Disclaimer: everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien save for the characters not in his works!
"For there to be betrayal, there would have to have been trust first."
~Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
T.A. 2864
He was so beautiful. Right from his dark head of hair to his curled little toes. Just like his brother. He squirmed in his blankets as he was passed to Eurig, gazing up with his big brown eyes at his father. Eurig seemed enthralled by the newest addition to his family. He looked like his mother, save for his eyes. Fili was pulling at his fathers pants, trying to get a glimpse of his new little brother.
"Kili . . ." Eurig murmured proudly.
"Can I see? Can I see?" Fili asked, urgently. Much to Nuil's surprise Thorin came and scooped up the five year old and held him up. There was a look of pure delight on Fili's face before he laid eyes on his new brother.
"He's so small!"
"So were you, mimel ze," Nuil said smiling. Fili made a face at the term of endearment. Nuil knew he was growing out of that phase. Her brothers had never been called such things when her parents were around, it seemed that for males, such endearments ended when bravery and swords became the main focus.
"Why is he so squishy?" Fili asked after touching Kili's cheeks.
"He's not grown yet," Eurig told him gently. "Kili will grow just like you."
"Oh."
Nuil smiled at the four and decided that she was in need of a long nap. Just like when Fili was born, the process had been long and straining. Though she had only been there for Dis, holding her hand and urging her to keep going. Nuil glanced at her slightly swollen hand.
As much as they were beautiful and awe inspiring, Nuil wasn't sure if she wanted to put herself through that kind of pain. But if she ever did marry . . . perhaps? A little being created by her and from her, her own to raise and love.
Nuil turned away from the happy sight and wandered down the hall, unaware of the heavy blue gaze settled on her back.
T.A. 2865
"No, Fili," Nuil reprimanded the young dwarf. "Kili is not old enough to play with you . . . at least not with swords and run around to goodness knows where."
Fili heaved a sigh, scuffing his boots against the stone floor. He raise his blue eyes to give her the most heart wrenching look he could. Nice try, little guy. "But I'm bored!"
"Then you either need to find something that Kili can do or go find someone else to play with."
"Uncle won't like that Aunnie," Fili muttered.
"What? You playing with the other dwarrow children?"
Fili's glum look made her frown. Thorin, she grumbled with annoyance. He's just a child. Nuil gazed at her 'nephew' for a moment longer and finally sighed. "I wouldn't tell him, if you did go . . ." she hoped that Fili saw the conspiritory glint in her eyes. The corners of her lips lifted slightly at his wide blue eyes, so very similar to his mothers, and uncle.
"Really?" he asked timidly. Goodness, this boy. "Uncle doesn't-"
"What Thorin doesn't know, won't hurt him."
"But- I . . . I don't . . ." The look of consuming worry lining the young boys face brought worry bubbling to the surface of her heart. Brows drawing together she placed her hands on Fili's shoulders.
"What is it Fili? You can tell me," she told him with the utmost sincerity she could muster. It really was unfair for him to have to worry about who he played with at this age. Nuil never had this problem. Only when the children she played with decided to make fun of her, then there was a problem.
"I want Uncle to be proud of me," he said quietly. "I don't want him to be mad at me."
Oh, Fili. He was so worried about what Thorin thought of him. It vaguely crossed her mind that perhaps this same thing had happened when Thorin was a young lad. Wanting to make his father and grandfather proud. How lonely and sad it seemed.
Nuil brushed some of Fili's loose strands of golden hair from his face. "I'm sure, no matter what, as long as you're happy, Thorin will be proud of you. Even," she paused slightly. "-if he doesn't show it."
And if he isn't, Nuil thought darkly, I'll give Thorin a piece of my mind. Fili looked skeptical at her words, chewing the inside of his cheek as he wrung his well worn and beaten wooden sword in his hands.
"Just think, another year or two and Kili can play with you, just like how you want." They could bash each others heads in and still be right as rain.
"Alright, Aunnie," Fili finally murmured and then flashed her a dashing smile. He certainly had his fathers charming good looks.
"There we go! Now go have fun and return before dinner, or I won't be able to cover for you," she said. She watched him with a smile as he ran from the room, and looked down at the bubbly babe laying on his stomach by her feet. His brown eyes were on her and she smiled brightly to him.
