John could only manage to be shocked for a second or two, because Lou once again spoke. "Do you remember when you saw her next?"

"At Bart's again. A few days later."

"With your mother? Another medical visit?"

"No."

"Why did you go there, then?" Lou inquired.

"I wanted to see Her again and I knew She worked there. Mum was at work and the sitter I had was an old lady who fell asleep a lot. Our flat's pretty close by, so I just walked there." At this point Phillip's hair curtained his face.

"Tell me what happened after that."

"I just walked in there and when I heard Her voice I headed towards that exam room. She had just seen a patient out and when She saw me She smiled. She said it was a pleasant surprise to see me and She gave me a hug. I liked that. Then She said she had a little free time and would I want to come with Her, and I did. I think we went to one of the empty rooms. Once we were in there She sat down in a chair and told me I could sit in Her lap. My mum never let me do that, so I did." He paused and took a few deep breaths. "At first She just was rubbing my back and I liked that. After a minute or two She put Her hand down my trousers and inside my pants. I didn't like that much. It felt...strange."

Phillip had to stop to compose himself again, and in that time someone let out a guffaw. John looked around trying to find the idiot who'd dare laugh at something like that, but whoever it was hadn't moved. Judge Foster scanned the crowd with narrowed eyes. "Who was that? Who's daring to disrupt this courtroom?" Not surprisingly, no one responded. "Let it be known right now that if anyone disrupts this trial like that again I won't hesitate to hold them in contempt." After one more intimidating stare, he said: "The witness may continue."

Phillip spoke again, hesitantly. "She did that the whole time I was in Her lap and I didn't say anything about it because I didn't want to get up. Finally She said She had to go back to work, and I got up and went back home."

"Did you go back there on your own again?"

Phillip nodded. "Yeah. A few times. The last time I did She said She was just about to go back home and I could come with Her if I kept my eyes shut. I went out with Her to Her car and shut my eyes until we were in Her flat. She got me some biscuits and a glass of orange squash. I ate that and She said we should probably ring my mum, since she'd want to know where I was. I knew she wouldn't care, but I let Her anyway. She rang Mum and told her that She'd found me outside and took me back to Her flat and I was behaving myself. I don't know what Mum said to Her, but when She hung up She said She just had to bring me back for dinner."

"Do you remember what happened after she rang your mother?"

"She asked if I wanted to sit in Her lap and I did, so I got up and sat down with Her. She asked me what I liked to do best and I said coloring. She said that the next time I came over She'd get me some nice crayons, the ones with almost a hundred colors. I'd never had those before and I told Her thank you."

"When you were sitting in her lap, is that the only way you were touching?"

"No," Phillip whispered. "It was just like the other times and She had Her hand down my pants. She had the same blouse on, the flowered one, and it was unbuttoned, mostly. My head was against Her breasts and this time She said something about it."

"What did she say?"

"She asked me if I knew how mums fed babies."

"Did you know?"

"Not then. I told Her that I didn't know."

Phillip was silent for so long after that Lou had to prod him with, "What happened then?"

"She told me how they did. She said then that if I did that we could both pretend She was my mummy." Phillip currently looked like he wanted to evaporate on the spot. "I did, a little." A very long pause. "Then She told me to shut my eyes again and She took me out of the flat and when I opened my eyes again I was back home."

"Did you go to that flat again?"

"Yeah."

"Did you go to her work again to see her?"

"No. What She did was I'd go to the park and sit in the thing I used to hide under. She'd tell me to close my eyes and we'd go for a ride in Her car for a while. When I was allowed to open them again we'd be in Her flat."

"What happened when you were there?"

"At first it seemed really nice. She'd always have stuff for me to color and draw with and She'd give me biscuits and lemonade. I got to sit in Her lap and She'd touch me like She did before. For the first few times that was all She did. After that She asked me if I knew how to kiss someone, and I said I didn't. I hadn't known how to hug someone before, either, and She'd taught me that. Where the arms go and everything, since I couldn't figure it out." It was hardly the worst thing Phillip had mentioned so far, but apparently it affected the audience; John heard a few gasps of horror. "So She said She'd teach me that too."

