Career Adjustment
Synopsis: Due to an "accident" at Shinra tower, everyone is now fired until further notice.
"I don't want people to think my executives are lazy, so I have managed to get jobs for you all. Reach into the box and pull out a new profession," he said, lips curled into a grin that could rival the Cheshire cat.
Warnings: Mature humor, crude humor, language, eventual smut
Thanks for the comments, faves and follows! I loved reading the reviews and seeing everyone's opinion.
ilovwinning said, "I feel like this could be considered a crack fic but it's too coherent for that." Which is this story in a nutshell! Thanks for that :)
The drive to their new place of residence was quiet. Reno was seated next to Tseng, his leg jittering in anticipation. Normally, he got a thrill out of new experiences. A new mission, a new weapon or new coworker, but this was something else entirely. An experience he didn't want to experience. What the hell had Rufus been thinking with all this? That it'd be funny to mess with their lives? That being the son of the most powerful man in the world gave him the right to fuck with them?
Regardless of the annoyance he felt by the situation, there was still a part of him who found this all amusing. Maybe not "haha"funny, but entertaining nonetheless. To be able to see his comrades try to adapt to their new roles would be interesting. His aquamarines eyes glanced at the big Turk sitting in the passenger seat. Rude looked like he always did, focused, calm and stoic, but Reno knew he felt otherwise. The slight tensing of his jaw, the way his thick fingers slightly gripped the material of his pants. Not to mention his unexpected outburst in the conference earlier were all signs of his unease.
He couldn't blame him though. Rude was a very private man and even Reno, his best friend, had only met a handful of people Rude associated with outside of work. Contrary to popular belief, Rude wasn't shy. He could be very fun to be around when he was relaxed. Rude was serious, yet in the right circumstances he could be unintentionally humorous.
Unfortunately, the same couldn't be said for Tseng. He may not like Rufus, but the kid was right in his continual jest about Tseng. The man was a fucking robot. He spoke without culture, his speech perfect and lacking in character. Even his dress was uneventful; he wore his uniform in the manner expected without any customization. Even Rude wore his shades which were now synonymous with him. Tseng wasn't particularly tall or short, though he seemed smaller in comparison to Reno's tall form. The head Turk wasn't muscular like Rude, or wiry like himself. Instead, he was had a nice lean form that seemed to be the perfect sum of both their physiques. Reno even thought the man's dick was probably the epitome of average.
As much as he liked to rag about his boss' drab lifestyle, he knew the man had heart. Tseng's actions spoke more than his limited range of emotions. He was very lenient and he listened to his unit. He went out of his way to make sure they were protected and he was always sought his subordinates opinion on things. He was a great leader, which mostly made up for his personality; that and his not so average looks. His attitude may have been lacking, but his face was fucking insanely gorgeous. He wasn't even sure if the man even cared about his looks, but he could be a closest narcissist like he was.
His attention turned to the cute blond sitting on the other side of his boss. He had no idea who the kid was or how he got sucked into such an odd situation. He couldn't remember the kid's name, but he was something to look at. He could only hope the youth was of legal age in Midgar. The boy was hot, but nobody was hot enough to be put in prison for.
They arrived at a sky rise apartment complex and the car stopped.
"This is the place," the driver said.
Reno exited the vehicle and frowned as he made his way around it to meet up with his partner.
"Swank place," he commented. Rude just nodded and continued to move forward.
Inside, the SOLDIER's were already standing aimlessly in the lobby area, along with the other executives.
"Seems like everyone is here now," a young man dressed in a sharp suit said.
"I'm the owner of this complex and Rufus Shinra has entrusted me to see that you are all settled in comfortably. Please, follow me."
They did as was told and the man led them to the elevators, but unlike the elevators in Shinra tower, they were spacious and big enough to accommodate them all comfortably. The elevator ride was short, but it took them all the way to the top floor. The man entered a code in, which by instinct the Turk's paid special attention to. The doors opened and they were surprised to find themselves already in their new residence.
"Oh, now this is wonderful!" Genesis pushed to the front and was the first to step over the threshold into the space. They all followed suit, most gawking at the amazing architecture of the place. High ceilings, light walls offset by dark ones, sleek appliances and a panoramic glass window. The style was modern, and contemporary furniture doused the area. It was really quite a daring, bold design.
"This is so perfect!" the red SOLDIER beamed, running his gloved fingers over the modern mantel of the sleek fireplace. The flames weren't real, but the heat could be felt just the same.
"It really is nice," Angeal added as he wandered into the largest kitchen he'd ever seen. There were two stoves, two large refrigerators, and enough counter space for them to easily make meals simultaneously.
Reno walked over to the huge thick glass window that covered the wall. The view was nice… well as nice as a city with eight mako reactors could be. He tapped the glass to get a depth of just how thick it was.
"Yeah, no one's jumpin' out this way," he chuckled.
"If I may have your attention," the owner said loud enough for everyone to hear. "I am also to inform you that there will be two to a room, except in Miss Scarlet's case and one other person."
