Career Adjustment

Synopsis: Due to an "accident" at Shinra tower, everyone is now fired until further notice.

"I don't want people to think my executives are lazy, so I have managed to get jobs for you all. Reach into the box and pull out a new profession," he said, lips curled into a grin that could rival the Cheshire cat.

Warnings: Mature humor, crude humor, language, eventual smut

A/N: I finally found a beta and they will be editing my stuff from chapter 8 and so on. So please bare with me in this one.

Sunday had been a slow day. With the rain seemingly never ending, it seemed to be draining everyone's energy…well that, and the fact that everyone started their new jobs tomorrow.

Tseng sat by the window of his bedroom, drinking a cup of hot green tea as he watched the rain. The tea was soothing and helped release some of the tension he had. Admittedly, he wasn't looking forward to doing his new job either. He exhaled deeply before he took another sip of honeyed green tea.

The door opened and he wasn't surprised to see Reno coming in unannounced. The man had no manners really.

"Sup, yo," he said, his tone lacking its usual vibrant air.

"Good afternoon, Reno," he said politely as he set his cup down.

Reno slumped down in the chair across from him and fixed his gaze at the former Head Turk.

"Ya get the work schedule Rufus sent out earlier?" he asked.

Tseng nodded. "I did, though I must say my hours are quite varied. Tomorrow I go in at 2pm, but then the next day I don't go in at all. However on Wednesday…"

"Yeah yeah I get it. Porno's just shoot when they can," he grumbled. "But Tseng, I'd rather have your job than mine!"

Tseng took a delicate sip and finished off his tea. It had been very enjoyable.

"Reno, being a teacher is a wonderful profession. You have a chance to educate such absorbent minds and fill them with knowledge."

"But this is a fucking kindergarten class! I'm gonna be around messy, little paste eating monsters all day!"

The dark haired Turk smiled softly at the image of Reno trying to control a class of young energetic kids.

"S'not funny, Tseng," he whined. He laid his head on the table and sighed.

Tseng leaned over and tapped Reno's forehead. The red head looked up with a frown on his face.

"Just do your best and have patience with them," the head Turk said.

Reno grumbled. "Yeah whatever."

Tseng rose up from the table and went to clean his tea cup. He washed it delicately as it was made of fine porcelain and more importantly, the set had been a gift. After it was clean, he dried the cup and placed it back in the cupboard above. When he turned around, Reno was standing up and stretching.

"Are you going to bed early tonight?" Tseng asked.

Reno nodded. "Yeah. I gotta be there at fucking eight in the morning."

"Well I'm glad you're finally taking some initiative," he said. Reno snickered.

"I'm only doing this so Rufus will pay me. I need money, like badly yo."

The red head was on his way out when he heard his boss ask him a question.

"Are you a Turk for the money only?" he asked. Tseng knew the answer to the question already, but he liked to ask anyway.

Reno smirked. "You know it."

It was really late, and though most were in bed by now, Rude was still up and very awake. He sat in the living area beside his partner, Reno, who was currently engrossed in a game he was playing. The spiky redhead had told him at least five times how this was going to be the last part and then he'd turn it off. It was now midnight and Reno showed no signs of letting up. He was in go mode. His body leaned forward with his tongue slightly poking out the side of his lips as he concentrated. His vibrant eyes reflected the glow of the screen, making them seem bluer than they really were.

"You should really go to bed," Rude suggested.

Reno ignored him…though Rude wasn't even sure his partner had heard him. He sighed and took a sip of the Suntory whiskey he had in his hand. For him, it had been a long stressful day, though he actually hadn't done anything. But his introvert nature had him thinking all day, especially about his new "job". He took another sip at the thought. Boy had his luck been bad. His horoscope had predicted that this would be a difficult year for him, and so far it hadn't been wrong.

He supposed most guys would be happy to be in a porno with some beautiful girls…hell, most men were just happy to have sex regardless! But Rude wasn't most men. He didn't care how sexy the girl was he didn't want to do her in front of the cameras. It wasn't because he was shy, he would speak up if he wanted, but this just wasn't for him. But filming a porno was only half of his distress. The other half was the fact that his boss was going to be his fluffer.