"What happened after that?" Lou asked.

"At first She just kissed me on the lips, and She would tell me how to kiss Her back. Then..." He paused for so long that John thought Lou would prompt him, but eventually he began speaking again on his own. "Once She said I'd gotten good at that She started to teach me how to kiss with Her tongue in my mouth. She said She could tell how much I liked it."

"Did you think you liked it?"

"I don't know," Phillip said slowly.

"Did she teach you anything else after that?"

"Yeah." Phillip had now turned a deep crimson. "After a bunch of lessons like that She said something about how adults kiss. She said they didn't just kiss on the mouth, but on the whole body. For a while She'd take off most of Her clothes and tell me where to kiss Her. Once I'd done that a few times She'd do the same to me. Then one time when She was doing that to me She took my pants off and kissed my penis. She asked me if I liked that and I said I did. It felt weird but I thought if I said I didn't like it She wouldn't be my friend anymore. She said since I liked it so much I could do the same for Her, and I did." He buried his head in his hands for a minute before speaking again. "So I did that. She really liked it and told me that She loved me for making Her feel so good. I said I loved Her too and She said then when I was at Her flat we could pretend that She was my mummy."

On that disturbing note, Judge Foster broke in with, "The court will adjourn for one hour." Phillip was led away by an usher and the rest of the courtroom filed out the door.

John went out in the crush of people but stopped when he saw the same man from before sitting on a bench. He waited until the crowd had filed off to the cafeteria or outside before taking a gamble and saying, "Mr. Rodgers?"

The man turned to look at him. "Who are you?"

"My name's John Watson. I know you've been speaking to Sherlock Holmes. Perhaps he mentioned me?"

A look of recognition passed over the man's face. "Yes, he did say something about you."

"Would you like to get something to eat? Not in this courtroom, I mean," John added. "We can talk if you'd like."

Mr. Rodgers nodded, and the two of them went to a small burger place nearby. "I don't know Phillip as well as Sherlock does, you know," John warned after they got their food and sat down.

"This is the last picture I have of Phillip," Mr. Rodgers said as he put a photograph on the table. It showed a black-haired boy barely out of toddlerhood examining a music stand. He smiled in the photo, something John hadn't seen Phillip do in real life. "I play for an orchestra and he always loved to come to work with me."

"He plays the flute, you know," John told him.

"So I was told." Mr. Rodgers looked down at the photograph. "In all these years, I've kept telling myself, 'At least he's happy.' Not seeing him was hard enough. I refused to think he was anything else but happy."

"Do you have any idea why his mother's so dead against you seeing him, especially because she let you see him at first?"

Mr. Rodgers sighed. "We weren't together long. Once she got pregnant with Phillip she wanted us to get married. I refused; I knew a relationship between the two of us wouldn't work out. Then the ultrasounds showed a girl, and she got excited. When Phillip was born she was very disappointed."

"She wanted a girl just like her," John guessed.

"And she got a boy that looked just like me."

"But you still saw him for three years."

"She thought if she just kept asking I'd marry her. I think she just wanted the security of two incomes and not because she was in love. Around Phillip's third birthday she figured out I was never going to accept. I usually saw him twice a week and when I went to her flat at the usual time there was no one there." His face was full of anguish. "I got a court date and she showed up. Said she wasn't interested in me seeing Phillip anymore. That was the beginning of ten years of fighting."

"I would think that you'd have a pretty good chance of getting custody of him now," John said.

"I'd give up any rights I could have if I could have spared him all this."

"Sherlock's going to help you with that, right?"

"Yes. I knew that it was a bad idea to come to court today but I just wanted to see my boy again."

"He's really a sweet kid," John said, and meant it. "Even with all that's going on."

Mr. Rodgers just nodded sadly. They ate in silence. After finishing they both left, and John felt glad that Mr. Rodgers walked off in the opposite direction of the courthouse. He could only imagine the testimony getting worse.

