Career Adjustment

Synopsis: Due to an "accident" at Shinra tower, everyone is now fired until further notice.

"I don't want people to think my executives are lazy, so I have managed to get jobs for you all. Reach into the box and pull out a new profession," he said, lips curled into a grin that could rival the Cheshire cat.

Warnings: Mature humor, crude humor, language, eventual smut

Reno was late for work…again.

He swore as he raced to the closed school gate, trying to consume a slice of toast Tseng had forced him to take. The man strictly enforced his Turks to eat breakfast everyday which was great on most days, but not today. As he approached the guard, he could see the man shaking his head.

Reno scowled at the man's disapproving face. "Fuck off and just open the gate."

The guard snarled at Reno, but opened it regardless. Reno rushed in, looking down at his PHS to see what time it was. He was nearly an hour late. The redhead burst open the double doors of the school and raced down the hall. It was so quiet that his footsteps echoed loudly. He barely managed to consume his breakfast by the time he found the right classroom. He sighed and adjusted his clothes before he grabbed the doorknob.

Once he opened the door, all attention was diverted to him. Ingrid Gates, the teacher he was working under, gave him a stern look of displeasure.

"It's nice of you to join us, Mr. Reno," she said snippily.

"Yeah sorry 'bout being late. I had a rough night," he responded.

Ms. Gates rolled her eyes before she addressed her students.

"Class, it's time for free reading."

Reno watched as the robotic like children stood up from their desks and grabbed a book from the bookshelf. They each sat in pairs of two around the classroom in various spots. Ms. Gates took a seat behind her desk and gestured for Reno to come over to her. He would have found the motion incredibly sexy if he wasn't so terrified of her. He approached the desk and stood before her looking slightly nervous.

"What's up, Gates," he greeted informally. Ingrid sighed before she ran her fingers through her silky black hair out of frustration.

"I will not tolerate lateness. One more occurrence and I will report you to your superior," she warned.

Reno smirked. "Who, Heidegger? That fat bastard ain't gonna do shi-."

He had almost finished before the ex-SOLDIER swiftly punched him in the stomach. The action had been so fast he didn't see it coming, but he did feel the pain catch up a second later.

He collapsed down to one knee, which looked oddly like he was about to propose.

"Your superior would be Rufus Shinra. He has given me specific instructions to inform him if you become a problem. It is he who will punish you for your insubordination."

Her full lips curled up into a slight smirk after the latter comment. Reno grimaced at the sharp pain in his gut but understood what she threatening. He stood to his feet holding his stomach. She watched in amusement as he struggled to stand.

"Now, Mr. Reno, why don't you assist the children with their reading, that is, assuming you know how to read yourself," she added viciously.

Reno took offense to her remark and was about to retort back when he saw her right hand form a fist. She wanted him to say something, her mako enhanced eyes daring him to speak. He thought about defying her, but the pain in his stomach was fresh and he did not want to take another hit. He scowled at her before he walked away.

"Very good, Mr. Reno," she hissed behind him.

"Sadistic bitch," he mumbled under his breath, then glanced back over his shoulder to make sure she hadn't heard.

He headed for the corner of the room where a little boy and girl were sitting quietly with their books. He winced slightly as he took a seat beside them on the incredibly soft carpet.

"Sup, kids," he greeted.

They looked up at him at the same time and he realized they were twins, both eerily identical in appearance. They had the same youthful androgynous face, but the girl's hair was longer. They stared at him with blank faces.

"Shit, you guys are creepy," he mumbled. The twins looked at each other, then at him.

"Are you here to help us," they asked at the same time in the same pitch. Their eyes fixed on him intently.

"Um, you know what," he said, standing up slowly and backing away. "I think I'll go help those kids over there."

The twins gaze didn't relent until he sat down with another group.

"Shit," she swore when they finally looked away. "Those kids are fucking possessed."

The little girls next to him opened their mouths in a silent gasps.

"You said a very bad word, Mr. Reno," the one with blond pigtails said before she covered her mouth in a childish gesture.

"Well let's just keep that between us three, okay?" he said, giving them a charming smile. The girls giggled softly and nodded their heads. Reno patted the one with shorter dark hair on the head and picked up her book.

