Huzzah, I'm moving on. I wish I wasn't so mean-spirited about the last chapter, but I guess it was worth just grumpily trudging through because now we get more updates. Faster updates! …Yay! And who knows – I might go back and rearrange chapter twenty when this story is through, so I don't lose any sleep at night over it.

FINALLY got to use this idea suggested by imagine believe, like, a friggin' year ago. I put it in the outline immediately since I loved it so much, but I wish it didn't take so long to get here. This chapter's later shenanigans go out to her, so many thanks! If anyone has any suggestions or ideas, I'm always open to your input. Much thanks! :)

Thank you for reviewing my crummy chapter last time around ScipioPB, CheetosPotato, and CAPJHMPAgirl. You're really too kind! Hey, and congrats on the account there, Cheetos – welcome to this never-ending, time sucker website. :D

I Ship It

"'Let me grab that smoking ass.'"

Vaughn looked up after the pause, gauging the reaction.

Molly lightly shrugged, her lip pouting as she mulled it over. "Pretty good."

He caught the construction paper heart she tossed, slamming his palm over it as it hit the table. He then dragged it over and piled it with its other fellows and tried to think up some more extremely uncomfortable phrases to put to pen.

"Gimme," Molly pulled out a chair beside him, taking a little pink heart for herself and pulling a pen from his shirt pocket as he focused on writing his next one.

Vaughn stopped and watched her scribble for a moment, curious to see what she'd come up with. Molly proudly held up her finished product for him to read aloud. He squinted at her small writing. "'The sensual curve of your cowlick drives me wild.' Huh… We've got a Nora Roberts in our midst."

She had a phony, smug smile on her face, but it disappeared as she laughed and grabbed a red heart to write another.

"What on Earth am I eavesdropping on this time?" Allen waltzed into the break room with the door slamming shut behind him, the blinds shuttering.

"We're writing Valentines!" Molly giggled. She nudged Vaughn, reading him the newest one she came up with. "'Hold me close with those lanky branches, you sexy-armed Valentine.'"

Vaughn laughed aloud at that one. Allen leaned across the table and picked up a handful of the construction paper pink and red hearts to read what the pair had come up with. His eyebrows rose. "Good God, 'sensual curve?'"

"Molly's," Vaughn immediately pointed out the credit. Molly gave a little bow from her seat.

Allen was smiling wider as he looked through them, his brow quirked. "Let me guess – for our favorite Assistant Regional Manager?"

"None other," Vaughn said, handing him a blank heart.

Allen eyed it for a second before smirking, giddily sitting down across from them and getting to work, too. Not a second later, the door swung open once more, and Rod's head poked into the room.

"Hi, Rod!" Molly greeted with a smile.

"What are you guys up to?" Rod asked, eying them as he raided the fridge and found the coke he left there that morning. Shockingly, it hadn't been touched or tampered with. He popped the top to a satisfying hiss.

"Writing smutty Valentines~" Allen answered, taking a new one to scribble upon.

"Fun," Rod said. He peered over Allen's shoulder and blushed. "Jeez, who's that for?!"

Allen had the immense pleasure of dramatically reading it aloud. "'I'd gladly staple your paperwork, if you know what I mean, Valentine.' Obviously from Vaughn to Molly. Here you are, darling."

"The hell, Allen," Vaughn was so shocked his question came out flat. Molly's eyes were bugging out of her head.

"I took creative liberties," Allen said, a sly smirk on his face as he looked between them.

"Yeah, no," Molly shook her head, refusing to accept the heart handed to her.

"I ship it," Allen shrugged. He tossed the heart over his shoulder and continued writing new ones.

"Ooo, I'll do one for Luke and Tina!" Rod joined the party, breaking the awkward atmosphere.

"Luke and Tina?" Vaughn asked.

"Oh, don't bother. They're just friends," Allen waved his hand.

"Men and women can't just be friends," Molly stuck out her tongue. Rod adamantly agreed, nodding his head at her.

