Career Adjustment

Synopsis: Due to an "accident" at Shinra tower, everyone is now fired until further notice.

"I don't want people to think my executives are lazy, so I have managed to get jobs for you all. Reach into the box and pull out a new profession," he said, lips curled into a grin that could rival the Cheshire cat.

Warnings: Mature humor, crude humor, language, eventual smut, Inappropriate Reno is Inappropriate...

A/N: Mature happenings...in which one cannot take.

Rude hadn't slept to well last night. He may have gone to bed earlier than Reno, but he wasn't sure if he had fallen asleep sooner. When he had finally manager to fall sleep, it didn't last long. It had to have been six in the morning when he heard the door to his shared bedroom open. He remained still as a shadowed figure entered the room. The person closed the door behind him and Rude immediately was on alert. He didn't think he was in danger but he wasn't too fond of having an unidentified stranger in his room in the pitch black darkness.

The figure moved around and he heard the weight on Angeal's bed shift. He glanced up and saw a pair of eyes softly glowing in the darkness.

"Angeal," he heard the figure with the green glowing eyes whisper lowly.

The other SOLDIER groaned and yawned.

"Wha?"

"It's me Angeal," the figure said, sounding a lot more familiar now.

After some shuffling and squeaks from the mattress, it sounded as if they had adjusted in the twin sized bed.

"What are you doing here?" Angeal said lowly.

"I'm hungry," the other voice whined. "And I don't have time to cook anything 'cause I'm already running late and I haven't showered and Sephiroth was being so mean this morning and…"

"Ok, Ok," Angeal interrupted the man's string of complaints. "I'll make you something to eat."

"Thank you Angeal!" he said in relief.

"Quiet down, Genesis," Angeal hissed. "We're not the only ones in this room."

The red haired SOLDIER chuckled lowly and the bed creaked again.

"Fine, I'll be quiet," he said deeply, then added, "But can you?"

There was a pause before a startled groan filled the space.

Oh fuck no…Rude thought. Perhaps Reno had been absolutely right about his assumptions between the two. Another groan ensued and he mentally swore. Were they seriously going to do this here and now?

"Genesis stop," Angeal said softly.

Please stop, Rude mentally pleaded…whatever the fuck you are doing…stop.

"I thought you liked me Angeal?" he said pouting.

"As a friend and you know that," Angeal said softly. Genesis scowled.

"Come on Angeal. Just fuck me already," he said breathily.

Rude really didn't want to be here…he really didn't.

"Stop Genesis."

"I mean, if you don't claim me as yours then someone else will! Why just this morning I was sexually assaulted by that horn dog General!"

Angeal sighed. "We'll talk about this later but right now you need to get ready for work. I'll make you a nice meal, alright?"

"Fine," Genesis relented.

They both left soon after and Rude was relieved when they were both gone. He guessed they weren't together after all, but it seemed Genesis was determined to change the status quo. The Turk lay down but knew he wasn't going to fall asleep anytime soon. Not with what had just occurred and the thought of his impending doom today. He just laid there and tried not to think, but it wasn't really working.

After about an hour he heard the door open and Angeal walked in. The big man shut the door behind him and got back into bed. Like him, he didn't have to be at work until a later time. It didn't take Angeal much time to fall back asleep, but Rude was wide awake. He sat up and got out of bed. He didn't want to lay there anymore with his thoughts swirling around his head so he left as quietly as he could.

He supposed he could make some breakfast but he remembered he couldn't cook for shit. He shared an apartment with his partner who was the one that usually cooked. He would have to try and make something, especially since Reno would not be available in the mornings due to his new job.

When he made it to the kitchen, he spotted his boss sitting at the breakfast nook. He was reading an article in the paper about the accident at Shinra tower. The Turk wasn't sure if he wanted to approach the man but he was really hungry. Tseng was sipping a bowl of soup and though Rude preferred something heartier for breakfast, he wasn't going to complain. He sighed as he took a step towards the Turk leader, but the sound of someone coming down the stairs pulled his attention. He looked back and raised a dark brow.

The General looked like a completely different person in civilian clothes. He was dressed in a white collared shirt and dark slacks that seemed to go on forever since his legs were so long. He wore a black tie, sleek loafers and a long gray tweed jacket that fell to his knees. The General smirked as he spotted Rude staring.

"If you're lucky, one day you can undress me while I'm wearing this," he said slyly as he walked pass the Turk.

He wanted to say he wasn't interested but he decided to just ignore the comment. The SOLDIER headed into the kitchen and opened the top on a pot that was on the stove.

"You make this Tseng?" he asked.

