Chapter 8: How to walk into a bar and not become a bad punchline

They were all quiet for a moment, stunned and horrified. There was a door through the man's carcass.

The door… The path that they were following continued on through this body-island, and the door they had to pass through was through some dead man's body.

Oh, gross.

Thrilled as he was that they were going the right way, Ikkaku was still a little disturbed by this turn of events, and upon further inspection, he surmised that this was definitely a door-knob… a rusted, warped, metal doorknob, as innocuous as could be, just sitting there where the guy's liver should have been. It seemed like a wooden door was behind there, and Ikkaku almost wondered if the door was full-sized and that the man's body would swing open or something, or if the door was small… which would mean that they'd have to crawl through his guts.

Renji let out a harsh breath, sucking air through his fingers in short quick gasps. Ikkaku grabbed him and let him huddle his head under his armpit, not wanting him to have a full-blown nervous breakdown. It was bad enough that Renji was shy of people here, but to see him so distressed over this 'island' really was bugging Ikkaku.

"Just try and calm down, man," Ikkaku said soothingly, patting his head a little as he reached out with his other hand. The bodies weren't attracting insects at least; they were rotting of course, but they didn't have any maggots or bug eggs in them, which was a small blessing. Always look on the bright side. Ikkaku tried not to look as he reached his hand out through the dead man's corroded chest. Ugh, he couldn't make himself do it, which bothered him, because he wasn't scared. It was like some weird mind trick where he was trying to think of something but couldn't get the picture to work right in his mind.

Suddenly he noticed the mark on his hand… a bite-mark.

A few silent seconds passed as he stared at it, completely stunned. The dream he'd had in the apple tree... Had it been real?

He swallowed hard, trying to clear his mind, because if he didn't, he was going to do something rash. All of this was ridiculous. Just because the bite mark was there didn't mean anything, because he didn't know if this dream was real either. It didn't mean anything. It was nothing. His conscience should just shut up.

Even as those thoughts ran through his head, his gut told him that that was a load of crap. Somehow Yumichika had sent him some little message, and he'd be stupid to write it off as nothing. Ikkaku needed to get out of here. Suddenly it felt as though he were trapped in a box or watching the seconds count down on his life.

"Kira, can you do it?" he asked sickly, slightly nauseous. He could see that Izuru's eyes were watering profusely even though he wasn't crying anymore. In fact, it didn't even seem like Izuru was aware that there was a veritable river pouring down his face. Kira shook his head though, seeming sickened by the island as well, although not to the degree that Renji was. Renji was starting to spasm, lifting each foot over and over in panic, horrified that the ground was really piles upon piles of corpses.

Ikkaku clapped a hand over Renji's eyes and tried to hold him still, considering carrying him on his back so he didn't have to touch the bodies anymore. Ikkaku was trying to cope with it by not focusing directly on any one corpse or just ignoring the sensation of the uneven ground, but it was getting harder all the time. He was starting to feel really sick. Yumichika was hanging onto his shirt for dear life, in danger of being flung off him at any moment. Since they'd just been standing there wasting time being freaked out when they could've been trying to get out of there, Rangiku pushed them out of the way.

"My bloodness, move!" she said snarkily with a nasal sound to her voice. She was still plugging her nose and seemed even more unconcerned than before. "I'll do it." She stuck her hand right in there through those ribs and the shriveled skin and rotted organs. She twisted the grimy door handle without a care, wrenching it aside because it seemed to have rusted shut. She just calmly wiped her hand off on her jean-dress after shoving the little door open. It seemed that they would indeed have to crawl through, and at that realization, Renji was practically on his knees, retching, nothing coming up.

"Come on, we're going through, okay? It looks like the bodies are gone on the other side," Ikkaku said in reassurance, ushering them all through the 'door', which was really just a hole through the guy's torso. Rangiku wormed her way through, taking care to keep her long hair bundled up so it would touch as little corpse-flesh as possible. Kira followed with a grimace and with tightly-shut eyes. Renji was practically crying as Ikkaku shoved him through.

