Kitty: HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY, FELLOW AMERICANS!
Penguin: oh, brother...
Kitty: anyways, it's story time! This Independence Day weekend, I took a trip with my grandparents to a cabin by the lake. It's a trailer park sort of thing and people drive golf carts around up there and shit, and they have small lots and there's always a decorating contest for who can decorate their yard the most festively. I swear to God, I drove around in a golf cart to see the decorations. And someone. Had. A. Fucking. Blow up. American. Flag.
Eastin: don't forget the fact that it said 'God Bless America' in Comic Sans. Comic. Fucking. Sans!
Kitty: so that's my story about how Independence Day became Murica Day!
Penguin: JUST GET ON WITH THE FIC! FOR CHRIST'S SAKES!
Eastin: who shoved a porcupine up his ass?
Kitty: he's only mad that I didn't invite him to come with me to the fireworks show.
Penguin: AM NOT!
Tamaki: guys~~~make pasta, not war~~~
Everyone else in the room (except Hunny): SHUT UP, TAMAKI!
Kitty: let's just get started now, okay? This request is from zoey is the best mew mew:
hi i tolts lovd this hey hikaru & koaru i have a request for u guys kus u are sexy well to be honest every guy is sexy in the host club exept honey and hauhi becuse she is a girl and honey is so cute we all know it
ok hikaru, koaru i request u guy to have a huge twincess moment and please include me i love twincess thats why u guys are my favorite hosts.
i know 5 pairs of twins well 6 if i count u 7 if i count zero and ichrue kiriue from vampire knight .
honey i want to hold usa-chan and eat cake with u but please not chocolate please
TAMIKI U ARE NOT HER FATHER you pevered i request for u to spend a day with me and renge. by the way im a otaku ya thats right GET OVER IT.
twins u are pervs too and you know the two piese u wantef haruhi to were thats part of ur pervy niss ya thats right. i knew what u were up to .
haruhi lets be bffs i feel bad for u having to deal with the host club almost 24/7 here i made u six pies throe them at who u want
hi shadow king why r u so emo mr. grumpy in the morning person. i request for u throw honey at who u chose and its the food NOT the person dont throw honey he is too cute
honey & mori you get cookies mori u r awsome
I LOVE TWINCESS TWINS U ARE SO SMEXY AND SEXY XXXXXD
Kitty chan i request u to let me hug any one i want eyes the twins can i join this its awsome i would love to help thanks
Kitty: [ snaps fingers ]
Zoey: [ walks inside ] oh. My. God! It's so cool in here! [ squeals ]
Kitty: [ shrugs ] ya get used to it. Anyways, let's get started! Everyone, this is Zoey. She is an otaku.
Everyone else: [ in the way that they do at those support circles ] Hi, Zoey.
Zoey: [ still fangirling ]
Hikaru and Kaoru: [ grab each of her arms and drag her off to the closet ]
~in ze closet~
Zoey: [ takes out her phone and snaps pictures of the twins having some sort of sex through their clothes on the walls ]
[ cue Spongebob announcer voice ] three hours later...
Kitty: hey Zoey, I know you're a guest and all and I should be polite, but GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE BEFORE HUNNY SENPAI EATS ALL OF YOUR CAKE.
Zoey: [ skips out of the closet ]
Hunny: Zoey-chan! I have a strawberry cake for you! But don't eat Usa-chan's slice. He doesn't like it when people eat his cake.
Zoey: [ sits down and has a very sweet discussion with Hunny senpai ]
Kitty: [ mutters to Kyoya ] you know she's letting you throw some honey at someone?
Kyoya: [ eyes widen ] why would I throw Hunny senpai?
Kitty: no. SOME honey. As in, you could cover Tamaki kun in honey then lick him clean.
Kyoya: [ loses self in sexual fantasies ]
Zoey: what's next on my to-do list?
Kitty: um... [ looks at request again ] it looks like next you get to spend the day with Tamaki kun and Renge.
Zoey, Tamaki, and Renge: [ leave the room ]
[ cue Spongebob announcer voice again ] six hours later...
Tamaki: [ crawls through the door, clothes torn and hair messed up ]
Kyoya: [ smirks ] what happened to you, Daddy?
Tamaki: I-I-I-I couldn't take it. I walked here...but there was a VICIOUS CREATURE TRYING TO EAT MY BEHIND!
Zoey: um, Tamaki kun, it was a chihuahua.
Tamaki: IS THAT A TYPE OF BEAR?! [ too busy freaking out ]
Haruhi: six pies to throw at whoever I want? Sweet! [ throws all six at Tamaki ]
Tamaki: OW! HARUHI! MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER!
Haruhi: you're not my father. [ leaves with Zoey ]
Hunny: Takashi, she gave us cookies! Yaaaaaay~!
Mori: hn. [ eats cookies ]
Kitty: and that's all for today! I hope all you Americans out there had a great Independence Day, and that all you non-Americans had a great July fourth! See you all soon!
Penguin: what do you mean soon? You never update 'soon'!
Kitty: I know, I know. And to celebrate Independence Day, and to make up for my late updates lately, I'll be throwing a Fourth of July party!
Eastin: but it isn't even the fourth anymore-
Kitty: [ shoves a cookie in Eastin's mouth ] I know. Shut up and listen. We'll be throwing a party here. A very late party. So if you're interested in being on the guest list, you'd better sign up, and quick! I'll be taking the first three people who request! Byee everyone! [ waves to the invisible camera ]