"I bet that blanket isn't nearly as tasty as real food," she said, as he shoved the corner further into his mouth and kicked his feet in the air. He was proving to be far more difficult that Fili had been. He was almost crawling and practically fearless. He was by far more fussier, and more quick to angry tears. Kili had a certain fondness for yanking on any hair he could get in his grasp too.
Thorin had nearly dropped the poor boy when out of the blue, Kili had yanked one of his side braids shortly after being born. The look on his face had been priceless. It was also why she kept her hair braided at all times now, and out of the way.
She leaned down and picked up Kili with the blanket still in his mouth. "You're getting big too."
Kili bounced, gumming the blanket. His bright brown eyes staring innocently at her. He squealed suddenly, holding the blanket out to her. Nuil took it with a laugh, as he lifted his legs to kick. Almost ready to walk.
"Soon you will be grown too."
Nuil approached the door of Thorin's study. She brushed her gown down, glad there wasn't anything from Kili on it. He had gladly gone with his mother earlier for a nap. The strong doors were slightly ajar, so Nuil didn't really bother knocking. She paused in the doorway and watched.
You grow too bold, Nuil. It was dangerous for her to be so comfortable with the royal family. She was only a guest. Yet, she couldn't help herself. It was interesting to see Thorin sitting in the firelight, bent over rolls of parchment, instead of fighting. He was a warrior, a smith. Not a bookkeeper, or record taker.
Thorin paused and sighed, eyes reading over his work and running a hand through his hair. He then set the quill down and leaned back, raising his eyes. It startled him to see Nuil in the doorway, leaning against the frame with her arms folded. Her hazel eyes were bright, and watching him intently.
"Can I help you?"
"Perhaps," Nuil murmured softly. "May I come in?"
Thorin gestured to a chair by the fireplace, slowly rising from his own to join her. There was something in her eyes that told him she was unhappy about something. They had barely spoken to one another in her time here. He was always tied up in with his work and she was tending to his nephews. Save for that time he took her to the tavern.
"What is it?" he asked sitting in the chair next to her.
"It's Fili."
"What? Has something happened to him?" Thorin asked instantly, the overwhelming urge to go to his nephew nearly pulling him from his seat. Nuil gave a small smile.
"No. It is a worry, that I have, nothing more," Nuil said. She gazed at the fire. "He worries about you accepting him."
"I-" Thorin frowned. "Accepting him?" He wasn't quite sure what Nuilweyil was getting at. He loved his nephews, both of them. What could she possibly mean by that?
"Fili needs friends, Thorin," Nuil said, "Kili is nowhere near old enough to play the kind of games Fili is interested in. There are very few dwarf children that he can interact with. He wants to, Thorin. By Mahal, he does. But he's worried you won't like it."
"Fili knows he is the heir to the line of Durin, he knows his duty," Thorin replied, a hard edge entering his voice.
"He is a child," Nuil reminded him, turning her gaze to his hard face. "He should be happy, at least for a little while longer."
"Are you saying Fili isn't?" There was a threat in his tone.
"No. Worried. Are you really against him playing with the other dwarrow children here?"
"He is my heir-"
"You haven't answered my question," Nuil cut in firmly.
"Nuilweyil-"
"Thorin."
"Nuilweyil, he is my heir. He needs to act it."
"Even if it makes him unhappy?"
Thorin scowled. "I don't wish to make my nephew unhappy."
"Then be gentle, show him that you care and don't mind," Nuil urged. "I sent him out to play today."
"What?!"
"Thorin-"
"What gives you the right?" He could get hurt! Then what would Thorin do? What would he tell Dis if Fili was hurt, lost or Mahal forbid, killed?
"I'm his Aunt! Or have you forgotten that?" Nuil replied incensed. "Fili is terrified of letting you down. He just wants your love, and you need to show him it."
Thorin glared into the fire, fists clenched. Nuil slowly rose from her seat. "I just wanted to let you know. Fili loves you, Thorin, he wants to make you proud. Don't push him away with your pride." She turned to the door, letting out a shaky breath. Nuil, you overstepped yourself.
