grumbled, heading back for the elevator. He paused when he caught sight of Basil in his box. With a swift movement, he flung his mop upon the cardboard house, swirled it around, nodded, and left. Basil sat with soaking wet hair and a traumatized expression, hugging his knees.
"Dammit…" Gill muttered, reading the last envelope.
"Looking for something?" Rod asked, standing on his tip toes to see.
"No!" He snapped, pulling the mail close to his chest to avoid the wandering eyes. Vaughn raised his eyebrow at him suspiciously.
Tina and Luke's door blew open with a bang, heavy bass from Hamilton's stolen stereo trailing behind the crazy pair. They threw their arms in the air and hollered for joy.
"Guys, the network's down!" Tina announced the old news, jumping up and down.
"PARTY TIME!" Luke cranked up the radio resting on his shoulder and danced. Right beside him, Tina attempted some beat boxing to go along with the sick beat.
"No! NO PARTYING!" Gill demanded in a roar. He shoved past Rod and tossed the mail pile onto his own desk, scattering the usual bills and letters all over. Chugging his coffee like it was a shot of whiskey, Gill marched to Hamilton's office without knocking – something that was universally known to be quite dangerous. Energized by the caffeine, he kicked the door in and disappeared.
"So, what are we going to do?" Alice had her feet propped up on her desk and her nail file out. She glowered at her partner who already had his pillow out of his briefcase. Dan, in turn, glared at the loud music and dancers next to him and pulled the fluffy pillow tight over his head.
"I'm sure we'll think of something," Allen, still by Molly's desk at the coat rack, twirled the secretary's hair around his finger. More violent than usual, Molly batted him off with a follow-up threatening glare to stay the hell away. She pointed her finger at him in warning, not having to say a word. He paled and quickly surrendered.
"We wait?" Louis suggested with a shrug, ready to retreat back into his safe, little office.
"With dance!" Luke yelled, tossing the boom box to Tina who struggled to catch it with a laugh. She held it over her head as Luke fell to the floor and attempted the worm, only managing to writhe around like he was having a seizure.
Vaughn was looking over at the mail Gill had thrown in his rage. He was definitely waiting for something. It had been obvious since he started retrieving the mail himself rather than have the intern do it. But what could it be…?
He wanted to bounce ideas off of Molly since she had a good intuition, but she seemed particularly crabby today. She was at her desk, giving a sinister glare to her screen, and hitting the spacebar whenever the screensaver appeared. Vaughn thought better of it and decided to leave everything alone for now.
Hamilton emerged from his office with Gill close behind him, holding a hand to his forehead in embarrassed shame. Their boss was in a gold track suit of all things, and an exercise video was still cheering him on from a television in his office. Hamilton clapped his hands for silence.
"Everyone needs to remain calm! It has come to my attention that your logins have failed, so I've called in the building's tech to fix the problem. It's going to be a few hours, so… is that my boom box?!"
The workers turned to Tina and Luke who had not stopped dancing. And instead of being scolded, Hamilton found he liked their song and sprang into action to join them.
Tina's attempt at dubstep looked like a sad robot, Luke was still helplessly flopping like a beached whale, and Hamilton was now on the floor with them, scooting on his backside as he attempted a spin with his legs.
"This is the whitest thing I've ever seen…" Allen observed, his arms crossed and a disturbed look on his face.
"I didn't know Hamilton exercised," Vaughn commented with his hands in his pockets.
Gill was still twitchy, his empty coffee cup crushed in his fist. "He… he doesn't."
Vaughn was taken aback. He turned to the blond. "What? Then what'd you walk in on?"
"Pilates."
They shuddered in unison. Vaughn remembered their suspicions about the mysterious company they overheard Hamilton talking about, and he elbowed Gill for his attention. "Hey. Find anything about Harvest Hobbies?"
Glad to be back in the real world, Gill shook his head. "They're a growing company, seemingly doing very well in the stock market. They specialize in resorts, vacation spots, and tourist attractions, though, so we have nothing to do with them whatsoever. You must've misheard."
