Career Adjustment

Synopsis: Due to an "accident" at Shinra tower, everyone is now fired until further notice.

"I don't want people to think my executives are lazy, so I have managed to get jobs for you all. Reach into the box and pull out a new profession," he said, lips curled into a grin that could rival the Cheshire cat.

Warnings: Mature humor, crude humor, language, eventual smut

Reno and Rude rode the elevator up after coming from a long day of shopping. They had bought clothes which they thought was appropriate for their new job, though Reno did blow some of the money on a new game system. When they arrived at their grand condo, there wasn't anyone home.

"Guess everyone's still out," Reno observed. Rude nodded and headed upstairs to the bedrooms. Like a cheesy freshman dorm, their names were decorated on the door. He went into his room and frowned at how small it was. He thought they would be bigger, considering the huge open layout downstairs. The room was about 11'x10' and there were twin beds situated on either side of the room. The twins were extra long so his feet wouldn't hang off. There was a sizeable window between the beds and a dresser settled underneath it. The beds made with light blue sheets and a white comforter. Rude wasn't too fond of the bright color, and would have to remember to buy darker replacements.

As he was unpacking his new clothes, Reno shuffled in; his bright eyes scanning over the man's room.

"The rooms are all pretty small then. Mine ain't much bigger than this, but it's got a bathroom," he commented. The spiky red haired Turk plopped down on what would be Angeal's bed and sighed.

"Man, this shit is so fucked up," he groaned. "You're lucky you got Angeal. I'm stuck with the asshole bastard son. You know at last year's Halloween party he asked if I was dressed as a crack head, when I was clearly a scarecrow!"

Rude smirked at that, and started to hang up his clothes. They weren't really anything different than what he usually wore outside of work. He just needed something to wear because obviously he wasn't going to need clothes in his profession. His smirk dissipated at that. How was he supposed to "that" in front of all those people? Rude was no stranger to watching porn, so he had a good idea of what he going to have to do. He figured he was doing profession pornography since he had a fluffer, which was unfortunately his boss. The big Turk couldn't even comprehended the fact that Tseng would be prepping him for shots, taking care of him on set and basically doing whatever he needed to do to make Rude look perfect.

"Hey, Rude," Reno called out, "Ya think Genesis and Angeal are fucking?"

Rude shrugged. There was definitely something there, but he didn't know if it was sexual or not.

"I think they are," Reno said, "I bet they have rough, SOLDIER sex every day."

"Why are you thinking about this?" he questioned. Sex, for once, was the last thing he wanted to think about.

"I dunno," he responded as he stretched out over the bed. "You think Rufus wants to fuck that blond boy?"

"Most definitely," Rude said confidently. In fact, he could tell from the moment the nobody cadet stepped into the Executive meeting. There was quite literally, no reason for him to be there at all, so yes, he knew Rufus wanted to keep track of this one. But Rufus wasn't the only one after Cloud's goodies. The man shot a look over his shoulder at the culprit.

"I gotta get to em' before that guy does. I mean, who wouldn't like me, right?" Reno said cockily.

"I most certainly wouldn't," Genesis said as he waltzed in like he owned the room. Angeal trailed behind him with several bags in his hand.

"Pets aren't allowed on the bed," the fiery SOLDIER said as he used his superior strength to shove Reno off.

"Hey man, fuck you!" Reno shouted. Rude frowned as the room was now very crowded, even with only four people in it.

Angeal smiled at his new roommate and extended his hand to Rude.

"Nice to meet you, Rude. Let's be friends alright."

The Turk nodded, but inside he knew he would never be this man's friend for the simple fact that Genesis was his best friend. And as the saying goes, any friend of my friend is also a friend. If that meant he would by default be Genesis' friend as well then no, they would never be friends.

He shook his hand firmly and Angeal smiled before turning to best friend who was swiping his gloved finger across the windowsill for dust. He obviously just wanted something to complain about.

"Angeal, help me unpack first," he said as he glided over to his friend, grabbing his arm.