"I think it's time you went home."
His words halted her at the door. Nuil gripped the wood tightly until her knuckles turned white. She looked back at him, unsurprised that he was still gazing at the fire, unmoving. The words bit at her, striking her as if it had been a physical blow.
Now you've done it.
"As you wish," she murmured before leaving him in his silence, finding that she had nothing more to say. He wanted her gone, and who was she to overstep her bounds? Nuil wasn't even sure there were any words to convince him to let her stay. In those seven words she had been dismissed, his mind was made.
Thorin's shoulders slumped. Why did her words make him so angry? Why was it that whenever she was around him, it never went how he wanted it to? She was right though. Thorin, you fool. He knew his nephew adored him. Looked up to him and followed his every word as if it were law, hanging on to each piece that Thorin gave to him.
Thorin raised a shaking fist to his mouth, wishing he had held his tongue for a few seconds longer. Then perhaps she wouldn't have said those three words. She didn't even fight him.
And now he had pushed away the one person who he adored most.
Dis glared at him, her gaze unforgiving and hard. Beyond the door behind her he could hear the small sobs of his nephew. Fili. Then Eurig trying to comfort his distraught son. Nuil had not come to dinner, though Thorin hoped she would. Hoped that what had happened in his study was a dream. But it wasn't. He had to tell his nephew that he sent her away.
The look of utter distress in those blue eyes made him bitterly regret his words.
"How could you?" Dis seethed under her breath. "Did you not know how much she meant to him?"
"Dis-"
"I'll not have it. Fili loves the both of you, and you just broke his heart."
"Dis-"
"You go get her," Dis commanded. "Or I won't let you near him."
Thorin's face hardened. "What?"
"Nuil means the world to Fili, and you know it. She loves him just the same. Nuil left because you told her to. She respects you, and I dare to say loves you enough to do what hurts the most." Dis was shaking. Thorin took a step back, recoiling from her words. "Go get her before she gets too far. Go before it's too late and we never see her again."
"Dis-"
"I lost her once, Thorin, I won't lose her again."
That ended the matter. She turned and entered Fili's room, locking the door behind her with a resounding click. He stared at the door, half in disbelief and the other anger.
'. . . loves you enough to do what hurts the most.'
Thorin clenched his fists. Mahal, he didn't need this. He could always just ignore his sister, brush off the broken blue eyes of his nephew, and retreat to his room for the night. But the sting of both his nephews tears and Nuilweyil's departure made up his mind.
Nuil gazed at the stars, finding some solace in their steadfastness. They would never change and that was a good thing for her. But the stars held little comfort, not like they used to. Her mind kept turning back to Thorin's study, his words. She didn't even say goodbye. Just grabbed her bag and left. Her heart clenched.
Fili. Oh, Fili, I'm sorry.
Damn you, Thorin. She wouldn't defy him, not with something like this. But she hated that he couldn't see beyond his blasted pride. Nuil knew it wasn't her place to question their family affairs, and she had crossed that boundary. Especially with Thorin. Dis would have understood.
This is all your own doing, Nuil.
Nuil clenched her eyes shut. It was no use crying, it would get her nowhere. She could only hope that Fili understood. How her heart hurt. It was just like when she had lost Frerin, her parents and brothers. Mahal, it hurt! Her right hand pressed over where her heart should be, willing the pain away. Willing the sting of tears from her eyes.
A clatter interrupted her thoughts. Sitting upright she gazed into the darkness, glad that she hadn't made a fire. Already out in the wild and she was going to be attacked, surely she wasn't that out of practice? The moon was full. An advantage and disadvantage. She could see, but so could her attacker. Nuil rose to her feet. Pulling her sword from its sheath with the faint sound of metal scrapping, she waited, until another twig snapping filled the air and she swung.
Mahal!
Nuil hissed glaring at the dwarf before her. The tip of her blade nearly touching his throat, resting just beneath where his neatly trimmed beard ended. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, brushing the blade.
"I could have killed you!"
"So could I," he replied. His own blade was drawn, hovering just under her raised arms and on her left side. They stared at one another until his hard gaze softened. Nuil lowered her sword.