"So, what are we readin' 'bout girls?" he asked. The girls chuckled again.

"You talk funny," the twin-tailed one said. Reno smirked.

"Well you sound funny to me too," he teased. The girls laughed again, but were shushed by Ms. Gates. Reno looked back and gave her a fuck off glare but didn't dare say anything.

"You like that woman?" he asked.

The girls shook their heads and whispered. "She's very bossy and not fun at all. Not like you, Mr. Reno!"

Reno smiled genuinely at her comment. "Ya think I'm fun?"

They both nodded and used their hands to cover their smiles. He ruffled the short haired girl's hair and leaned back against the wall with the book. They sat on either said of him as he turned to the first page.

"The History of Midgar for the advanced Kindergartner?" He read the first line with distaste. He flipped through a few pages and realized that there weren't that many pictures and it was in black and white.

"Did you guys pick this book?" he asked. The girls shook their heads.

"Isn't this supposed ta be free readin' or something?"

"Well, she chooses the books we get to read during our free time," the short haired girl informed with a slight frown.

"That a'int free reading! This book sucks!" he exclaimed.

"Be quiet, Mr. Reno," Ms. Gates snapped. He hadn't realized how loud he was being but he didn't care now. He stood up with the book in hand and held it up.

"What kind of teacher had kinder kids readin' books wit no pics?" he snapped. Ms. Gates stood up and crossed her arms.

"The kind of teacher who doesn't want her students to speak like you," she retorted. Reno gritted his teeth at the insult.

"You seem ta have a problem with the way I talk," he said annoyed.

She chuckled lowly and cocked her head to the side haughtily. She definitely had the SOLDIER attitude, he thought.

"It's no problem, really. I suppose the children need to be exposed to such lowlife speech once in their lives. Not many slum citizens make it above the plate. You're basically a walking documentary for them. Very educational."

She could also shit talk like a SOLDIER too. Reno closed his eyes and took a deep breath. She wanted him to take the bait, retort back so he could be hit again or worse. Well she would have her wish and all at the cost of the class' childhood innocence. He opened his aquamarine eyes and offered a grin of his own.

"Well class," the Turk began, "Your teacher is right. I am a rarity up here so ya better learn what ya can from me while I'm here, but I'm not the only rare occurrence in the classroom."

Ingrid watched him carefully, though the grin on her lips never descended as he spoke. She really didn't think he was foolish enough to defy her. Little did she know…

"Your teacher, Ms. Gates, is what we call a pussy-eater. She desires the sweet succulent juices of her own kind and is repulsed by insanely gorgeous red haired men, like myself. Isn't that right, Ms. Fucking Gates," he spat, feeling victorious when he saw her jaw drop. Her cocky grin nowhere to be found.

"Ms. Gates," a young boy began, "What's a pussy eater. Do you eat cats?"

"You eat cats, Ms. Gates!?"

"You don't like red hair?"

"Ms. Gates I have a question!"

"Ms. Gates!"

And just like that, the class was in an uproar. Reno crossed his arms as the questions poured out. He watched as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes again they were glowing. He saw her fingers curl up into a fist before she let out a dark chuckle.

Suddenly his confidence was gone and he realized that he was in very real danger. He gulped as he slowly headed for the exit.

"So, I'll just see ya tomorrow, ok…Ms. Gates?" he said as he slipped out and closed the door behind him. He then started to run as fast as he could. He was about halfway down the corridor when he heard what sounded like an explosion behind him. He glanced back to see that Ms. Gates had ripped the door from its hinges and was coming after him with the speed of a golden Chocobo.

Reno screamed before he felt her grab his shirt and lift him up by it as if he weighed nothing. He didn't even have a chance to think before he was suddenly flying with glass shards around him. He remained in the air for what seemed like minutes until his back hit the ground…hard. His body rolled around until he collided with something solid. How far had she thrown him? He looked up through hazy eyes that reflected his pain. He was by the opening school gate.

The guard looked down at his pathetic form and shook his head. Reno really hated this guy.

"Fuck off…and call an ambulance would ya," he managed to get out before it went dark.