John managed to find his previous seat and settle himself before the prosecution entered the room. Lou came up to the front as the usher led Phillip back up to the stand. Even from this far back John could see he had a ghostly pallor. Lou remained his usual relaxed self. "You mentioned being taught how to kiss before. Did she teach you anything else?"

In a very small voice Phillip said, "Yeah. It had been a while since I had met Her because I told her my fifth birthday was coming up. She got all excited and said She'd have a cake and presents for me. And She did. She got me some paints and a big layer cake. There were party hats and streamers and everything. Then She said that I'd get another present if we went to Her room. I did. I thought that was special because I'd only been in there a few times before. We always cuddled and stuff on the sofa. When I got in there She told me to take off all my clothes and lie down on the bed. I did and She took off Her clothes and lay down next to me. She said She was going to teach me to hug like grownups did." He shrank down in his chair.

"What happened after that?" Lou asked. The courtroom was deadly silent.

Even before Phillip started to respond, John knew what he would say. He'd heard all sorts of terrible things at this point, but that still made him feel ill. Presenting violation as some sort of gift topped every twisted thing K had done at this point. How did you even plan something like that? John wondered silently. What would you say? "Happy birthday, my gift is raping you?" It was even more twisted when you remembered it was his fifth birthday, when Phillip probably still believed in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

"She started touching my penis. She'd done that before but this time it started to get bigger. It might have before but since I always had at least pants on I didn't see it. After She did that for a bit She lay down on top of me. She kissed me for a bit and then started to move around, pushing me into the mattress. The whole time She had her arms around me. She did that for a while and then made a grunting sound. She stopped pushing me down but stayed on top of me. I felt like I was being crushed. She rolled off me after a little bit and stayed next to me. We were still kissing. I had all this slimy stuff I could feel between my legs."

"Did she ever do that again?"

Phillip slumped in his chair more before responding. "A lot of times. For the next few years She'd pick me up and take me to the flat a few times a week. Sometimes we'd meet at the park and sometimes She'd get me from school. Mum never picked me up there so I had to walk home. Mum did ask Her once if I was annoying Her and She said I was behaving myself."

"You said 'the next few years.' Did you stop seeing her after that?"

"No. It just... changed."

The courtroom was so silent John could hear Phillip breathing into the microphone. "Tell me about how it changed," Lou prompted.

"At first it was just new things She wanted to do. She started saying if I wanted to keep coming over I'd have to ask for what we were doing. She really liked it when I said 'Please fuck me,' and sometimes She liked it if I added 'Mummy' to that. She had things She wanted me to put in her. Then one day after school She picked me up and said She had a surprise for me. I had to keep my eyes shut even in the flat until we got to the bedroom. When I opened my eyes I saw a little boy lying there."

"How old do you think he was?"

"Little. Three or four maybe."

"What was he doing on the bed?"

"Nothing. He was sleeping."

"What did he look like?"

"He had blond hair and wasn't wearing any clothes."

"What happened after you saw him?"

"She told me to take my clothes off and lie on the bed with him. I did, and She said that he'd really like it if I kissed him on his penis. I didn't think he would, since I didn't like it, but when I didn't do it right away She said that if I didn't She might not want to be my friend anymore. So I did it. I could hear a camera click while I did it. I'd seen her taking pictures of us before and..." He turned away from the microphone and said something to Lou. Lou motioned to the judge and he spoke.

"The court will adjourn for five minutes," he announced.

As the audience filed out once more, John noticed that most of them appeared to be in a state of shock. Whoever had laughed before certainly wasn't laughing now. In fact, no one appeared to be speaking at all. He waited in silence with the rest of them and when the time was up filed back into court with the rest of them.

Phillip looked no better than before, but when Lou nodded at him he began to speak again. "When She told me to stop She told me not to leave the room. She picked up the little boy and left. I could hear Her talking to someone and then I heard the door shut."

"Did she say anything to you after that?"

"When She came back to the room She said that She was really happy I'd been so good. I asked Her if I was going to have to do that again. You have no idea how much I didn't want to. But She asked me if I still wanted to be Her friend, and I said I did. The kids at school all make fun of me, and without Her I wouldn't have any friends. She said then that She was just trying to make sure I got it all out so I wouldn't hurt anyone." He slumped down in his chair.