"See? Not so bad," Ikkaku said, crawling through with some help from Izuru. He immediately noticed that they were in a cave, a real cave, not just one made by dead bodies. It seemed like this island was really a huge rock that had an outer shell of corpses, or at least that was the only logical assumption Ikkaku could make. Maybe the tunnel went further underground, under the red lake and further on to wherever this crazy path was going to take them. Either way, this was a stone cave, with torches hung at intervals and with crooked little floor tiles that looked like a mosaic that had been covered and half-buried with dirt over the years. Immediately, Ikkaku began to feel trapped.

Fuck, the only time Ikkaku ever got claustrophobic was when it was stone walls like this, but he tried to work through it. It just seemed so hard to breathe right all of a sudden.

Renji was shaking all over and scratching like crazy, as if spiders were in his hair or crawling all over his body, but he seemed to be getting better now that they were away from that disgusting island.

"Ohhh, I know where we are," Rangiku said cheerily, unplugging her nose, even though the blood smell should've been really strong here still. Kira kicked the little door shut, spitting on the ground. It seemed that he'd thrown up in his mouth a little or something.

"Oh yeah?" Ikkaku queried, trying to peer down the tunnel to see if it let out anywhere in eyeshot. No such luck.

"We're at the Pull-Up Bar… I wonder how it got here, though," she mused. "It used to be out in the boonies… Maybe they relocated... but why would anyone want to relocate to here?" Ikkaku looked to Renji and pumped his arm once as if to ask whether it was a real pull-up bar. Renji shrugged, shuddering one last time before getting up. That wakizashi on his belt glinted in the fire-light, and Ikkaku was suddenly really grateful that Renji hadn't gone psychotic in his need to get away from those dead bodies.

"C'mon, you all love bars, don't you?" Rangiku asked cheerfully, making a mock-drinking motion like she was guzzling beer. Ikkaku was about to say that she was in no position to criticize his drinking habits, but then Izuru cut through it and confirmed his suspicions that this was another weirdly named building.

"Oh, a bar," Kira said with a little laugh, following Rangiku. Izuru almost seemed like himself now, actually, so Ikkaku just shrugged and followed them, Yumichika on his shoulder. He'd noticed that the little guy was quieter than usual.

As they went down the lit-tunnel, they noticed that thankfully, the ceiling and walls spread out to give them more room. Soon enough they could hear noise that could only be described as 'rowdy'.

Finally, they rounded a corner and could see a ramshackle house in the distance. Along the cave walls were different posters and signs, and one large one on the rundown porch of the pub said in large grimy letters: 'No scales, no service.'

"Oh, shoot. They reinstated that stupid rule," Rangiku said with a snap of her fingers. They all stopped dead, standing there staring at the place, listening to all the racket coming from inside. Ikkaku wondered if Rangiku was serious.

"Drat," Yumichika agreed.

"Hm… Rangiku, you're a seamstress," Kira said as if he had an idea, "You could help."

Yumichika nodded like their plan was good, and Ikkaku just looked between them cluelessly, kind of incredulous. Seriously? Why the hell would a person need scales to get into a bar? Ugh, he couldn't get away from these weirdos and the stupidness that constantly spewed from their mouths.

"Oh, I've got it! Maybe we can dress you up as a fish," Rangiku said enthusiastically, pulling something out from between her breasts, and Ikkaku had to wonder how she'd kept it in there so neatly. She spread it out in her hands and sized it on Ikkaku's body by holding it up to his chest. It was this sparkly-looking shirt that almost looked like it had been made of thousands of little sequins or pieces of broken glass. Each shone a different shade of blue, making it look startlingly similar to a fish's scales.

So he'd be walking into a bar wearing a glittery shirt. That sure wouldn't attract attention.

Yumichika mumbled that Rangiku's shirt was actually a dress made of tears that she had never cried. Ikkaku bristled when he heard that it was a dress. He had nothing against girls or 'girly' shit, but he wasn't going to wear a dress into a bar, for god's sake. That would be akin to suicide.

He didn't need their help with this. A bar? He was in his fucking element.

Ikkaku just waved them off and walked up to the building, shouldering his way inside even though they were freaking out and trying to drag him back. He figured that since they weren't here to buy beer, there wouldn't be a problem with him being inside without 'scales'.

Kira was chasing him and wringing his hands, starting to cry a little bit when a couple drunk guys jeered in their direction. That made Ikkaku stop, feeling a little guilty about Izuru crying, but apparently, Izuru's plan had been to slow him down long enough for Rangiku to nab him, and nab him she did.