She hadn't realized what she insinuated. At Allen's raised eyebrow hinting at them, Vaughn was quick to pick up the cue.

"We're different," he grouched. "Molly's like Denny. In a skirt."

"Thank you," she chirped. "And you're like Candace. With a frown."

Allen rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. "Sure, sure; say whatever you want."

Molly held up her newest creation, clearing her throat before she read it aloud. "What do you think of this one? 'I'd share that box of yours any time, my carrot top dreamboat.' For Rod and Basil!"

Whatever Rod had been writing was now crushed in his fist. He furiously looked up at her. "What?!"

"What?" She asked innocently. "If Allen can pair people off, why can't I? Besides, you two are my OTP."

"B-but we hate each other!" Basil sputtered, seething with rage but confused and disturbed at the same time.

"Yeah, yeah…" Molly sighed, drumming her fingers on the table with a dreamy look in her eye. "But can you imagine the drunken, one night—"

"I think we've got enough," Vaughn cut her off, sweeping his arms across the table and taking all of the finished hearts into his arms. He pushed them off of the table and into an empty box for printing paper.

Rod was muttering intelligibly and twitching, the pencil that had been in his hand had snapped in two. Allen gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. He whispered in his ear: "I ship it."

Poor Rod collapsed, and Molly and Allen high-fived. Molly began the discussion: "So I have this idea for a fanart. They're fighting over the copier, right?"

"Go on…" Allen nodded with interest, a hand to his chin.

The puddle of Rod on the floor helplessly clawed at their shoes. "Stop… stop this unholy trend…"

Vaughn exited the room as Molly relayed the fictitious, steamy encounter of the two gingers and walked into the main office where noise was abuzz. Hamilton's office was blaring with cheesy love songs. Specifically, Whitney Houston's rendition of 'I Will Always Love You' on loop. Red and pink streamers were all across the ceiling in a lattice, and pink and silver glitter was scattered in random spots along the floor.

As Vaughn made his way to his desk, he found the source of the glitter. Basil was in front of the filing cabinets, and Alice had a bag of the stuff in her hand. She was wearing a tight red dress and a headband with two heart baubles bouncing around, and the intern was obviously distracted with her cleavage. She had glitter all over her lips, and it was soon made clear why.

Alice took a fistful of the sparkles and tossed it into Basil's face. She smiled sweetly as she gave him a kiss on the cheek, her red lipstick picking up the glitter as she did so. "I hope you fall in love today~!"

"Uh, okay…" he mumbled, his face redder than her dress as he gawked at her. "Now what?"

"Aw, you're the sweetest, little thing!" Alice smacked his shoulder, unintentionally sending him reeling. She skipped off to find another victim for her glitter, going right past Vaughn without a second glance.

Vaughn sat in his chair as casually as he could, trying not to laugh out loud. Gill's face across the way had a bright red lipstick smack on the cheek, and his head looked like he took a gunshot of glitter. His icy eyes snapped up immediately. "It was red light behavior, and I'll be making a full report of it."

"Uh-huh," Vaughn said, biting his tongue as he placed the big box upon his desk and sorted through the hearts.

Gill's curiosity piqued, he stopped writing and sat up in his chair. "What are those?"

"You don't know?" Vaughn asked, a convincing crease in his brow. "They're the office Valentines. We were all supposed to submit them in the break room."

"I… I… did not hear of that particular practice," Gill managed, alarmed he had missed an event.

"Well, why don't you pass them out then? You can slip in yours if you stall handing them out until later," Vaughn offered, standing and passing the box to the unsuspecting blond.

"Yes! Thank you; I'll do that," Gill nodded, taking the box of creepy hearts and setting them behind his chair.

Vaughn smiled to himself as he went back to work at his desk, checking up on Persuasive Paper's clientele. Soon, Molly, Allen, and a stumbling Rod were all back on the main floor and heading for their seats. Alice caught sight of Allen's unscathed face and bounded over, catching him as he passed Hamilton's door.

