Chapter 15
The following day was again fine and Adam suggested a buggy ride to another part of the countryside. Mary agreed. They found themselves by a little pond, again with a lunch basket, but no wine. Adam thought it best.
"Will you carry on with your story?" Adam asked.
"Remember your promise still applies…."
"Yes of course."
"This is a very difficult part of my life and telling it to you will be very hard. But I will do my best. You've made me trust you. And again please don't interrupt me or I'll never get through it."
"I promise."
But this time she had sat with her back to Adam so as not to be able to see his eyes. He tried putting his arms around her, but she gently pushed them off.
"Please don't. I can't tell this part with your arms around me."
"Alright." He acquiesced.
"It was my fourteenth birthday." She turned and put her fingers up to Adam's mouth, just as he was about to speak, and shook her head. "I know I told you I didn't know how old I was, but please be patient." She turned back again. "It was my fourteenth birthday and I was in my room, worrying about what he was up to. He came into the room eventually, but with a book of sorts and told me to study it from cover to cover. He said he would leave me there for two days and then return and test me on it. If I failed I could expect a new punishment. But if I passed he would give me a present. Needless to say I failed the test."
"What was the book about?" Adam asked curiously.
"You are not to interrupt."
"I need to know all of your experiences, how else can I help you?"
"I can't tell you what you want to know and nothing you do to me will make me."
"Please Mary, you must trust me, please" he said with great emotion. "How can I help you if I don't know all that happened."
Mary had tears in her eyes once again and with resignation went on with her story. "It was a book with… stories in it…, pictures and diagrams….about….about….fornication." She paused, trying to keep control. "At that time I didn't understand the half of it. He asked me questions, but I was unable to answer them, and so I failed the test. He then ordered me to take off all my clothes and lie face down on the bed. I knew I had to carry out his order or things would only get worse for me. So I began undressing and as I did so I could see he had a new belt with studs on it. He used this on me and badly cut me. I know by back was bleeding as I could feel blood running down my sides and onto the bed."
Adam was seething at what this evil man had done, wanting very much to kill him, whilst trying once again to put his arms around Mary. But Mary, once again, stopped him.
Mary took a long hard breath. And then with determination she didn't know she had, she went on. "When he had finished he started walking towards the door, but stopped and turned and said that as I had taken my punishment so well, he would reward me with his gift. After all he said, it was my fourteenth birthday. He turned me over onto my back, stared down at me with lust in his eyes. He came towards me and began touching me and eventually raped me. I was hurting so much from the beating that I wasn't sure what was happening to me, but when he left me I found I was in so much pain, everywhere. That is when I prayed to God. I asked him to take me to Him. I wanted to die. I really thought I would die, but as you can see, that didn't happen. And God has been punishing me ever since for asking Him to let me die, at least my father did on His behalf. I also realised at that time that I really was a bad person. I had now become a whore."
Mary had told this part of the story as if she was a statue, just delivering a speech and staring into space, her face wet with her tears.
"No, Mary. That is not so."
"Yes, Adam. That was my life from then on."
"Oh my love, how you have suffered. How can anyone commit such crimes on another human being." Adam moved closer to Mary, putting his arms around her, holding her close to him, never wanting to let her go. This time she did not resist. They stayed quietly like that for some time.
"How do you feel, now that you have told me, a little better I hope."
"A little" Mary said, wiping her tears away which had flowed copiously during the telling of her story.
"Do you know at what time of the year this happened?" Adam asked.
"I don't know, except that the snows had melted and the sun was warmer."
"Then it must have been May or June. We can give you a birth date of say 1st June. How would that be?" Adam suggested.
"That sounds grand. Thank you Adam."
"Now how about you tell me how your music and education came about, huh."
"Well, after my mother died we moved. Where his money came from I often wondered but never knew. He sold the ranch and everything that went with it and we travelled to New York where he bought a large house. He engaged a music tutor, a maestro, a wonderful man whom I grew to love. He taught me how to play and sing, understand music and gave me an appreciation and love of same. My education was similar. Over the years I had three tutors, the last one being a professor who taught me all about the classics and poetry and gave me many books to read, all of which I loved. I also began to get worse grades on purpose. I didn't want him to know I loved learning as I just knew he would put a stop to it if he did."
"How I needed my music and education. They gave me an escape to another world where I dreamed I lived. I became a character in a novel, or I became a bystander in a story I was reading, pretending I was somehow part of the plot. When I played I imagined I was in a magnificent room in a palace in Vienna. All this was childish I know, but I needed it so much.
"I understand completely." Adam said, struggling with his feelings for Mary.
"He wanted to become a man of standing and for that he needed to entertain all the right sort of people at the house. I was used to entertain them, either playing or singing or reciting something. Once I had finished my performance, I always had to leave the room. He never introduced me to anyone. What he said of me I can only imagine. And in amongst all this the abuse continued."