Tseng was one of the most reserved men he knew. He was very polite and understanding. He performed his tasks with pride and skill, but he wasn't sure if that applied to work outside of being a Turk. Rude wanted to tell him what his job entailed with full disclosure, but he just couldn't. It was really too embarrassing. He downed his drink at the thought.

"You should go easy on that stuff, yo," Reno said, finally putting down his controller and cracking his knuckles.

Rude sighed as he poured another.

Reno smirked and slouched back into the seat beside him.

"You worried about putting your shit on video?" the redhead teased. Rude snickered.

"Yes, but that's not the only thing."

"Ya worried boss man's gonna have a heart attack from seeing such a big dick?"

"Reno shut up," he said as he took another sip of his drink. For some reason it was just never strong enough around Reno.

"Yo, you know he's still a virgin right?" Reno leaned over and settled his finger around the rim of Rude's glass. He circled the crystal rim and smirked.

"You don't know that," Rude stated.

"Naw man, like Veld told me himself."

"Why would he tell you that?"

"Well, he might not have been all the way sober."

Rude shrugged. Tseng did seem the type to either refrain from sex or just not be interested in it at all.

"How does Veld know that?"

"Uh duh! He's Veld! He knows everything."

Rude nodded in agreement. Veld probably even somehow knew about this ridiculous idea of Rufus' and that's why he disappeared. He knew that wasn't true but it was a funny thought. Rude was getting tired, and he handed his glass to Reno.

"I'm going to bed. You should too," the bald Turk said.

"Yeah yeah I will, right after this next part. Try not to scare the boss with your big ass dick. He has plans this weekend."

Rude didn't want to know what Reno was up to, at least not now when he was feeling like this. He headed for the stairs with the intent of passing out as soon as he was in bed.

"Don't stay up too late," he called back to his partner.

"I won't…I'll be in bed right after this part…"

The sound of pans dropping woke him up with a start. He jolted up, knocking the controller he had in his lap off. His game had turned off after him being idle for too long. He grabbed his phone and flipped it open. It was nearly eight in the morning. He couldn't remember why that time was so important but he stood up with a wide yawn and stretched. He rubbed his shoulder as he walked over to see what the noise had been in the kitchen.

It turned out to be Angeal. The huge SOLDIER was picking up the pans he'd dropped and placing them back in their rightful place.

"Sorry about the noise," he said when Reno came into view.

"S'all good," he mumbled. He took a seat on one of the bar stools and yawned once again.

Angeal smiled at his sleepy expression and wild hair.

"You're up pretty early," Angeal noted. He placed a pan onto the stove and gathered a few items from around the kitchen.

"Yeah. I'll probably head back to bed soon though. Ain't never been a morning person."

The SOLDIER nodded before he turned his head. Reno followed his line of vision and was met with the sight of Tseng coming down the steps. He was dressed in a simple white shirt and black slacks. He gave Reno a confused look.

"What's wrong bossman? You never seen someone look so hot just waking up huh?"

Tseng shook his head. "You're not supposed to be here."

Reno was taken aback by what Tseng had said and scratched his head. Not supposed to be here. What the…oh. He sighed and checked the time on his phone. It was 7:54, which meant he had to be at work in six minutes. The redhead closed his phone.

"Man…fuck it."

"Reno, just go get ready."

The Turk groaned but did as was told. He didn't bother to shower but he brushed his teeth, fixed his hair and put on deodorant. It was good enough for him. He wore clothes that were similar to his uniform.

"How tacky…" he heard his roommate mumbled out from under the covers.

"Yeah we'll fuck you. At least I'm not a whore…not for pay anyway," he spat back.

"Try not to touch any little boys while you're there," he retorted.

"Try not to spread your STD's around." He left the room after that and headed back downstairs. Tseng handed him a small bag along with a thermo which probably contained some sort of tea.

"Thanks for the lunch dear," he teased. Tseng offered a slight grin.

