Disclaimer: I own nothing except for characters not seen in J.R.R. Tolkien's works.
"The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and must therefore be treated with great caution."
~J.K. Rowling
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
T.A. 2799
Nedoheen brought her to the healing tents. She was placed in the one at the head of the camp, where very few were. Rana saw her in Nedoheen's arms, eyes wide at the state of the bloodied woman. The news spread of her survival like wildfire. Nuil hadn't spoken since she had stopped weeping in Nedoheen's arms, and she knew it worried her brother. Yet every time she thought to say something the face of the orc flashed before her eyes and silenced her.
Nuil had woken the day after the battle had ended. At first it was dark, and she was unable to move. She had been confused as to why, until she opened her eyes. The scream died in her throat as she stared wide eyed up at the orc above her. Its face was contorted into a silent scream, mouth gaping and eyes open. It terrified her into silence. Even when she heard movement around her, she was silent.
Eventually she knew she had to get out. Which is what she did; pulling herself out of the pile when she could finally move her muscles again. There Nedoheen had found her. But she hadn't said a word, and she really didn't want to. Nuil knew that if she did, she would weep.
But Nuil refused to cry for herself. She didn't deserve it. Frerin deserved her tears. He had died and she had done nothing. Being buried alive under a pile of dead orcs seemed a fitting punishment for her failure.
She was told that she had a few broken ribs, and bad bruising. They would let her go within seven days. Nuil touched her arm, fingers ghosting over the bandage. A blade had cut through the muscle, and she would be very lucky if it ever returned to its previous state. Already she could tell that her sword arm would never be the same, her range of motion would be severely hindered.
"Your brother tells me that you were found not far from my brother," said a voice to her right. Nuil looked up, seeing Thorin in the entrance of the tent. His left arm was in a sling, broken from his fight with Azog.
"Thorin Oakenshield," she greeted quietly, using his new battle-won name. The roughness of her voice grated on her throat, and she cleared it. "That is true."
Thorin entered the tent, sitting on the empty bed beside her own. He barely spared a glance towards his cousin Dain, who lay not far from her on his own bed dozing silently. Thorin looked tired, and worn. Nuil did not smile to him. She did not feel like smiling or reassuring him that she was fine. She was not fine, and it was her fault that Frerin was dead. There was no reason to beat around the bush or ignore it.
"You were there when he fell," Thorin stated, looking at her intently. Nuil nodded, looking away from him as a lump formed in her throat. "How did he die?"
" . . . he fell fighting Azog, avenging his grandfather," she whispered as tears pricked the corners of her eyes, as she told him what Frerin had asked her to. Thorin was silent, and she refused to look at him. It was her fault his brother was dead, she wasn't there to stop his death. "He thought himself in love with me, didn't he?"
Thorin did not respond immediately, seeming reluctant when he did. He spoke slowly as if allowing the words to sink in, not only for her but himself. "He did. I believe it was out of relief that you were alive." He lifted her chin to look into her eyes. "But I think he loved you, far longer than even I realized."
Nuil sighed heavily. Would this battle have turned out differently for Frerin had she not been here? No, she knew he would have died even if she had not been there. The look in his eyes when Azog had vowed to end his line, cemented his fate. Frerin would have rushed head-long into the fight with Azog even if she had not been there.
Did that make his death her fault?
Nuil knew that it didn't, but she still felt- guilty. He shouldn't have had to die. Then . . . if he had lived, would she have returned his feelings? Nuil felt a warmth in her when he was near. But she did not know if it was love, and this made her feel even more guilty. Nuil raised her eyes, bravely meeting Thorin's who was watching her.
"And if I did not return his feelings?"
"He would have been hurt," Thorin replied.
"I have only seen Frerin as a brother to me," she admitted. "In time- I believe I may have come to see things differently. He told me that he would have loved me."
"Now?"
Nuil shook her head. "I know not."
"Nedoheen plans to return home with you within six days," Thorin said, changing the topic. He sensed that Nuil was on the verge of tears, and wished no more pain on her. He had seen them, the beginnings of love blooming between them in the short days they had shared. "The journey will be long."
"Not impossible," she murmured looking away, she found that if she looked too long at him he began to resemble Frerin . . . so alike in appearance but different in temperaments.
"You promise to stay safe?"
Nuil looked at Thorin. His eyes told her that he was being sincere and he truly meant his words. Slowly she nodded.
"I promise."
Rana finished redressing her bandages, giving her a disapproving look before moving to the table beside the bed. Nuil kept her gaze on that far tent wall, watching the fabric move with the wind. No thoughts ran through her mind, nothing stirred her wandering eyes, until Rana gave a sigh.