"What do you mean by 'get it all out?' Is that something she said to you before?" Lou asked.

"Yeah. She told me before that when I first met Her I couldn't control myself and if I didn't get all that urge out I'd attack people."

"Attack them? Physically?"

"No, like sex attacks." Phillip looked again like he wanted to evaporate on the spot. "She said She knew that because of my touching Her when we met first even though She hadn't given me permission."

"So she said that if you had sex with her it would make you not attack anyone?"

"Yeah."

"And that boy had something to do with that?"

"She said I got to be too much for Her sometimes. I kind of did. Because after we did those things She'd let me sit in Her lap and cuddle. And I really did like that. I'd do anything so we could. I'd have gone there every day if I got that. She even let me spend the night there sometimes. My mum liked that too. I think she liked it when I was out of the house." Someone in the courtroom gave an audible sob. "But She said She couldn't do that much and I'd just have to come there sometimes. She said She'd bring other people there."

"Adults, or children?"

"All kids."

"Boys or girls?"

"Both."

"What ages?"

"Sometimes they were younger than me and sometimes they were the same age or a little older."

"What would happen when those other children came there?"

"Different things. Sometimes I'd just go there with Her and the kid would be in the bedroom and I'd do things with them. Other times they'd be sitting in the living room. I'd talk to them or play some game. She always gave us something to drink – squash or lemonade or Coke. I got a regular drink but She'd add some white powder to to the other one. The kid that would drink it would get sleepy and we'd go to the bedroom. Sometimes She just took pictures and sometimes She'd get on the bed too. The other kid sometimes just slept through it all but other times they were awake and some of them would cry."

"How often did this happen?"

"Once or twice a week."

"Did you spend time with her alone after that?"

"Yeah. She kept wanting to try new things out. Every few months
She had something new. She started tying a blindfold on me. After that She'd use these scarves to tie me to the bed. Then She tied me there with rope, and later handcuffs." As Phillip paused the courtroom filled with gasps and sobs. "She tied me there with those face down after a while, and She'd stick things up me. They always hurt a lot and She'd gag me so I couldn't scream."

John felt lost for words, and didn't know how Lou could remain so calm. He said: "And every few months there would be something new?"

Phillip nodded. "Yeah. Like those things. And She wanted me to do more and more before we got to cuddle. I'd have to lick between Her legs a bunch of times, and not just once. My jaw hurt from keeping it open so long. She used to just ask me to put a finger there, or my penis, but She'd make me do more and more. I had to use both hands, one to rub Her and the other one to stick my fingers in Her. She liked me to put them in both spots."

"The vagina and the anus?" Lou clarified.

"Yeah."

"Was there a point where it stopped escalating?"

"Sort of."

"Tell me what you mean by that."

Another long period of silence. Just when John thought Lou was going to ask for another break, Phillip responded in a very quiet voice. "When I was about eleven I started to grow a lot. I knew what that meant and I'd be shaving soon, things like that. And my voice kept breaking. She noticed that and said we'd better be careful, because I could make Her pregnant soon. And once later, when She was on top of me like usual, I, uh…"

"Ejaculated?" Lou said for him.

"Yeah. That made Her really angry. She said if I got Her pregnant She'd call the police and tell them what we'd been doing and they'd arrest me and take me to jail. She hit me and told me to lick Her between Her legs like I usually did except there was more stuff there. It tasted awful, worse than before, and as soon as I was done I threw up on the carpet." John shivered when Phillip said that, remembering the nightmare of the previous night. Had Sherlock remembered something that terrible? "She just laughed and said it served me right. I hoped it wouldn't happen again but She liked it and made me do it as much as I could. She'd get angry with me more, and said I was useless and a terrible fuck and She didn't know why She bothered with me. I'd beg Her to let me stay, tell Her I'd do better, but She kept yelling every time. She'd bring other kids there more of the time and this time She wouldn't give them a drink and they'd be awake. Sometimes they were crying." His voice was heavy with shame. John didn't need to glance around to tell most of the people in the courtroom were crying as well.