"What do you want, Thorin?" she asked, meaning to sound harsh. It came out more strained than she would have liked.
"Come back," he said. "I was too harsh with my words. My anger overruled me."
Nuil eyed him with distrust, not knowing how much it stung him to see it. "Why? Only for you to throw me out whenever I let my doubts be known? Question something you don't agree with?"
Thorin hid his flinch at her words and sighed. "I was rash, understand me Nuilweyil. I take pride in my nephew, and hearing that he was miserable made me . . .lash out." Thorin dropped his gaze. "Miserable because of his fear of me."
"He doesn't fear you, Thorin," Nuil whispered. "He wants to make you proud. He believes that if he fails, at anything, you will be upset with him."
"I will not."
"Have you told him that?" Nuil asked. "Have you sat down with him? You teach him, yes. But know him?"
Thorin's shoulders slumped. "Forgive me."
"I already have," Nuil said. "May I return?"
Thorin sheathed his sword and offered her his arm. Nuil gave him a small smile and took it, taking comfort in his warm presence. She sighed and let the King Under the Mountain take her home.
Fili crashed into her legs the moment the door opened. It was late, so getting to the mansion was easy. Nuil was surprised that he had stayed up so late. He buried his red face in her legs and let out a choked sob. Shel dropped to her knees, pressing a kiss to his head and placing her hands on either side of his face.
Fili whipped his nose with his sleeve, giving little thought to what the dwarf standing at her side might think.
"You didn't say goodbye!"
"I know, and I am sorry, mimel ze." He made no face at the endearment. His lower lip quivered and he flung his arms around her neck. Nuil held him tightly to her and shushed him as he hiccuped. Rising to her feet she turned to Dis.
"May I?"
Dis waved her off, eyes on her brother. With a last fleeting glance at Thorin, Nuil left them to put Fili to bed.
"I hope you're happy," Dis snarled once the two had left the room. Eurig watched the two siblings in silence, jaw set tightly. He too was not happy that his son had been so upset.
"I'm not," Thorin muttered. "It wasn't my intention."
Dis sighed, coming to stand before him. "Thank you." Thorin nodded, not quite meeting her gaze. "Nuil really does care about you. She may not show it . . . in the most obvious way, but she does."
Thorin's jaw clenched. Dis leaned up and kissed his cheek, before taking Eurig's arm and leaving the room. His shoulders slumped. If Dis's words were true . . . Mahal part of him wished they were. Yet, there was always that gnawing doubt. She was a free spirit. He was a king. It seemed like fate never would be on his side.
T.A. 2866
Nuil jumped as the door to Thorin's study slammed open and the dwarf king came stomping out. His face was furious, his fists balled at his sides and he came to the living area. She watched his nostrils flare with anger as his eyes landed on her. Seeming to have nothing to say, he turned on his heel and stomped back to his study, slamming the door shut once more.
What in Mahal's name?
She set her sewing to the side and rose slowly. Thorin seemed, on edge, unhinged almost. She had never seen this from him before. What was going on? Swiftly she approached his study raising her knuckles to rap lightly on the wood. There was a poorly muffled growl before his voice rose.
"What?!"
Nuil pressed her lips into a thin line, "may I come in?" she asked calmly. There was a pause and Nuil wasn't sure if he was even going to respond before a very tired, "enter", reached her ears. Turning the handle she opened the door and did a double take.
Thorin's usually neat and ordered study was a mess. Books and rolls of parchment were scattered across the floor and some of his finest liquor glasses were shattered. The dwarf king himself was seated at his desk, arms resting limply on the armrests of his chair as he stared at the polished wood of his desk. Tentatively she stepped over the books, scrolls and glass.
"Thorin?" she asked as worry creeped into her voice. "What- whatever is the matter?"
She was standing before his desk now, watching his blue eyes as rage swirled in them along with carefully concealed hurt. He didn't answer right away, clenching and unclenching his jaw. But then he slowly placed a piece of parchment on the surface of the desk, sliding it towards her. Nuil picked it up, wary of what Thorin was doing and thinking. Hesitantly her eyes turned to the bold scrawl written on the parchment, and softly began to read them out loud.