"Hm," Vaughn said, not willing to let it go so easily. He'd keep it in mind, and if Harvest Hobbies came up again, he could use it against Gill in a massive 'I told you so.' He nudged Gill again, getting a nasty glare from him. "Hey, you look shaken up. You know, more so than Pilates. Everything okay?"
"Like you care!" Gill snapped, stomping off to throw his cup away.
Though it was a genuine question, Vaughn couldn't blame him. He was always tormenting Gill, so it wouldn't be so surprising if he thought he was trying to use his weaknesses against him. He shrugged. Fair enough.
Hamilton, Luke, and Tina were soon growing tired. Wheezing, Hamilton laid flat on the floor like a starfish. "Why… is the floor… wet…?"
No one bothered to give him the easy answer and just let him imagine the possibilities.
Springing up and straightening his groovy outfit, Hamilton clapped his hands again and took a deep breath. "Well! This is going nowhere fast. How about we all file into the conference room?"
Everyone booed, hissed, and groaned in resentment.
"Oh, come on! This is just what we needed!" Hamilton tried to encourage them. He went to Vaughn and pushed up his cheeks, forcing a terrifying grin. "See? Turn those frowns upside down!"
Vaughn would have bit him if he didn't know where those hands had been. When his boss let him go, he furiously rubbed his face to regain its normal, downcast scowl.
"Everyone into the conference room, now! And remember the hotness line – Alice in the front, Louis in the rear!" Hamilton chuckled at the sick innuendo hidden in his orders.
The line formed haphazardly, and they found seats one by one in the expansive, closed office. It wasn't ready for visitors, so the chairs were piled against the wall in stacks, and the tables were against the wall and folded up.
"Now what do we do?" Alice asked, motioning to the space. "This is just a big, empty floor!"
"Sit down, sit down! Form a circle, everybody!" Hamilton motioned for everyone to sit right there on the staple ridden carpeting.
Some were fortunate enough to sit cross legged, namely those wearing loose pants. Allen stretched his legs forward, grimacing at the dust getting on his Armani suit. Alice folded her legs underneath her, struggling to sit on her side and not flash everyone with her short dress. Molly rued the day she bought the pencil skirt she wore, practically falling to her butt as she held her knees and kept her skirt close to her and away from the center of the group.
By habit, Molly had taken a spot next to Vaughn, but she instantly regretted it. Vaughn was unnerved by her attitude, but he helped prop her up and keep her balance despite her hands slapping his support away. Alice sat as far as she could away from Vaughn, pretending not to watch him and instead consumed her time leaning against Gill who kept scooting to give her room. She kept closing the gap, making the circle lop-sided.
"Very good!" Hamilton congratulated, squeezing down between Allen and Molly. He liked to surround himself with a variety of hotness. Besides, it looked like Molly's skirt would pop before Alice's, and he wanted to be there front row seat for that. He sat on the backs of his heels, looking much too excited. "This has given us a wonderful opportunity to grow as an office community – and as corporate is always saying – I need to get to know you guys better!"
They blinked at him.
"Well," he cleared his throat. "What do you say to some good 'ol office bonding? Basil!"
"Huh?" He asked, looking up in fear. Rod snidely smirked at him from across Tina who was the barrier between them. She took a picture.
Hamilton pointed. "Why don't you start us off?"
"With… my story… or…?" He ventured.
"No!" Hamilton reprimanded, pressing a button in his pocket.
Basil twitched and pulled at his collar that buzzed him. "This is electrified?!"
"Start us off," Hamilton repeated, motioning for him to get up. "Stand and play duck, duck, goose."
"What?" Basil asked.
"Duck. Duck. Goose."
This was followed by another shock when Basil hadn't complied. He quickly jumped up and brushed off his pants. "Alright, alright!"
Basil slowly went around the circle, tapping Dan's snoring head, Alice's straightened hair, Gill's antenna, and Louis' messy mop. His hand stopped on Allen. "Duck… duck… duck… duck… goose?"
"Don't touch him!" Rod screamed possessively. Everyone went quiet.
Basil avoided Hamilton and quickly tapped Molly. "Goose."
"Of frickin' course…" she grumbled, unable to get up as Basil just watched her.