Sephiroth sighed at that and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. Now on top of this stupid job thing, he wouldn't have any privacy.
"To ensure diversity, Rufus has assigned roommates," the man informed.
"In other words," Genesis spoke, "To ensure our misery!"He let out a great sigh before he plopped down on a pale gray sofa in exasperation.
"I hope I don't get stuck with a Turk," the Banoran added. Reno rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.
"The fuck does that mean?" Reno retorted. Genesis shot a sidelong glance that held sarcasm in his brilliant pale blue eyes.
"My apologies. I meant to say I don't want to get stuck with you, specifically."
Reno snickered. "Same here. It'd be a disgrace for someone like me to share a room with a bottled redhead."
At that, Angeal sighed and started to rub his temples in advance of the oncoming headache. Genesis stood up and seemingly glided over to where the Turk was. Reno was a bit startled at his speed but didn't let it show though his cocky expression.
"I'm a natural! It is you who are the phony here! I've never seen such a color in nature!"
Instead of being insulted, Reno just shrugged and ran his fingers though his deep red spikes.
"Don't get butt hurt just because my color is more vibrant than your washed out, month old color treatment." The Turk couldn't hold back a grin even if he wanted to…and he didn't.
Genesis was red now. His coloring very close to resembling Reno's vibrant hair. Sensing imminent destruction, Angeal intervened. He grabbed Genesis by the arm and pulled him aside.
"Let it go Genesis. You've nothing to prove to him," he said.
"But Angeal! He insulted one of my best features and challenged my integrity! I know you can't understand since your hair is boring and bland, but this is battle of truths here!"
Angeal frowned at the comment. Unlike his other two counterparts, he didn't particularly like hair in his face and he honestly didn't see how Sephiroth's bangs didn't affect his peripheral vision. Genesis was about to speak again but the owner cleared out his throat.
"If you don't mind, I'll read off the room assignments. First we have Heidegger and…"
Just about everyone besides Heidegger was wishing to not get stuck with the man. Even Tseng was slightly anxious. Rooming with his boss wouldn't really bother him, but it was well known that the man was a horrid snorer. You could hear the man bellowing down the halls of Shinra through his closed office door when the man dosed off.
"…Reeve."
There was a collective sigh and one drawn out groan from Reeve. Reno patted him on the back in sympathy. Heidegger laughed loudly as he patted his belly.
"Dorm days again! I say, bring it on! We'll a blast right Reeve," the bearded man said jovially.
Reeve nodded hesitantly. Reno wrapped his arm around the man's shoulder and smirked.
"Hey, make sure you sleep with your butt facing the wall. There's this rumor that fat fuck over there likes to give men a surprise at night."
Reeve blushed at the information. "W-what? Stop lying Reno."
"I ain't saying it's true or false. All I know is that guys that used to do field work with him said they always woke up with loose assholes. Just keep one eye open and you anus clenched tight tonight." Reeve looked horrified as he glanced over his shoulder at the heavy man who seemed to be amused by the situation more than anyone else.
"That's stupid," Reeve said, though his nervousness was apparent. Reno shrugged his shoulders.
"Hey, I'm just saying, if you keep having a nightmare about a ham sandwich up your ass then it might not be a dream at all."
The red haired Turk smirked at Reeve's obvious newfound fear and wanted to tease him more, but a firm look from Tseng told him he shouldn't.
"Stop being vulgar, Reno," Tseng said sharply. The spiky haired Turk was going to say, "You're not the boss of me anymore", but he felt like he'd pay for that comment later on. So instead of retorting, he pretended to zip his lips shut and moved away from Reeve. His job here was done anyway. The seed had been planted.
"Next we'll have Reno…"
"Whooooo!" the Turk hollered at his name being called. "Hope I get Blondie!"
This made Cloud, who was trying so hard to make himself invisible, a topic again. A few glanced back and him and Scarlet winked, which brought a bight flush to his cheeks. He wished he could dissipate into air right now.
"…and Lazard."
"What? That fucker wasn't even at the meeting!" Reno scowled. He had gotten a blond all right, but it was indeed the wrong one.
The owner spoke. "Rufus has informed me that two executives were missing from the meeting, but nevertheless they were assigned new professions as well. Lazard will be arriving later on tonight, and Palmer will be arriving in a day or so."
"Well," Reno shrugged. "At least I didn't get Palmer."
"I'll continue then," the man said. "Sephiroth will be sharing with Tseng."
Sephiroth cast a glance at the head Turk standing a few feet in front of him and after consideration, shrugged his shoulders, indifferent.
"Angeal will be rooming with Rude."
Genesis had already done the math in his head. There would only be more pairing called because the last person had a room of their own, which left him with the best case scenario of getting a room to himself…or the worst case scenario of sharing with Palmer…or the neutral case of sharing with the blond boy. He gripped Angeal's arm in anticipation.
"And Genesis will be staying with Palmer."
Reno burst out laughing before even Genesis could react. The red SOLDIER's mouth dropped in surprise.