"Allen! Stoop for me; you're freakishly tall," she bluntly ordered. Willing to play along, Allen did so. Once he got his face full of glitter and the signature kiss, Alice's glitter-covered lips smiled at him. "Find love today! Happy Valentine's!"

"What a wonderful wish," he smiled. He soon frowned though as he tried to pat away the sparkles. "Though I could have done without the pizzazz for once."

"Oh, but this is the best holiday of the year!" Alice pouted. "Why skive on the details?"

"Truer words have never been said!"

All eyes turned towards, and simultaneously turned away, as Hamilton leapt from his office in nothing but an adult diaper. He proudly posed with his hands on his hips and a grin on his face as he looked over his sickened employees. Little hearts dangled from each of the three, curly grey loops of his hair like earrings. "Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Cupid's here to make a match!"

"Dear God…" Gill stared harder at his papers, trying to burn the image from his retinas with rows of numbers.

"Allen! My man! Flirting with Miss Alice? Niiiiiiice," Hamilton finger gunned him.

"I'd rather not," Alice crossed her arms haughtily. "He's much better suited with someone like Louis."

"Louis? Why on Earth would you say Louis?" Allen asked in all sincerity.

"I have a bit of a glasses fetish," she shrugged nonchalantly. She stuck her nose in the air. "What can I say? I ship it."

"Can everyone just… not?! Not with the shipping?!" Rod burst from his desk.

"Yeah, that's my job today! Who's going to be the winning duo? Hamolly? Halice? Hina? Eh? Eh? Eh?" Hamilton rattled off his ship names, looking around enthusiastically and going completely ignored as usual.

Allen's eyes were trained on Vaughn who had visibly shrunk in his seat. He pointed at him. "Seems you've missed someone, Alice. I'm sure Vaughn would love a kiss."

"No," he retorted shortly.

"Oh, no, he's fine," Alice shook her head in agreement.

Gill looked up and gave her the same skeptical blink Allen was giving her. The red head tapped his chin as he studied his co-workers. "Are you two fighting?"

Vaughn momentarily panicked, his face only relaying surprise, but Alice shook her head right away. "What? No, of course not. Why would you say that?"

Allen was about to point out that she never passed up an opportunity to harass Vaughn in some way, but the serious face he was getting waned his comment. "No… reason…"

"Hm," Alice hummed, tilting her head and causing the springs on her headband to dance. She grinned wide in remembrance, rushing past Allen as she caught sight of goggles. "Rod~! Come here a minute!"

"Alice! What about my kiss? You can throw glitter in my face! I'll give you a bonus!" Hamilton chased after her.

Allen stared down at Vaughn with a worried expression. "I can't tell if you're on her good side or her bad side…"

"It's good for me," Vaughn shrugged. He could feel multiple pairs of eyes on him, staring at him intently.

"Uh, hey… Did someone call me?"

Heads turned and found Louis looking bashful and rubbing the back of his neck.

"Yeah, you just missed Allouis," Vaughn sarcastically replied.

"Allou…?" Louis' hand slowed as he thought the word over.

"Never you mind," Allen waved away his thoughts, slinging an arm around his shoulders. "Now what brings our good friend Louis all the way out of his little, math cave?"

"What brings either of you out of your seats?" Gill muttered pointedly.

Jostled to explain quicker, Louis blurted: "W-well, I was talking to Ol' Wallace the other day when I saw him at the grocery store, and he said Sully's has a single's night tonight. They have Lady's Night every Thursday, so I guess it's the guys this round maybe, I don't know… But every man without a significant other of any kind gets a free drink, so I, uh, thought it would be fun if we all headed down, since… you know… we're all… single…"

"Guy's night out?" Allen beamed. He gave him a rough noogie. "That sounds great! I'm in, ship partner. Who's with us?"

"I could always use a free round…" Vaughn mumbled thoughtfully. "Why not?"

"Who else is single? My gingers!" Allen called, waving at them. "Free drinks tonight at Sully's – you're going!"

