The Guardians, the Data Disk, and the Case That Should Not Be Opened
Everyone has their secrets. Which is not necessarily a bad thing.
"This is a matter that requires tact, discretion and subtlety," said Nova Prime to the Guardians.
"You've come to the right place, lady," said Rocket, scratching his butt.
"Why don't you use your Nova Force people?" said Peter.
"That ... might not be appropriate," said Nova Prime.
"Ah," said Gamora. "This is not exactly an official project, is it? So you thought of us. Since our status is ... gray. And we are ... expendable."
Nova Prime glanced at her assistant, and said: "Hoover, there's no need to take minutes of this meeting ... Hoover!"
Hoover was staring, starry-eyed, at Groot. What was obviously on her mind had nothing to do with taking minutes.
Groot leaned close to her and whispered: "I am Groot."
Hoover giggled, and blushed.
"Oh brother," said Rocket.
"Who do you want us to kill?" said Drax to Nova Prime.
"That won't be necessary," said Nova Prime. "At least, I don't think it will be."
"But it might be?" said Drax hopefully.
Peter sighed. "What's the job, exactly?" he said.
"It's very simple, really," said Nova Prime. "You just have to meet with some people, here on Xandar, and give them some money in return for a particular item. A data disk."
"What sort of people?" said Peter.
"Have you heard of the Luxori Consortium?"
"Sure, a bunch of pirates with a fancy name. When I was with Yondu Udonta and his crew of Ravagers, we had a series of run-ins with them. In fact, I heard that not too long back they jumped Yondu's ship, sent it down and stole his cargo, and Yondu got his leg broken. Is that what this is about?"
"Uh, well, in a manner of speaking," said Nova Prime. "I understand that they also stole the disk. It had ... certain information ... on it. Information of importance to ... Xandar. Yes, that's what I mean, important to Xandar."
"Hold it," said Rocket. "You're saying that Yondu Udonta was carrying important government information?"
"Yes, that's right," said Nova Prime. "Important government information. Highly classified. Top secret. The toppest."
"Knowing Yondu, it doesn't sound very likely," said Peter.
"We'll do it," said Gamora.
"We will?" said Peter.
"But it will cost you extra," said Rocket.
Nova Prime sighed. "How much extra?" she said.
Peter mentioned a figure. Nova Prime quickly agreed.
"Damn," said Peter.
The Guardians were sitting at a long table in the middle of an empty warehouse on the fringe of the city, waiting for the representatives of the Luxori Consortium to appear. There was a case on the table: the money.
"I say we take the money and tell Hairstyle that the disk was destroyed in the firefight," said Rocket.
"I am Groot," said Groot.
"The firefight that happened when we took the money, of course," said Rocket to him. "Duh."
"I like this plan about the firefight," said Drax.
"Hmm," said Peter.
Gamora rolled her eyes. "Even by the standards of dishonest people, you are untrustworthy," she said. "I have no idea why I am your friend. You do not deserve me."
"True, we don't," said Rocket. "But maybe not in the way you mean."
Peter nodded towards the case. "How much do you think is in there?" he said.
"A lot," said Rocket. "I hope."
"You know," said Drax, "it is not a very nice case."
Now that he thought about it, Peter had to agree. It was a rather battered piece of stuff, without the obsessive cleanliness of the Xandarian polishing class. In fact, it looked like something that would come off a Ravager ship. Hmm.
The door on the other side of the warehouse opened and a troop of people came in. Five of them sat down at the table and the others – big guys with guns – lined up behind them.
"Too late," muttered Rocket.
Drax was staring at one of the Consortium members, a woman. She was wearing a rather strange shirt. It said Krispy Kreme. It had little pictures of round fried objects.
"What is Krispy Kreme?" he said to her.
"A chain of stores on Terra," she said, surprised. "They sell donuts."
"Ah," said Drax. "Donuts. You wouldn't happen to have any with you, would you? I could trade. I make them. I would exchange one of mine for a Krispy Kreme one."
The woman looked at him. "You ... make donuts?" she said.
The guy who seemed to be the leader snorted in derision. "A lummox like you?" he said.
Drax whispered to the others: "What is a lummox? Is that a metaphor for a person who cooks?"
"No," said Gamora. "It is a metaphor for a person who is an idiot."
Rocket put his head into his hands. "Oh no," he muttered.
"Hey!" said Drax to the Consortium people. "That is ... unpleasant!" He pulled something from the pocket of his trousers and put it onto the table. Once, it might have been a donut. Sort of. Drax-made. If you can call them donuts.
"That is the worst-looking donut ever," said the man.
"You didn't see his first attempts," said Peter. "But we are here to take the data disk."
"And give us the money," said the guy.
"Uh, yeah, that too," said Rocket.
"What do you mean, 'worst-looking donut ever'?" said Drax. "What's wrong with it?"
"Ha!" said the guy.
The woman in the KK shirt shrugged. "Well, Yuroy, my first attempts were not so good either," she said.
The man turned to her. "Come off it, Memi," he said. "This guy's donut is pathetic."
"It is not!" said Drax.
"Look at it!" said Yuroy. "Laughable! No body, no texture, and ... no hole."
Drax drew his knife. He rammed it into the middle of his donut. "There," he said. "A hole."
"It doesn't count," said the guy.
Drax reached across the table, grabbed Yuroy by the hair, and smashed his face into the table.
"Oh ... dear," muttered Peter.
The guys with the guns were raising them. Drax lifted the table and threw it onto its side, as a shield. Then he pushed it along the floor, like a bulldozer. It ploughed into the guys, ramming them into the wall. Memi leaped aside but everyone else went down in a pile.
Peter, Gamora, Rocket and Groot were still sitting in their chairs. They looked at what was left of the Luxori Consortium.