"I knew this would happen," she breathed. "You-" she looked down at Nuil, not caring that she wasn't paying any attention to her. "You are a monster. And you would be wise to stay away from Thorin and King Thrain." Rana moved away. Nuil turned her gaze to the dwarf woman, who was as beautiful as the gold in the treasury in Erebor. She watched as Rana greeted Dain warmly.
The cousin had sustained a blow to his leg, while fighting with Thorin. He was bedridden, and smiled brightly as Rana sat on the edge of his bed. She spoke with Dain in a hushed voice, earning an even bigger smile from Dain, and he placed his hand over Rana's. Nuil expected Rana to pull away. But she didn't, and Nuil narrowed her eyes. Surely the intended of Thorin would pull away from such a forward action? Rana cast Nuil a glance, her eyes warning her not to say anything.
But Nuil only frowned, brows pulling together. Rana was not who everyone seemed to think she was. It irritated her that only she seemed to realize this. The female dwarf was truly . . . atrocious. Even that word didn't fit when compared to Rana. Nuil couldn't place the unpleasant feeling she got within her chest, but she knew- knew that Rana was trouble.
The next six days passed slowly. She would spend the mornings with her brother, speaking with him. She knew that her slow return to her old self was pleasing to Nedoheen. But she didn't feel the same as before. Nuil felt like a part of her was missing, a dark gaping hole had taken place in her, and she struggled to feign her old self. But Nedoheen seemed to believe it was sincere and genuine. He would then leave and go about his business. Nuil would then be joined by a dwarf named Balin.
The older dwarf was kind and told her stories. He reminded her of Thror. Yet he was much warmer than the king had been. He would sit on the side of her bed and smile at her, as he told his tales. Balin was the older brother of Dwalin, and once she had found this out, was even more delighted by his interest in her and concern over her wellbeing.
He told her of how Thorin gained the name Oakenshield, when he fought against Azog. Balin leaned down to speak in a lower voice so that only she could hear:
"When our hope was fading and young Prince Frerin lay dying, he rose up against the pale orc," Balin said. "He fought valiantly, never giving up as his shield was torn from him. But there beside where he had fallen was an oaken branch, that he took up and blocked Azog's advances. Then regaining his sword, he cleaved Azog's hand off. Azog was carried back into the depths of Moria, and the battle was won."
"He saw Frerin fall, did he not?" she asked, already knowing the answer.
Balin looked kindly at her, a touch of pity entering his eyes. "I do believe he did. But he did see Azog try to kill you as well."
"Then I owe him my life," she murmured, burying her hands in the bed linens and curling them into fists. The overwhelming guilt she felt whenever replaying the events in her mind was crippling. It didn't hurt so much as it had at first, but- it was still there.
"Perhaps," Balin replied. "But I fear that it will not be the last we see of the pale orc."
"Thorin does not believe that," Nuil said. She had spoken with Thorin yesterday, and his conviction that Azog would die of his wounds was so resolute and firm, that even she began to believe it. They had spoken until Rana had come, giving Nuil a glare, before leading Thorin out of the tent.
"Aye," the dwarf nodded. Then he sighed. "I do believe this is where I bid my leave, my lady."
"Until tomorrow then," she replied. Balin smiled and rose to his feet, bowing to her before exiting the tent. Nuil sighed and closed her eyes, eager to let her mind wander into the warm embrace of sleep. Though it meant dreaming of flaming fires, and yellow eyes.
She woke later to find Thorin sitting on the bed next to hers. He was watching her silently with a thoughtful look on his face that was genuinely his own. Groaning Nuil lifted herself up, blinking at him as she spoke;
"How long have you been here?"
"Not long," he replied.
"Hm."
She stretched, feeling more awake by the moment.
"My father will be moving our people soon," Thorin said. "He wants to give Frerin a proper burial."
Nuil frowned. "But they burn others, surely their sacrifice is no more than Frerin's."
"My brother is of the line of Durin," Thorin replied, a hard edge entering his voice. Nuil flinched slightly, hoping that he didn't see. He didn't. Frerin's death didn't mean any less to her, but it just felt so inexplicably wrong to give those who had died a funeral not to the standards of the culture. Aule, she had been nearly raised as a dwarfling. She knew the customs like the back of her hand.
"I know this. Surely the dead cannot be given proper burials?"
"There are too few to dig graves, and too many dead," Thorin said heavily. Of course. Nuil knew he was right. "We will return to where our people have begun anew, and give Frerin a resting place in the Blue Mountains."
"This is where Dis is?"
"Aye. We have settled ourselves there, but it is a hard life," Thorin said. He looked to her, blue eyes searching her face. "Perhaps you will visit?"
"That is agreeable," Nuil told him. "I should like to be among those that I spent much time with. I fear my Khuzdul is rusty."
Thorin smiled slightly. "I doubt that."
They stared at each other for a moment until Nuil sighed and looked away. "I miss speaking with Dis and your family."