"Which means Cloud will have his own room. That is all for the room assignment section. Now I will discuss some other issues Rufus wanted me to bring to your attention."
Genesis was only partially listening though, his thoughts to filled with disappointment. He didn't want to room with Palmer. The man was weird, ugly and wore terrible suits. He wished they didn't have room assignments; otherwise he'd be content with rooming with his best friend. Stupid Rufus, he thought bitterly. He only started to pay attention when the man started talking about money.
"…cards will be given to you all with the amount of five grand each. This money is to be spent on a new wardrobe, food items, and personal items."
"Only five grand!" Scarlet recoiled. "This dress I'm wearing now is 7,000 dollars!"
"He's just giving it to you to tie you over until those of you who cannot retrieve your bank cards can buy something until new ones are sent. Also, he explicitly states that you should by clothes that are appropriate for your new workplace. Those who have jobs that require a uniform will receive them on Monday. Are there any questions?"
"Um, yeah!" Genesis called out, rage apparent. "Why the fuck do I have to share with Palmer. He's so weird and grotesque."
"You two will make a great couple then," Reno instigated. Angeal then held Genesis back, which was almost second nature now.
"Shut up you skinny ass bowlegged tramp!" the red SOLDIER retorted, but Reno just smirked. The Turk then grabbed his card from the owner and gestured for Rude to follow. He did so reluctantly.
"Let's go shopping, yo," he said, slipping the new card into his breast pocket. "You wanna come Tseng?"
The Turk shook his head. "I'll go later on."
Reno shrugged and headed for the exit.
"Wait! I haven't given you the code for the door yet!" the manager said.
Reno yawned, as if this were old news. "Yea we already got that. See ya later, then."
Genesis snatched his card, having decided that shopping might make him feel better. Soon, just about everyone had left except for Tseng and Cloud. The blond stood by the window and watched as acid rain fell from the heavens. The glass was so thick that he could barely hear the thunder. He did like the fact that he could see where lightning was striking though.
He looked at his bank card and stared at it with slight fascination. He'd never in his life had so much money to his name. Scarlet had laughed off the amount as if it were nothing, but to Cloud it something. He wouldn't just spend recklessly. He'd buy a few items of clothing; some shoes, food and toiletries, then send the rest to his mother back home. His fingers tightened around the card which probably saved him from dropping it a second later. Tseng had suddenly appeared beside him and it took everything in his power to hold back a startled gasp.
"My apologies, I did not mean to startle you, but years of ingrained stealth are impossible to depart from my stride."
"Ah, sure," The young blond said, trying to breathe and slow down his heart rate. Once he was a bit calmer, he placed the card back in his pocket and regarded Tseng with a casual glance.
"You need to tell me something, Sir?" he said awkwardly, not really knowing if he was supposed to keep the title or not. Tseng shook his head.
"Tseng will suffice, and I would like to offer you some advice. Please try not to get sucked into the insanity of this place. You're a good kid, Cloud, and I can assure you that while staying with men of this caliber won't leave you untouched, just do your best to maintain your innocence."
Cloud nodded, but he really had no idea what Tseng had just said to him. He wasn't sure if the man speaking literally or figuratively and he wanted to ask but he didn't want Tseng to think he was dumb. A lot of people took one look at him and wrote him off as a cute, but dumb blond. Though he really didn't make an effort to prove them wrong, it still irked him. However; he had to admit he felt pretty dumb next to Tseng.
"I can tell you're confused," Tseng said and Cloud thought he saw a ghost of a smile but it was gone almost immediately. The blond wished he could better mask his emotions. Tseng had read him like an open book.
"I think you'll understand later, but please, refer to me if you need help."
"Um, thanks," Cloud said clumsily. "But, why are you being so helpful?"
Tseng reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He selected one and lit it with a sleek black lighter. He inhaled, closing his eyes as if he were savoring everything the cigarette had to offer. The good and the bad. He blew out a plume of smoke and continued the cycle before he turned to the spiky haired youth.
"I'd rather have a wilted flower, than no flower at all."
The man then walked away, leaving Cloud to decipher what that meant. The blond looked over his shoulder and watched as Tseng headed for the exit. The man entered the pass code and left in the door/elevator. Once he was gone, Cloud scratched his head and searched his limited sixteen year old mind for an interpretation of Tseng's words, but it all came back to…
What the fuck was he talking about?
A/N: So, dunno if you guys noticed but I wrote a line that had said that Lazard was at the meeting but that one line was so not supposed to be there so that's why he wasn't assigned anything. But that chapter(2) has been revised and that line no longer exists so...yeah. Kuddos if you caught it though.
Also, no mayor Domino. Dunno If anyone was rooting for him to be in this but he wont be a main character. He may make an appearance though.
Updates should be more frequent. I had a computer error last week and had to get it fixed.
And before it is brought up, I realize that in the game Heidegger hates Scarlet/Everybody, but I kinda want to play on that in this story later on. So he's nice...for now.