Career Adjustment
Synopsis: Due to an "accident" at Shinra tower, everyone is now fired until further notice.
"I don't want people to think my executives are lazy, so I have managed to get jobs for you all. Reach into the box and pull out a new profession," he said, lips curled into a grin that could rival the Cheshire cat.
Warnings: Mature humor, crude humor, language, eventual smut
also, sorry if there are speech issues. English is not my first language but I will do my best!
"Stop laughing!" the red headed Turk yelled, though his pleas went unheard. He pouted and slumped in his seat. Rude patted his back and he grumbled.
Tseng picked up the piece of paper and looked at it dejectedly before he handed it to Rufus. The blond smiled and wrote Reno's name on sheet of paper, followed by his new profession.
"Then it's settled," the blond said deviously, "Reno will be a kindergarten teacher."
More laughter ensued, and Genesis even fell out his chair. Tseng wasn't amused though. How could Rufus place someone like Reno in the vicinity of small, impressionable children?
"I ain't teaching no fucking snot nosed little shits!" He protested. The enraged Turk then turned to his boss.
"Come on Tseng! You know this is fucking ridiculous!"
Tseng meant to speak on the matter, but Rufus raised his hand, silencing him with the gesture.
"Next person draw from the box," he ordered. Reno scoffed at being dismissed by the blond, but passed the box to his comrade beside him.
"Good luck, Rude."
The man nodded and unceremoniously pulled a piece of paper from the box. He read the script and stood up abruptly, startling those around the table. The man turned his head to Tseng and shook his head.
"No." He said evenly, though the commander could hear his apprehension. The long haired Turk walked over to him and held out his hand to retrieve the slip of paper. Rude was reluctant to give it to him.
"Subordinate?" he said, raising his hand in emphasis.
"I wonder what he got," Genesis whispered to Sephiroth, who just shrugged. At the moment the General was annoyed with the situation, and depending on what profession he got would reflect on if Rufus made it out with his head.
Tseng grabbed the end of the slip and tried to pull it from Rude's hold. He frowned when he was met with resistance. The Turk wanted to sympathize with his Turk but he would have to know what profession he got in order to help him.
"Relinquish your hold," he ordered.
"You're not my boss…currently," Rude said, his defiance surprising the head Turk. The man must be desperate.
"Give it to him Rude," Rufus said, his tone laced with amusement.
After what seemed like an eternity, Rude released his hold on the tiny piece of paper. Tseng gave him a thankful look before he glanced at the slip. His face went pale and he grimaced as he handed the paper to Rufus. The blond looked it over and nodded his head.
"It's a good fit, Rude," he said, as he wrote down the man's name and new profession. "Tseng, inform everyone of Rude's new lifestyle."
Tseng cleared his throat and shot an apologetic look at the man sulking in shades.
"Rude, will be working in the adult film industry," he said as professional as he could as to not embarrass the man.
"You're doing porn!" Genesis and Reno exclaimed simultaneously.
"You lucky son of a bitch!" Reno pouted. Rude didn't look so pleased.
"You wanna trade?" the red head asked.
"No trading guys," Rufus informed. He gestured for the box to pass to the next person.
Reeve took the thing nervously. The jobs in the box could range from something like a primary school teacher to a porn star, he didn't know what to expect. He pulled it out and quickly looked at it, not wanting to prolong the torture. He then smiled and kissed the paper.
"Yes! I got something easy! Film director!" The engineer was so ecstatic that he had managed to get a job that wasn't embarrassing. He passed the box to Scarlet and she yawned.
"Why do I have to do this again? I'd rather not do anything at all."
"As I've said before, my executives will not be inactive during this time," Rufus said sharply, as he reclined back into his seat.
The lady in red reluctantly pulled a slip from the box and sneered when she saw it.
"This is completely stupid," he huffed, tossing the paper on the ground. Reeve tried to pick it up but the woman stepped on his hand. He cried out at the sharp pain and retracted his hand.
"Ouch!" He whined. Scarlet rolled her eyes, unimpressed.
"It said butler," she sounded annoyed. "Shouldn't it be maid or something?"
Rufus chuckled. "Oh I assure you, there is a maid profession in the box."
For everyone who had not selected a profession yet, this was detrimental news.
"Please not me, "Angeal pleaded to whatever deity would listen to him.
"Yes, please not Angeal. Nobody wants to see that frame in a maid outfit. Oh the inhumanity!" Genesis said dramatically, placing the back of his hand to his forehead as if he would faint.
Sephiroth wasn't too keen on the news either and hoped his good fortune would aid him here as it did on the battle field.
Next up was Heidegger, who tried to get his chubby hand into the slot but it wouldn't fit.
"Dear god I hope he doesn't get the maid," Reno commented. Everyone in the room went slightly green at the image.