"Well, that went well, I think," said Peter.
"You shouldn't insult someone's donuts," said Drax. "Well, not unless you are friends who have proven themselves on the field of battle."
"I agree," said Memi. She looked at Drax. "Say," she said, "are you, you know, seeing anyone?"
"I see many people, all the time," said Drax.
"You have to keep it very simple," said Rocket to Memi.
"I am Groot," said Groot.
"Yeah," said Rocket. "Very, very, very simple."
"Huh," said Memi. She pulled a pen from her pocket. She took Drax's hand and wrote a number on his palm. "Give me a call," she said. "To ... discuss donuts."
"I would like that," said Drax.
Gamora was going through the unconscious leader's pockets.
"Secret compartment inside the coat, on the right," said Memi.
Gamora looked there. She pulled it out. "Toppest secret," she said.
Except it didn't look Toppest Secret. The disk was really old. The sort of thing that was used over thirty years ago. It looked like it had been played a lot. Like, a million times. It had a 'no-copy' protection tab.
"Something fishy here," said Peter.
"Yeah, we win, that's what fishy," said Rocket, picking up the case.
They walked out of the warehouse ... except Drax, who was still talking donuts with Memi.
Peter threw the disk up and caught it again. "Just what do you think is on this?" he said.
Gamora pulled a portable disk-player from her jacket. "It is a good thing that someone in this team thinks ahead," she said.
They stopped at a little park. Gamora put the disk into the player.
It was a stage, like in a nightclub. A blue-skinned man came onto the stage. "Welcome to Yondu's!" he said. "We have a special treat tonight!"
"Hey, isn't that ... that Ravager guy?" said Rocket. "Or his son?"
"I think that it's an old disk," said Gamora.
"Oh," said Rocket.
"You know, I recall Yondu once saying that he ran a nightclub before going into the smash-and-grab business," said Peter.
Yondu said: "Let me present the brightest, shiningest, sexiest star in the galaxy – and my close personal friend – SUPERNOVA!"
He left the stage and a blond woman came on. She started to dance – insofar as one can dance to music that sounded like a garbage can full of plumbing fittings falling down a fire escape. She was enjoying herself. Like a woman born to dance sexy.
"She's, er, pretty good, under the circumstances," said Peter.
"Uh ... yeah," said Rocket.
The woman sashayed back and forward across the stage, to cheers from the crowd. She gave a shake of her breasts and a wiggle of her hips. She began to remove her –
"And I think that is all we need to see of that," said Gamora, pushing the STOP button.
"Hey!" said Rocket.
"I am Groot," said Groot.
"Familiar?" said Rocket. "What, do you go to a lot of nightclubs?"
"I thought so too," said Peter. He turned the player back on, freezing the frame. He enlarged the woman's smiling face.
Peter said: "Is that ... ?"
"I think it is," said Rocket.
"Which explains a number of things," said Gamora.
They all stared at the face. The woman was younger than she was now, many years younger, but the face was definitely that of ... Nova Prime.
The place that they were supposed to meet Nova Prime was not her usual office. It was an office in a rather anonymous-looking building some distance from Central Administration. Actually, not really an office. More like a storeroom or something. Only Nova Prime and Hoover were there when Peter, Gamora, Rocket and Groot arrived.
"Did you get it?" said Nova Prime.
Peter handed the disk to her. She took it gratefully.
She saw that Rocket was holding the case.
"Oh, this?" said Rocket. "No, this isn't your case. It's another one. I admit they look a bit similar. But, no, this is a different one."
There was a crash as the door flew open. Yuroy – his nose bandaged – and two of his men burst in. They had guns, bigger ones than the guns they had had before. They did not look happy.
"Give us our money," Yuroy growled.
"What, this?" said Rocket. "What makes you think it's yours?"
From the other side of the room, another man stepped out of the shadows. He also had a gun, and it was pointed at Yuroy. He had a walking stick, like a man who had recently had his leg broken.
"Give them the case, Rocket," Yondu said.
"Er ... no," said Rocket.
Gamora sighed. She took the case from Rocket – not easy – and handed it to Yuroy. "There, now get out of here before I kill you," she said.
Yuroy looked at her, wondering if she was joking. Then he concluded that she probably wasn't. He and his men backed out of the room.
Nova Prime turned to Yondu. "Thank you for your assistance, Mister Udonta," she said. "How can I repay you?"
"Ma'am!" said Hoover. "We should not be dealing with this man! He is a pirate, a black marketeer, and a scoundrel!"
Nova Prime looked at her and smiled. "You don't know the half of it, sweetie," she said.
"Perhaps," said Yondu, "you could just ... shake my hand."
So Nova Prime and Yundo Udonta shook hands. And as they did, the disk secretly passed again to the man who considered it a prized possession.
"And if a handshake is not sufficient," said Gamora to Nova Prime, "you will probably be able to think of something else ... Supernova."
Nova Prime stared at her. Then she smiled again. "I expect so," she said.
"Why is everyone so happy!?" said Rocket. "We lost the money. The ... extra ... money. The extra extra money."
"Not really," said Yundo. "Right about now, those guys are probably opening the case."
In the distance, there was the sound of a small-ish explosion.
"Huh," said Rocket. "And people say that I'm untrustworthy."
"You are untrustworthy," said Peter.
"Well ... possibly," said Rocket.
"I could use a drink," said Gamora. "Hoover, you should come with us."
"I am Groot," said Groot.
"Really?" said Hoover. "But ... I'm working."
"You have my permission to go away," said Nova Prime.
So the Guardians and Hoover left, looking for a bar.
As they walked along, Rocket said: "That was a really stupid story."
"I thought it was somewhat appealing," said Gamora.
"Can be both," said Peter.
END