"On January third you came to the clinic at St. Bart's for treatment. Can you tell me about that?" Lou seemed to be the only one that was calm at this point.

"Yeah," Phillip replied, and he told the story of K breaking his arm and telling him he was only one of a hundred. "When I got there the doctor who saw me asked how I'd broken it. I said I'd been fighting with a friend, wrestling. She said something and I realized she didn't believe me and I wanted to run before she rang the police, but my arm needed to be fixed. The doctor took some x-rays and gave me a shot of something. After a bit she took the form I had to fill out and asked me if it was true that I was sexually active. I said it was. She asked me who it was and I said I didn't know. I thought that if she found out about Her I'd get put in jail. Once they put a cast on my arm the doctor said I could go but right after that she asked me, 'Did he hurt anyone else besides you?' I wasn't really paying attention and I said that I was just one in a hundred. I realized what I'd said but since the doctor said "he" I figured she wouldn't be able to find out anything else."

"Did you say anything to anyone else there about it?"

"No. I kept my mouth shut most of the time. The next time I saw Her She said She was sorry though. It was a little better for a while after that. I got to cuddle more and there were no kids or ropes or sticking things in me."

Lou then looked at his watch. John did the same and realized there was only an hour to go before the session ended. "On Thursday, February 17, you didn't go to school."

"Yeah," Phillip said.

"Why?"

"I was tired of getting teased there. The kids asked me all sorts of things about my broken arm and when I wouldn't say how I'd got it they'd make all sorts of nasty things up. I went to the park and sat in the shelter I used to hide under. I'd have stayed there all day but a police officer came by and asked me why I wasn't in school. When I didn't say anything he took me down to the station. As soon as I got there this other man asked who I was and when I told him my name he said that he needed to talk to me. I got really scared then because I was sure he was going to arrest me."

"What did he do?"

"He said he was DI Lestrade and that he wanted to ask me about my arm getting broken. I didn't tell him. I didn't say anything. Then a few minutes later two other men came in and he told them who I was. One of them, his name's Sherlock Holmes, mentioned which arm I'd broken, when I hadn't told him, and he said I played one of the woodwinds. Which I do, the flute. The DI left with some other men and I was alone in the room with him. He put a tape recorder out and we started talking."

"Why did you talk to Mr. Holmes and not the DI?"

"I didn't think he'd arrest me. And he didn't start asking the same things right away. We just talked for a bit. I was the one who brought up my arm."

"So you told him what had happened?"

"Some of it. Not the whole thing."

"Did you talk to Mr. Holmes again?"

"A bunch of times."

"Why?"

"He was nice. He said he'd help me if I was arrested and he knew what I was going through. He'd tell me how he felt and I'd felt the same way too."

"Early on February twenty-six, you gave Mr. Holmes a piece of paper. Can you tell me about that?"

"Yeah. It was a receipt from a supermarket, and it was one of those with those savings cards. Her name and address was on it. I knew Her name but not where She lived." He went on to tell the same story he'd told Sherlock about remembering Jennifer and wanting her to be safe. "I knew he was looking for a place to find Her and if I gave it to him he'd help."

"I'm going to show you some photographs." Lou produced a thick pile of them. "Do you recognize where this was taken?" He held one up so Phillip could see it.

"Yeah, I do."

"Where?"

"Her flat."

"Do you recognize anyone in the photograph?"

"Yeah. That's me."

Lou proceeded to show the photograph to the jury, and the process was repeated. Unlike with Mr. Aherne the day before, there were at least fifteen of them, and by the end the jury looked stunned. Once that was done, Lou smiled and went for the kill. "Is the woman who you say hurt you in this court today?"

"Yes," Phillip whispered.

"Can you point her out?"

Phillip hesitated, and pointed a shaking finger to the dock. "No further questions," Lou said triumphantly.