"Sure, why not. I'll be back, Rude." Genesis practically dragged him out of the room, mumbling that he wished he could be with him and not that weirdo Palmer.

Reno slammed the door shut after they left; still pissed that Genesis pushed him.

"Fucktard," he scowled, then deliberately plopped on Angeal's bed again. Rude had finished putting up his clothes and grabbed the last box he hadn't unpacked. He opened it and pulled out his new laptop. Reno swore once he saw it.

"Forget to buy one too."

"You didn't forget, you bought a game system remember." At the mall he kept telling the red head to buy one, but Reno insisted that he needed this new system.

"Eh, I regret nothing," he smirked. Rude was plugging it in when they heard very loud stomping coming from the hallway, accompanied by exasperated groans. Curious, Reno opened the door and was meet with the sight of a very enraged Lazard. Behind him was a poor sap that had to carry his bags…that sap being Cloud. Wrong time…wrong place, he guessed.

"Hey roommie," Reno said as he slinked out from behind the door. Lazard glared at him, but continued on. Reno followed him, and walked next to the cadet that could barely be seen underneath all the bags.

"How'd ya get suckered into carrying prissy pant's shit?" he asked.

"Um…he kinda just shoved it at me and told me to follow him," the blond admitted. Reno sighed.

"Come on kid. Ya can't let Lazard of all people push ya around."

"But…he's the SOLDIER director…"

"Not now he isn't, dumbo," he smirked, ruffling the boy's hair. In fact, Reno didn't know what Lazard's new profession was yet. With a devious, yet debonair smile, he rushed to catch up with the director and opened the door for him. Lazard eyed him suspiciously, but signaled for Cloud to come in with his stuff. Reno had already bought new sheets, which were a eye-popping bright orange. It clashed with his hair and went terribly with the room. It would effectively piss Lazard off, he hoped.

"Just put my stuff on the only sane bed in the room," he ordered. Cloud set them down and made for the exit. He didn't want to be around those two for very long. Out of all the room arrangements, he felt this one was the worst.

Lazard handed him 100 gil before he walked out and Cloud took it without hesitation. He might have thought he was a bell boy, since he was so out of place.

Reno sat down on his vibrant bed and fixed his aqua gaze on the man before him. Lazard was obviously displeased with the room.

"So," Reno began, only to be silenced by a perfectly manicured hand.

"Please, don't speak to me," he snapped. The blond then started to unpack. Reno watched as the man angrily hung up his clothes and placed his things in the top two drawers.

"Ah come on roommie don't be like that," he replied through a sinister grin. Lazard's lips curled back into a snarl.

"Don't tell me what to do."

Reno snickered. "What's ya new job four eyes? I know there were only like two professions left in that box."

Lazard paused at that, suddenly very tense. "I…I don't want to talk about it."

"Ya know he's gonna tell us anyway. You want your spoiled, asshole little brother to announce it to everyone or would you rather do it yourself?"

The blond pushed up his glasses in thought. "I'd rather you shut up by either shoving that putrid orange blanket in your herpes infested mouth, or you can be a really spectacular roommate by drowning yourself in the bathtub."

Reno just chuckled at the insult and stood up.

"Such hostility," he teased, moving to the exit. "But I suppose I'd be upset too if my little brother just made me a whore."

Lazard's eyes went wide and he spun around to face the malicious man. "How…how did you know?"

Reno held up his phone and flipped it open, the screen revealing a list.

"He sent us an email with everyone's updated job. Didn't you get the memo?"

The blond hastily pulled out his phone. It had been on silent so he didn't hear any notification of the email. He frowned as he placed the device back in his pocket. Reno winked at the man.

"Hey, I'll stop by the whore house after a hard day's work and you can suck my dick." Reno's grin widened at the sight of Lazard face beaming red with either rage or embarrassment.

"I'd never let your STD encrusted prick near my lips," he hissed out. Reno shrugged and opened the door to leave. He could still hear Lazard fuming when he left. Tseng came into view and he was also carrying a few bags.

"Need any help, yo?"

