'Hatred of self.
Desolation,
Loneliness,
Pain,
Darkness.
Alone by accident,
Though if any knew,
Would they even bother to stay?
To die alone,
It's what I wanted, wasn't it?
I don't know anymore.
It is but it isn't.
Given a glimpse of what could be...,
I still want what I have but that could be keeps returning.
My only fear,
is what if he can't stand the way my moods fluctuate?
What if..., even with him..., I still want?
I feel...,
No, I know,
I will still want.
It is ingrained within me.
I do not only wish to make him sad though.
For I fear that's all I would truly do.
Torn, as always, hating, desiring, dying slowly.'
His mind laid bare, as always when he wrote. He was still torn about what to do about Kakashi. They were young still. But that didn't mean much. He wanted what he did, and largely, he did as he wanted.
His eyes flicked to the drawers beside his bed. One contained the knife he didn't carry on him. The blade was longer than was legal to carry. He stared for long minutes. Weighing, thinking, accepting.
He turned back to his notebook, flipping to a new page.
His script flowed neatly through a whole two pages. Finished, he flipped it back to the front page and stood, pushing his chair back. He crossed his room, picking up his knife and closing the drawer. He then walked to the bathroom. The blade was already out. He stared into his googled eyes. Everything orangely tinted.
Steel glinted in the light. He didn't feel the knife as it went in, he could feel the blood as it gushed out of the wound in his neck. A smile on his face as he crumpled to his knees, the depth of the gash allowing more blood to escape. It stained his favorite dark blue shirt, his hand, wristband, and then the floor as he fell, his eyes closing one last time.
It was a whole week of Kakashi not seeing a hair of the Uchiha boy before he reported what he knew. He followed Minato to the boy's living place. While Minato searched the place for him, Kakashi's eyes were inexorably drawn to the notebook, open to a page filled with Obito's careful hand.
"Whoever has found this and presumably me, know there was nothing that could be done. This was my destiny from the day I was born. I wanted it for so long. For so very, long. At last, I did it, the gods could not stop me this time! I got what I wanted. I lived my life in darkness. I felt only pain to be alive. A life I did not want nor deserve. I treated my shell terribly, and everyone hated me anyway. So, dead I lay, uncaring I am of the world and what becomes of me after these words are read. I was finally able to fulfill my dream.
Kakashi, if you happen to read this, know that whatever you were trying to do, it failed. Maybe, if you were less cold to everyone, if you allowed yourself to feel, you could save someone from this fate. But not me, I was not meant to be saved, not by you, not by anyone. Just know I got what I wanted. And..., I suppose, I loved you. Even if neither of us had a chance to know for sure, to experience it to it's full extent. Know it for truth. Someday, I believe you'll find someone to make you happier than I ever could. Someday."
He couldn't stand to read anymore, instead, running blindly from the room, the house, tears welled in his eyes, cascading down, wetting his mask. Obito was gone. He was too late. But..., Obito had faith in him for what could be...