The Turk placed his paper down and regarded the SOLDIER hovering over the pot.

"Yes," he answered evenly.

"Can I have some? I won't have time to eat before I go to work."

Tseng nodded and Rude swore as Sephiroth started to eat the rest of the miso soup from the pot. The SOLDIER noticed Rude glaring though his shades.

"Did you want some?" he asked, pausing during his feast.

Rude made a face of disgust. Of course he didn't want any, especially since Sephiroth was drinking it from the side of the pot like a fucking barbarian.

"I can make you some if you would like," Tseng offered.

"Oh no that's okay, Sir," he declined. "I was just going to make something."

He opened the refrigerator and grabbed a carton of eggs and a few slices of bread. He figured he could manage toast and eggs. As he pulled out a pan, Sephiroth burped and placed the now empty pot back on the stove.

"Wash that out for me will you?" he ordered more than asked of the Turk. Rude frowned and was about to retort back when Sephiroth turned on his heels and walked towards his boss.

"Thanks for the meal, babe," he said with a lick of his lips. "How about you make shit like this for me every morning and I'll make sure you have the best night of your life this weekend?"

Rude was appalled at the General's terrible manners and how he was talking to his boss.

Tseng looked up at the SOLDIER and frowned. "How about you leave my presence before I cancel this weekend."

With that Sephiroth backed off and took a polite bow. "I will see you later then."

He walked in Rude's direction and patted the man on the shoulder. "Are all you Turks this wild?" he said, lips beside his ear.

Rude pushed the man back and Sephiroth chuckled. He winked at the Turk before he left. The man really was a fucking horn dog. He had heard rumors of Sephiroth's endeavors but he supposed they were true after all.

"Weirdo," he said under his breath as he started to whip up a few eggs. He turned the pan on and put the bread in the toaster. He felt sorry for his boss who had to share with the man. He could only hope Tseng could stand his own against the powerful General.

He poured the eggs into the hot pan, though his mind was elsewhere. There was something about the General that really pissed him off now and Rude could hold a grudge like no other. He wouldn't forget or forgive the man for making a fool out of him, just like he wouldn't forgive Rufus for putting him in this situation.

"Rude," he heard his boss call his name which snapped him out his thoughts. "You are burning your eggs…and your toast."

"Huh?" He looked down at the burned batch and quickly turned off the stove. The next moment his toast popped up completely black.

"Shit," he said as he took them out and tossed them in the trash, along with the eggs.

Tseng was then suddenly beside him and he grabbed the pan from him.

"I will make you something," he said evenly.

"No, Sir I couldn't…" he started but Tseng raised a hand, silencing him.

"First, please call me Tseng as I am not your superior right now. And secondly, I am making you something to eat so please have a seat."

Rude sighed but did as was told. He really wished he had been paying attention so Tseng would have to do this.

"Good morning gentlemen," came the bright and excited voice of Reeve.

"Morning," Tseng replied back. "Would you like something to eat?"

The engineer shook his head politely. "I had something earlier but thank you."

Rude wished he had said yes so he wouldn't fell so bad having Tseng make his food. Reeve took a seat across from Rude and the Turk noticed he had a very expensive camera hanging around his neck.

"I'm ready to start documenting life! Starting now!" he said excitedly. He turned on his camera and aimed the lens at Rude.

"Say hi Rude!"

"Please don't do this," Rude said. The last thing he wanted to see was a camera.

"Oh don't be a sour patch kid," he said cheesily. The engineer then aimed his camera at the Turk cooking breakfast.

"Hi Tseng!" he said.

The Turk turned to face the camera and gave a slight wave.

"How's your morning going?"

"It has not been unbearable."

"Are you looking forward to your new job?"

Tseng scooped his batch of perfect eggs on a plate beside two slices of whole wheat buttered toast. He placed the plate in front of Rude.

"I am not too familiar with my job, but I believe it has to do with helping Rude with his job. So I guess I am looking forward to being of any assistance to him as his comrade in arms."

"Please, Si-, Tseng," he said slightly embarrassed. Tseng had no idea what he was getting himself into.

"It's quite alright, Rude. I will be happy to help you anyway I can."

Rude sighed.

"So," Reeve began, "You are Rude's fluffer right?"

"Yes I believe that's the title I was given."

"So, do you feel you are up to the challenge?"

The Turk nodded. "I believe I can handle anything presented to me."

Rude nearly choked on his food. God if you really love me you'll let me die here.

Tseng suddenly hit his back and he coughed up the food. The long haired Turk offered a slight smile.

"I'm helping him already," he said.

Reeve smiled at the Turk who had his head lowered.