"Gotcha!"

"AH!" Ikkaku yelled, half-suffocated and shoving at Rangiku's middle, trying to get her to release the death grip she had around his head. "I can't really breathe here, ow!"

"Oh my blood, Ikkaku, just put it on!" Rangiku shouted, letting him go, thrusting the tear-shirt at him. Ikkaku shook his head, waving his arms once to indicate that there was no way he was budging with this.

"I'm not gonna' wear that, I'd rather wrestle a shark!" Ikkaku shouted, not noticing that the bar had gone quiet. Izuru shook his head frantically, trying to shut him up.

"Oh yeah?" came a semi-familiar voice. Oh damnit.

Ikkaku turned around to see Muguruma standing with his arms crossed with a group of other men. They were near the door, standing around a hobo fire that was inside the house, oddly enough. They were drinking beer, rough-housing - although more quietly than before - and shoot, now they were blocking their exit. Kensei snapped his fingers and one of the guys walked over to a clear spot in the center of the room and pulled on a piece of rope, opening a trap door.

Now that everyone had quieted down, Ikkaku could hear the sound of rushing water, realizing that the house was situated over a river that ran through the cave.

"Why'd you say that out loud?" Yumichika hissed into his ear, moaning miserably. Ikkaku was baffled, looking to his friends, who didn't seem surprised by this. He still didn't see where this was going, but more than anything, Ikkaku was happy. He'd thought that he'd lost all control over the dreamscape, but it seemed that his words had just had a real effect on his real-time events.

But wait… "Seriously, shark-wrestling?"

"Yep!" Kensei shouted to him, gesturing down into the pit. Ikkaku took a step forward, leaning warily over the hole, keeping in mind that there could be some jerk lurking behind him, just waiting to kick him in the back and shove him down there.

Black waves that glinted slightly in the firelight were undisturbed for a moment. The water was opaque, revealing nothing, but after a moment of silence, the scariest fucking shark he'd ever seen blasted out of the water and snapped its jaws.

"Holy shit!" he shouted, stumbling back, holding the front of his shirt. A bunch of the drunk guys laughed, shoving him a couple of times, but Ikkaku just punched them back, saying that he'd been surprised, not scared.

"Get down there, man," Kensei urged, waving a hand towards the pit. "We have bets waiting!"

"... Okay, fine, I'll put on the shirt."

"Nope, it's too late. Now wrestle that thing!"

"Woah, woah, woah, we're not here to wrestle sharks," Rangiku said, shaking her head adamantly. "We're trying to get to Portside."

"Oh… Okay," Kensei said, sounding rather disappointed. Ikkaku kept his mouth shut, not wanting to screw things up further, knowing that this many drunk idiots could probably make him go down there and swim with that thing if they really wanted to. "It's through there," Kensei said with a nod of his head, pointing to a door that was barely on its hinges.

"Thank you," Rangiku said sweetly, walking towards the door. Kira followed.

"C'mon Renj-" Ikkaku looked behind him. "Renji?" He turned in a circle, realizing that Renji was gone. "Wait guys, where's Renji?" he called to Rangiku and Kira. They looked back in confusion, and once they realized that they'd lost him, they all became quite upset.

"Hey, did you guys see a red-head come in here?"

"Besides me, obviously," Rangiku pointed out. Some of the men shook their heads. Ikkaku groaned and went back outside onto the broken-down porch.

"Hey, Renji?! Are you still here?" Ikkaku called, narrowing his eyes against the low light. After looking around for a minute, he saw Renji peeking out from behind a boulder in the distance, hiding. Seeing Ikkaku, Renji stuck his head up, knife in his teeth.

"C'mon," Ikkaku gestured hurriedly. Renji shook his head and huddled down, but once Ikkaku went to get him, he came along, head down like a kicked dog.

They wormed through the crowded bar quickly, following Rangiku to the back room, which was filled with trash cans and had dirty brick walls. It seemed to be empty, but after looking closer behind the garbage bins, Ikkaku saw an empty fireplace without any wood or ashes. Rangiku crawled straight through and they all followed after her, yet again.

When Ikkaku stood up and brushed himself off, he saw that they were in a generic hallway. After looking around for any more hidden details, Ikkaku realized he needed to keep up, because Rangiku just kept on walking.