"Run! Run, you fool!" Hamilton pushed them, shaking his fists.
Vaughn felt bad watching her struggle pathetically as she also had stilettos on. When Molly had both feet on the floor and she was tipping backwards, he pushed her from the back.
"I'm fine! I'm fine!" She said, waving him off as she was finally standing. The chase was even sadder. Basil walked around the circle and sat down in his original spot, leaving Molly to awkwardly walk around the rest of the way and stand where she had been sitting.
"Hm," Hamilton hummed. "This is not going as well as I'd hoped."
"Can we go home?" Louis raised his hand, getting nods of approval from the majority.
Hamilton ignored him. "Molly! Have a seat – we're starting Truth or Dare!"
"Ugh!" She sighed, bending back into her seat. She fell on her knees this time, and when she tried to sit back on her heels, her skirt prevented her from bending back any further. So she just stood on her knees. Molly pushed the bangs from her face and held her hands to her hips. "Okay, so how are we doing this? Just ask anybody?"
"Hardcore," Hamilton agreed with a nod. "Anyone, anywhere, anything."
"Well, okay," she sighed, looking out over her colleagues. She pointed her finger at Alice, thought again, and swung her arm around to point at Tina. "Tina! Truth or Dare?"
"Dare, dare, dare!" Hamilton chanted, getting nervous looks from both Allen and Molly on either side of him.
Tina held a finger to her chin, staring at the ceiling as she pondered. "Hm… dare!"
"Yes!" Hamilton fist pumped. "Kiss her!"
"Okay, um… switch seats with me," Molly said.
"Aw!" Tina grumbled, crawling across the floor as Molly did the same.
Though it seemed obvious she'd want to get away from Hamilton, Vaughn had the inclination Molly was avoiding him instead. He glared at her unexplained childishness, which she pointedly ignored.
"Luke! Truth or Dare!" Tina cheered.
"Dare!" Luke fist pumped.
"Eat something! Eat something gross – lick a shoe!" Hamilton hollered his suggestions.
"Um…" Tina swayed side to side until an evil glint came into her eye. "I dare you… to do all of my work for a week!"
"A week? Aw, man!" Luke snapped his fingers.
"This is getting interesting…" Allen sat up straighter, leaning into the group to get involved.
"Okay, Molly – Truth or Dare?" Luke pointed at her.
"I just went – do I have to?" Molly whined.
"Hardcore mode!" Hamilton pointed at her.
She sighed. "Truth?"
"Do you like that cactus I got you?" Luke asked, attempting to look suave by slicking back his hair.
"Uh, yeah, sure," she smiled.
Luke elbowed Vaughn, making him grumpier. "Ha. Chicks dig me."
"Let's move along, people!" Hamilton waved. "Good golly, Miss Molly – make your move."
Molly eyed her boss and tried to shake off his eerily enthusiastic aura. "Um… Allen. Truth or Dare?"
"Hm," Allen looked her over. "I don't trust you, minx. Truth."
"Darn you!" Hamilton slapped his knee.
"Who was the last person in here that you kissed?" Molly asked, watching both Alice and Vaughn for a reaction. True to her suspicions, Alice kept a poker face, but Vaughn stared straight at her. Molly expertly ignored him again, pretending not to notice.
"That's against c-company policy!" Gill piped up, red in the face. They took it as anger, but he was embarrassed as he hadn't forgotten Alice's sneak attack on Christmas. He twirled his tie and shut his mouth.
"Tina at Sully's," Allen shrugged nonchalantly.
"Wow, Allen, I thought you were too drunk to remember that!" Tina giggled girlishly.
"Really?! I must've missed it," Molly chuckled.
"Missed a lot of things…" Alice muttered under her breath, but it was the kind of comment that everyone in the room heard perfectly clear. Molly glared at her.
"Well, well, well, looks like it's little old my turn," Allen smirked, looking around the group. Vaughn wasn't surprised when his shrewd blue eyes landed on him. "Ah. Vaughn~ Truth or Dare?"
"I'm not that stupid – Truth," Vaughn rolled his eyes.