"Luke would go," Dan said, rolling his head out from his pillow, so his voice wouldn't be muffled. "I would, too, but the old ball and chain's got a dinner planned or something definitely not free."

The fellow guys sympathetically nodded, and the women within earshot all scoffed. Vaughn beckoned to Gill. "What about you?"

"Of course not. I wouldn't drink in the middle of the work week!" Gill glowered.

"Gill, come on," Allen insisted, winging Louis around in order to continue leaning on him. "We know better than anyone that you, sir, need a free drink."

Gill paused. Just when Vaughn was going to throw his chips in he was going to turn them down for good, he let out a short sigh, turning back to his paperwork. "Very well."

"Huzzah! We have a full house!" Allen cheered.

"I will arrive at precisely seven o'clock and leave at eight," Gill detailed his conditions.

"We're going to finally have some fun!" Allen continued.

"Only one drink," Gill spoke louder.

"I might as well take tomorrow off!" Allen threw his hands in the air, finally releasing Louis who was laughing at his antics.

Gill stood from his chair, slamming his hands on his desk with authority. "And we'll all be here on time tomorrow!"

The rest of the work day passed easily enough. Allen left the premises with a line behind him, all chanting like frat boys: "Bar! Bar! B-A-R! Bar! Bar! B-A-R!"

Vaughn lingered afterwards, finding it humorous that Gill seemed to completely forget about the Valentine's. He leaned against Molly's desk as she packed up her purse.

"Have fun tonight," she said, tossing her phone in and zipping her bag shut.

"You, too," he returned without thinking first. He paused. "What are you doing tonight? Anything special?"

"Curious?" Molly's eyes glinted mischievously. He wasn't caught off guard that easily and frowned. She chuckled. "Nah. I've got a date with a pint of chocolate gelato and 50 First Dates. I guess I can count the cremated cat in a jar on my shelf as company."

Vaughn thoughtlessly ruffled her hair. "Hey, buck up. Gelato's pretty good."

She rolled her eyes and shrugged on her coat.

"And if you need to call anyone, you know who's there for ya," he added as they walked to the elevator.

Her eyes lit up. "Wow, Vaughn, that's really sweet of—"

"Denny's always available now that he's without his girl or his bird," Vaughn couldn't hold in the rising, snide smirk.

Molly whacked him soundly with her purse, but they both laughed anyways.

A rustle of papers caught his attention, and he smiled wider. He nudged Molly, and she looked back to see Gill going through the box of Valentine's they wrote with a nick of irritation in his brow.

He held up his fingers: three, two, one. There! And Vaughn relished in the sweet, infuriated scream of an Assistant Regional Manager scorned.

"VAAAAAUUUGGGGHHHNN!"

"That was blatant red light behavior, and you could face some serious consequences," Gill was wagging his finger at him.

"Right," Vaughn finished his whiskey and nudged the glass for a refill. "I'm sure you'll remember all of this in the morning."

"Of course I will!" His voice started to slur as he continued to wave his finger around aimlessly. Gill caught sight of the ceiling and stared up at it for the next twenty minutes.

"Okay, I ship this," Allen wandered over, pointing at the two of them at the bar. He had to dodge Vaughn's swat to his head.

"IV I HEAR VAT WORD ONE MORE TIME," Rod threatened from across the dim bar room, his huge lip preventing the words from coming out clearly.

Sully's was almost completely empty due to Wallace's neglect at advertising the 'first drink is free night,' and that was obviously on purpose. He had lost enough on the goons from Persuasive Papers. Still, he served every drink after with a welcoming smile. The only other people in the bar were fellow lonely hearts without a date for Valentine's.

Vaughn was confident this would be a terrible way to spend Valentine's Day, but he supposed it was better to drink with others than alone. Besides, his fellow co-workers were quite the show troupe.

Basil had heard about the ship wars and the Rasil ship, and the fists were flying only an hour after they arrived. Now that both Rod and Basil were slumped in different booths with ice packs on their swelling faces, the commotion had gone down again.