"I am not doing it for you. I am doing it for the kids. You get really irritable when you are hungry."

Reno shrugged and patted Tseng on the shoulder. "You need to use more contractions in ya speech yo."

The redhead leaned forward as if here were going to kiss the man but Tseng pushed him back.

"Ah, Daddy doesn't get a kiss before work."

"Goodbye Reno."

He was twenty minutes late when he finally arrived at Shinra Private Academy. It looked like a huge mansion and the entire place was gated. He walked up to the guard and the man halted him.

"I need to see some ID, Sir."

"Ah come on man. I'm already late."

"Are you a teacher?"

"Yeah."

"And you're late?"

"Yeah! What's with all the fucking questions! Has no one ever been late before?"

"Not really."

Reno groaned. He toyed with the idea of knocking the man out and just hopping over the fence, but the guy grabbed some chart and smirked.

"Oh wait. You're that special new employee, just like the new headmaster."

"Yup that's me. Now let me in."

The guard nodded and entered the code to open the gates.

"Welcome to Shinra Private Academy," he said.

"Yeah, I don't need the theatrics yo."

He walked in and the gates closed behind him. No going back now.

He walked along a wide brick path that led to the front door. Another guard opened the door for him and greeted him in the same fashion as the other one. Reno just rolled his eyes.

Once inside, the place was really quite grand. It didn't even look like a school, but like a beautiful resort. He pulled out his phone and read over the directions Rufus had given him. First, he had to visit the headmaster's office to get an ID card. He looked at a map and was soon on his way to the office.

He passed a few classrooms and it didn't look like any school elementary school he'd ever seen. The kids were quiet. There were no toys out, no fun activities going on. It was eerie.

He knocked on the door of the Administration and a battle worn looking secretary greeted him.

"You're that Reno boy hmm…"

"Yeah."

"Go on in then," she snipped.

He walked past her and fixed her an annoyed glare. "Old bitch," he mumbled.

He opened the door and immediately wished he hadn't. Heidegger was talking with another man and laughing loudly. Well, if he wasn't awake before he was now.

"Hey Reno! Come over here and meet the man's job I'm taking for a bit!"

Reno walked over and shook the man's hand. "Sup."

The true headmaster was a big man with a plump round face and unusually thick eyebrows.

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Headmaster Tiberius Ungerman. I hope you will be able to live up to the standard of teaching we have here."

"Well I don't intend to so let's just crush those hopes now," Reno said causally. Heidegger let out laugh and patted the Turk on the back.

"He's such a riot!"

Reno sighed. "Can I just get my card? Shit."

"Yes yes of course! Also, the teacher who'll be helping you will be down here shortly. She was here earlier, but since you were so late she had to leave."

"Yeah whatever. I wouldn't have been late if you had just woken me up you fat fuck. I know you saw me sleeping on the couch before you left."

The true headmaster frowned and Heidegger laughed jovially.

After filling out a few papers and getting his picture taken, he was issue an employee card. He shoved it into his pocket carelessly. Currently, he was sitting in the front office playing a game on his phone when a woman with shoulder length black hair approached him. She had this no nonsense look about her that pissed Reno off, even though she was quite attractive.

"Excuse me. Are you the one from Shinra?" she asked. Her voice light, but very forward.

"Yeah," he said as he stood up. The woman was a lot taller than he thought. She was only an inch or so shorter than him.

"I'm Ingrid Gates," she said. "Please follow me to the class."

Reno sighed but followed behind the woman. So far this place was a drag. His school years hadn't been this droll. Then again, he didn't remember going to school that much anyway.

She led him down several long corridors. All the while, he was looking for some resemblance of this being a school. There were no pictures on the wall. No artwork the children had done…the walls were completely bare. Even when they were in the hallway which contained the kindergarten classes, there was still nothing and it was eerily quiet.

She stopped abruptly and turned like a SOLDIER would at attention.

"This is the class we'll be teaching. There are 16 students. Eight are boys and eight are girls. Each of these students are between five and six, and this is their second semester of kindergarten."