When Allen's smirk grew, Vaughn feared he made the wrong choice. He did. "Have you ever flagged down a prostitute?"
Hamilton and Gill both gaped, one in envy and one in disgust. Vaughn's eyes grew to the size of saucers before he scowled. "No, and I hate you!"
Those who were around the video chat to hear the story laughed at his expense as poor Vaughn turned a dark red in his mixture of anger and embarrassment. Molly looked between the laughing faces, a knit forming between her eye brows. "How did you guys know about that?"
Suddenly, the laughter stopped and things grew very quiet and very awkward. Molly went on the defensive, looking between Vaughn and the others for answers but receiving none. "Vaughn?"
Alice waved off her worry first. "I wouldn't worry about it, Molly. He obviously would rather let the subject drop."
"I didn't ask you!" Molly snapped, clenching her fists.
"Ooo, cat fight," Allen mumbled. Dan provided the signature meow and claw scratch at the end.
Hamilton cleared his throat. "How about we start again, shall we? Ha… ha… Who was last? Vaughn? Go ahead! Get the ball rolling again?"
"Fine," he grunted, nodding to the manager. "Truth or Dare?"
Hamilton pointed at his chest sheepishly. No one was believing his bashful show for a hot minute. "Oh, me? Um… very well, I suppose - Dare!"
Vaughn immediately had a challenge. "Be Basil's bitch."
Massive applause erupted along with 'ooo's and maniacal laughter. The latter was namely Allen, who was rolling on the floor and crying. Basil slowly stood, pulling off his dog collar and raising it to the heavens. "YES."
Hamilton paled. "Um… excuse me?"
"He gets to treat you like a dog for the rest of the day," Vaughn elaborated. "Unless you can't handle it?"
"Vaughn. VAUGHN," Basil was pointing at Vaughn again and again. He mouthed 'my hero' and made a hand heart for him.
"Hold on! Hold on!" Hamilton quieted everyone. He used his voice of authority. "Now… that doesn't seem like a fair dare…"
"But you said it's hardcore mode," Dan spoke up. "Anyone, anywhere, anything, yeah?"
"Yeah, you've gotta do it, Mr. Hamilton!" Alice giggled. "Your rules!"
Hamilton puffed out his cheeks, standing up. "Well, I'm the rule maker, and I say it's not fair! Dare me something else! Don't you want me to sexually harass anybody?"
"Nope," Vaughn shook his head stubbornly.
Hamilton stomped his foot and quickly left the room pouting. They could hear him shouting all the way to his office: "Cheaters! All of them! Cheating, no good, dirty, rotten, cheat, cheaters!"
The laughter soon subsided and people got to their feet. Allen made promises of doing this again sometime, giving Rod a nuggie. Alice followed Gill out, asking about his day and getting strange looks in response.
Vaughn went to Molly still on the floor, offering his hand out to her. She looked up at him and smiled ruefully. She took his hand, and he stood her up with a firm yank.
"Thanks…" she said, smoothing out her white blouse and tucking it properly back into her skirt.
"Are you…?" Vaughn rubbed the back of his head. He couldn't jump ahead of himself and assume she knew about what happened with Alice, but he was fairly sure she saw something. If she was assuming too much of last night, he didn't want that floating about the office or in his friend's head.
"I'm fine," she answered before he could finish. Molly patted the bun in her hair and sighed. "You ever have one of those days where nothing can cheer you up? I… It's just… I'm having a bad day."
"Sorry to hear that," he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and following the group out. "Hope you bounce back soon."
"Yeah… me, too," Molly agreed.
"Wait! Wait, everybody! We can still play!" Basil was the last one in the room, begging for everyone to come back. He followed them out into the main room. Since Hamilton had locked himself in his office, everyone was packing their things for the half-day they had hoped for, not bothering to check if their logins worked yet. "Rules are still in effect, right? Like, that last dare hasn't been carried out yet! Can't just leave me hanging! Guys? Vaughn? Mr. Gill? Anybody?! Come baaaack…!"
Basil fell to his knees and hung his head as the chatter left both down the crowded elevator and echoing stairwell. A tumbleweed made of shredded paper scraps passed him by. They were gone.