Just like the previous day, Judge Foster slammed down his gavel. "The time is now six in the evening and the court is dismissed for the day. We shall begin session Monday at nine AM."

It was only after he spoke that John was reminded that today was a Friday. Phillip would have to come back on Monday for the cross-examination. Unlike yesterday, he left quickly, feeling anxious. He hailed a cab and headed back home. Conversations with Sherlock from before floated into his mind, and he prayed that once he got there Sherlock would not have done anything stupid.

It turned out not to be an issue at all. "He's been gone for hours," Mrs. Hudson informed him as he was ascending the stairs. Since Sherlock had taken to vanishing for hours over the last few months, that didn't seem odd. The television was still on, now playing the news. Trial news. A reporter informed viewers that Victim One had testified that day, and before he read part of his testimony the reporter warned viewers that they might find the transcript disturbing.

"Imagine how he must have felt, then," John commented as he flopped on the sofa. A few minutes later his mobile rang.

The voice on the other end sounded familiar, but John couldn't place it. "This is John Watson, right?" It sounded like a woman.

"Yes."

"This is Gloria Yellowfox." Immediately John remembered the woman who had come in with the Spencer family. "I know this is forward, but since the trial's going on…"

"What are you calling for?" John asked, cutting her off.

"Well. This is Graham's idea, really, but I know how hard it can be living with someone who's trying to process all of this. There's a group I go to, for those close to survivors. It meets on Sunday afternoons. I don't know if it would be something you're interested in."

John never thought he'd find himself agreeing to go to a support group, but Gloria was right: this was hard. "I'd like to see what it's like," he told her.

"I'll give you the address and I'll meet you in front of the building." She gave him an address a few miles away, said, "I'll see you then," and hung up.

Without Sherlock sulking around or otherwise making himself noticed, John was able to have a fairly quiet evening. He put on one of his jumpers, as the evening was cool, ate a bowl of cereal for supper, and watched a few of those trashy programs Sherlock always made comments about (although he stayed in the room watching them anyway). Since he didn't have to go to work or the trial the next day, he lost track of the time. It was around one in the morning when he heard footsteps.

He'd assumed Sherlock would be gone all night, so he was a bit surprised to hear a key turning in the door. Sherlock stumbled in without his usual grace. "John! It's time!" he barked out, and made his way over to the sofa.

"Time for what?" he asked, not liking Sherlock's wild-eyed appearance.

"For me to do it!" Sherlock firmly replied.

Before John could even process what was going on, Sherlock had knelt down in front of him and was grabbing at his belt. He undid the buckle, opened the button on the front of his trousers, and would probably have gone for the zipper if John hadn't grabbed his hands and forced them on either side of him. "What are you doing?" he said in horror.

"I'm going to take our relationship to the next step."

"Sherlock, you had to get drunk to even try to kiss me." It occurred to him. "You're high."

"Enough to finally do something. It's the one thing I could never do with Her so I thought that would be safe."

"I don't want to do anything you don't want to do. That you want to under the influence of substances," John clarified.

"But if I can't it'll never work!" Sherlock howled in despair.

"What do you mean?"

"If you're going to be in a relationship with me you'll want sex! You enjoy it! If I don't give it to you you will leave!"

"I'm not going to leave," John said. Before he could think about it he spoke again. "I love you."

Sherlock's entire body crumbled as soon as he heard that. "She did too and I made Her leave."

"No you didn't," John said, without addressing any of the other issues in the remark.

"I can't just do it the normal way. I had to try something," he whispered.

John felt lost for words, so he acted on instinct. He wrapped his arms around Sherlock and pulled him in for a hug. At first Sherlock was as stiff as a board, but when John didn't let go, he began to relax by increment. Once he had relaxed some, John got another look at his face and realized Sherlock was silently crying. That he never had expected to see. He didn't say anything about it, but pulled him up on to the sofa so Sherlock's head rested against his shoulder.

They sat there like that, John holding Sherlock, rocking him slightly, letting his tears wet John's jumper. John murmured quiet declarations of affection until Sherlock's breathing eased out. A few minutes later, John followed him into sleep.