"Can't even get one!" The big man grumbled as he struggled to get his hand in. Rufus frowned.
"Will someone help the fat fuck out!" he scowled. Tseng nodded, and made his way over to the man.
"I can pull one for you, Sir," he offered. Heidegger nodded and sat back as Tseng reached his slender hand into the box and pulled out a slip. Without looking, he handed it to the man. Heidegger then erupted into his infamous laugh and handed the paper back to Tseng. The Head Turk read it out loud, inwardly glad that the man didn't get the maid. His stomach still felt unsettled from the imagery.
"Principal," he said.
Heidegger laughed once more. "I'll get those kids straightened out!"
"Suck for those kids," Reno smirked.
"It's almost as bad as them having you for a teacher," Genesis commented through a grin. Reno flipped him off and reclined back into his chair.
"So far, Rude," Reno began. "You've got the most intense one."
"That could just mean that all the really bad ones are left in the box," Reeve said, causing the three SOLDIER's who hadn't pulled yet to tense up. The boxed was passed to Genesis and he gulped.
"Nervous?" Reno teased. The man shook his head defiantly.
"Of course not!"
He reached in and pulled out a slip. Instead of looking at it he handed it to Sephiroth.
"You read it."
The silver haired man shrugged his shoulders and took the tiny piece of paper.
"Maid," he read out loud.
It went silent before laughter ensued. Even Sephiroth had to smirk at that. The idea of bratty ass Genesis having to serve anyone was beyond hilarious.
"I object!" the dramatic SOLDIER exclaimed.
"Once again, this is not a courtroom Genesis," Rufus informed. He could barely reign in his wide smile of amusement.
The red General glared at the ones laughing at him and pouted.
"I will not subject myself to this sort of treatment! I am Genesis Rhapsodos damn it! Son of…"
"Shut up, Genesis. You're holding up the meeting," Rufus interjected. The red SOLDIER scowled at being so rudely interrupted and tossed the box to Angeal. The dark haired man sighed as he pulled from the box without preamble. He could only hope for something that wouldn't humiliate him.
"Hmm," he said, looking at the words on the slip.
"What'd you get?" Genesis asked curiously, trying to lean over his friend's shoulder.
"Brothel manager. How shameful."
Angeal tossed the paper and frowned. "This profession is dishonorable. I will not participate."
"But Angeal!" Genesis whined, "You'll get fired…like foreal fired! We've worked too hard!"
"I know that, but I just don't know if I can do this."
Sephiroth sighed loudly beside him. "Just stop complaining so we can get the hell out of here."
With that, he snatched the box from Angeal and ignored the man's scowling face.
"My honor is on the line here Sephiroth!" he said. "I know that means nothing to you but it means a lot to me."
The silver haired man shrugged his shoulders and pulled out a profession. He shrugged his shoulders and flicked the piece of paper at the vice president. The blond frowned and signaled for Tseng to grab the paper. He did as was told and read it out loud.
"The general has been assigned to work as a secretary."
Genesis let his outrage known immediately. "That's not fair! While I'm slaving away, he'll be sitting in a comfy chair behind a desk!"
"Calm down Genesis," Rufus said, annoyed by his continued outbursts. The red haired SOLDIER crossed his arms and mumbled under his breath obscenities directed at his boss.
Rufus smirked as he directed his attention to the Turk by his side.
"I believe it's your turn, Tseng." His expression screamed maliciousness.
Tseng picked up the box and dipped his fingers into the box. There were only a few left. He pulled one out and held it up to read it.
"What'd ya get boss?" Reno asked curiously.
"I'm…not sure," he said honestly. The dark haired man walked over to his red haired subordinate and handed him the slip.
"I do not understand," he admitted. Reno took the slip and his face went red.
"Ah," he said scratching his head. "You're a fluffer…"
At that, few others coughed and tried to avoid looking at the confused Turk.
"Tell me what this is?" he asked. Reno gestured for him to lean down and he whispered what the job entitled. Tseng then look up at Rude and shook his head. There was no way he could do such things with the man.
"Please, Sir. I do not want to do something so degrading."
Rufus chuckled and ran his fingers through his silky blond locks.
"You will do your job, Turk," he said firmly before he passed the box to the youngest in the room. Cloud looked mortified. He'd been quiet for most of the meeting, though he chuckled lowly at some things. He didn't want to get a job he couldn't handle.
He felt nervous now that all eyes were on him. Light pink flushed his cheeks and he pulled a slip from the box.
"What is it blondie?" Reno teased. "Ya gonna be my assistance teacher?"
"Shut up, Reno," Rufus ordered. He turned to the other blond and smiled. "What did you get?"
"I…" he started, but lost his voice.
"Speak up."
"I…got President."
Rufus smirked and took the slip from Cloud without preamble.