"Thank you for your input guys. I'll be seeing you around," he said with a sly grin.

"He seems to be enjoying the change of employment."

Rude wished he could say the same.

The rest of the day had been slow for Rude but he became increasingly panicked as their time to leave was approaching. At around 1:30, Tseng came to get him so they could leave together. He wanted to make an excuse but he didn't want to look weak in front of the man. Rude hadn't bothered to change his wardrobe up and wore a navy suit, while Tseng had traded his suit for dark slacks and a light blue dress shirt. He looked much smaller without the suit on.

The drive there was agonizing. He debated whether or not if he should tell Tseng the true details of his job, but if what Reno had said was true and Tseng was a virgin, then he might not be able to handle what was going on. Hell, he himself hadn't been virginal since he was 15 and he didn't think he could handle this. He had to find out the truth for himself.

"Um…Tseng," he started as they drew closer to their destination.

"Yes?" he responded.

Rude took a deep breath and pushed his sun glasses up. "Are you…by any chance…still…untouched?"

Tseng cocked his head to the side. "untouched?"

Rude gulped nervously. "Are you…a virgin?" he managed to get out.

Tseng didn't seem taken back by the question and answered without step.

"I am. I have taken a vow of celibacy in order to honor the gods."

"Fucking hell…" Rude swore.

"I have to refrain from sex otherwise I cannot approach the gods after my death. I kill for a living and in order to be able to repent for those sins I have to sacrifice something. So I took a holy vow of celibacy when I was 16. This way, I can still go to heaven and be with my ancestors after death."

Fucking shit he swore again…and again…and again…all the way to their destination.

They arrived at a sizable home near the LOVELESS district. There were several cars and vans parked in the driveway, which meant this might be a bigger production than he thought. Of course Rufus would only have the best in the sex industry.

Rude was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Tseng was really a virgin and had taken such a vow. He supposed that's what the talik on his forehead was for; a special mark for those who would remain celibate for their entire life.

They entered the foyer and were greeted by a young woman who took their jackets. She told them to follow her and they did. The house was busy with people setting up cameras and placing furniture. They were brought to the east side of the house where a man was standing dressed in a bright lime green suit and pink alligator boots. His hair was bleached blond, though his dark roots were evident. He seemed to be in his mid forties.

They man smiled as he saw them approaching.

"Ah! Well if it isn't my star!" he said in his raspy voice. Rude just nodded, not really wanting to say anything.

He scanned Rude up and down with a pleased grin. "You're perfect! Absolutely perfect! You will make us so much fucking money!"

The man let out a laugh that sounded like nails being scraped against a washboard.

"My name's Use and I'm the director of this film. I'm so very glad Rufus is letting us use you."

The man then turned his attention to the long haired Turk beside him.

"You must be his...assistant," he asked.

"Yes," the Turk said evenly.

Use licked his lips and nodded in approval.

"Hey baby. If you want a spot just let me know and I'll hook you up."

Tseng looked up to Rude for translation. Rude sighed.

"He's not interested," he said.

Use shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe next time."

"Maybe never," Rude said sharply. The sleazy man frowned at that but let it go.

"Well, here's your script so make sure you look through scene one. We'll be shooting that today."

There's a script for this shit? He thought.

"Oh!" the lime suited man started. "And these are the girls you'll be working with. GIRLS!"

The "girls" came around the corner and Rude's jaw dropped. They stood in front of him and Use smirked. Tseng cocked his head to the side in confusion and tapped Rude's shoulder.

"Are "girls" slang for boys in this business?" he asked innocently.

Rude fell to his knees in shame and rage. "Fucking Rufus."

Was this the blonds' idea of a joke? If so, he was a sick motherfucker.

"Are you alright, Deary?" one of the "girls" asked.

Tseng knelt down to Rude's level and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Is there an issue Rude?" he asked concerned.

"Yes Tseng…yes there is a very big fucking issue. They are fucking men. I going to have to fuck men," he said though gritted teeth. He'd be sure to give Rufus a piece of his mind the next time he saw him.

"Well, if it makes you feel better, in Da Chao's eyes there is no homo or hetero sexual. Just sexual beings."

"You are not helping," he said.

Tseng helped Rude up and the Turk had to face the three guys who'd he'd be more intimate with than he ever wanted to be before the day was over.

"Will you be joining us?" one of the girls asked Tseng. The Turk shook his head.

"I'm a fluffer," he informed.

"Oh," another one said. "You're the off-screen help."

"I'll just leave you guys to get better acquainted," Use said as he left the Turks alone with the three other co-stars.