By 1pm, everyone in the massive condo had dispersed to their respective jobs, save for four; Tseng, Rude, Lazard and Angeal. They had very little interaction with each other throughout the day, each preferring their space for one reason or another. Lazard chose to stay in bed all day, recovering from his injuries. Angeal had managed to tend the former director's wounds even with the blond protesting so adamantly.

Tseng also stayed in his room, spending half of the time reading and the other half worrying about his new job. In less than an hour from now, he'd be back on the set with Rude and the other "actors". He sighed as he closed his book for the third time that day. Dread filled his thoughts, especially as the appointed time drew nearer.

He had taken a vow of celibacy many years ago, which meant he could not get married or engage in sexual acts if he wanted to be with his ancestors in the promised land after he died. It was a countermeasure that would create a balance in his life that would ensure his passage into the next life. In Dao Chao's eyes, there was no wrong or right, only the corruption of perfect balance, or "sin". If a man were to be a thief, his countermeasure would be charity, or having his materials taken. An adulterer who betrayed their lover creates disharmony, and the only way to restore balance would be for the adulterer's lover to betray their lover as well. And in Tseng's case, a murderer would have to create balance by either having as many kids as possible; one life created for the one that had been taken, or by having none at all, which meant losing the right to procreate. He chose the latter.

But Dao Chao also detested those who broke their promises. A punishment justified by thrashing, beating or even death in his homeland. If he refused to do the task he was given, he'd be breaching his contract, a modern form of oath. He frowned as he took a sip of his tea, which had since gone cold. He sighed as he contemplated his dilemma.

A soft knock on the door came and he figured it had to be Rude. He'd been avoiding the man since last night, but he supposed he'd have to face the music.

"Come in," he said.

The tall, dark Turk opened the door and nodded his head a bit in greeting. Tseng gestured for him to have a seat at the small table with him. Rude nodded once again before he sat.

"Can I offer you something…"

"No," came Rude sharp reply, "That won't be necessary."

Tseng scanned over his comrade's features and could see that he was slightly tense. The former Turk leader couldn't blame him. They were in a quite a compromising situation in which there was little way out.

"Rude," Tseng began, only to be silenced by Rude's raised hand. The taller man adjusted his shades before he spoke again.

"Can you do this?" he asked evenly. Tseng knew he was referring to his new job and he downcast his eyes.

"I am not sure," he said honestly. "My countermeasure says I cannot, while my vows say I must. I am conflicted."

A silence fell upon them as they both secluded to their own thoughts. After a few moments, Tseng stood up to clean his dish, not wanting to stain the fine Wutaiian porcelain. He washed the cup delicately, using only his nimble fingers to gently clean it. Once spotless, he dried the cup and placed it back into its rightful spot in the cabinet. When he turned around, he noticed Rude was staring at him through his tinted shades.

"You've always been quite good with your hands," Rude commented, his gaze firmly on the long haired Turk.

"I suppose," he replied, not entirely sure where this was coming from. Rude sighed and massaged his temples. He looked like he was contemplating saying something.

"I think it is almost time for us to leave," Tseng informed. When Rude didn't respond, Tseng thought that maybe the man needed a moment. He crossed the room to enter the bathroom, leaving his comrade to his thoughts. Tseng ran his fingers through his lengthy mane and made sure it was knot free. He looked at his reflection and thought that maybe a haircut was in order, but for now, he pulled it back into a neat ponytail. He was dressed simply, in black slacks and a soft blue shirt. After he approved of his appearance, he turned to leave and almost jumped out of his skin when he saw Rude standing by the door, though it wasn't reflected in his somber expression.

"I am always surprised that someone of your stature is light on their feet," he said, trying to recover from his fright.

"Are you ready to go?" he said as he made for the exit, only to be suddenly grabbed by the taller man. Rude had him by the arm, though his grip wasn't tight. Tseng looked up to question him when Rude leaned in closer. Tseng could even make out his hazel iris' though his tinted shades.

"Today," Rude began his voice stern and deep, "You will have to use your hands on me."