Ikkaku watched as they went through each door, ending up in different places, all hallways or corridors that he'd seen throughout his lifetime. They went through the back room of their house, the empty streets of Seireitei, dormitory hallways, living-world alleyways, and as they went, they noticed more and more trash cans popping up all around them, all of them filled with what looked like shredded newspaper. When he looked at one that had been knocked over, Ikkaku swore he saw a hand sticking out.

They went upstairs and down, passing by wreckage and burned towns, their old rukon district, the pillar he'd failed to protect in fake Karakura town, and endless fence posts that held signs that repeatedly stated that 'trespassers will be jealous'.

Eventually, the halls were so full of trash that it was impossible to see the walls enough to identify them, and after going through one last room - the 12th division's main lab - they landed themselves at the bottom of a stairway.

The stairs weren't normal, however. Ikkaku could only describe it as a ladder. They stood there at the bottom looking up through the huge jagged tube, trying to see how far it went up. Ikkaku shrugged and jumped, landing his feet on a few of the jutting bricks along the outside of the cylindrical rock-wall.

It was slow going, working around the inside of the wall, testing which footholds were reliable. Some were picture frames, pizza-boxes, textiles, but after a few minutes of climbing, the amalgamations of junk became so tightly compacted that it was nearly impossible to pick out individual items anymore. It started feeling like if he made a wrong move, he would really hurt himself, because the tube was getting tight, and things were jutting out all around him.

His muscles were starting to ache really badly, tensed up as he clung to every handhold he could find. As he reached for the next one, the rung of a ladder, he noticed a small sticker that looked like the one that the real Yachiru had in her hair.

After climbing another two steps, he noticed that he'd made it to a tan layer of junk. All of this stuff seemed to be color-coded. They'd passed a few shades of grey and navy so far. Hopefully they were almost there, wherever there was. Speaking of, Ikkaku wasn't sure where they were supposed to come out, or even where he was ultimately supposed to be going on this journey. Sure, to Portside, but then what after that? What was the ultimate destination?

Was he going to be stuck here forever? What if the finish line didn't exist? Ikkaku shivered.

"Everyone okay down there?" he called. It didn't sound like anyone had fallen, but he just wanted to make sure.

"Yep!"

"Yeah!"

Renji couldn't answer of course, but Ikkaku thought he heard a sneeze.

"Are we almost at the top?" someone asked.

Ikkaku looked up and saw a stupid circular door that looked almost like a manhole with a doorknob on it. "Yeah, almost." After taking two more steps up, he tried to balance on one arm so he could open up the door, but before he could reach for the knob, the door was already being opened up by someone on the other side.

A tanned hand that seemed to belong to a young man stuck down through the hole and a voice came along with it, "Here lemme' help you." Ikkaku grabbed the guy's wrist and the guy did the same, hoisting him out of the pit onto a normal street.

"Thanks, man," Ikkaku said, taking a moment to catch his breath before looking up to see-

"Hah!" Hisagi shouted, snatching Yumichika off his shoulder and running away like a crazy person. Yumichika gave Ikkaku this look that was remarkably unsurprised.

Ikkaku just sighed in exasperation, shouting after him, "Are you kidding me?" He helped pull Renji up through the hole, leaving him there to pull Kira and Rangiku out. Ikkaku was going to try to get back here quickly, because Renji looked a little panicked. They were in a nice looking town that had people all over, and even though it was peaceful, Renji was very shy of areas that were even vaguely populated. Ikkaku didn't want this to turn into a massacre.

Rushing through the crowd, Ikkaku was seriously shoving people out of the way, finally nabbing Hisagi by the back of his collar. Shuuhei choked and almost tripped, and Ikkaku tackled him down into the dirt, snatching Yumichika back out of his hand before he could be crushed under their bodies or by a passerby's foot. They started arguing and Shuuhei kept trying to grab Yumichika back. Ikkaku just dragged him by the ear back through the crowd, trying to find his friends again, griping to him the whole way back.

"-told you once, I've told you a thousand times, he's not yours, he's mine, and you can't have him, so stop it, already. You've gotta' quit fuckin' pulling this crap or I'm gonna' rip your face off and hang you from a tree by your belt loops until you-"

That was when they found Kira and Rangiku talking with Kyoraku-Taichou and…

"Oh, what a surprise. Such a pleasure to see you guys."