"Okay," he said. He felt like he was being briefed on a mission instead on going in to teach kids.

"Each and every one of these's children's parents are paying a lot of money for them to be here so we WILL provide them with the best possible education. Now, are you ready."

"As ready as I'll ever be wonder woman," he smirked at the name. She was tall and kinda looked like her. Even had her piercing blue eyes.

"Don't call me that. We'll talk about your hair and dress later," she said as she opened the door.

He expected there to be screams and wails of laughter. He expected there to be toys everywhere and kids running around and having fun, but that hardly the case. The student's desks were lined in four neat rows and the order was boy, girl. They had on neat uniforms which consisted of red plaid pants for the boys and plaid skirts for the girls. They all wore white dress shirts and black blazers with their school logo on the right breast pocket. It looked like high school rather than a kindergarten.

"Holy fuck," he mumbled as he walked in.

The children didn't hear him but Ingrid did. She shot him a knowing glare before he stood behind the podium. Reno stood in the front and scanned over the children. They were all staring at him with interest. He scratched his head as sixteen pairs of eyes fixed on him.

Ingrid addressed an older woman who had been sitting at the teacher's desk.

"Thank you for watching my class. You can go now, Mrs. Caverdeer." The woman nodded and left soon after.

"Stand!" She called out and the kids did so immediately. "Class, this is your new teacher, Mr. Reno…"

"Ah, Reno is fine," he corrected.

"They will call you by the appropriate title."

He sighed.

"Sup kids," he greeted casually. He could feel Ingrid eyes piercing the back of his head.

"Everyone take a seat. Mr. Reno, would you like to tell the class about yourself."

"Like seriously? They're fucking five years old. Why do they need my life story?"

At the word "fuck", Ingrid was suddenly upon him. Her narrow fingers clutched shoulder, her nails piercing the skin.

"Such language is not appropriate. Now introduce yourself," she hissed out. Ingrid was one scary bitch. She released him and he groaned.

"Ok fine. Hi kids," he said. "I'm here to teach and stuff."

Ingrid rolled her eyes at his greeting but didn't say anything on the matter.

"Does anyone have any questions for Mr. Reno?"

Hands sprung up at that.

"Ok, Haruka. Ask your question."

The girl nodded. "Mr. Reno, why don't your shoes match?"

The Turk looked down at his feet and his shoes were indeed two different loafers. In his hurry this morning he hadn't noticed.

"Because I'm special," he shrugged.

"Why is your head like that?" asked another little girl.

"Like what?" he asked, slightly offended.

"Spiky and red. It's not normal, I think."

"What! The color is gorgeous and the style is very unique. Unlike your little side ponytail," he said defensively.

The girl pouted and caressed her hair lovingly. "My mom says natural blonds like me have the prettiest hair color. Red is the worst!"

Reno's eye twitched. "Well, you're mom sounds like a slut."

Ingrid's eyes narrowed at him and he swore they were glowing, but Reno didn't care. This little snotty kid had to be put in her place. How dare she badmouth redheads!

"What's a slut?" the girl asked.

Reno smirked. "You'll figure it out when your dad tells you to 'not tell mommy about what we do in the basement.'"

Ingrid looked downright possessed with rage but Reno didn't care. He felt better now.

"Class, Mr. Reno will be back in just a few moments," he said through gritted teeth. She grabbed him by his jacket and dragged him out the classroom.

"You're pretty strong. You ever thought about joining Shinra's army?" he jested. She slammed the door behind him and he finally noticed that he wasn't imagining her eyes glowing, they were! With an amazing display of strength, she hoisted him up and slammed him against the wall.

"I'm a retired second class SOLDIER and right now I'm about to go berserk on your ass."

Reno looked down into her mako glowing eyes and chuckled nervously.

"I don't suppose I could persuade you not to beat my ass with the promise of the best sex in your life?"

She smirked and licked her lips. "I'm a lesbian."

"Uh, me too?"

The last thing he saw was a fist closing in and then darkness.