"But, Sir," Tseng began. "You are the president. How can…"
Rufus raised a hand to silence him. The blond then stood up and held his hand out to Cloud.
"I will step down as President and give the position to Cloud."
The executives murmured amongst themselves at this new situation.
"I do not think this is a good idea," Tseng informed. Rufus scowled and ordered everyone to settle down.
"I will be returning to my position as Vice President, but of course I'll be helping the boy."
Cloud wanted to run away, but Rufus was griping his shoulder hard, keeping him from fleeing.
"So," Rufus began, "I've tried to keep you guys together with at least one person you know. Reno will be teaching at Heidegger's school."
"Aw fuck!" The Turk swore.
"Scarlet and Genesis will be working in the same house."
Genesis scowled. He hated Scarlet. She was almost as proud as he was. He fixed her a glare and she responded by giving him an amused smirk.
"Of course, Tseng will be Rude's fluffer," he said with dark amusement laced in his tone. Rude lowered his head and Reno patted his back in comfort.
"Reeve will occasionally be your director, but for the most part he will be working on other projects."
Reeve blushed at the thought of filming Rude in a porno. He tried to avoid eye contact with him. Rufus continued.
"As for Angeal, you unfortunately don't have a companion since no one drew the profession of 'whore'."
A collective sigh of relief ensued from all the executives and Cloud.
"Shit man," Reno swore.
"And finally, Sephiroth will serve as Cloud's secretary."
The blond blushed. Sephiroth, the General Sephiroth was going to his subordinate! How insane.
"Two last things," Rufus said. "First, you'll all be living together in a housing unit I have provided and secondly, if any of you get fired, then you're fired from Shinra as well. So please keep that in mind. Other than that, you all start work on Monday. Meeting adjourned. There are cars waiting outside to take you to your new home. Good luck."
The Vice president rose from his seat and Tseng meant to follow as always, but Rufus halted him.
"I have made accommodations for my protection." With that he walked out the room without looking back.
Tseng frowned and walked over to his two former Turks. Rude had a blank expression but his body language was tense.
"Yo, bossman," Reno greeted. "This is some fucked up shit huh? Stupid Rufus."
"I am not your boss at the moment," he said evenly. Reno smirked.
"I guess so."
Tseng glanced at the tall brooding Turk.
"It will be alright, Rude. We will get though this," he said, hoping to comfort the man. Rude just shrugged his shoulders and walked out the room. Tseng looked to Reno, who smirked in return.
"Hey, if it makes you feel any better, you can fluff me all ya want," he said cheekily as he slung an arm around Tseng's shoulder. The head Turk would have scolded him for being so unprofessional, but it didn't matter much now.
"Let's just go," Tseng said. Reno nodded and started to walk beside his former boss. He wondered how Tseng was going to take to his new job. He had told him the basics of what being a fluffer entailed, but he'd left some things out. Otherwise he thought the man would have had a heart attack at the time. Tseng would know soon enough what his job entailed and he hoped the man would be able to hold out at least until they could return back to their regular jobs, which he hoped would be soon.
He had briefly spoken to Hollander the other day and the man was busy working on a way to get rid of the mist, but he first had to figure out what Hojo had been doing. The man had seemed ecstatic about being able to go thorough Hojo's notes. He also kept saying how he couldn't wait to rub it in Hojo's face that he'd fixed the problem without his help. He could only hope Hollander could make sense of Hojo's notes.
Entangled in his thoughts, he didn't notice that Genesis had stopped walking in front of him and he collided with his firm, leather clad back. The man felt like solid brick and it hurt he bumped into him. Genesis flipped his hair and scowled in annoyance.
"Watch it," he hissed.
"Whatever maid boy," he teased, reveling in how Genesis' face went red.
"Little shit," the SOLDIER mumbled. "You hear what he said to me, Angeal?" Angeal?"
His best friend seemed to be spaced out. He sighed and placed a hand on the man's shoulder.
"Hey, Angeal," he called again, this time standing on his tip toes to whisper in his ear. The taller man shuddered and snapped out of whatever trance he was in.
"Oh," he jostled.
"You alright? You were ignoring me," he said, only slightly irritated though. Angeal sighed.
"I just, really do not want to be the manager of a brothel. It's not honorable in the least."
"I suppose, but do what you have to do so you won't get fired. I don't want to have to be stuck with Sephiroth all by myself. The man is so insufferable."
"He's right beside you Genesis."
The silver General made a sound of annoyance with his teeth and Genesis rolled his eyes.
"See!"
Angeal shook his head and guided Genesis to the exit.
There were several black vehicles waiting for them and they each hopped into one. Cloud really didn't know who he should ride with, but he decided to get into the car Tseng got in because he felt comfortable with the man. He sat next to him, but didn't look at him. Instead, he stared out the window for the ride and hoped that he would survive this new experience. He never should have taken the job as Rufus' caddy.
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