It was half past nine, and Gill was still blissfully unaware of the loss of time. He had entered the bar precisely when he intended to and hung up his expensive, drab coat and found his seat. One look around had him choosing a similar drink – some concoction of mostly vodka – and everyone was pleasantly surprised to find him to be a lighter weight than the office receptionist. He was soon loosening his tie and challenging Vaughn to a nonexistent drinking contest. He was completely floored in an hour.

"I vote," Allen said, sitting down beside Vaughn and seeming to be surprisingly composed for the fourth, fruity rum he was on, "we have a little drinking game. For the holiday!"

"I am so in! I will totally lose!" Luke declared, plopping down after Allen and bouncing on his stool in anticipation. He tugged his bandana off of his head and tied it around his neck like this would sport his courage.

"Maybe I'll give it a try…" Louis said. He nervously took a seat beside Luke, holding onto the free bottled beer that wasn't half gone yet.

"House rules apply, so no interfering with your fellows, and we stick with the drink we've got," Allen reminded them all, receiving nods of approval.

"Allen, I wanna plaaaay…!" Rod whined from the corner. Basil had passed out.

"Hush! Mummy's talking!" Allen scolded over his shoulder. He cleared his throat and put his elbows on the bar. "Alright, someone asks a question. If your answer is 'yes,' you've got to take a drink."

"What color is my brain?!" Luke shouted to start things off.

"Grey matter!" Gill slammed his hand on the table like he was a PTSD Jeopardy contestant.

"Yes or no questions, dear," Allen patted Luke's blue fuzzy head. "I'll start us off then! Drink if you've stolen something from the office!"

Luke and Vaughn were the only ones to do so. Gill pointed an accusing finger at them each in turn. "How dare you?!"

"We get nice pens," Vaughn stated matter-of-factly.

"I take the copper wire from the heating ducts and old printers and sell it!" Luke said proudly.

"YOU WHAT?!" Gill fumed, sobering up immediately.

"Next question! Louis, how about it?" Allen gave him the floor.

Louis adjusted his glasses, staring down at his beer. "Well… um… How about…? Okay. Has anyone gotten in a car accident?"

Vaughn, Allen, and Louis took a drink. After Vaughn swallowed, he said: "Lou, the point is to get others to drink. Not yourself."

"Oh…" he mumbled in understanding. He slouched slightly in embarrassment.

"Who has a tattoo?" Vaughn asked, actually curious if any of them did.

As Luke was the only one to drink, it wasn't much of a surprise or a roaring round. As they went on, the questions became more and more taboo. Eventually, everyone was a bit wobbly in their seats.

Allen whooped after having to drink, and Vaughn shook his head hoping it'd help his burning throat. Louis clapped his hands on his knees, his face reddened with a good question on his tongue he knew he couldn't lose. "Alright, alright! Who's kissed someone in the office?"

Allen and Vaughn drank, but everyone ogled as Gill drank, too. They all watched him in dumb bafflement. He shrugged and didn't answer their questioning looks.

Egged on with this discovery, Luke leaned forward. "Further than that!"

Everyone expected it as Allen drank again and swayed, but the guys all shouted and whistled and clapped as Gill chugged the rest of his glass. He slammed the empty tumbler down.

"Son of a bitch…" Vaughn muttered, shaking his head at Gill with a disbelieving smile.

"In the office?!" Louis was scandalized but apparently very happy about it.

"I don't believe this. You little shit," Allen said, goggling at him.

"What time is it?" Gill pushed back his sleeve and checked his watch. He blinked at it for a moment before abruptly standing and leaving all of the money in his pocket on the counter. Without looking back, he made straight for the door.

"Gill, where are you going? You can't drive like that," Vaughn called.

"I'm taking a cab, you idiot!" Gill sounded remarkably sober as he snatched his coat off the rack and pushed the door open and disappeared just like that.

Everyone was still in a state of shellshock, so when Allen leaned over, Vaughn didn't notice. He whispered: "I still ship it…"

Vaughn palmed his face, pushing him right off of his stool.