Tseng thought that the man was acting strange and he shook his head. They were in an odd situation, but Tseng didn't think it would start to affect Rude's sanity. Although at the moment he was not Rude's boss, he had to try and regain control of the situation.

"You will release me," Tseng demanded sharply. "What has gotten into you, Rude?"

The taller man cocked his head to the side and regarded his former boss with a slightly wretched expression.

"If I am myself, then I will not make it," the Turk said softy. "Please, bear with me."

Tseng looked into his shaded eyes once more before he nodded his head. He supposed everyone had a different way to cope. Rude released his arm and Tseng offered Rude a small smile.

"It will be alright, Rude. We will make it through this insanity."

He patted the big man on the back and ushered him out.

When they arrived at the set, Rude noticed there were a lot less people than yesterday, which gave him some comfort. He walked up to the house with Tseng behind him. He hadn't meant to be rough with Tseng earlier, but his mind had been racing a thousand miles a minute when he grabbed him. He glanced briefly over at the other Turk and sighed. Rude had avoided him all day for several reasons. One, he was vaguely aware he might have assaulted Tseng last night in his drunken haze and he didn't want to raise any awkward tension so soon. And secondly, earlier that day he had received a message from the vice president. Apparently he had been informed that Reno had performed Tseng's job and was not happy. He asked that Rude make sure Tseng be the one to "keep him looking good". The blond bastard threatened to have Tseng punished for it the next time it happened.

Rude had thought that being forceful with the man might be the approach he had to take in order to ensure Tseng wouldn't get in trouble with the VP. He really didn't want either of them to get fired. There was no such thing as an unemployed Turk. You were either active or dead. Rufus could have them killed and his father, if he ever woke up, wouldn't be able to do anything about it at that point.

Rude opened the front door and was met with the greasy smile of the man who was supposed to be the director.

"We if it ain't my star!" Use cheered. The outrageously suited man winked at the long haired Turk by Rude's side and smiled.

"If ya still want in baby there's a spot for ya," he said as he licked his lips.

"He's not interested," Rude said firmly. "Do not ask him again."

Use backed off with an annoyed look on his features.

"Very well, then. Go get ready and meet in the upstairs bedroom. The girls and camera crew are ready."

Rude sighed, but reluctantly nodded his head. He headed to the dressing room with Tseng closely behind him. The same woman from the day before pointed to his outfit before turning to Tseng.

"Make sure he's dressed, primed and hard. We start shooting as soon as he gets up there."

She closed the door behind her, which left Rude and Tseng to stand in awkwardness. Rude didn't acknowledge him as he roughly grabbed the clothes and moved to change behind a dark curtain.

"I was thinking," Rude heard Tseng say as he dressed. He could barely make out his former boss's form through the curtain but he could see his shadow moving to sit on one of the sofas.

"Perhaps you could…get yourself ready in that way…behind the curtain," he managed to get out.

Rude sighed. "As I told you earlier, you will have to use your hands on me."

Tseng clicked his tongue in annoyance. Not many knew Tseng had an uncharacteristically snippy side. It normally amused him, but right now it was the last thing he needed.

"I refuse," he heard the man say. Once Rude was finished dressing, he pulled the curtain roughly to the side. Tseng was glaring at him heatedly, which didn't lose intensity as he moved closer. Rude took a seat beside the dark haired Turk with a slight grunt.

"Rufus knows you had Reno do your work. He must have cameras throughout the house," he surmised.

"I will not. I'll…pass out if I see it again," he said, cheeks flushing a soft pink.

"You don't have to see it," he began, dreading every word that fell from his lips, "Just touch it."

"No!" Tseng spat, appalled and angry. "I cannot…my countermeasure…"

"Tseng...," Rude began, but was interrupted by the door being slammed open. He thought it was the director probably wondering what was taking so long but he'd never been more wrong in his life.

Tseng stood up out of respect, but also shock when it registered who he was looking at.

"R-Rufus?" they both said.

The young blond smirked as he waltzed into the room and slammed the door behind him, locking it. He moved closer to the long haired Turk and shook his head.

"You seem to be having trouble with your new job, Tseng," he teased. "I'm here to help motivate you."

A/N: Thank you for your support. comments are also my "motivation" *giggle * snort*