Rude was feeling lightheaded so he took a seat on a bright red sofa. Tseng settle down beside him.

The three others sat across from them.

"My name's Koda," one dark haired, blue eyed boy said.

"That's Sei," he said pointing to the blond, "and Artemis," he said gesturing to the other dark haired boy with waist length hair.

"Is this your first adult film?" Koda asked. Rude nodded.

"I've lost count of how many I've done but you always remember your first. Are you a professional fluffer?" he asked.

Tseng shook his head.

"Well, since you're the fluffer for this film I guess I should tell you that since I've been in so many films it takes a little longer to get me off. I take a lot of time to prep."

Tseng cocked his head in that way he did when he was confused. Rude ran the palm of his hand over his face in distress.

"Why would you have to tell me that? Why would I need to know that?"

Koda chuckled. "You're the fluffer right? You keep the stars of this film looking good and you keep our dicks hard during scene changes."

Rude didn't even want to see Tseng's expression so he kept his head down.

"I do…what?" he asked again. "But I thought I was Rude's assistant?"

"Well you are in the sense of you go where he goes and you get him ready for scenes. But you also tend to the other stars on the set. Like during a scene change or if one of us needs to take a break, you'll suck us off or do whatever to keep us hard in order to allow us to jump back into position and begin."

"S-suck…off?" he stuttered, which was rare. Rude decided to face the music and looked up at his boss. Tseng's face was paler than usual but he was doing a decent job of holding in his emotional distress.

"Don't worry. You'll do great," the blond tried to reassure the Turk. "You're really cute so it won't be difficult for us to get hard for you."

Tseng went quiet.

"If it makes you feel better," Koda said as he stood up and started unbuckling his pants. He dropped them and pulled down his boxers, exposing himself.

"It's pretty average size, see," the youth said with a smile. He nodded to the others and they did they same thing, exposing themselves to the two Turks. There were three to many dicks out right now and Rude turned away from the sight and focused on his boss. Tseng hadn't taken his eyes off the sight and Rude thought he had gone into shock.

The long haired Turk suddenly stood up and grabbed Rude by his arm. He dragged the Turk to the nearest bathroom and with great force, pushed the taller man in. He slammed the door closed and locked it behind him.

"Why did you not tell me," the long haired man said lowly.

"I didn't want to be the one to have to tell you something like this."

"So, you would rather have three men flash me and tell me I have to…to…" the Turk trailed off as he sat down on the edge of the bathtub.

"Is it true," Tseng asked after a few moments of silence. "Am I really going to have to touch them and…have oral sex with them…and you?"

Rude sighed. "I'm afraid so."

There was another long pause before Tseng stood up and walked over to where Rude was standing. To the man's surprise, Tseng grabbed the waist of his pants and started to undue them.

"S-sir!" Rude yelled, startled and confused when Tseng unzipped his pants. The shorter Turk pulled his pants down and Rude tried to back away from whatever the man was trying to do to him. He was very scared.

Tseng held on and quickly gripped the elastic from his black boxers and yanked them down, exposing Rude and all his glory. It all happened so fast that Rude could barely register what was happening. Once his boxers dropped, someone or something let out a very feminine sounding shriek and then Tseng was falling. Rude watched with horrified eyes as his boss collapsed on the floor. He quickly pulled up his pants and rushed over to his boss's side.

"Tseng! Tseng!" he called out. The man didn't move.

Rude swore and pulled out his cell phone. He really could only call one person to help him right now and he really didn't want to…he really didn't.

The phone rang twice before it was answered.

"Yo," Reno said. His voice sounded a bit hoarse, as if he'd been screaming.

"I need your help," Rude said, trying to sound calm as he glanced down at his boss on the floor.

"What's wrong yo. Ain't you at the set? You killed someone with that bigass dick of yours?"

The line went silent.

"Yo, don't tell me…Oh my fucking god no…he fainted? Please tell me you're not shitting me man?"

Rude nodded, though he knew Reno couldn't see him.

"Just get over here and help me," the Turk hissed out, though he wasn't sure if Reno had heard him over his own laughter.

"I told you man! I called that shit! Hahaha!" he ended in gut wrenching laughter.

"Just get over here! We're in a bathroom on the east side of the building," he said.

Reno was hyperventilating. "I'll be…I'll be…oh fuck man I can't stop…oh fuck it hurts."

Rude hung up on his comrade and scowled. He couldn't believe what Reno had said came true. The man saw it, screamed and hit the floor.

He was dreading the part when Tseng would wake up, only to realize that the size would double when he was hard.

The man twitched on the floor and he thought that maybe Tseng had just come to the same realization.

Poor Tseng :|