Ikkaku looked back at Ichimaru Gin in shock. He looked to Kira in confusion before asking, "What is he doing here?" Yumichika was dragging a finger over his throat frantically to tell him to shut up, but Ikkaku still came out with, "I thought you were dead."

Gin blinked in confusion, eyes opening, before he looked down at himself in shock. All of a sudden, he just disappeared. Ikkaku fell back in surprise.

Izuru's eyes welled up immediately, and Rangiku just stood there, seeming to be stunned. After a few quiet moments, she looked around, saying softly, "Gin?"

After a few more seconds, she gave this little smile that really creeped Ikkaku out. Her arms started turning black and she bent over with a huge crack of her spine. It looked like a physical manifestation of pain had taken her over. Izuru was screaming his head off, so hard that blood was running down his chin.

"Run," Yumichika said hurriedly. Ikkaku got up, bewildered and sick in the pit of his stomach.

"What?"

"Run, now!" Yumichika demanded, and out of the corner of Ikkaku's eye, he could see Rangiku rise up, a lot taller than she was normally, limbs elongating, and he thought he could see her head turning around much too far, oh fuck.

The sky turned dark and chills went up his spine, feeling the nightmare take control of his dream-world. This hadn't happened since before he'd gotten trapped here, and he'd almost forgotten that this could happen. If he had a nightmare while he was still stuck here, they were doomed. He was going to die. That was it. Not needing to be told again, Ikkaku ran like hell, dodging people who had become faceless shades with red eyes.

Realizing that this was now his old rukon district, Ikkaku ran through the outskirts of town to the dark forest on the other side of the worst neighborhood.

After running for about three minutes, he looked back, slowing down, seeing that the dark was starting to fade. He cursed himself. Ikkaku had thought that he'd long since gotten used to the rules of his dream world, but he'd let his sentiment blind him. He'd wanted so badly to believe that the people here were somehow connected to his real friends, but that just wasn't true, and spending time with them was dangerous.

He had to get out of here.

Ikkaku sat down miserably at the foot of a tree, pouting, trying to clear his mind and block any negativity or scary thoughts that might flip things around again to 'nightmare mode'. Yumichika stayed quiet, letting him stew for a few minutes.

Suddenly, a leaf fell down on Ikkaku's head and he brushed it off, looking up. Up in the tree he could see a pair of hands clenched around a branch. Ikkaku stood up to investigate further, and saw that Renji was curled up in the tree, having fallen asleep there. His hair was standing up even more than usual, like a bottlebrush, like he was a cat that had been scared badly. His lower lip was red where he'd bitten it and there were scratch marks on his arms. Whether that was from doing it himself or from climbing the tree, Ikkaku didn't know.

"Hey," Ikkaku said, trying to reach up to him and nudge him awake. "Ah!" he shouted, stumbling back as Renji's wakizashi nearly went through his arm.

"Woah, man, what the hell!" Ikkaku shouted, pulling the knife out of the ground. That's right, he'd forgotten the rules. Do not corner Renji, do not surprise Renji, do not shout at Renji, and never lower your guard around Renji.

Renji looked down at him, chest heaving, and after a few moments he slowly calmed down, seeing that it was just Ikkaku. Ikkaku tried to coax him down, but Renji wouldn't come, clinging to the tree like he thought Ikkaku was going to try to pull him out.

After what felt like ten minutes, Ikkaku finally got Renji to come down, promising that he didn't have to come through anymore populated areas with him, although Ikkaku didn't know what to do about that, because Yumichika had explained that Portside was a fishing village. Maybe Renji could find other ways to follow him without being seen.

Maybe it would be better this way, traveling by themselves. Having too many people with them wasn't a good idea. It would just be too many people to guard his back from. Yumichika mumbled that it was like old times, just the three of them, Senpai, Double-Senpai, and their red-head Kouhai… except that two of them weren't real.

Ugh, Ikkaku needed to get some sleep so badly, which he felt ridiculous thinking because he was currently asleep. Maybe his dream body still needed rest, but all the same, it was probably still in the early afternoon here in his dream world. He had a long way to go still. There was no time to rest.

"Ya' know how ta' get ta' Portside?" Ikkaku asked wearily. Renji nodded, seeming more confident than before. "Good."