"We have missed you as well, Nuilweyil," Thorin said. I have missed you, he wanted to say. "It was glad news to us that you were alive." I am glad you are alive. Nuil understood what he meant. It seemed that she always understood what Thorin really meant, despite the lack of friendship when she was younger. Part of her could decipher the true meanings of his words and actions. But there would always be a part that utterly was baffled by him. She smiled slightly to him, reaching out to grab his hand and squeeze it.
She understood.
Nuil opened her eyes at the sound of soft laughter, closing them at the sight she saw. Rana was leaning on Dain, a contented smile upon her face as he ran his fingers through her hair. She was glad Rana was facing Dain and not her. What was she doing? That was Thorin's cousin. Nuil felt confused and hoped that it was only a lingering dream from the sleep she had been roused from.
She peeked again and repeated the same action. Nope. Not a dream. Only this time they were pressing their lips passionately together. Nuil knew Thorin wouldn't approve of Rana's actions, and despite losing his brother, he would need to know about this. She thought that Rana cared for Thorin, but this was something else. This was a whole new side of Rana that Nuil had never seen coming, it was sickening at the basest level of decency. It was, startling.
Nuil would have to speak with Thorin in the morning. Slowly and uncomfortably Nuil sank back into her dreams.
It was later that night when Nedoheen shook her awake. She looked tiredly up at him, a frown on her face. He said nothing as he pulled her to her feet and helped her into her boots and jerkin. She spared a glance at Dain's bed to see him sleeping alone. Silently he led her out of the tent and to the two horses tethered outside.
Stiffly Nuil pulled herself into the saddle, gripping the reins tightly. Nedoheen led them from the camp, and as they crested the hill above the camp Nuil stopped. She turned her horse around to gaze down at the tents. Sadness filled her, tugging at her heart.
She didn't get to say goodbye. She didn't tell Thorin what he needed to know. She didn't get to pay her respects to Frerin.
"Come, sister," Nedoheen said quietly from behind her. "You knew we cannot linger."
He was right, she knew. But why did her heart feel so heavy? Turning away the two siblings rode off into the night.
Thorin walked quickly to the healing tents, eager to speak with Nuil. He was slowly letting himself get close to her, allowing himself to be more open with her. Part of him felt that this was foolish, yet it did not stop him. Even when Rana asked that he leave her be. Hearing her speak . . . felt very satisfying.
He was glad that she had survived the battle. Relieved that they had found her. Her brother, Nedoheen, had told him where they had found her, and he shuddered at the thought. It was clear to him that being buried under dead orcs had shaken her.
But she was getting better.
He entered the tent, fulling intending on seeing her asleep on her cot. Yet- it was empty. Thorin frowned, nearing the cot. The blankets were unmade, and her belongings were gone. Had Nuilweyil decided to get up, stretch her legs? If so, she could not be far. He looked to where Dain sat propped up in his bed, regarding Thorin with careful eyes.
"Do you know where Nuilweyil is, cousin?" he asked. Dain shook his head.
"I've not seen the lass since last ev'," Dain replied, watching Thorin's reaction carefully. He pressed his lips together, sending a nod to his cousin before he went back outside, looking around. Had she gone looking for him? He paused as a sentry approached him.
"My lord," the dwarf said. "I was bidden by Lord Nedoheen to inform you that he and the lady left for their home, early this morning."
"They are gone?"
"Aye, my lord."
"Very well, you may go," he replied. The sentry bowed and hurried away. Thorin let a sigh escape him. So she was gone then. It seemed that Nuil never lingered long. He felt somewhat dispirited, and listless. Like he had lost something important to him, and would never get it back. Then he remembered her words to him nine years previous, like a calming breeze to his suddenly troubled thoughts:
"Should fate bring us together again, I look forward to our meeting."
Maybe they would meet again. He hoped. But why did his chest feel so heavy? Shaking his head, Thorin turned and went back to the tent where his father was preparing the long trek home.
Wow. A whole week since our last chapter. And I'm really sorry that Frerin died, believe me, I HATED that chapter. It gave me nightmares. So here is this one. There's a lot that is going on, and a lot of skipping around. :| Aaaanyyyways . . . if something doesn't make sense just let me know and I'll try to explain it better, and is it me or does Thorin seem a little OOC? I can't really make him seem any different, but I guess that's okay.
Camp was great! Other than the mosquito bites and rain, it was fabulous. I wrote chapter thirty there and got some good stuff. Came home and watched Lost in Austen, which means there might be a wet shirt scene in this story(because I couldn't help myself ;P )
Thank you to my reviewers! You are all amazing and I really am sorry that I killed off Frerin. HUGE hugs and cookies to: Sam0728, The Penned Tekrid, IceheartsChill, and Comics4theFeels. Thank you to all those who have followed or favorited!
Read and Review!
~filimeala