Tseng nodded his head. "If you could open this door for me."

Reno nodded. "Looks like you and the General are across from us."

When Reno walked into Tseng's room, he was shocked by how spacious it was. The room was equipped with two full sized beds, a large luxurious bathroom, a balcony and even a small kitchenette.

"What the fuck!" he exclaimed. Tseng eyed him curiously.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"My room, hell, no one's room is this big!"

"Well, this is the master. I suppose he just wanted to keep Sephiroth happy."

That did make sense, Reno thought. Sephiroth was the golden boy of Shinra so of course he'd be taken care of. The red head scowled as he left the room, mumbling about inequality and such. Tseng watched Reno go with mild amusement. Even he hadn't expected to be placed in such a large space. The Turk was unpacking when the door opened again. The General walked in and acknowledged Tseng with a nod. Tseng did the same.

He hoped sharing with Sephiroth wouldn't be so bad. The man seemed to keep to himself and Tseng was fine with that. Sephiroth didn't bother to unpack and just kicked off his shoes so he could get into bed. The man didn't move so he assumed he was going to sleep. The Turk finished unpacking and was now a bit hungry. He was really glad for the small kitchenette. It would allow him to be able to make some small meals without having to use the main kitchen.

He pulled out his brand new rice cooker for which he spared no expense. The object was placed on the counter and he plugged it in. He had bought several bags of brown rice and he intended to eat it with just some salt and a bit of pepper. Brown rice took longer to cook than white rice so he decided to fix up his side of the room. He had bought some nice dark blue sheets and a soft, feather stuffed pillow. As he was making his bed, the door slammed open, startling him but he showed no reaction other than the "holy shit" that ringed in his head.

Genesis walked in with his jaw dropped as he surveyed the room. Tseng was not pleased with the rudeness.

"You should knock before entering," he scolded, which Genesis ignored. He went into the bathroom and made a noise of frustration. The nuburn haired SOLDIER came stomping out with a scowl on his face.

"This is totally unfair! Why don't I have a room like this!"

He fixed his mako enhanced gaze on the General sleeping soundly on the bed.

"Oh, so you like your bed hmm? You know what I have to sleep on? A twin! A fucking twin sized bed! And yet here you lie, bundled like a newborn babe in such a spacious crib that your rich parents bought you!"

Tseng wondered why he had to go into such detail about the parents. Sephiroth didn't stir and Genesis was getting increasingly upset. He raised his red gloved fist and was about to pound it into Sephiroth's side when the silver haired man turned over and socked Genesis in the abdomen. The motion was so swift and powerful; it had Genesis stunned for a few seconds before he doubled over in pain.

Sephiroth didn't say anything either. He resumed his previous position and went back to sleep.

Tseng could only imagine how strong Sephiroth was to make Genesis double over like that with one hit. He was sure that if Sephiroth had struck him like that, it'd go right through his body. The SOLDIER's strength was insane.

Genesis pulled himself to his feet and dragged himself to the door.

"This isn't over yet," he said before he left, slamming the door behind him. Sephiroth grumbled at the noise and placed a pillow over his head.

Tseng hoped Genesis wouldn't become a problem, or he'd have to confront him. The Turk would not tolerate the SOLDIER's rudeness in his own room.

The blinking green light on his rice cooker signaled its completion. He opened the top and scooped up a helping of steaming hot rice into a white bowl. He added a bit of salt and pepper and used his wooden chopsticks to mix it in. There was a small table for two by the window and he took his meal there, eating in silence.

"How appetizing," he heard a deep voice say from behind. He turned his head to see the General standing over him. He'd been so quiet, the Turk didn't hear him. A SOLDIER light on his feet was a dangerous notion.

Sephiroth sat in the chair across from him, his expression lacking.

"It's good for your heath," the Turk explained evenly, taking another small bite.

The silver haired man glanced outside the window. It was raining again, and more heavily. Tseng watched as the man across from him followed tiny droplets of water on the glass. It was slightly eerie how the glow from his eyes shone on the glass as he eyed the droplets.