"Thorin," she glanced at the dwarf and noticed that he had leaned down to rest his head in his hands, covering his face from her view, "I look forward to our trade meetings this coming season. Congratulate Dis on the birth of her new son. I will be arriving in Ered Luin in a fortnight, bringing my wife and son. Your Cousin, Dain."
She waited in silence, not quite sure why this news had upset Thorin. When she didn't say anything Thorin's shoulders began to shake. Her brows drew together, he wasn't crying was he? No, he wasn't. He lifted his head and gave her a sardonic smile, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. Nuil frowned at him, clutching the letter in her hands tightly.
"You don't know," he laughed bitingly.
"What do I not know?" she all but snapped at him. Nuil did not enjoy being laughed at, and found her temper beginning to run thin.
Thorin sighed, rubbing his hand over his face in one tired motion. Then he looked at her with a hard edge to his gaze. "Dain's wife, is Rana."
Nuil's eyes widened and she stumbled back slightly. What? His wife? When had that happened? But she should have known, really. She had seen the two together. By Thorin's reaction eight years ago she had thought that they had only parted on less than friendly terms. Never had she imagined that Rana would be married. And now she had a son.
Thorin leaned back in his chair. "Would you like to hear the story?"
"I'm not sure I would," she murmured sliding the letter back across the desk to him. Not with how he was speaking to her.
He didn't seem to hear her. "You should have a seat." Wordlessly she complied, sitting stiffly in one of the chair by the fireplace. Thorin rose and joined her, standing by the hearth and facing the empty grill. He took a breath and began.
"Ten years after the battle of Azanulbizar, Dain came to visit, under the same reason he now comes today," Thorin said. "I suspected nothing. Rana and I were to be wed, I saw nothing of their shared glances, or brief touches, too blind was I. It was not until after I found out that I realized what a fool I had been. They married in secret. Only after they had wed did Rana even tell me what had transpired."
Nuil swallowed, feeling an overwhelming surge of guilt wash through her. If only she had told him . . .
"When my father found out he went into a rage, casting Rana and her father out of Ered Luin for . . . humiliating me." Thorin's fists clenched. "It was only then that I was able to see her true nature, and finally understood her actions. When the next trade meetings were held Dain returned, and he brought Rana with him. I was furious, so was my father. Rana tried to get herself into the good graces of all present, to turn the other envoys from the other dwarf kingdoms against us.
"Understandably, I was still slightly in love with her. Rana even tried to rekindle the old love we used to share. But wasn't the same. She was not as she was, changed from the dwarrowdam I had once known. Since then Dain and I have not been on good terms with one another. We tolerate each other, for the sake of our people."
"I'm so sorry," she murmured looking down at her lap. She felt an odd painful sensation in her chest when Thorin spoke of him and Rana, a tingling of . . . jealousy? But she was more sorry that she didn't tell Thorin sooner, spare him the anger and pain he was experiencing now.
He scoffed. "There's nothing you could do,"
Yes. Yes, there was, she thought sadly.
Nuil was hard pressed not to scowl at the two sitting before them. Well, three. Dain's son, a young dwarfling of eleven summers sat in between his parents. He was called Bain, son of Dain. A very fitting name, she thought morbidly. Thorin and Dis were conversing with their cousin stiffly, mainly just asking after the welfare of the Iron Hills.
Fili sat on her lap, watching his cousin Bain curiously, though his cousin seemed to be ignoring him. Nuil really didn't find that all much surprising. Kili was nestled in Dis's arms, sleeping quietly with his hands curled up by his face with his lips parted slightly. Nuil could almost be a little at ease in this situation. That was until Rana turned and gave her a patronizing smirk, and Nuil's blood ran cold.
Really long chapter today, I felt like giving you all lots to read! Enjoy! So Nuil finally finds out what happened to Rana. I know a lot of you wanted her to get a punishment befitting her actions, or Nuil to roundhouse her or something like that. I'm sure I could make something like that happen, but this story is no where near over so . . .
Thank you to my reviewers!: King of Truands, uno mega, Guest, Chilled Souls of the Forgotten, and The Penned Tekrid. Also thank you to my followers and favoriters, and readers, I hope that you enjoy this chapter!
Read and Review!
~filimeala