"Did you never try and get away?" Adam enquired gently.
"Once and only once. I didn't get very far. His 'men' found me and brought me back. It took me three months to recover from my punishment. Also at that time he shaved my head, knowing I would not be going outside again without hair."
"So you didn't cut it yourself, like you said?"
"No. I'm sorry, I lied to you, but there was no way I could tell you the truth at that time, like now. Do you forgive me?"
"Yes, I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. I forgive you everything. It's your father I don't forgive." He said as he strengthened his hold on her tenderly.
"He organised a bonnet for me to wear, with lots of lace sewn around the edges so as to hide the fact that I had no hair, when we went to church. This was the only place outside of the house I ever went. I played the organ there and cherished each moment. I never tried to run away again after that." Mary's tears flowed again, as she remembered those moments.
After a short silence Adam asked Mary to go on with her story.
"Time went on in the usual way. Hardly usual I suppose. 'Til one day I saw him building a fire in the garden. He stormed into the house and took all my books and papers and threw them on the fire. Then he took a sledge hammer to the piano destroying it completely. This he took and added to the flames until there was nothing left. I wondered what he had found out, if anything. The tutors were all fired. My world ended and I became a non-entity. And continued to survive each day as it came. If only I could have seen that coming, I might have been able to save a book or two and hide them away."
"Oh, Mary, how I wish I could have saved you from all that."
"I know you would have, had you been there."
"Let's just remain silent for a little while now. You must be exhausted. Try and have a little nap. It will do you the world of good."
"I will try, but only if you will keep on holding me. I feel so secure in your arms, Adam."
"Good, that's just what I want you to feel" he said, kissing the top of her head.
Mary was exhausted and soon fell asleep, leaving Adam to ponder over all that she had related to him. They stayed like that for some time until Mary woke up still with Adam's arms wrapped around her.
"Hello" he said. "I think you should eat a little something now. I know you probably don't feel like eating but you should have a little which will help and no wine today. I have brought just water" he said with a smile.
"That will be fine, just fine and thank you for your understanding of my plight, for plight it is. I've
told you everything about me and now you must let me go." Mary said, as she struggled to get out of Adam's arms.
"No so fast. First of all I am not going to let you go anywhere without me ever again and secondly I sense another lie.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't believe you have told me the whole truth." He said, arching his left eyebrow.
"Adam, there must be something in your life that you are not proud of and have never told a living soul, isn't there?"
"Probably, but it's not me we're talking about right now is it?" But he didn't want to push her any more.
There was silence from Mary as she looked into Adam's eyes and could see how much he felt her pain. They stayed like that for most of the afternoon and time had hurried by without each of them noticing. The sun had begun to sink lower in the sky.
"Maybe we should leave it at that for today. I think we should go back now and prepare for dinner, what say you?"
"Yes please," Mary replied.
They returned to the hotel and geared themselves for an evening dinner. Adam wanted to take her somewhere special, if there was such a place in Winslow. He asked the hotel clerk of the best place in town to eat and was told of a place.
"All sorted out then, with the wife?" the clerk questioned.
"Yes, thank you." Adam smiled and then made his way back up to the room.
Mary was lying on the bed thinking over all that she had told Adam, with tears in her eyes when Adam walked back in.
"I've found a place for us to eat." Adam announced. "So get yourself ready and no more tears. The worst is now over, having told me of your life's experiences. All of which does not matter one iota to me, except for the pain and hurt you have suffered through the years. So from this moment on we will start a new life of our own, one in which I can cherish you for ever."
"Oh Adam, how can you be so understanding, and still love me as you say you do?"
I love you and want you with me always." Adam breathed deeply. "Now are you ready to dine out with me?"
"Yes, thank you for caring so much. I know I don't deserve you, but will do as you say for now." Mary said, with a twinkle in her eye.
Adam's eyebrow went up, but smiled. "For now?"
They had a leisurely dinner and talked of many things. Nothing was said of that day's revelation.
But the following morning Mary was doubting herself again and Adam was beginning to get annoyed with her.
"I don't deserve your love. I'm not worthy of any man." Mary cried.
"Don't say such things, for you are, I know you are."
"I will take your love with me wherever I go."
Adam took hold of her upper arms and gave her a shake. "You are not going anywhere without me ever again. So get that thought right out of your mind."
"How can you really love me Adam?"
"Because you are you," Adam said, holding up his finger and stopping Mary from interrupting, "and for being of similar mind, loving literature, poetry and music that we can share together and for giving me the opportunity of planning the new school house and church extension in Virginia City. And why did you do this for me, because you love me too. Is that not so? Do you love me as I love you?" Adam gently asked.
Mary hesitated for what seemed an eternity, but when she gazed up into Adam's eyes she knew that she did with her whole being.
"Yes, Adam I do, more than you'll ever know."
"Then let's go home."