"Health over flavor," Sephiroth stated.

"Not always. Food can taste good and be beneficial."

Sephiroth glanced at the unapetizing meal and shook his head.

"We'll that looks terrible," the man said before he grabbed a fork from the nearby counter. He scooped up some brown rice from the man's bowl and his face contorted in disgust.

"It tastes terrible too."

Tseng didn't appreciate the man's comment or him eating from his bowl without permission. He finished his meal and washed out his bowl, placing it to the side after it was clean. Sephiroth was still staring out the window. Maybe he liked the rain, Tseng knew he did. Well not the acid rain in Midgar but rain in general he liked. He wouldn't dare be out in the rain in this city for too long.

"So, are you a virgin?" Sephiroth asked, not even looking away from the window.

"What?" Tseng nearly dropped the metal bowl from the rice cooker he was currently washing. How dare Sephiroth ask him such a personal question?

"Such matters concern you not," the long haired Turk responded, holding back indignation from his tone. The silver General turned away from the window to fix his gaze on the Turk.

"I think you're a virgin," he said plainly. Tseng ignored his comment. The Turk was starting to think that it wasn't only Genesis' rudeness he'd have to worry about. Since he was sharing a room with Sephiroth, he thought he should lay down some ground rules. He sat back in the chair, this time with a cup of hot jasmine tea for both of them. Sephiroth grabbed some sugar and started pouring packets of it in his cup.

"Honey is a better option to sweeten the tea," the Turk informed. Sephiroth stirred in the sugar and took a sip. It was decent but he preferred coffee over tea. He watched as Tseng took a careful sip, slowly savoring the silky taste. The general smirked.

"I know for sure you've never fucked anyone now."

Tseng eyed him with annoyance and distaste as he placed his cup down.

"Let's set some rules," he said sharply. Sephiroth shrugged his shoulders.

"First and foremost, if you make a mess, then clean it up. I do not like dirty dishes or a messy room."

The general smirked. "That sounds like a personal problem to me."

Tseng frowned at that. "No it's not. This ensures respect on both parties."

"I bet you sound sexy in your native language."

"Please focus on the task at hand."

Tseng took another sip of his tea. It was really helping him be calm with the irritating SOLDIER.

"Second, I don't want Genesis barging in here. It's rude."

"How is that my problem?"

"He's your friend, so fix it."

Sephiroth shrugged. Genesis rarely listened to him on the battlefield, so he knew for sure he wasn't going to listen to him about his rudeness. He might start barging in on purpose out of spite if Sephiroth told him not to. He decided he'd deal with it later.

"What about late night visitors," the silver haired one asked with a sly grin.

"If you inform me in advance then I can leave or I can put headphones on. They block sound."

"So, it's just me that's going to be having friends over?"

"I suppose," he replied evenly.

Sephiroth snickered. "You know, if you want that v-card swiped just let me know. I'll take you out."

Tseng stared blankly at him before he pulled out his phone. He immediately texted Reno, who severed as his personal slang-to-Midgarian translator.

-what is "v-card" and why does Sephiroth want it?

His reply came back almost instantly, and he swore he could hear Reno laughing from the hallway.

-it means he wants to invite you to dinner sometime yo

Tseng closed his phone and regarded the man across from him. If Sephiroth wanted to take him out to dinner then he didn't have a problem with that.

"Well, I suppose you can have my v-card then. When did you wanna do it?"

He was surprised when the man's jaw dropped and his expression conveyed pure shock. Maybe he thought he was going to say no, but still such a reaction seemed over the top. The laughter had gotten louder too.

"You…want me to do it?" the General stammered. He was just shocked by how forward Tseng was being, not that he minded. He'd take the man's v-card and then some.

"Well you did ask me," he said casually. "If you don't want to…"

"No, no, no I do! I definitely do!" He rushed out. "How about next Saturday night if we're both not too busy?"

Tseng nodded. "That will be fine. I look forward to it."

Sephiroth didn't understand how this happened, but he fully accepted it.